Are these signd that he is cheap/not generous?

[ladeedah]

I've been dating this guy for a few weeks. He seems nice, interested in me, is honest but a few things are raising red flags

-we went to dinner last week and he "forgot" to leave a tip. As we were walking out i got up the guts to say i think we forgot the tip..he was like oh totally forgot and left 10 percent of the bill for a tip.

-he took me to a play tonight and only bought one playbill (they were on sale for a buck, proceeds to charity) and he didnt offer it to me, either.

-I bought him a bottle of water in the middle of the play because he mentioned he was thirsty. He never offered me a sip!

Am I being too hard on him or do these things stand out and show that he is not a generous person?

BTW, we are in our thirties. He has a job and a car.He is not poor.

[DN]

Who has paid out the most money on the dates you have shared together?

[ava_adore]

hmm he could just be forgetful, kinda scatterbrained. wait it out a bit more.

[Fukurokuju]

Definitely signs of cheapness I'd say. I don't know of anyone who forgets to leave a tip when eating out. And to only buy one ticket to something that costs A DOLLAR when you're with the person you're dating is also a red flag. By no means should it necessisarily be a deal-breaker, but you should take measures to protect yourself financially so you don't end up being the one paying for everything all the time.

[annie24]

is there a reason you need another playbill? i wouldn't buy one, just to save paper, not because i'm cheap. i usually throw away the playbill anyways.

 

i tip more usually, but i don't think that 10% is unacceptable. at least he left the tip.

 

if you wanted water, you could have asked him. i think he might be more scatterbrained than cheap.

[abitbroken]

There is a difference between frugal and cheap. Frugal is using coupons or not buying snacks at the movie theater and instead having dessert afterwards (a fraction of the price sometimes) or just enjoying the show.

 

I think forgetting a tip is permissible - it DOES happens if one is chatting away, but a 10% tip is cheap. Some people don't realize that folks work for tips as the main portion of their pay and assume that its a "bonus." I might kindly point out to him sometime in a gentle way - leave a few dollars yourself and say "i know you might not like to leave big tips, but since a lot of servers often only get paid $2.00 an hour and the rest in tips, I like to be generous," Or " my friend used to waitress and she only was paid in tips. Its a hard job so I like to be generous"

 

On the program, maybe he thought you were going to share. It would have been nice to ask, but unless your brother was in it or this was an experience of a lifetime I wouldn't blame him.

 

I would definitely pay attention to these things. if it is not something you can put up with, then don't bother with this guy. But who bought the tickets? If he bought the tickets, I wouldn't complain about not getting a playbill. If you went dutch, then maybe he assumed it was dutch then too.

 

Cheapness is not a "red flag." Heck, I am cheap. I buy party dresses from the thrift store. TREATMENT is a red flag.

[oldenoughtoknow]

-I couldn't imagine ever forgetting to leave a tip. If the service and food were absolutely horrible, I have no problem not leaving any tip at all (it happens about once a year). But to forget...no way. That's pretty weird.

-Did he pay for the play? I could easily see just buying one playbill. Sounds more scatterbrained than cheap. Did you ask to look at it?

-The water...eh. Maybe change scatterbrained to discourteous.

 

I wouldn't toss him out yet, but keep your eyes open.

[annie24]

I've not left a tip when the service is bad.

[hers]

as a server, i woudln't date a guy who thought that leaving 10% was ok. that to me says completely cheap, even if your service is bad. not leaving a tip or even a small one just makes the server think you were cheap. it's best to let the server or manager know when your service wasn't the best.

 

ok before i start a rant on tipping and take this off topic haha

 

i do think he sounds a little cheap, mostly b/c of the water and the tipping thing. the playbill thing, nah, i wouln't think anything of that, as they usually get thrown away anyway. but if someone bought me something, i'd offer them some. it's the nice thing to do.

[citymouse]

It wouldn't bother me if someone didn't offer me a sip of their drink. And I wouldn't care if my date only got one playbill. But "forgetting" to leave the tip or leaving an embarrassingly cheap tip would be a major dealbreaker for me. One strike you're out.

 

Unless you're dining at a super high-end restaurant, it doesn't cost much to leave a generous tip vs. a cheesy tip -- usually a few dollars' difference. It says a lot about a person when they would go so far as to leave an insulting tip to a waiter in order to save three or four dollars, for example.

[hexaemeron]

It wouldn't bother me if someone didn't offer me a sip of their drink. And I wouldn't care if my date only got one playbill. But "forgetting" to leave the tip or leaving an embarrassingly cheap tip would be a major dealbreaker for me. One strike you're out.

 

Unless you're dining at a super high-end restaurant, it doesn't cost much to leave a generous tip vs. a cheesy tip -- usually a few dollars' difference. That's inexcusable to me.

 

Who knew dating and felonious incarceration had so much in common?

[annie24]

lol, i know we've had tipping threads in the past. i do just feel like if i was totally ignored, she gave everyone else coffee except me, etc... when it's that bad, i don't leave a tip. i don't call over the manager and tell him that she sucked.

[Mauxly]

I agree that not leaving a tip, and then leaving a 10% tip when called out on it is a huge red flag.

[SpottiOtti]

He sounds kind of cheap because of the tip thing - come on, doesn't everybody know it's 20% these days? The other two things don't seem like that big of a deal to me. Since you bought the water, maybe he thought if you were thirsty too you would have just gotten one for yourself. And he maybe thought two playbills were unnecessary, and that if you wanted to see the playbill you would have asked.

[annie24]

Who has paid out the most money on the dates you have shared together?

 

i do agree with DN - if you noticed he did not leave the tip, you could have left one yourself. who pays for the dates?

[bebeblondie]

I would say he's frugal, except for the not leaving a tip thing. For me personally, whenever I get a bill at a restaurant I instinctively factor in the tip, it's just automatic in my head. Leaving a 10% tip gives off the impression that you are either unhappy with the service or are just cheap.

 

However in his defense, he does seem to be taking you out to dinners and plays so he's no that cheap to a point where it should be a dealbreaker.

 

As for the water thing, I wouldn't ask if you wanted a sip either, I don't drink from other people (even if I am dating them), so he might be a germiphobe like me lol.

[arcadefire]

Although I don't think all three of those things are out of the ordinary, but future treatment should be well noted. On the tip note, unless he paid in cash (which I don't), did you peer over his shoulder to see if he tipped on the receipt? (If that, then that's doubly rude!) If he did pay in cash and didn't leave a tip, then I would assume that it's not courteous. As for the playbill and water, I wouldn't think too hard on those.

 

See what occurs when there are future dates, birthdays, etc. One good way to test is to see how he acts in bars, does he offer to buy you drinks most of the time? That's generally what a guy should do in the first stages of dating, for sure.

[bar35]

I read through all the posts here and I still haven't seen a response to the question "Who has paid the most through all the dates?" Has he been paying for everything? Did he pay for dinner that night that he forgot the tip? Did you offer to pay the tip?

 

I sometimes like it when a woman I am with accepts me paying for dinner, but offers to pay the tip because when dinner is easily $100 paying a $20 tip is a nice gesture.

 

Did he pay for the play tickets? I don't want to be presumptuous here, but if he has been paying the big bills (tix, dinner etc...) these may not be signs that he is cheap, they may be signs that is suggesting that you chip in on the small things, because if you haven't picked up anything then he might be thinking that you are not contributing at all.

[DN]

Or it could be that, like a lot of people, money is somewhat short and he can't afford to be paying all the time so he has to be careful with the money he does have.

[BriarRose]

A 10% tip is pretty bad. He sounds like he maybe doesn't date much? The water bottle and playbill thing? I wouldn't rule him out - but a 10% tip is pretty bad, but maybe he doesn't know the etiquette for that? It's possible....

[bar35]

A 10% tip is terrible however we still haven't heard from original poster regarding her contributions.

 

Relationships don't occur in a vacuum.

[BriarRose]

He sounds like he doesn't get out much. I don't know that I would rule him out based on the things OP mentions.