Please help....all alone in a foreign country...

[mia616]

So I am in Spain right now. I came over here to visit with a friend "with benefits" and he told me he wanted to me to come over, and I could stay for as long as I like. I am a teacher so I have the summers off. I planned a trip for about 25 days and just got here on Tuesday. So there is like 22 days left or so. Anyway things were fine, but then we went out to his brothers for lunch. Well he wanted to leave to meet up with a friend, and go to the casino. I thought it was kind of rude because his brother was making us food. So we left anyway, and we had been drinking during hte afternoon. So I asked him where my glasses were and he found them and I kind of grabbed them from him. Which he thought was rude....Then he continued to ask "can you change your flight?"

 

Obviously I got upset and started to cry.

He ended up going out with his friend and I called him and asked when he was coming and that I thought he was being rude because I flew all the way there to see him. He came home and didnt want to talk about it, but I did. Then he continued saying I was acting like a child, and spoiled.

 

Anyway, now he is basically avoiding me, and acting rude...saying he is going to try and switch my flight. This is just the worst situation as I have a phone that doenst work here, and thankfully i have internet in his house. I did apologize to him because I just wanted things to go back to normal...But I feel like he is making a huge deal out of nothing. I have no one else that I know here, and I was staying with him free and can't afford to stay anywhere else. I am here til the 26th unless he ends up paying to change my flight. I dont want to ruin our friendship, btu the way he is acting he seems like it alreday is. He went to sleep somewhere else I dont know where he said "os he could sleep. "

 

Anyway I'm sorry im just venting right now. I have nowhere else to go, any suggestions???

[Sorrento]

I'm sorry he has done this to you. From what you say, it sounds to me like you should agree to leave if he can pay to change your flights. If he can't, I would suggest you need to sit down calmly with him and talk about your options. At this point, it sounds like anything you do or say is going to be used against you, so I would avoid discussing you and him and chalk it up to a bad experience.

 

You are friends with benefits - do you hope for more?

[DN]

If you are truly stuck then go and see the local Consulate from your country - easier if you are from the US or UK. They may be able to help you get a flight and pay back the cost later.

[Iceman26]

I would take him up on his offer of getting you out of the country on an earlier flight. He sounds extremely temperamental and were I you I wouldn't take my chances. He doesn't sound like a friend to me.

[rustyschackelf]

Yeah you definitley don't want to be dealing with this in a foreign country. Change your flights immedietly if you can and try to get the next flight home. Most airlines will let you switch flights, and if they don't go see the us consulate. They will probably help you. This guy sounds like a real douche. Go home and find a nice American boy who knows how to treat a girl right.

[Traveler27]

The U.S. consulate would only help citizens who find themselves in emergency situations. Having a spat with a friend with benefits does not qualify for consular assistance.

 

That being said, I would insist that the guy pay for your flight back. You will have to pay a change fee to the airline, but I think in this case it is worth it. Go to the airline website and find their support telephone number. They will advise as to how much it will cost and when you can get on the next flight.

[mia616]

Thank you.... I know he left for the night to stay "somewhere he can sleep." So I am by myself in his house. I've "known" him for a long time.... 4 years, well we've at least kept in touch and all of a sudden he is acting like this. He told me before I came that he wanted me to and I could stay as long as I like... But now he is degrading me saying I'm acting like a child, etc... Mind you he is almost 40 years old.

 

I am from the U.S. and going to see if I can switch my flights. It sucks because I dont know anyone else except for the family I lived with 4 years ago. I am going to see them tomorrow but I don't think they will remember me. It just sucks because I paid like 1200 for hte flight and now this horrible experience.

 

He says he is not comfortable with me in his house and he is "Afraid" of me.

We were "friends with benefits" and I used to like him a lot, but his true colors are coming through....

[digger11]

just be honest and say, "if you want me to go home early, then pay the costs and change it. Otherwise YOU need to stop acting like a child and not make a guest feel like an intruder in your home into which you invited me into"

 

I don't know what his trip is, and you should end yours.

[Speranza]

I would reframe this whole thing and have a great time there, personally. Go to places you would never otherwise visit, meet new people, make sure you have some great stories to tell. This is near the start of your trip so you can build a whole other set of lovely memories here if you choose.

 

Sorry you are feeling so low but things can turn around. Not with him - he sounds like a jerk - but you can take back control of this situation and feel good about yourself and proud of how you dealt with it. Why wouldn't this family remember you?

 

Challenge yourself to have a great vacation anyway. Hugs.

[greywolf]

Honestly, I think the friendship is already ruined. Real friends don't treat you like that. You can try to change your flight, or make the best of your time over there.

[pl3asehelp]

FWB - every time.

[mia616]

Sorry fwb - every time? What does that mean?

 

It ends like this every time? I mean I really dont understadn usually he treats me so well.... its like a 90 degree turn. I would always rave about him to people and this is what I get.

[Jd1983]

I'm so sorry that you're going through this right now.

 

You are definitely seeing the other side of him. If he didn't want you to stay there, why bother to ask you to go visit him in the first place?

 

I definitely think you should try to find an earlier flight back home. Why stay and be miserable. Let this be a lesson learned.

 

Hang in there.

[Hermes]

Easy on there Rusty!

 

Go home and find a nice American boy who knows how to treat a girl right.

 

By the sounds of the sad tales from many posters on this forum there are a LOT of very un-nice American "boys".

 

We have nice people over here to, and some not so nice, like everywhere.

 

H

[Hermes]

Mia:

 

I recall your post back in March on the "Travel" section of this forum. You are, I believe, in Seville? You have, you said, lived in Spain before, so perhaps as other posters suggest, just enjoy the rest of your holiday there, meet other people (surely you know a few others if you lived in the country before?). Make the best of it.

 

You do mention that you are short of money. I know, I know....but it is never a good idea to set out for a foreign country without at least having the means of getting out of a jam.

If you are really stuck I would agree with DN's advice to seek assistance at the Consulate.

 

Good luck

H

[sophie274]

Perhaps I'm thick, but I don't really understand what you two had a fight about, or why he started asking you to change your flight ... it's a bit confusing to me as to how the whole fight started.

 

It sounds like you are a US citizen. Unfortunately most US consulates have a very limited ability to help US citizens in foreign countries: I'm currently abroad as well, and I was told that we should not count on the consulate to bail us out at all as there was very little they could do at all. Usually a flight change is only about 100 dollars, but often in the summer the flights are full and it's not possible to make a change at all. Can you not afford to stay in a hotel? Or do you have any other friends in Europe whom you could stay with instead? You can get really cheap intra-Europe flights from Ryanair and other discount airlines.

 

I wouldn't want to be on vacation alone for a whole month, but I think you could still make a good vacation of it for a couple of weeks or so.

 

What's the situation with your friend now? Have you two talked?

[Ms Darcy]

I agree that if you can make it a fun vacay for you, then do it. Otherwise he should pay to get you home.

 

FWB aren't friends. They are less than friends in that the interest does kinda depend on sexual desire. I am guessing he might have met someone he has an interest in.

[rustyschackelf]

Easy on there Rusty!

 

 

 

By the sounds of the sad tales from many posters on this forum there are a LOT of very un-nice American "boys".

 

We have nice people over here to, and some not so nice, like everywhere.

 

H

 

Just going for dramatic effect, trying to overly stress how much she needs to GET THE HELL OUT OF SPAIN!!!

[pl3asehelp]

It didn't seem to me life there was any logical reason for the fight other than she expected to be treated like a person instead of a sex object. I mean, stay at the house of a ***buddy for a month? And not expect problems? He treated you well before to get the sex he was after - this was the understood nature of your relationship. I'm not defending his behavior at all - I think it's disgusting and sub-human to even be capable of treating others this way. I'm not at all surprised though that a person of his character would seek out no strings attached sexual relationships.

[mia616]

Ok...thanks for the advice everyone but we seemed to have worked things out. He acted pissed for a couple days and then asked for "Cease fire" and gave me kisses on the cheek.... Sometimes I think he likes to get into fights like that, it's kind of strange. I was scared though because I'd never seen him that pissed.

 

We are more than FWB.... I've known him for 4 years and we have kept in touch over long distance for all that time. Obviously I am staying with him now and seeing a different side of him. Thanks for all of the advice anyway. I will be fine for a few more weeks. It is better now. He has brought me to meet his friends, and family. He is working too so I am going out and doing things on my own as well.

[marshmlofluff]

Ok...thanks for the advice everyone but we seemed to have worked things out. He acted pissed for a couple days and then asked for "Cease fire" and gave me kisses on the cheek.... Sometimes I think he likes to get into fights like that, it's kind of strange. I was scared though because I'd never seen him that pissed.

 

We are more than FWB.... I've known him for 4 years and we have kept in touch over long distance for all that time. Obviously I am staying with him now and seeing a different side of him. Thanks for all of the advice anyway. I will be fine for a few more weeks. It is better now. He has brought me to meet his friends, and family. He is working too so I am going out and doing things on my own as well.

 

The start of a trip to see an SO (and I assume the same applies to FWB) generally is the time when there is the most potential for strain. You haven't seen each other in a while, pent-up resentments that you did not discuss on the phone come out, one of you is tired and stressed from travel, feeling like an intruder in the others' house, and potentially lonely and homesick from being in a strange place.

 

I'm glad to hear it got better, and hope it continues to!

[mia616]

Ok...things are not going well.... We went to the aiport today and I change my flight so I am going home this wednesday morning. I feel like it was such a waste of money and of time. For what? 1 week of arguing and fighting about things that I didnt want to.

 

I feel so depressed right now. I havent even told my family that I am coming home yet. They think I am staying until the 26th. I'm afraid what they will think and ask, etc.

 

Ugh.... What a stupid decision I made...

[marshmlofluff]

Ok...things are not going well.... We went to the aiport today and I change my flight so I am going home this wednesday morning. I feel like it was such a waste of money and of time. For what? 1 week of arguing and fighting about things that I didnt want to.

 

I feel so depressed right now. I havent even told my family that I am coming home yet. They think I am staying until the 26th. I'm afraid what they will think and ask, etc.

 

Ugh.... What a stupid decision I made...

 

Sorry to hear that. I doubt your family will think badly of you; they'll probably just feel sorry for you. I think most people understand that it is an awful feeling to be at somebody's place in a foreign country, at his mercy, and feel unwelcome.

 

You said that on this trip you were able to see a side of this guy that you didn't know about before. If that is what you took away from it, in addition to the life lesson not to put yourself so much at the mercy of a man who is not-quite-a-boyfriend in the future, I think your trip wasn't that bad an investment of money or time after all. Some people end up paying a lot more for those lessons; years, or sometimes their entire life. And you were able to spend at least a week or two in Spain, so it wasn't a total wash.

 

Keep your chin up, and have a safe trip home.

[DN]

It wasn't stupid really. And you have learned a lot.

[jenny_mcs]

It wasn't stupid really. And you have learned a lot.

 

Exactly. You weren't stupid- you were invited and thought it would be a fun trip. It wasn't, so now you have taken the steps and will be leaving. It's not some huge personal failure- it's something that didn't turn out like you thought it would. Hang in there!