Arranged marriage advice

[Belle]

This man was just using her as a temporary partner until he reached a point where his family insisted he marry (or he wanted to marry), and then he married someone else. He's proven very clearly that her feelings or life don't matter to him, but his own and his family's feelings do matter. That makes her a second class citizen from the get go, and who needs that kind of bad treatment?

 

Salient. You may be feeling sad about the loss now, but I hope you realize that you are better off in the long run. Unless you are used to feelng second class already.

[Sparkly Eyes]

Exactly. He chose not to be with you, and I hate to say it, but he USED YOU! He knew from the start that you would never be his wife, yet he chose to keep on seeing you, having sex with you...he even thinks that now he can still have sex with you!! Have some self respect, you don't need this guy as a friend.

 

 

 

 

Again I agree. It's really not all about "culture", but also about who he is.

[Hermes]

I knew as soon as he told me that I should have stopped seeing him then, and it was my decision to keep seeing him afterwards. I really regret it now though.

 

I think Erin seems to have a good idea of where she stands.

 

How in heaven's name would I suggest to the OP that she should become a second wife!!

I merely mentioned the fact, as it is a fact of Islam.

Mind you, should she make that decision it would be hers to make IMO. Good or bad, hers.

 

H

[petite]

I think Erin seems to have a good idea of where she stands.

 

How in heaven's name would I suggest to the OP that she should become a second wife!!

I merely mentioned the fact, as it is a fact of Islam.

Mind you, should she make that decision it would be hers to make IMO. Good or bad, hers.

 

H

 

Absolutely correct. As I said, that is what it sounded like and I corrected and made sure to say I didn't mean to offend you. There is no need to keep going on about it.

[Hermes]

There is no need to keep going on about it.

 

And there is no need for YOU to be offensive, my dear.

 

I was merely clarifying what I said.

 

Have a great day!

 

H

[avman]

Knock it off you two. Stick to the topic at hand and leave the personal vendettas on the playground please.

[petite]

And there is no need for YOU to be offensive, my dear.

 

I was merely clarifying what I said.

 

Have a great day!

 

H

 

I don't believe I was offensive when I said we didn't need to go on about it. We both clarified what each other said and moved on.

 

Erin, I have a question. How long were you with him and did he ever say he would marry you? I'm just trying to see if he ever gave you false hope for some sort of future together? It takes a strong person to not get angry over something like this.

[hater13]

Was he born or raised abroad?

 

I'm not muslim but I am indian and of a very similar cultural background. I was born and raised in north america, and to tell you the truth people in my generation do not have arranged marriages anymore. The parents understand that as well...it just doesn't happen.

 

Are you sure there isn't something else behind this?

 

mind you parents are only accepting of such unions if the person is of the same religious and cultural background as you...

[meanazy]

Hi Ms. Erin,

 

I saw your email cause i am now in the same situation on your post? may i know how are you now? its now 3 am here in middle east. i cant sleep i keep on crying my tears cant stop from falling. my boyfriend is leaving tomorrow to go back to their hometown , for enagagement or marriage i dont know cause we had a fight 2 days ago and i stop talking to him,maybe he got mad also to me, i am so scared he is leaving me he told me he will try to talk to his parents but everytime we talking about it he keeps on telling me that he knows his parents however since his mad because of ignoring him for 2 dayshe annouced to our office that he's getting married. its so painful i was there when he was so proud showing to all the picture of the girl. I love him so much but why he needs to do that- i am now holding and hugging my bible. im so down im so helpless... i am now in deepest sorrow i am now questioning myself did he really do love me? or he just used me as a meantime girlfriend. please give me your advice what to do. i dont know where to start . i don't know how to stand again. i love him so much in the point that i am still praying that hopefully he will be happy with that girl even it hurts me alot its okay, as long as he will be happy and me hopefully God will give me the strenght i am needing the most now. i need a hug i want to run i want to cry - he will be back for a month and when he return he is already taken i dont know how can i deal with it especially we are working together. please help me what to do. im so down its killing me

[meanazy]

Hi hermes,

 

i read your message, i am now in the same situation with ms. erin. by boyfriend left me because he will be in arrange marriage. howver before we start iur relationship i started being scared i told him i cant be with him as we know his culture, but he told me he can make the love marriage to arrange marriage but after months of being together when the time come and his parents is now asking him to marry someone he forgit what he told me, i know he has feelings fro me, he take good care of me thats why i did love him that much. but he told me that i should find someone who loves me more than i love the guy, in that somehwo he told me that i love him more than he do. its so painful that he did not fight for me, instead he left me just like that. i am broken into pieces i dont know where to start fixing myself. he is leaving tomorrow. i am now praying to God to help me to heal my heart cause i am totally in pain. Please give me advice what to do. thinking that he will be in some body elses heart is already killing me. please help me

[abitbroken]

Please start a new fresh thread. This thread is a couple years old and no one will see your post to start answering you. You will get better results from starting fresh on a new thread. Maybe an admin can assist you if you are not able to find how to do that.

[meanazy]

Every one of those is a slap in her face, and she can't ignore it. This man was just using her as a temporary partner until he reached a point where his family insisted he marry (or he wanted to marry), and then he married someone else. He's proven very clearly that her feelings or life don't matter to him, but his own and his family's feelings do matter. That makes her a second class citizen from the get go, and who needs that kind of bad treatment?

 

I am in the same situation of ms. erin when i saw your post i think that is also the reason of my boyfriend, im thinking maybe he just used me as his meantime girlfriend while his parents is not arranging anything yet...

 

its really so painful... i dont know how to move on i am 26 this is my first boyfriend i can really consider thats why i invest alot if feelings to him... but he did let me go to marry somebody else.

[meanazy]

thank you goodnight