He wants to have a baby with me as soon as possible but he works abroad and can't be with me everyda

[PrettyGood]

We both are 26 y.o. He's businessman, so he travels abroad a lot where he often live long. I'm just began my studies and finished only 1st year yet. Yes I began studying too late, but still. I don't have a job and I'm living with my parents. Soon I will have a flight abroad to visit my darling bf for a while.

 

He told me today that he wants to have a baby and that this idea is serious, because he loves me too much and he was thinking about it all his life. He earn a lot, so he can finance me and our baby. So he told me that he's not going to protect him while making love anymore. He told me that there is no right time to become ready as the present time. I want to finish my university and 4 years is left. He wants me to take a maternity holiday for a year and relocate to live with him abroad while our future baby will be 1 y.o. and that he must get a foreign nationality because a government will pay more than in my country for maternity.

 

I want this baby, but the biggest problem is that I don't have my personal space when I return to continue my studies with 1 y.o. baby and my parents don't want me to have a baby till I'm not finished university and living together with them. My bf can't return to my country, because he has a very good salary abroad to secure me and my future baby financialy. He say that his mother could help me to raise our baby at that time while I study. But she's from another town. And I'm afraid to be left alone with baby in my country. I mean while he's working abroad. What should I do?

[iBroken]

Uh - finish your education, then have a baby.

 

Once you have a baby, it will be much harder to go to school.

 

To be honest, something sounds fishy about this.....he has decided that he wants a baby so he is going to stop using protection? I hope regular STD checks will be done since he will be away abroad......he also seems very pushy about this subject

[savignon]

Follow your own heart and follow through on your own desire to finish school first. If he really loves you and wants a child with you, he'll still be around when you've accomplished what YOU want and not just what he wants.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

He sounds very very demanding without really caring about what you want. I would be very careful about this. I agree with your parents that it is better for you to finish your education and secure your future earning potential. I find it rather disturbing that he simply told you that he will no longer be using protection...it was like you have no choice in the matter. Is he generally this controlling in the relationship?

[sidehop]

That would be difficult, if he's abroad and you're raising the child alone while studying could put a lot of stress on you as well as the relationship. You're going to be exhausted, lose more sleep than ever and could jeopardize your grades quickly.

 

In a position where the father wouldn't be physically home everyday let alone living outside the country, there's a lot that can happen where you would have to do everything on your own. It just doesn't sound like a wise choice for the baby and the relationship. I'd feel the same way as your parents in this situation.

[DanDee]

I don't want to sound rude, but your partner does not seem respectful of you and your wishes in the slightest. Why is he so urgent for a child? Why not support you and your studies? I don't understand.

 

Maybe he's from a culture where women have the children young and don't bother with an education or the guy is the dominant partner. But if this is the case, you don't seem compatible. You need to do what is right for you.

[PrettyGood]

Well my birthday are coming on these days when I will go to visit him abroad. So he has mentioned that he drove to buy me a present and he needs his friends help to help him with this big surprise for my birthday. I'm afraid that he might bought an engagement ring. Because I knew that he liked babies, but he wasn't so pushy till these days. He told me once that when we're going to marry, we'll have a baby at that time. So I think that he planned this on my birthday. And if I say YES, then should I still finish my university first? I mean that I have already finished a secondary school (college) and how I'm going to get a high education at the university.

[sidehop]

I would...honestly education is investing in your future as much as the wedding would be wonderful, it's something that can always be done at a later date.

 

I wonder why he's in such rush though with the baby situation. Does he really understand how it's going to impact you if you were to finish school and you did get pregnant? And what if it were twins? There's always a possibility especially if it runs in the family.

[RedDress]

Ok. I'm glad you are talking about marriage now... that makes things a little bit better.

 

First - I wouldn't stop using protection/try for a baby until you are married. Especially if you are going to take a huge financial risk like not finishing your education. If YOU are taking that financial risk for HIM, HE should be taking that financial risk too (by getting married), IMO.

 

Once you are married... well... it's a different decision. Have a baby right away or finish your education. I don't think either decision is right or wrong. It's nice to have a child while you are younger, but it's easier to have an education first. If you have confidence in the 'forever' aspect of your marriage and you want a child young, I don't see anything wrong with that, honestly.

 

I think that it's decision that you should be making together. Not one that he is telling you. I also suspect that English isn't your first language, though... so... maybe he's not telling you what to do, anyways.

[annie24]

no offense, but do you really think that any of this is a good idea? having a baby with a guy who is out of the country, you are living with your parents, doing your education???? why would you bring a baby up when you aren't in any way ready to be a parent, you aren't married or living with your boyfriend, and he works abroad? it just sounds awful and stressful.

 

here is my advice - finish your education, keep dating your boyfriend, move in together, get married, and raise your child together. i don't see any rush to do this now, it sounds impractical at best.

[_Asti_]

This man has no respect for you, no offence. He isn't taking into consideration anything you want. And really, you are the one who will be alone, who has to give up pursuing education, I would just be so put off with a man who doesn't care what I want.

 

Do what you want, finish your education.

 

This all seems so rushed and urgent on his part. I would be worried that he's planning on marrying so that you have to have a child. And from your previous posts, this is a fairly new relationship. Does he want a partner? Or someone to provide him with children? Do you not find his behaviour a little off, urgent and rushed?

 

 

This is mutual decision. But yet it seems he's telling you, where is your opinion? What does he say when you tell him what you want?

[Hope75]

I agree with Annie, what's your rush?

 

Why not wait until you are actually done with your studies, living with him, married, and can go through this together?

 

His 'idea' doesn't sound very well thought out at all.

[abitbroken]

You make him wear that condom no matter what happens. And I would go as far as to purchase, supply and control the condoms so you know they have not been tampered with (no hole poked through the wrapper) and even back yourself up with spermicidal foam. I might even go as far as to say no sex for awhile.

 

What country is he in where he cannot return to yours? He may love you but it sounds almost like a scam. If he truly loves you, he would make an effort to be near you now. Even if a secure job, he can make efforts to find something. If you are form the USA, is he just trying to ensure his baby is an American citizen? If you are from here or somewhere else - are you sure that he doesn't have a wife somewhere? Or another girl.

If he means that you stay behind and never come to his country and have his mom help - he is passing the buck to her. And won't know his child. A man who really wants children wants to be near them - not contribute sperm only. If he means for you to join him in his country, you lose your whole support system.

 

I have no problem with a couple deciding that they will have a child while someone is in school, especially when the couple is not 19 years old. Its not alarming. As long as its a mutual decision and the other spouse is present and accounted for. I have seen it work well for folks. It may require a semester off near the birth, or planning for the baby to come in the summer, but I have seen gals finish college in a reasonable amount of time - maybe an extra year, but some have finished on time with a supportive spouse - or they finish on time by taking 1-2 classes in the summer and have a lighter load when they need it. But that is if he was able to be an equal contributor emotionally and I don't think so

 

I would tell him that you don't want a baby until after you are married and secure in your schooling, and really examine in your mind if this is the man you'd want to marry if he asked you. You can love a man, but for a partner in life, is he well matched to you, or will it be a long distance relationship? If he wants to have a baby without being married first, even if that woman isn't you, then it sounds fishy