Should I marry a girl who just wants to be a housewife?

[Unreasonable]

When I was first married, I was perfectly okay with my wife being a stay at home mom forever. My wife has worked off an on, has REALLY stepped up to the plate, is currently caring for our 3 year old until she reaches school age, and most likely will either return working or go get a degree.

 

I will say that it is a bit stressful knowing that your income and your income alone is the only thing keeping you in your house and food on the table. It is stressful to feel like there is no "Plan B" or backup if you should find yourself out of work, which, in this economy, is very possible.

 

So, if she is flat out opposed to working outside the home, ever, I would take a look long and hard at your life together.

[Fudgie]

It's up to you. You need to evaluate your working situation and make sure that if things do go bottoms-up, you will have a safety net.

 

My boyfriend will be retiring by the time I enter the workforce so he'll be a "house-husband". He'll have SS and a nice pension so he'll be okay...little bit of a "safety net" but that's me. I'm not sure what I would do with someone who would be contributing nothing financially...in today's economy, you just don't know. What would you do if you lost your job?

[workoutgirl70]

Once you have kids would you want her raising the kids or a stranger? I do know a young woman whose life's ambition was to marry, have kids and be a stay at home mom. She spent 4 years in college to stay at home with her kids. In my opinion this is a complete waste of an education but to each his own I guess. College is tough and no way would i want to stay at home and waste all that time and effort.

[1inlove]

One question? Is she worth any sacrifices, financially or otherwise, that you would have to make to support her dreams?

[1inlove]

Once you have kids would you want her raising the kids or a stranger? I do know a young woman whose life's ambition was to marry, have kids and be a stay at home mom. She spent 4 years in college to stay at home with her kids. In my opinion this is a complete waste of an education but to each his own I guess. College is tough and no way would i want to stay at home and waste all that time and effort.

 

I am going to be a stay at home mom, but I am getting a degree. My degree is for me. I want the learning experience. I want my kids to know that education is important. College isn't always about a career. I understand what you're saying, but I thought maybe I'd share from the other side. Also, my degree is in childhood education, which will help me homeschool my babies. Many college courses are useful outside the workforce. She may be into for that too.

[OptomisticGirl]

It's your call. Like anything else when considering marriage, it's something that you have to be okay with.

 

My fiance makes a nice chunk of change but we all know having a house and raising kids is NOT easy on the pockets. So while I want to be a stay at home mom at least through the first year of my kid's lives, I also know I have to go back afterward. That, and I'd go crazy if I didn't have work, even amid raising kids and taking care of a husband. After we have had all the kids we want would I consider going stay-at home full time? If we could afford it I'd love to but I doubt it.

[mandellin]

I think it is dependent on several issues. In this tanking economy many people are depressed about working. Another thing to look at is if a job can be obtained close to home or not. While you live in San Jose and there may be a wealth of jobs there...I live in a small town with the closest wal mart even being twenty five to thirty miles away. There is one gas station in my town family owned and operated and literally nothing else. What sense would it make for me to waste time,gas,childcare costs (if there were kids involved) and the end wind up with no money to help and wear and tear on a vehicle. Is she deadset on being a housewife or did she just mention she would like it? I had told the guy I was dating that I would rather be a housewife but I am thinking about going back to college and getting my Bachelors or Doctorate degree. I would have to move because of where I live...see there are alot of variables that come into play on making the best decision about that but agree with alot of women on here if I have kids I want to be at home with them for the first year minimum of their life. There is no other way unless there is close family that live close and are willing to watch them in my opinion. Also,is it a matter of religious faith? Some of my women friends have a belief system that the man supports the family and the woman takes care of the home and home chores (which are by no means easy).

[DN]

The issue that I see is that this is a decision that should be taken jointly - not by one person arbitrarily. No one has a right to decide that they should be supported by a partner because they want to stay home with children without that partner in full and unpressured agreement.

[aamansj]

Thank you everyone for your replies. I've read through all the postings.

 

I thought my decision was tough. But now it's gotten tougher.

I just found out she's pregnant. I'm going crazy in my mind. i've never been so stressed out.

[DN]

I take it that there is no doubt you are the father. What happened about birth control?

[lostnscared]

I know this may sound offensive, but you say it was unplanned are you sure that she didn't miss her BC on purpose(i.e trying to trap you)? I don't know from this thread I have an odd vibe that she was looking to get married, be a mom, and a housewive sooner than we thought.

 

What is she leaning toward--keeping the baby?

[prettymommy]

I would also echo the same question lostnscared asked. My ex bf had a friend who started dating a 25 year old girl that talked quite openly from the start of the relationship about wanting nothing more than to be a stay-at-home Mom. Seven months after they started dating seriously she was knocked up (depsite swearing to her bf that she was on BC). All my ex bf's friends suspected this girl stopped taking her BC in order to get pregnant, start a family with their friend, and in esscene, "trap" him before he was ready to make that commitment. This couple is now married and the girl is a stay-at-home Mom.

 

If this is anything similar...... wow. It is wrong on so many levels...

[DN]

If there is ever a reason for using a condom even if other bc is being used - this illustrates the wisdom of it.

[lostnscared]

Yep, I wouldn't be particularly surprised if she did this on purpose. She's already made it clear she wanted a baby, to be married, and to be a housewife, and I suspect that this pregnancy is intentional. I could be wrong, but OP if I'm right, it's time to REALLY evaluate if you can deal with her staying at home to take care of the child. Even though she is pregnant does NOT mean that she can be a housewife unless it's a mutual decision. So whether she keeps the baby or not, protect yourself. Make it clear to her that you will support her decision, either way, BUT if she keeps the baby you both will still have to continue to work.

[Batya33]

Yep, I wouldn't be particularly surprised if she did this on purpose. She's already made it clear she wanted a baby, to be married, and to be a housewife, and I suspect that this pregnancy is intentional. I could be wrong, but OP if I'm right, it's time to REALLY evaluate if you can deal with her staying at home to take care of the child. Even though she is pregnant does NOT mean that she can be a housewife unless it's a mutual decision. So whether she keeps the baby or not, protect yourself. Make it clear to her that you will support her decision, either way, BUT if she keeps the baby you both will still have to continue to work.

 

Well, if she gets full custody of the child then my guess is that he would have to support her decision to be a full time mother - it certainly would not need to be a mutual decisio. It also depends what is best for the child - if the childcare options are not good enough then what is best for the child might be to have the mother be the full time caregiver.

 

I agree that being a housewife should be a mutual decision if there are no children yet - but taking care of a child full time is not "being a housewife".

[lostnscared]

Well, if she gets full custody of the child then my guess is that he would have to support her decision to be a full time mother - it certainly would not need to be a mutual decisio. It also depends what is best for the child - if the childcare options are not good enough then what is best for the child might be to have the mother be the full time caregiver.

 

I agree that being a housewife should be a mutual decision if there are no children yet - but taking care of a child full time is not "being a housewife".

 

Why wouldn't they do a joint custody? And even if she had full custody, the child support would be for the child NOT for her to stay at home with the child. Though I'm sure if she could do that she would arrange for it to happen. Obviously the best interest of the child is the MOST important thing here. But I still think this was intentional.

And obviously she would be a stay at home mom if she had this baby, was awarded full custody, and was supplied with the money for her to stay at home. This is what she wanted and it's not what he wanted. Which is a bit unfair to him, but he made the decision to have sex with someone who had completely different goals than he did.

[Batya33]

Why wouldn't they do a joint custody? And even if she had full custody, the child support would be for the child NOT for her to stay at home with the child. Though I'm sure if she could do that she would arrange for it to happen. Obviously the best interest of the child is the MOST important thing here. But I still think this was intentional.

And obviously she would be a stay at home mom if she had this baby, was awarded full custody, and was supplied with the money for her to stay at home. This is what she wanted and it's not what he wanted. Which is a bit unfair to him, but he made the decision to have sex with someone who had completely different goals than he did.

 

Yes, it's a tough one, for sure. I'm not so sure he should be risking pregnancy with someone he lacks compatible values and goals wth.