Need FWB Tutorial

[Skeptic76]

I'm needing some sex after 10.5 yr relationship (going from whenever I wanted it to nothing for three months is taking its toll, lol) and DEFINITELY not interested in jumping into another relationship. In the past, 99% of my intimate encounters came as a result of having a girlfriend or misleading someone.

 

I want to be totally upfront with the women I talk to these days, not interested in playing anybody or hurting anyone's feelings, but the one serious attempt I've made at getting into bed with someone since I became single went awry due to "too upfront." Or maybe too direct too soon?

 

How many dates to realistically reach a FWB status? Some good suggestions for being direct without scaring a woman off or insulting her? Where to meet somebody interested in no-strings style evening(s)? Dang people, I got no skills after so long in a committed relationship - help!

[waveseer]

And I quote, "I am not looking for a relationship, but if you want sex I'm your man."

 

Tone is everything, casual and non-judgmental delivery is crucial. Small smile after you say it.

 

Oh, and don't expect her to even acknowledge you said anything. If she wants you she'll let you know, maybe sooner, maybe later. Never bring it up again with her, she won't forget.

[HouseKitten]

Try to have an honest conversation about your intentions before you actually have sex with the person, whoever they turn out to be. It's not fair to seduce them into bed, them probably thinking how great it is they've finally met someone who likes them, and then springing 'actually this is just for sex' on them. Do it before, and you'll avoid some nasty reactions!

 

I like what waveseer suggested saying - be lighthearted about it, but very clear. Don't say things like 'I guess I might want a relationship in the future/with the right person' if it looks like they're wavering - you very well might not want any such thing in the future at all.

 

You could always try making a dating profile online for this - a lot of sites give the option to put something more subtle than FWB in the 'looking for' box.

[Skeptic76]

This is good.....

 

Okay - I really don't want to make any female friends right now, so when I bust out with this on the ones that aren't interested, what is a good exit strategy?

[Skeptic76]

I'm with you kitten, I want to avoid any misunderstanding of what is happening way before clothes come off. That's why I'm posting....

[Skeptic76]

I guess another part of my question is investment of time....given what I'm looking for here I really dislike the idea of the "pursuit," I'm in this for the ends rather than the means....I am thinking I want to go with this conv. first date and then let it simmer, as Waveseer suggests. Would my chances be increased to get to know somebody better first?

[waveseer]

This is good.....

 

Okay - I really don't want to make any female friends right now, so when I bust out with this on the ones that aren't interested, what is a good exit strategy?

 

You didn't ask a question, hence no anticipation of the answer. Rule of thumb, if she gets closer to you after you say it she might be interested. If she gets further away then you also take a step back to let her know you respect her personal space. The offer was casual, so you can continue talking until the conversation ends naturally. (You should still hand her your number before you part ways though, you never know.)

[waveseer]

I guess another part of my question is investment of time....given what I'm looking for here I really dislike the idea of the "pursuit," I'm in this for the ends rather than the means....I am thinking I want to go with this conv. first date and then let it simmer, as Waveseer suggests. Would my chances be increased to get to know somebody better first?

 

How long does it take you to figure out if you're interested? Once you're sure you are and you've managed to get through the "not a serial killer, not a bunny boiler" basic okayness conversation and are still talking, anytime is fine.

 

Darn, I should have been a man, I'd be good at this.

[Skeptic76]

"not a serial killer, not a bunny boiler" basic okayness

 

So I have to be really, REALLY honest?

[Skeptic76]

And yes, wave....you would be good at this!

I imagine I will be too, thx

[waveseer]

So I have to be really, REALLY honest?

 

You could practice here...

[waveseer]

And yes, wave....you would be good at this!

I imagine I will be too, thx

 

For women who approach men it's extremely simple:

 

Smile, say hello, introduce yourself. General okayness conversation. Are you married? What are you doing later?

[Skeptic76]

I think my serial killer joke (for all of its genius) went unnoticed. lol

 

I'm a good looking guy, but not many women have ever approached me. The ones that have account for the 1% that I didn't manipulate as referenced in OP. Come to think of it, I got hit up by WAY more women when I was wearing my wedding band (this will sound horrible but right around now I'm wishing I took them up) and I couldn't capitalize than did when I was looking...

 

I think every reasonably good looking woman of age knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that they can get sex from virtually any man they want on any given night and how to do it.

[waveseer]

Yeah, I understood your joke, but the fact remains that I don't know for certain that you aren't one, no offense it's the medium.

 

I'm not interested in aiding and abetting a married man's infidelities, but I guess some women don't care or like the no strings guarantee.

 

You could put your band back on if you think it would help. lol

 

I believe nature intended men to respond willingly, it's no reflection on character unless he's married or otherwise committed.

[lavenderdove]

Join a website like AdultFriendFinder where you make it very clear that all you are after is no strings sex. People looking for no strings attached sex are more likely to be 'shopping' on a website like that.

[CatsMeeoow]

Join a website like AdultFriendFinder where you make it very clear that all you are after is no strings sex. People looking for no strings attached sex are more likely to be 'shopping' on a website like that.

 

Yup... that's what these sites are for... Good Luck!

[Skeptic76]

Don't get the wrong idea, or do but please allow me to make myself clear: I didn't cheat while married!

[Skeptic76]

I guess I'm still legally married even though I filed back in March for the divorce....it won't be final here in CA until October. Anywho - no guilt here and nobody should feel like an accomplice, lol.

[Skeptic76]

Oh, and got a taker already She's coming over to my place on Monday - I already told her that this was a two-three time deal max (provided we both enjoy the first one) and she is still on board....sweeeeeet.

[Skeptic76]

I just noticed this thread is rated as garbage, lol! How embarrassing, better let it die. Thanks for the help that I did get, anyway!