Islandia

A little over 4 months now and suddenly I have this horrible urge to contact her. I'm going to hold off at least for now, but I think I might just send her a note over Christmas and her stuff to her parent's house as I really want it out of mine.

I must be getting better - I don't even really feel the urge to contact you. Actually that's not quite true. I do feel the urge to contact you, but then realize there's nothing more to be said. It would just be awkward. So how are you? How's life with the new guy you cheated on me with? Good to hear. I'm doing great and realize you don't deserve me. Hmm yeah that conversation just won't fly.

One month of NC. Trying not to obsess about her very much, but it is still hard. Life does go on though, and I've been trying to get out and about more. There definitely days now where I am convinced that the break up for the best, though other days I can not honestly say I would not take her back with open arms if she came crawling back.

It's odd - I've lost track of exactly how long we've been broken up. I am feeling less and less of an urge to contact you now that I found out even more information about how you were developing feelings for your new guy during the last days of our relationship. Maybe it really is over for good.

Day 10 - Today was pretty hard - so many memories kept flooding back. Then I imagined her with her new guy and that got me angry and more able to get through the day.

Day 8 now and today is really hard. I thought about her as I woke up, and wondered if she was doing well. Good thing I am at work and able to focus on that right now.

Joining this thread - Day 6 of NC and coming to terms with it. I realized today that during the last year of my relationship, I was existing without really living life. I have some major goals to accomplish both personal and professional and was sort of putting them on hold while I "waited" for our wedding day to arrive. Now they are no longer on the back-burner. As I was doing my daily 7 mile jog, I thought to myself, at day 90 of NC, I will be in incredible shape, and when that day arrives, I'm going to spend the money I would have used on her birthday present to do some modeling photography for myself.

Sarah, You say that you always want the best for me. Now I know that to be nothing but another lie. If you wanted the best for me, you would have never cheated on me. You wanted the best for yourself, and perhaps to assuage your guilt, you wanted me to be spared the pain. It didn't work. I wish you happiness, not because you deserve it, but because I do still care about you and I want you to do well, even if it is not with me. If you could have only told the truth from the beginning, at least we would both be further along in the healing process, and both feeling less guilty, but neither of us can live life with those sorts of regrets any longer.