how many girls is too many?

[sweetharmony]

I recently met a guy that I kind of like...but red flags are coming up. He's a wall street guy, but his persona suggests more sensitive and beta type who's trying too hard to fit into a lifestyle he's not cut out for.

 

however, he just told me that he has had sex with abt 60 women and he's only 35 yrs old! I was mortified at this number. First of all, why would he even tell me such a number when it is not bragging to a woman?! He says that he enjoys sex but when he is in a committed relationship, he is monogamous. I still find this unbelievable. He says he enjoys sex and he never lies to get a woman in bed or promises them anything, he says they are willing, etc..even still... it raises concerns about 1. his discretion 2. that he is highly insecure (either overconfidence or b/c he was insecure as a child. 3. irresponsibility in a world of stds, etc.

 

I am ready to end it right now b/c I can't even imagine sleeping with him. However, I wanted to know if this is a reasonable number for men at this age? i doubt it.

 

I told this guy I don't sleep with anyone unless I'm in a rel. usually at least 3 months and he's still interested. Is it possible for a guy like this to commit and stay monogamous or will he be just another tiger woods?

 

 

I think i know the answer but wanted other input.

[Fudgie]

Whoa, that is a lot.

 

Honestly, different people are going to tell you different numbers are "normal" or not. But it doesn't matter. How do YOU feel about it? That's the question that matters.

 

If you're freaked out by the number and are "ready to end it now", then it may be good to do that. It sounds like the seeds of doubt about him are already starting to settle in you, and it sounds like if you do stick with him, you'll always be worrying about him cheating because of that high number.

 

Oh, and let's not even talk about STDs.

 

Just do what makes you feel comfortable. If you're not okay with that number now, then I doubt you ever will be, and you know what? That's okay.

[arcadefire]

I think 60 is a high number too. And I would feel uncomfortable dating someone who told me that. Just be glad he was truthful to you and didn't lie that he slept with 10 women or so.

[Sanesoul]

My only advice...get STD testing before sleeping with this guy.

[Fudgie]

I'm sorry, but I would suggest not sleeping with this guy at all.

 

60 is just too high...forget morals/conservative values, I'm looking at this from a purely medical perspective. You have no idea what was unprotected or not. Personally, I think it's way too risky.

[Seymore]

Wow...and when a guy posts about a girl's number he gets "What does it matter?" Switch genders and "What does it matter" becomes "Wow, that's a lot"...

 

...not that I don't think 60 is high, but the double standard is obvious here.

[cazmoore]

Definitely have him get STD checked, he's a high risk for carrying HPV. Yikes.... and don't they say that it's better to keep your mouth shut about the number of people you slept with? If he gets checked for STI's and comes back clean... I don't think the number really matters. He could have slept with 4 women and he'd find out he had HIV when getting checked.

[Fudgie]

Wow...and when a guy posts about a girl's number he gets "What does it matter?" Switch genders and "What does it matter" becomes "Wow, that's a lot"...

 

...not that I don't think 60 is high, but the double standard is obvious here.

 

Well I'm new here so I don't quite know what you're talking about the double standards. I thought it was common sense to be concerned about BOTH genders.

 

I'd be concerned for a guy if he was about to sleep with a girl who had slept around a lot instead. STDs can go both ways. WAYYY too many times for a guy can mean he's a player, and WAYYY too many times for a girl can mean she's a * * * * . Easy.

[Seymore]

Well I'm new here so I don't quite know what you're talking about the double standards. I thought it was common sense to be concerned about BOTH genders.

 

I'd be concerned for a guy if he was about to sleep with a girl who had slept around a lot instead. STDs can go both ways. WAYYY too many times for a guy can mean he's a player, and WAYYY too many times for a girl can mean she's a * * * * . Easy.

 

I know you're new here, I wasn't necessarily taking a shot at you (as I said, I agree with you, in fact), but every few weeks a guy will ask this question and get "She's with YOU now, her past doesn't matter", and sometimes it'll get nasty and someone might say "Maybe you ought to get off your high horse and find a virgin"...exaggerating a bit, but it gets heated sometimes.

[Fudgie]

Yeah I knew you weren't taking a shot at me or anything Just trying to clarify.

 

That sucks that there's that double standard, but it's kind of odd when you think about it really...in the not-so-distance past, weren't men supposed to "get around" a lot and would end up marrying virgins? So thus, it shouldn't matter to the women if the guy was a player, but if the women slept around a bit....OH NO!!!

 

That's pretty crazy.

[Sparkly Eyes]

it would bother me for sure and I would be scared to have unprotected sex with him ever...Even if his test come clean for most stds, there is no hpv test for men, so I could never be sure if he is clean.

 

He might be a relationship guy or not. Personally I think guys with higher numbers are less likely to commit, at least this is what their past shows!

[JonasWaingaro]

My only advice...get STD testing before sleeping with this guy.

 

I was gonna suggest not being good old number 61 on his way to 100.

[Go Habs Go]

it would bother me for sure and I would be scared to have unprotected sex with him ever...Even if his test come clean for most stds, there is no hpv test for men, so I could never be sure if he is clean.

 

He might be a relationship guy or not. Personally I think guys with higher numbers are less likely to commit, at least this is what their past shows!

 

 

Most people have HPV. I think 90% of those over 30 have it or something like that. Just about everyone has HSV-1 as well.

[Sparkly Eyes]

Most people have HPV. I think 90% of those over 30 have it or something like that. Just about everyone has HSV-1 as well.

 

HPV have many many strands. Some can cause cancer or warts, not all people have those.

[Go Habs Go]

HPV have many many strands. Some can cause cancer or warts, not all people have those.

 

 

There's like 130 strains. The majority are harmless, but there's no way of knowing which strain the person has unless you see the warts yourself.

[annie24]

well, let's break it down - let's assume that he started having sex at 20 years old. that's an average of 4 women a year. is that too much for you?

 

i agree, if you do decide to be with him, get an STD test. Actually, that is good advice even if he's only had 1 sex partner.

[Rangafro]

In itself, 60 doesn't mean much as a statistic. You don't know what kinds relationships he was having with these people, if there was a relationship at all.

 

To assume he is insecure for simply mentioning this is quite absurd. If he was mentioning to other guys - perhaps - but many guys know that this sort of thing is often a turn-off for women. He is simply being upfront, better this than hiding his sexual history from you entirely.

 

You can always test for STDs. Once now, and once at three months when you are ready.

[Is]

60 JESUS! I never met anyone had 60 woman before.

[Go Habs Go]

In itself, 60 doesn't mean much as a statistic. You don't know what kinds relationships he was having with these people, if there was a relationship at all.

 

To assume he is insecure for simply mentioning this is quite absurd. If he was mentioning to other guys - perhaps - but many guys know that this sort of thing is often a turn-off for women. He is simply being upfront, better this than hiding his sexual history from you entirely.

 

You can always test for STDs. Once now, and once at three months when you are ready.

 

 

I think it's pretty safe to say they weren't all in relationships. At that number, he clearly takes sex lightly. I'm willing to bet a significant number of those were hook ups and one night stands.

[rosephase]

Ha! I was thinking it means he's probably pretty good in bed. I really don't care about the number. And I feel like we should be able to talk about our sexual histories with our friends and romantic partners.

 

I think sex is a good thing and short of STDs I don't think there is anything negative about having sex with lots of people. As long as everyone is having a good time sex is a good thing.

 

One of my ex boyfriends is 33 and he had a pretty large number all it says about him is how good he is at getting people to sleep with him.

[annie24]

60 JESUS! I never met anyone had 60 woman before.

 

you are 19 though. over the years, a few here, a few there, it adds up!

[Is]

Is being that promiscuous even a good thing?

[Go Habs Go]

Is being that promiscuous even a good thing?

 

 

These days, it appears to be.

[Is]

These days, it appears to be.

 

I can not see how sex with many different woman be a good thing. Hell even there a limit to bragging rights.

[Go Habs Go]

I can not see how sex with many different woman be a good thing. Hell even there a limit to bragging rights.

 

 

Because most want the experienced one over the virgin. So there's more pressure to sleep around. If a guy has been around and is seen in the company of women, he becomes more attractive. Social proof.