skynet74 Posted June 19, 2004 Share Posted June 19, 2004 After a solid 10 years with the exgirlfriend I get the Boot this year. She moves out of our house and now I'm stuck here alone looking at her stuff. Her mail still arrives here. Half her furniture is still here. But she's not here. So after becoming quite the student of what to do and what not to do after getting dumped... here is what I've learned so far. 1. Use No Contact. It's hard and it hurts...but it hurts more to keep getting get rejected. It's a way to heal and a way to let the ex clear their head and miss you. Someone else here said it best. It's hard to miss someone who's constantly up your butt. So just leave them alone and let them get some good feelings for you back. If you have to have contact such as I do when my ex comes to get her mail, just make brief happy talk. Never let them see you sweat. let them think you are doing fine without them. 2. If they start calling for non-important reasons... it probably means they are missing you and possibly regretting breaking up. DO NOT instantly take them back. They will then know you can be used as a doormat and will not hesitate to do the same thing over and over again. Make them work for it next time. People value what they can't have. If they don't think they can have you easily, it will make you look a thousand times better in their eyes. Become a challenge and then watch them chase after you. Give a little and then keep pulling back. It will drive them crazy.... but in a good way. Good for you that is! 3. Make your life better. The person who can improve themselves will look beter to the person who dumped them. Work out. Become more sociable and just be less available. Keep busy and show the ex you have a life without them. This will help you in the long run and also make your ex think twice about leaving in the first place. This time away will get you back in control of your own life. My ex and I shared a Cell phone plan, A car and an apartment. Now that she's gone I've had to get my own cell phone and my own car. I've done it. Now I'm working on a new apartment. At least breaking up has given me the boost I needed to be more independent. Show the ex that they arn't in control of you anymore. Replace anything that they took away from you... including your self-esteem. You'll be allright in the end. These are just some of the things I've learned by reading many many websites and message boards. I'm a guy who called my ex up almost to the point of harassment. Three weeks ago I suddenly stopped because #1. It wasn't getting me anywhere! It was just pushing her further and further away. #2. I need time to work on me and she needs time to think about what she did. So I see no negatives about this time apart besides me just missing the hell out of her. But I wake up each day knowing that her and I are a day closer to being back together. Worst case scenario....... I'm at least a day closer to being someone she'll ultimately regret breaking up with. Right now that's satisfaction enough for me. Yeah it Hurts. I would do ANYTHING to get things back to the way they used to be.... and I think the advice I've recommended offers the best chance of that ever happening for any of us who want our ex back. Take Care! John 1 Link to comment
Michael2 Posted June 20, 2004 Share Posted June 20, 2004 Hey John, welcome to enotalone. You make some very valid points. Right now, it is ALL about healing. I am glad that you came to the realization that calling and contact will only drive them further. Its hard to take, but unfortunately they have their minds made up. Our constant calls, our constant love that we show them after the breakup only makes them want to walk away even further. God breakups are hard. Many times you wonder how your life will go on. You feel as if everything is crumbling, it as if part of you died. One single moment your life can change. You are looking ahead, then your life caves in. You think you have nothing, absolutely nothing, you are desperate, you wished you could touch their hair again. They said it would we would be forever, that we would grow and have a family, then suddenly all you see are their backs. These is where we heal, where we grow and become stronger. One day.One day we will find love again. Take care John. Link to comment
fantasia2004 Posted June 20, 2004 Share Posted June 20, 2004 well said john, to the point and very effective?can that be effective within 7 months I gave up just like you and others when I realized that why subject myself to humilation and rejection? and they don't care? please! get a grip and move on I tell myself His new girl must be laughing at me now but then who cares right? Link to comment
skynet74 Posted June 20, 2004 Author Share Posted June 20, 2004 From what I have read it doesn't make a difference if your ex is alone or has found someone new. There are still strategies you can use to get them back. Nobody says it better than Marriage Counseler Homer McDonald. Just check out this guys website. It will give you hope when before you had none. link removed John Link to comment
tere Posted June 23, 2004 Share Posted June 23, 2004 skynet, did you bought the book? would you recommend it? Link to comment
skynet74 Posted June 23, 2004 Author Share Posted June 23, 2004 skynet, did you bought the book? would you recommend it? ------------- No I haven't bought the book. I really don't have the extra money to spend on it right now. But I definitely think that in the 13 pages available for free he offers some real good tips. If Those tips work I think I will buy the book for future reference. John Link to comment
askdan Posted July 28, 2004 Share Posted July 28, 2004 I did buy the book "Stop Your Divorce". My relationship with my Fiancee lasted 5 years. Our breakup was extremely hostile, and there was no chance in hell that I was going to get her back. Guess what...I bought the book, and it works like magic. My friend Michael2 has also given me a lot of support since March, which also helped. Now my ex-girlfriend, who wanted to know absolutely nothing about me, is now harassing me to the point that I have lost interest. The tables have now turned. I still love my ex, I am not burning the bridges, but what Homer MacDonals wrote in his book is really working. I was so desperate that I was spending a lot of money on books and documents. There are two other documents that I bought are are working like magic: - E-book "How to Get Your Ex Back" link removed it's an e-book - The other document can only be purchased on link removed the title: "How To Get Your Lover Back" author: Blase Harris Those two documents, combined with the "Stop Your Divorce" e-book, are powerful tools and they REALLY WORK....... I figured, I will spend $100 in total for all of the material, I read each document at least 3 times, and I was surprised at the fast results. I figured that $100 was worth it to try to save a relationship. Feel free to ask me any questions. Dan ps> Mike, thanks for your help and advice. Everything happened 100% like you said. I am not back with my ex, at least not yet, but now she is the one chasing me. Keep in touch ok? Link to comment
rich46 Posted July 28, 2004 Share Posted July 28, 2004 Hey Dan! This may seem a little bit cheeky but can you copy and paste the e-book on here? Or PM it to me? It is fine if you don't, but I don't have a great deal of money right now to pay out on it. Like I said, just ignore me if you don't want to. Thanks, Rich Link to comment
Brandell Posted July 28, 2004 Share Posted July 28, 2004 skynet I read that article that you posted. Its very interesting but unfortunately it only seems to work with minimum contact and not NO contact. I would love to bring it into practise but i am very afraid of breaking No Contact because of the fear of rejection which would crush me just when I am beginning to feel strong. I am in a major dilemma about No Contact after reading that. I think it may work but it needs SOME contact and No Contact is helping me heal. Link to comment
avman Posted July 28, 2004 Share Posted July 28, 2004 rich46, I'm afraid he cannot copy and paste the e-book here. That would be a copyright violation and we'd be in huge trouble if we allowed that. avman Link to comment
Ant1975 Posted July 28, 2004 Share Posted July 28, 2004 Do these books work after any period of time after the split. I've been split from my ex after 18 months but we're still in close contact. How long did you split with your ex's and use the advice in the books? Link to comment
askdan Posted July 28, 2004 Share Posted July 28, 2004 Yes, these books are working, no matter how long ago the relationship ended. If the relationship ended a long time ago, then the best book that will explain how to get back your lost love, if the break up was years ago, is the book How to Get Your Lover Back by Blaise Harris. I strongly recommend this book, and the advice has worked for me, but my breakup has only been 5 months when I started to use the advice. Link to comment
sweetione Posted July 28, 2004 Share Posted July 28, 2004 hi askdan, Was wondering which book/ebook you would recommend more?? Link to comment
snowfall1975 Posted July 28, 2004 Share Posted July 28, 2004 John, According to your 3 steps method, i was at step 1, then my ex called me back apologizing for the way she ended thing. She cried to me and said that she missed me dearly but didnt dare to pick up the phone to call me. Well, she's the one who made the call not me. Anyhow, i took her back to easily without making her work for it. That would put me at Step 2: where i should take a step back and make her work on it...what can i do from here since i already allowed her the upper hand??? any advice from others would be greatly appreciated. Thanks Link to comment
fantasia2004 Posted July 28, 2004 Share Posted July 28, 2004 Yes, these books are working, no matter how long ago the relationship ended. If the relationship ended a long time ago, then the best book that will explain how to get back your lost love, if the break up was years ago, is the book How to Get Your Lover Back by Blaise Harris.I strongly recommend this book, and the advice has worked for me, but my breakup has only been 5 months when I started to use the advice. even in a year or two? I don't know..... Link to comment
kate111 Posted July 29, 2004 Share Posted July 29, 2004 Do you think you can be a more active pursuer if you are a man? or do you have to sit and wait ala "the rules" if you are a woman? Link to comment
askdan Posted July 29, 2004 Share Posted July 29, 2004 Dear Fantasia 2004, Is this you on the picture? If so, I would like to sleep with you please. Don't try to get your ex-boyfriend back, I would gladly be your new boyfrined! Cheers! Dan Link to comment
kate111 Posted March 23, 2007 Share Posted March 23, 2007 I'm rereading old posts. Hey What happened to Michael2? I liked his posts alot. Link to comment
MasterT Posted March 23, 2007 Share Posted March 23, 2007 Interesting thread. I think I'll keep it in my back pocket in case I decide to do contact. Link to comment
andy5128 Posted March 24, 2007 Share Posted March 24, 2007 Great Post John, some really good thoughts on how to deal with a break up and the plan to sort things out, will be taking your advice and best of luck to you to. Cheers Andy Link to comment
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