big greg Posted July 3, 2010 Share Posted July 3, 2010 I used to have alot of friends, but girlfriends and marriage have claimed all but 6 of them. These are people who I consider close friends. I have always preferred a small number of close friends to a large number of acquaintances. However, in contrast to the typical "no friends no hobbies" stigma that seems to throw up a red flag, what about a guy who only had 6 friends but has a LOT of hobbies that he spends most of his time doing alone? Actually, my hobbies probably consume the majority of my free time. If you met me, would you view my status as a red flag? Link to comment
MD Geist Posted July 3, 2010 Share Posted July 3, 2010 Well there's an old saying that says you can count all of your best friends on one hand and I believe its very true because I have a very large social network and yet I often find myself around the same 5 people. I love these people to death and if given I would rather have those 5 people than a large group that doesn't care about me. Hobbies you need to continue to more. Link to comment
luminousone Posted July 3, 2010 Share Posted July 3, 2010 lol I think that 6 close friends is great... Anyhow, as long as you are being yourself then that is the important thing. It would not make sense to pick up some more social hobbies just to snag a relationship because you would likely revert to who you really are once that happens. Not fair to the gf if you are not honest to begin with... But if you are wanting to try more social hobbies and you find you really like them, then yes -- by all means change. As far as red flags, well what are the hobbies you list? There are women who may be looking for the same thing -- quieter and more reclusive hobbies -- that might fit right in to your busy hobby schedule... Link to comment
mca1975 Posted July 3, 2010 Share Posted July 3, 2010 Not at all. I like to do things like shopping etc. on my own as I can take my time. I also have 5/6 friends who I will consider close, but I don't see them all the time. Having said that I am a very sociable and friendly person, but I also like my alone time. If I got out, I have loads of acquaintences who I chat the night away with. So no, you are very normal! Link to comment
Dejected Posted July 3, 2010 Share Posted July 3, 2010 This actually sounds a lot like me and I have recently been wondering about similar issues. Since I suspect something may be amiss with me for this I might wonder the same about you. One thing to consider though is why you have only 6 friends and a lot of hobbies. If it's because you have yet to meet people who like your hobbies, nothing is really wrong. If you are filling a void or doing it to distance yourself from people there could be something wrong. For me, I find it difficult to truly connect with someone to a point of calling them a friend rather than an acquaintance and instead of waiting to meet someone that likes my hobby I go out and do my hobby alone with the hope that I will encounter someone doing the same. Link to comment
randomgirl59 Posted July 3, 2010 Share Posted July 3, 2010 Absolutely not! if anything I'd be more interested since I'm similar. Having lots of hobbies and the ability to keep yourself occupied is definitely a positive thing. Also, maybe its just me but 6 friends still seems like a lot lol. I wouldn't worry at all. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted July 3, 2010 Share Posted July 3, 2010 Perhaps to someone who is very outgoing and likes to socialize a lot it might be a red flag....but to those of us who are introverts it is not a red flag at all! Link to comment
bulletproof Posted July 4, 2010 Share Posted July 4, 2010 It really depends on the situation and the quality of the relationships with those six friends. Ideally, I would like to think that someone I date is always evolving socially and finding new people, because it's really good exposure to different ideas and lifestyles. I also would enjoy having a s.o. who has all types of friends- single, married, younger older. The idea that you've lost friends to gfs and marriages seems kind of strange to me. Link to comment
easyguy Posted July 4, 2010 Share Posted July 4, 2010 I don't think having only 6 friends would be a red flag for me, but if that is the extent of your social network, then it is likely that our lifestyle differences will lead to an incompatible relationship (if you were a woman). It's not about having a billion friends, but about not putting your eggs in one basket (i.e. depending a lot on your partner for social interaction). In the case of a break up, it is extremely helpful to be able to talk to as many friends as you have, allowing weak friendships to blossom while deepening friendships with those you consider yourself close to. However, if you are happy with what you have now, and are happy with yourself, then it doesn't make a difference. No one can change you. But it is likely that it will be difficult to relate to someone with a much broader social network. Link to comment
chelsea13 Posted July 4, 2010 Share Posted July 4, 2010 Not a red flag at all - it's good to filter out those people who judges you just because you don't like to always do things in a group. There're people I know, who have loads of friends, but pretty much only goes out and party with them. I would be attracted to guys like you. Link to comment
BriarRose Posted July 4, 2010 Share Posted July 4, 2010 I used to have alot of friends, but girlfriends and marriage have claimed all but 6 of them. These are people who I consider close friends. I have always preferred a small number of close friends to a large number of acquaintances. However, in contrast to the typical "no friends no hobbies" stigma that seems to throw up a red flag, what about a guy who only had 6 friends but has a LOT of hobbies that he spends most of his time doing alone? Actually, my hobbies probably consume the majority of my free time. If you met me, would you view my status as a red flag? Not at all. I would prefer it. It would tell me the person is selective about who they choose as friends and that they don't feel the need to have others around them 24/7. Link to comment
Stay_home Posted July 7, 2010 Share Posted July 7, 2010 I used to have alot of friends, but girlfriends and marriage have claimed all but 6 of them. These are people who I consider close friends. I have always preferred a small number of close friends to a large number of acquaintances. However, in contrast to the typical "no friends no hobbies" stigma that seems to throw up a red flag, what about a guy who only had 6 friends but has a LOT of hobbies that he spends most of his time doing alone? Actually, my hobbies probably consume the majority of my free time. If you met me, would you view my status as a red flag? Friends? I think I have about one or two good very close friends if that. I'm more of a loner; I like peace, quiet and small gatherings. Red flag, yellow flag, this is who I am. Link to comment
togofromhere Posted July 7, 2010 Share Posted July 7, 2010 Is having only a few friends but alot of hobbies a red flag? Yes, it's saying that you might just have your wits about you. that they don't feel the need to have others around them 24/7. ...and what I'm learning nowadays is that this is actually a red flag. Link to comment
Fudgie Posted July 7, 2010 Share Posted July 7, 2010 Actually, I tend to shy away from guys who have big social lives. I am not a very social person myself. Neither is my boyfriend. It would be a drain on me if I dated a guy with a lot of friends. When my bf and I met (online) he was very open - "I don't have any friends except a woman who I have known for 40 years who moved away and my cousin." His best friend is his dog, pretty much. He wasn't exaggerating. He has tons of hobbies - technology, gardening, cooking, fixing up the house, volunteer work, visiting historical sites, photography, his dogs, fixing computers, etc. And yet, he's relatively happy with it all. Knowing him now, I can say that he has ample opportunities for socializing but he refuses because he doesn't want to and would rather do something else...but he's happy with that. That's the thing...if you find someone with few/no friends, some hobbies, and they are HAPPY, then that's awesome. Good for them. Everyone is different. Some people are happy with friends, others are happy by themselves. You want to find someone who is happy with their life and their relationships (no matter how many or few there are). Don't be with a sulky ANYONE...with or without friends. Link to comment
big greg Posted July 8, 2010 Author Share Posted July 8, 2010 Thanks for the input, everyone. I was just meditating the other day and was wondering if my life would seem "boring" to other people. Nothing crazily out of the ordinary happens often and I don't have all these exciting stories and stuff to tell like some of my friends who seem to always have exciting things happen to them. As far as red flags, well what are the hobbies you list? All sorts of things... most of my hobbies actually change frequently except for a few that I've been doing all my life. I just find some niche thing that interests me and I just dive in head first and engulf myself into it completely and waste alot of money on it. I am a gearhead and am always working on one of my cars, I used to be really big into car audio competition (both sound quality and SPL), I was obsessed with R/C helicopters for a long time, I've always been into amateur photography (some of my pictures: link removed / link removed), geocaching, I was into home theaters for a while (wasted a LOT of money doing that one...), I did livesound and messed around in recording studios for a year or so, I was a part of the theater department at one college I went to, I grew up working on computers as an exclusive hobby probably from about '94 up until '02 or so, I am a machinist by trade but I also have fabrication equipment in my garage and I always make cool little trinkets (link removed out of some old engine parts, link removed out of more old engine parts for a friend), DIY CNC lathe/mill conversions is a recent one I picked up, Aborigine culture (I have a didgeridoo and a bullroarer that are both legit from the Dharug tribe), I have been intensively studying high power burning laser pointers and will probably build one maybe in a month or so, umm... that's all I can think of right now but I promise you there have been more that I just can't remember right now. Link to comment
big greg Posted July 8, 2010 Author Share Posted July 8, 2010 One thing to consider though is why you have only 6 friends and a lot of hobbies. If it's because you have yet to meet people who like your hobbies.. That's exactly why. Link to comment
BriarRose Posted July 8, 2010 Share Posted July 8, 2010 I agree with Fudgie that it would be very draining for me to date a man with a very active social life and tons of friends. Link to comment
greywolf Posted July 8, 2010 Share Posted July 8, 2010 Not at all. I think having a lot of hobbies is good and makes people interesting. Link to comment
Clarity Posted July 8, 2010 Share Posted July 8, 2010 Personally, I wouldn't even consider "6 close friends" as "few". As you get older, you only keep in touch with the most important people anyway. Link to comment
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