I need help, 4 months and bf still hasnt told me where he lives or works.

[annie24]

ok, that is good. but why would he be so secretive???

[Mellie]

He's asked you to move to be closer to him, but won't tell you exactly where he is? It's strange. I mean that's a massive upheaval for you, to still be held at arm's length. There could be a reason, you never know, but the not knowing would leave me thinking all sorts and I don't think I could handle it.

[geekgirl4]

I still think there's something totally off about all this and I really think you should hold off on pursuing anything deeper - if only for mental and personal safety.

[Sweetkisses22]

No no I know exactly where his house is. I wrote before that I made a fit about it last time I visited him so he drove me to show me the house that's all. I've never been inside but I know exactly where it is.

 

I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt only because he did tell me the truth. He could have lied but didn't. And now there's nothing for me to go on since now I know the truth. I know he has a lot of issues to begin with but he told me he is trying to work on them which I have noticed a difference but slowly.

[MyNinja]

I agree with annie24, why did it have to develop into something major?? What was all the attitude and secrecy about then?? Why is this such a big deal for him, and why just drive you BY the house and not invite you INSIDE?? Was he in a hurry or somthing??

 

Wow you have a lot a patience. All of this is extremely annoying and I'm not the one dealing with it! lol

 

If it were me, I would have left the instant he copped an attitude if i asked him where he lived or worked because its basic info that shouldn't be held on the down low if you want to get involved with someone....just my own personal opinion

 

He has a right to his private life and to do whatever he chooses and whatnot, but why leave someone you want to get romantically involved with out in the woods wondering what's going on?

[lavenderdove]

He drove you by the house but didn't let you in? Oh come on, something BAD is going on here. It could have been some randon stranger's house, or a guy friiend's house or his own house but his girlfriend was there so he had to wait til she wasn't home before taking you in.

 

what you need to grasp here is that how he is behaviing is seriously abnormal behavior and a sign that something very wrong is going on with him and/or his life, if he refuses to let you know where he works and lives unless you really push him for it.

 

At best he wants to keep you out of his private home ground to keep his options open, and at worst he could be hiding a wife/family or some form of criminal activity you don't know about. Perhaps he doesn't want you at his house because he deals drugs out of his house, or manufactures them there.

 

And frankly you SHOULDN'T trust anyone who hides (or attempts to hide) large portions of their life from you. You don't just automatically trust someone because they have the title of 'boyfriend', you trust someone because their behavior has shown them to be trustworthy and open to you. This guy is totally closed and showing some very shady behavior and pushes you away when you ask perfectly normal questions that anyone has a right to know the answer to if they are dating.

 

Please don't be naive. I would continue to check on him and make sure that he is who he says he is, and he doesn't have another family or isn't engaged in criminal behavior that could be very dangerous to you.

[_Asti_]

I find it amusing in my persona opinion that you claim the two of you are extremely close and in love..yet the most basic things you don't know about him.

Red flag, lady, red flag.

Something isn't right.

[Sweetkisses22]

I find it amusing in my persona opinion that you claim the two of you are extremely close and in love..yet the most basic things you don't know about him.

Red flag, lady, red flag.

Something isn't right.

 

 

You don't fall in love with a persons job or home. You fall in love their personality. Who they are, how they make you feel when your with them. The little things they do for you just because they care, that's love. Yea I agree he should have told me from before. So I gave him an ultimatum. But he DID tell me and I wasn't going to be stupid and not check everything out. I did my research and everything was true. He didn't lie. So yea he * * * * ed up by not telling me, I know that, but he also told me the truth which is a hell of a lot better than having him tell me a lie. Who knows what his reasons were, I know he has problems and I'm willing to work on them with him. He knows what his mistakes are. But that doesn't mean two people couldn't possibly love each other because of it. No one can tell someone else that their is no love in that persons relationship because they arnt part of the relationship. They don't see both sides. I try to see BOTH sides before I make a judgment like that.

[MinziGirl]

I would go along with the rest and say that there is indeed something wrong simply because, with a relationship of 4 months & if you say that it is good, you should have already know the basic details of his life like his work place, work address, work telephone number... and of course where he lives. It should open up like a flower. If he persist hiding it from you despite of your asking, then he is indeed hiding something very important from you... NO matter how long is a relationship, there is no real relationship if any partner thrive to hide from the other.

[_Asti_]

My only response to that is someone claiming they are extremely close to someone and say they are in love, but don't know the basics. I don't see the logic there.

Sure you don't fall in love with their job or where they live...but knowing those things are basic things you discover and learn when you head towards falling in love. I would never claim to be in love with someone if they had secrets. If they kept secrets. Kept me in the dark and wouldn't open up. Loving someone is knowing someone. And that does include what they do, and where they live.

 

Secrecy isn't a key component in a loving close relationship. Having to give an ultamatum to get an answer isn't normal.

[MyNinja]

I personally think you're cutting him too much slack, but in the end you are going to do what you ultimately want, regardless of what's being said on this forum. I just hope you make the proper decision for your own sanity and safety, not only in a physical sense, but taking care of yourself, your emotions and well being. Good luck

[MinziGirl]

I do apprciate everyones help and you are all right. I really just don't want to believe it because I do love him so much.

 

Just to give you a little tip.

 

I have just reached home after meeting up with a friend whom i have known for 4 years. He has just got into a relationship with someone since last Sunday.

 

Since then, he has already met her parents & next weekend, she is going to his parent's place to meet his parents.

 

IN the meantime, they are seeing each other so often that they sometimes stay with each other till late at night. She was in his house & he was in hers.

 

Remember - they only got into a relationship last Sun...

 

So you see, if they can allow each other into each other's life that fast, there is something really really wrong if there are so many secret within your 4 months old relationship.

[Clarity]

Just to give you a little tip.

 

I have just reached home after meeting up with a friend whom i have known for 4 years. He has just got into a relationship with someone since last Sunday.

 

Since then, he has already met her parents & next weekend, she is going to his parent's place to meet his parents.

 

IN the meantime, they are seeing each other so often that they sometimes stay with each other till late at night. She was in his house & he was in hers.

 

Remember - they only got into a relationship last Sun...

 

So you see, if they can allow each other into each other's life that fast, there is something really really wrong if there are so many secret within your 4 months old relationship.

 

I understand the point you're trying to make, but that is quite an extreme example. I would definitely not recommend seeing each other that often, or introducing to family and friends, after such a short period of time. That's purely infatuation-driven behaviour.

[MinziGirl]

I understand the point you're trying to make, but that is quite an extreme example. I would definitely not recommend seeing each other that often, or introducing to family and friends, after such a short period of time. That's purely infatuation-driven behaviour.

 

;-) They are very young.

 

He: 23

She: 18

[Sweetkisses22]

I even went as far as calling the number of his company and asking them to transfer me to him and they said I had just missed him. I asked them if they had a number for him and they gave me the number that he had given me for emergencies. It was his work phone.

 

Wow.. im just looking back at my threads to remind me why I left him..I changed so much when I was with him. For the worse. I lied just to cover his ass and not make it seem like he was as bad as he was. This quote right here was a full blown lie. Can't believe I made him manipulate me to cover his ass and make him look better than he was. Sick really..

[annie24]

wow. i'm glad you've come clean to yourself and us. glad he is out of your life too!!