joiboi Posted April 9, 2010 Share Posted April 9, 2010 The girl Im dating of four months said to me yesterday that she loves me. I told her I wasn't ready to say I love you but see my self saying it in the future. She was very hurt and disappointed. She said we are through but wasn't sure she meant it. I took the day off from work today to spend time with her. Then I get a text early morning saying she doesn't know if she can face me today. We had a fun night yesterday but ended bad. We had some drinks before she told me all this. I haven't talked her since last night. It weird cuz we always text during the day. I'm stuck and I don't know what to do. Do I leave the ball in her court and wait for her call? It's not that I don't want to love her. It's just I'm still in the process of falling in love. Err I'm so stuck and don't know to do. Please give me some advice. Thanks so much Link to comment
annie24 Posted April 9, 2010 Share Posted April 9, 2010 do you want to keep dating her? do you possibly see a future with her (even though, it's too early to tell)? Link to comment
guynextdoor Posted April 9, 2010 Share Posted April 9, 2010 If you are not ready to say that you love her back then she has to accept that. She can't force it out of you, especially its been only 4months. Link to comment
JAZZROCK Posted April 9, 2010 Share Posted April 9, 2010 Tell her you love her when you are ready... But now tell her you like her alot... Link to comment
FathomFear Posted April 9, 2010 Share Posted April 9, 2010 Four months isn't a lot of time. I wouldn't beat yourself up for not wanting to use those words. She's essentially giving you a hard time for not being at that point yet. That's a red flag, IMO. Link to comment
shessofly Posted April 9, 2010 Share Posted April 9, 2010 It's not right to assume that just because you have fallen in love with someone so quickly they will feel the same. Say it if you mean it, and expect nothing in return. Now if it's been a year and you still can't say it, you've got problems. Ask her why she is reacting this way. Let her know there's nothing for her to be ashamed of or feel bad about. You're getting there at your own pace. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted April 9, 2010 Share Posted April 9, 2010 Well, if I was her, I would feel awkward too. It doesn't mean that you have to be ready. But just understand that she went out on a big limb. Maybe give her some encouraging words i.e. that you are proud of he for going out on a limb, etc, and positive things like that. Try to encourage her that it isn't a rejection on your part. Tell her you care a great deal for her, and for some people it is a scary thing to say "i love you" and you will say it when the time is right for you. Link to comment
In the Dark Posted April 9, 2010 Share Posted April 9, 2010 She has problems. The three words "I Love You" in the situation you were in can NOT be thrown around or said with fear and uncertainty. It needs to be said when you know you can. I have never been the one able to say "I Love You" first. I have only once said it at the same time as I could just tell....somehow and I did feel the same. For me.....when I say those three words....I am leaving myself open to them and trusting them from there on out. So when they do anything which hurts the relationship it hurts me real bad. If I don't say it, I don't feel the pain anywhere near as much regardless of the months I had been with them. Sort of like an oath in a way to have them be completely in touch with my emotions. Link to comment
jul-els Posted April 9, 2010 Share Posted April 9, 2010 When someone says that it should be of their own free will, not with an expectation of hearing it back. You can't say something that you don't feel comfortable with and she should have known that before she said it. If she wants to end it over this, I think you're much better off, to be honest. Link to comment
joiboi Posted April 9, 2010 Author Share Posted April 9, 2010 Should I contact her or just wait? I really don't know what to do........ Link to comment
G-Snap Posted April 9, 2010 Share Posted April 9, 2010 I think this suggests she might have a controlling personality. Its almost as if she is trying to bully you into submission by breaking it off. Not sure what she hopes to gain, if you say you love her now, she should know it is for appeasement. Four months isn't terribly long. As someone else said she should not expect that because she has fallen in love already, that you have. And to be honest, some people say it when they don't even know if its real or true. She might not even know for sure if what she feels is truly love or a strong fondness. I have girlfriends who will tell every guy they date they love them within three or four months when others on the outside think its way too soon based on observations. My guard with be up with her after that kind of tantrum over not hearing what she wanted. If it were me, I would let her be the one to contact me. She is treating you like you did something heinous or cruel to her. You just told her you weren't ready to say i love you yet, but could feel it happening soon. She is treating you like you lied to her or kicked her dog or something. Link to comment
In the Dark Posted April 9, 2010 Share Posted April 9, 2010 ^That is so true! Never thought of it in that way after all these years -_- Take away what you hold dear then you will say anything to get it back..... That's happened to me a fair few times. Manipulation whether they are wrong or right.... Link to comment
annie24 Posted April 9, 2010 Share Posted April 9, 2010 Should I contact her or just wait? I really don't know what to do........ do you want to date her? do you see a future with her? like i said before. if she really isn't the kind of woman you would like to settle down with, then i'd just forget about her. but if she is a woman you like and connect with and you think within the next year you could "fall" in love with her, then i'd call her and explain that you just weren't ready to say the words, but you do care for her. i'm also in the camp that at 4 months, it's infatuation. i think it takes a year to really get to know someone well enough to love them, warts and all. Link to comment
Iakasot Posted April 9, 2010 Share Posted April 9, 2010 I've been in the exaact same situation. She said "I love you", I replied with "I really like you, and I could see myself saying I love you in the future, but I haven't gone that far yet and wasn't as fast with my emotions". She would have none of it and got angry. I got angry back, saying I liked her a lot, and it's a positive thing that she's reacting negatively to, and a lot of people would be happy to have what she has. Then I said if it was really love she felt, then she wouldn't react so negatively and would accept me for who I am, and that I was accepting of her and her mood swings or whatever from just liking her and that it's not fair to me that she's being like this. Becoming nicer to her to overcompensate was a huge mistake, because she became colder the nicer I got. This lasted for about a week and I dumped her saying "with a lover like her, who needs a hater?", and then said that I should've known because her other relationships were short and she got bored with guys easily, and just obviously emotionally withdrew and started waiting for me to dump her so I look like the bad guy. Really seems like my "like" meant more than her "love", doesn't it? That's why I think people shouldn't just throw the words "I love you" around, it's a disgrace to real love. Link to comment
G-Snap Posted April 9, 2010 Share Posted April 9, 2010 Really seems like my "like" meant more than her "love", doesn't it? That's why I think people shouldn't just throw the words "I love you" around, it's a disgrace to real love. TOtally AGREE with you. And I seriously doubt she even "loves" him after four months. It isnt impossible, but it is difficult to know the full and true person in that amount of time. Sure you can be VERY infatuated and like the heck out of someone in four months, but considering her reaction to him and it being only four months I doubt it is love. Like you said, if it was love, how can they react so negatively to the responses you and Shutter gave? That isn't loving someone, to get angry that you were unable to control their response and/or feelings. Its very immature and suggests they don't even know what love really is. Link to comment
teabee Posted April 10, 2010 Share Posted April 10, 2010 When someone says that it should be of their own free will, not with an expectation of hearing it back. You can't say something that you don't feel comfortable with and she should have known that before she said it. If she wants to end it over this, I think you're much better off, to be honest. Yes, you did nothing wrong and while I understand that her basic reaction was to feel hurt, she should accept that you don't feel ready to say it back. In the beginning stages of the relationship with my boyfriend, even though he had already said "I love you," first, he didn't say it back every time I'd say it to him. He would express his appreciation that I was saying it, and it didn't offend me that he wasn't saying it back every time. Saying "I love you" shouldn't be an obligation. Link to comment
Mindelani Posted April 14, 2010 Share Posted April 14, 2010 You've done nothing wrong and it's unreasonable of her to be angry at you. Of course it's upsetting when you say I love you and the other person doesn't say it back, but you even explained that you do care about her, you just don't love her yet. I'm assuming that you do still want a relationship with her, and so I would contact her and just reinforce that do you care, and you don't want things to end between the two of you. Link to comment
Weirdmartian Posted April 14, 2010 Share Posted April 14, 2010 Good for you bro!!!! Stay true to your feelings, and don't sell out cause your girl starts crying. That's what I did. Big mistake. Don't contact her. Let her simmer in her own fat. This girl got mad, it's because she feels bad and want you to feel worse. Don't do it. leave her alone. She's not going to stop thinking about you for the next 2 months, I promise. She'll eventually get a hold of you and accept the situation. And being more in love with you than ever for not saying "I love you" when you didn't feel like it. Link to comment
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