What are your thoughts about posting nice things on your partners facebook?

[miie]

What are your thoughts about posting nice things on your partners facebook?

 

Im only talking 'miss you babe!' or 'love ya" or "thanks baby!!" or something lighthearted. Nothing over the top or serious, like 5 words or less!! Something to make them smile and certainly not to make their friends go 'eww'!

 

I know some people dont like it. But i wrote something i my bf's wall (it was missing you) and i get told off about showing 'public affection' and not to do it basically. Yet he puts 'love you baby' on my wall. It was almost like a slap in the face.

 

There's never been an issue before. Its almost like he doesn't want his friends on there to be aware that we are together (even tho they do).

[Snowy]

I think its fine as long as you don't spam your friends' Facebook News Feed with all your "love yous" and "miss yous".

[miie]

I think its fine as long as you don't spam your friends' Facebook News Feed with all your "love yous" and "miss yous".

 

ha. No that would be too much. I might put something nice on his every few months or more. Its not a frequent thing. But after just saying missing you and getting his response took me back a bit. I get just girlfriends saying that on my page who i haven't seen in a while. You can say that to anyone but he almost took offence to it about showing public affection.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I just find this whole facebook thing kind of silly. Why post for all the friends to see. Why not just send an email which is personal. Why does everyone have to see all these declarations of affection. Shouldn't that be between a couple. To me, writing these personal love words on a facebook wall is a kind of exhibitionism...it just isn't necessary especially when there are many private ways to express love for your partner. Having said all that, he is being a hypocrite and really rude by slamming you for writing this on his wall when he writes the same kind of stuff on your wall. I think you need to have a talk with him about this double standard and him getting upset with you for simply doing what he does. Either you both do it or you both don't...not one is allowed and the other isn't.

[miie]

I do agree with that. For us, unfortunately our main forms of contact is either facebook or text messages. He doesn't using the phone (to talk) and i dont see him much during the week. If i did, i wouldn't have any need what so ever to write anything on his Facebook. What i write isn't serious or stuff that should be said in private.

 

If he doesn't like it, that is fine. But for the last 18+ he has had no problem with it and has done it himself, i never thought much of writing something like that. But i was basically told not to display any public affection to him. What happens when we go out now. God forbid we hold hands, people may see!

[OptomisticGirl]

I leave it on my fiance's wall but sparingly. If anything if something funny happened at work I'll leave a short message on his wall. Your SO is being two sided here though. Talk to him about it and ask why he blew up at you.

[miie]

Your SO is being two sided here though.

 

For sure. Considering he'll go into my facebook on my computer and write something funny dirty about him but under my name!

[d24]

....it probably gets in the way of all the other girls he's hitting on (?)

[sidehop]

He's embarrassed...

[miie]

He's embarrassed...

 

Yeah he eventually said he was. Im not sure why tho. But oh well. We both have done it before and its has never been a problem, so im not sure how something this simple gets him all embrassed. He doesn't have hundreds of people on his fb, its only a few people he's close with and knows/see's.

 

I know now not to do it ever again at least.

[RedDress]

I'm with crazyaboutdogs. Personally, I find it to be a sign of insecurity. It's like you are leaving your 'mark' on his wall... kind of territorial-like. You want everyone to know he's with you... Why not just send him your love note in a message?? It's because you WANT everyone to see.

 

That being said, he shouldn't freak out about it if it only happens every few months - that's not excessive at all. He's also being hypocritical if he's doing it to you...

 

Have you met his friends and family as his girlfriend? Are you 'in a relationship'? He may indeed be hiding you.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I think the Facebook issue is just another way for him to keep you at a distance. Not talking on the phone and just limiting interactions to texts and facebook is not a relationship. It is someone who wants the status of having a girlfriend without having to put in the work. I think the facebook thing is just the tip of the iceberg in a very unhealthy, emotionally distant relationship.

I do agree with that. For us, unfortunately our main forms of contact is either facebook or text messages. He doesn't using the phone (to talk) and i dont see him much during the week. If i did, i wouldn't have any need what so ever to write anything on his Facebook. What i write isn't serious or stuff that should be said in private.

 

If he doesn't like it, that is fine. But for the last 18+ he has had no problem with it and has done it himself, i never thought much of writing something like that. But i was basically told not to display any public affection to him. What happens when we go out now. God forbid we hold hands, people may see!

[miie]

I'm with crazyaboutdogs. Personally, I find it to be a sign of insecurity. It's like you are leaving your 'mark' on his wall... kind of territorial-like. You want everyone to know he's with you... Why not just send him your love note in a message?? It's because you WANT everyone to see.

 

That being said, he shouldn't freak out about it if it only happens every few months - that's not excessive at all. He's also being hypocritical if he's doing it to you...

 

Have you met his friends and family as his girlfriend? Are you 'in a relationship'? He may indeed be hiding you.

 

That is not true and a very big assumption to make. Im not leaving a mark on his wall. . I put it on there with a photo i posted on there at the same time because he wanted the photo. Im not doing it to make sure that everyone knows he is with me. THey know.

 

I am shown has his gf on there, i know his friends, i know his mom, we've been together for 18+ months. We've both done this before and neither time has been an insecurity thing.

[russ978]

I'm with crazyaboutdogs. Personally, I find it to be a sign of insecurity. It's like you are leaving your 'mark' on his wall... kind of territorial-like. You want everyone to know he's with you... Why not just send him your love note in a message?? It's because you WANT everyone to see.

 

That being said, he shouldn't freak out about it if it only happens every few months - that's not excessive at all. He's also being hypocritical if he's doing it to you...

 

Have you met his friends and family as his girlfriend? Are you 'in a relationship'? He may indeed be hiding you.

 

I agree with this.

 

I'll sometimes write something on my girlfriend's wall if she puts a comment up...if it is her birthday etc, but to do it more than once every couple of months seems to me like one is trying to broadcast to the world that they are with someone and 'leave their mark'...

 

If she posted things like that on my wall all the time, I might get a little frustrated with it, but I wouldn't say anything.

 

If I want my girlfriend to know something, I tell her, I don't broadcast it via a facebook post...

[miie]

I agree with this.

 

I'll sometimes write something on my girlfriend's wall if she puts a comment up...if it is her birthday etc, but to do it more than once every couple of months seems to me like one is trying to broadcast to the world that they are with someone and 'leave their mark'...

 

If she posted things like that on my wall all the time, I might get a little frustrated with it, but I wouldn't say anything.

 

If I want my girlfriend to know something, I tell her, I don't broadcast it via a facebook post...

 

I dont fully agree with it. Lots of people on my facebook and friends facebooks say nice things on their partners wall or about their partner on their wall. They arn't being over the top or to make others feel sick. What is the harm in letting the person know that you love them or miss them. I often get people doing it to mine or others reply to what someone else has written.

 

Its not about broadcasting it out and leaving a mark. Today, facebook is much more apart of peoples lives, as like an social network. Its no different saying something on there, than saying the same thing in a group of friends to the person. I do believe that is also a bit nice for close family/friends know that that person is happy and loved or whatever. I do think that this is different in different countries/cultures/groups/couples. Some arn't ok with it and are more private and some arnt. If you dont like it and think its bragging or insecurity, thats fine, BUT that does not mean everyone else thinks or feels that it is.

 

If i put a photo of the two of us up together, its not bragging or insecurity or leaving my mark. Its the same thing as writing something on there. Its for him. Yes others may read it. But what is the difference if you are out in public and kiss, hold hands, hug - everyone can see it.

[russ978]

What is the harm in letting the person know that you love them or miss them.

 

Its not about broadcasting it out and leaving a mark. Today, facebook is much more apart of peoples lives, as like an social network.

 

Its no different saying something on there, than saying the same thing in a group of friends to the person.

 

I do believe that is also a bit nice for close family/friends know that that person is happy and loved or whatever.

 

 

That is one way to look at it. But if I went to my sisters page and saw her boyfriend posting 'love you teddy bear!!!!!' on her facebook, I would likely think he was insecure vs 'how sweet of him!'

 

A photo also adds content, it isn't the same thing as putting 'you're my everything' on their wall.

 

There is no harm with letting the person know how you feel, and a lot of people are ok broadcasting it to the world, but a lot of people also like to keep that stuff private, I know I do...it kind of cheapens it for me if it isn't something that stays just between us most of the time.

 

Nothing wrong with sharing everything, but a lot of people don't want every aspect of their life shared.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Its no different saying something on there, than saying the same thing in a group of friends to the person.

 

I don't know of very many people who tell their partner how much they miss them when they are out with friends. People rely too heavily on facebook for social interactions and broadcasting to the world how they are loved and adored by so many people, family and friends. High school reunions now get cancelled because not enough people want to connect in person since they connect via facebook. A teenage gang rape victim in Canada was victimized further by people posting graphic pictures of the rape on facebook and via cell phones. There is a facebook page in memory of a teenager who was just murdered in Canada and trolls are posting horrible things on that facebook page. People are hiding behind facebook for everything and completely losing the art of face to face interaction. Demonstrating love via a facebook for all the friends and family to see how loved you are is really just self-promotion. Presumably friends and family should already know how loved you are..why the need to prove it by a facebook wall posting.

 

However, that's beside the point. As I said before, the real problem is the fact that he only communicates with you impersonally via a social networking site and text and has a double standard regarding what he is allowed to write and what you are allowed to write.

[miie]

That is one way to look at it. But if I went to my sisters page and saw her boyfriend posting 'love you teddy bear!!!!!' on her facebook, I would likely think he was insecure vs 'how sweet of him!'

 

There is no harm with letting the person know how you feel, and a lot of people are ok broadcasting it to the world, but a lot of people also like to keep that stuff private, I know I do...it kind of cheapens it for me if it isn't something that stays just between us most of the time.

 

Nothing wrong with sharing everything, but a lot of people don't want every aspect of their life shared.

 

I guess i dont really think/see of it as being insecure! I more think, 'oh how sweet/nice'. Why is it insecure? They love the person, they should tell them, why does it matter the way? Its not meant to be a deep and meaningful, stare into my eyes 'i love you'. Just something nice and thoughtful.

 

I've had male friends wrote on their gf wall saying 'miss you' or 'thinking of you'. I dont see it as insecure. '

 

There does come a point when it is too much tho, and some people do go over the top! But, i guess it has to be 'established' in a relationship in a way, whether that is something for you as a couple, if you are ok with it.

 

Neither my bf or i have done it much, its the odd Love ya babe or something. But he has done it to my wall. Which is why this caught me off guard, that suddenly it wasn't ok and that he was all embrassed about it. Less than a few weeks ago he wrote 'Love you baby!! xx' on my wall.

 

I know its not for everyone. Both of us have our FB filtered so only certain people are able to view our wall. Of course you dont want everyone to know. Both of us are pretty selective in who we add!

[miie]

Presumably friends and family should already know how loved you are..why the need to prove it by a facebook wall posting.

 

However, that's beside the point. As I said before, the real problem is the fact that he only communicates with you impersonally via a social networking site and text and has a double standard regarding what he is allowed to write and what you are allowed to write.

 

Facebook does get used for nasty things like you mentioned. It is the quickest, easiest way to victimize people. There are hundreds of hate groups. There's always stories in the news about it. But its something that wont change. Social networking has become a way of life these days. People are so busy, they can update everyone with a click of the button, instead of 30 people seperatly.

 

ANd yes, friends/family should know you love them. But its not proving it. If you say it to their face your not proving it to them. Otherwise you'd never say it.

 

Yeah, and basically that was it! Not a facebook debate about that im insecure! If he doesn't like it, no problem, but he has never had a problem with it before, and did it less than 2 weeks ago on mine. So its more about double standards than facebook itself.

[shuttlefish]

[ok there was supposed to be a quote in here about from another poster about "why do people do this (wall posting etc)" but it didn't work or something so, just, I don't know, imagine it]

 

Narcissism, plain and simple. This is the "look at me" generation - watched any reality TV lately? How about those celebrities who really haven't done anything to deserve their fame except infamy. People talking too loud on cell phones. It's a desparate plea for attention basically. Any kind of attention.

Facebook is nothing more than a virtual equivelent to a high school locker.

Gen Y (those born in the 80s) for whatever reason, society, the times, lack of structure, lack of parental attention (or too much?), economic instability, whatever, choose your reasons or combine them need this. There is a whole segment of the population who is hell bound for everyone to look at them.

 

Facebook (social networking in general) and wall posts are symptomatic of this need, infact it meets the need relatively harmlessly (though nauseatingly) too

 

Gosh I wish I'd written my thesis on this subject. It's very interesting in a driving-past-a-car-wreck-and-looking-for-bodies kind of way.

 

To the OP. If you put a bunch of schloopy-schloop lovey dovey treacle, sugar dripping sacharine crap on your wall posts then you will lose friends, no one wants to see that. I've de-friended peeps for less than that lol.

 

To Gen Y. You all are going to be cringing with embarrassment on account of some of the stuff that will pop up later in life. The day will come when someone will publish all the wall posts from back in the day of the president, the supreme court judge, the industry leaders etc. Then the whole "dude I got so wasted on tequila last night that I can't even remember that skanks name" ain't gonna seem so cool

 

but whatever though, it's better just to laugh than to despair....besides the zombies will eat your brains regardless of what you did when you're 20 anyway. Hmmm, I think I need to log out and find my normal. ha

[oldenoughtoknow]

For sure. Considering he'll go into my facebook on my computer and write something funny dirty about him but under my name!

 

Wait a minute. He goes onto your FB account and writes something funny/dirty to his FB wall? And he occasionally writes "love you baby" on your wall? And you wrote that you miss him, and he looses it? What a JERK!

 

I'd tell him to go "funny/dirty" himself.

[miie]

Wait a minute. He goes onto your FB account and writes something funny/dirty to his FB wall? And he occasionally writes "love you baby" on your wall? And you wrote that you miss him, and he looses it? What a JERK!

 

I'd tell him to go "funny/dirty" himself.

 

 

Yes!! That is my whole point! He's allowed. Yet if i do it, its so wrong.

[miie]

[

 

To the OP. If you put a bunch of schloopy-schloop lovey dovey treacle, sugar dripping sacharine crap on your wall posts then you will lose friends, no one wants to see that. I've de-friended peeps for less than that lol.

 

Well good for you. If you find 'miss you' too lovey dovey, that is a bit sad. People can say that to ANYONE, not just a partner. I get much much more on mine, and honestly i dont care and why should i. If its a few simple words, no problem. Its not like their pashing in front of your face with 'miss you'.

[_Asti_]

I say I love you and miss you to friends. How is it different?

If people want to take me off their friends list because I exchange words with my fiance, go right ahead! They clearly added me for the wrong reasons and I wouldn't bat an eye if they did.

 

With that being said, I post nice things on everyones wall. Not just my fiance. I don't see how saying "I love you and miss you!" to my best friend that I haven't seen in a month is any different than saying it to your partner.

 

Luckily my fiance and I feel the same about the issue, we don't go overboard by any means, but we do leave sweet comments when its appropriate.

[miie]

I say I love you and miss you to friends. How is it different?

If people want to take me off their friends list because I exchange words with my fiance, go right ahead! They clearly added me for the wrong reasons and I wouldn't bat an eye if they did.

 

With that being said, I post nice things on everyones wall. Not just my fiance. I don't see how saying "I love you and miss you!" to my best friend that I haven't seen in a month is any different than saying it to your partner.

 

Luckily my fiance and I feel the same about the issue, we don't go overboard by any means, but we do leave sweet comments when its appropriate.

 

Thank you Asti! This is exactly the same as i feel. What i might write on my bf wall, could be written on any persons! He appears to not like it now and thats ok i guess, but i think he should have handled it better!

 

I dont see how it can be an insecure thing either. One guy friend has his girlfriends name written all over his profile with hearts. That isn't because he is insecure or needy. Its because he is in love and wants the world to know it. How is that possibly a bad thing!