how many girls is too many?

[Go Habs Go]

That's not due to the man's experience though, that's some other personality flaw.

 

 

Yes it is. That's half of it, the other half being the fact she is attracted to promiscuous men.

[Cognitive_Canine]

Yes it is. That's half of it, the other half being the fact she is attracted to promiscuous men.

 

You say that all men who are promiscuous are like this, yet I have many examples of friends who are not like this. You can not speak in absolutes.

 

Large numbers do not mean noncommittal. There is far more at play than just a man's number.

[Jpo]

You guys, seriously, this is exactly why I refuse to talk about my past with people I date. Nothing good comes of it.

[Go Habs Go]

Large numbers do not mean noncommittal. There is far more at play than just a man's number.

 

 

It may not mean noncommittal, but you can't rely on them either. They take sex lightly and place a high value on it. Number of sexual partners(men and women alike) give us good insight on one's character. Those that sleep with huge amounts generally lack it.

[Sparkly Eyes]

That's not due to the man's experience though, that's some other personality flaw.

 

Having a lot of partners does not mean that they have loose values or are not looking for a serious relationship. I have guy friends who have had many partners and a few even threesomes. However, once they get into a relationship, they are in it for good. They are capable of loving, caring sex. When they are not, they have different standards for themselves.

 

How do you define loose values tho? having lots and lots of partners to me means that the guy has not been picky. I'm extremely picky myself so I can't imagine being with a guy who would sleep with whatever woman who hits on him. I'm not saying he is a bad person for that or anything, but he would not be the right guy for me.

 

Again I agree that it doesn't mean that they are not capble of having loving sex. But how likely is it that they commit to a serious relationship ? I happen to think (and I have some evidence to back it up) that they are less likely to want to commit for a long time and much less likely to see sex as something more than just a physical act.

[Go Habs Go]

You guys, seriously, this is exactly why I refuse to talk about my past with people I date. Nothing good comes of it.

 

 

The truth always comes out at some point. When female friends of mine sleep around, I tell them the truth will come out, whether they leak it accidently or their SO finds out through someone else. When you're in a committed relationship(especially engagement/marriage), hiding things never ends with a good outcome.

[Cognitive_Canine]

You guys, seriously, this is exactly why I refuse to talk about my past with people I date. Nothing good comes of it.

 

To some people, no number is a good number. Virgin is bad, too many is bad. Oh well, can't please everyone.

 

Honestly, I'll be ticked off if anyone judges me for my past in the future. I have no regrets nor qualms with it. I don't need someone psychoanalyzing by the number of men I've enjoyed the company of.

[Cognitive_Canine]

It may not mean noncommittal, but you can't rely on them either. They take sex lightly and place a high value on it. Number of sexual partners(men and women alike) give us good insight on one's character. Those that sleep with huge amounts generally lack it.

 

You can have different attitudes about sex like you have different attitudes about relationships.

 

Say you are in a summer fling. You are capable of committing and being serious, but that's not what the relationship is about. Some girls you really want to have a serious relationship with, some just for fun dates. Sex can change meaning depending on who you are sharing it with.

[Jpo]

How do you define loose values tho? having lots and lots of partners to me means that the guy has not been picky. I'm extremely picky myself so I can't imagine being with a guy who would sleep with whatever woman who hits on him. I'm not saying he is a bad person for that or anything, but he would not be the right guy for me.

 

Again I agree that it doesn't mean that they are not capble of having loving sex. But how likely is it that they commit to a serious relationship ? I happen to think (and I have some evidence to back it up) that they are less likely to want to commit for a long time and much less likely to see sex as something more than just a physical act.

 

How do you know that he isn't just as "picky" as you, but because he is such a charmer, he has had more opportunity to be with people he deems worthy?

 

Someone who has had sex with one person could have extremely loose values, but has not had the opportunity to sleep with many people.

 

There are so much more things that go into play here than just this. It is not two dimensional.

[Cognitive_Canine]

How do you define loose values tho? having lots and lots of partners to me means that the guy has not been picky. I'm extremely picky myself so I can't imagine being with a guy who would sleep with whatever woman who hits on him. I'm not saying he is a bad person for that or anything, but he would not be the right guy for me.

 

Again I agree that it doesn't mean that they are not capble of having loving sex. But how likely is it that they commit to a serious relationship ? I happen to think (and I have some evidence to back it up) that they are less likely to want to commit for a long time and much less likely to see sex as something more than just a physical act.

 

He's not picky about who he sleeps with. But, he could still be picky about who he dates. Which, really, is a lot more important.

 

I just want to know 'are you clean', what else really matters? You can use numbers to analyze a person. But, it's far more accurate and less judgmental to actually listen and observe the persons words and actions and then derive if you are compatible from that.

[Sparkly Eyes]

You can have different attitudes about sex like you have different attitudes about relationships.

 

Say you are in a summer fling. You are capable of committing and being serious, but that's not what the relationship is about. Some girls you really want to have a serious relationship with, some just for fun dates. Sex can change meaning depending on who you are sharing it with.

 

Altho I agree with it, I've actually had discussion about this with several player type men. They all told me they see it purely as a physical act and although love can make it better, it doesn't really make a huge difference or anything.

[itsallgrand]

I just go by what doesn't make me uncomfortable. And honestly, the experience of 60 women by the age of 35 would make me uncomfortable. For my own reasons.

 

So yeah you already know the answer: it depends on how you feel about it, which seems pretty clear.

 

I just think there is no point walking into a relationship feeling uncomfortable and concerned from the get-go. It doesn't mean anything about the other person - but if you know you are going to be bringing a scratch against this guy from the beginning over something he can't control now (his past), it's better to just admit that to oneself and find someone else.

[Is]

You guys, seriously, this is exactly why I refuse to talk about my past with people I date. Nothing good comes of it.

 

If you have done something terrible in the past, it might come back at you in the future. Don't everyone somehow have to pay for their mistakes one way or another?

[Cognitive_Canine]

If you have done something terrible in the past, it might come back at you in the future. Don't everyone somehow have to pay for their mistakes one way or another?

 

What if that person doesn't consider anything in their past a 'mistake'?

[Jpo]

If you have done something terrible in the past, it might come back at you in the future. Don't everyone somehow have to pay for their mistakes one way or another?

 

I don't lie about it. I just tell them I don't talk about it. If they aren't cool with that, they can leave. They are who they are when I meet them and I am who I am when they meet me, we both get fresh starts. I don't see why I need to discuss past mistakes, unless they involve them (like I have herpes). Otherwise it is my business. I'm sure they have their fair share of mistakes as well and I have no interest in them.

[Is]

What if that person doesn't consider anything in their past a 'mistake'?

 

Well it depends on the eyes of those around him/her. If others view it as a mistake, like saying sex with other 60 woman. His punishment would be potential woman avoids him.

[Sparkly Eyes]

How do you know that he isn't just as "picky" as you, but because he is such a charmer, he has had more opportunity to be with people he deems worthy?

 

If it was because he was actually a great charmer and got great women to be with him, then it might make a difference. But more often that not, its not true.

 

He's not picky about who he sleeps with. But, he could still be picky about who he dates. Which, really, is a lot more important.

 

I'd rather be with someone who is somewhat picky on who he sleeps with. each to his own I guess.

 

and I agree with the other poster. There is no reason to enter a relationship when you are not comfortable with the guy from the start.

[Cognitive_Canine]

If the OP feels uncomfortable and doesn't feel like she can get around this, I also agree that it's not worth pursuing. She most likely will not change how she feels and it's a bad way to start a relationship.

[Is]

I believe that people should not persuade her to change her values, if you can't get around the fact that he slept with 60 other people, then you will seek another.

[CaliDreaming89]

I think its normal if a man is single and attractive 2 have lots of partners, who knows, the majority of those women could have been slept with when he was in his teen years, i no guys who have had 22 partners and there only 20yrs!...Wat is a lil alarming and really immature is the fact that he told you the # when u didnt even ask...Sounds like he's proud of it...Most of those women were probably "easy" and if you make this guy wait like you say u are, ur gonna stand out from the rest and he may even respect you more 4 that, guys always love a chase....

But its really up 2 u, jus give it some time and dont hop in the sheets until u no wat this dude is all about, make him work 4 u hun

[Jpo]

Haha, yeah. I wouldn't worry about him. Do what you feel is right OP, I'm sure he will have no trouble finding a 61st.

 

And I don't think anyone is trying to "change her values", just make sure that she has thought them through. Giving her different angles on the matter.

[Cognitive_Canine]

Not trying to change her values as much as make sure she doesn't miss out on a great relationship just because of assumptions about his character.

[whattodo87]

That is a lot!

[greywolf]

Altho I agree with it, I've actually had discussion about this with several player type men. They all told me they see it purely as a physical act and although love can make it better, it doesn't really make a huge difference or anything.

 

Even if people view sex as a purely physical act, it doesn't mean they can't be in a monogamous relationship.

 

I believe that people should not persuade her to change her values, if you can't get around the fact that he slept with 60 other people, then you will seek another.

 

I don't think anybody is trying to persuade her, but she asked our opinion and we gave it.

[Sparkly Eyes]

Even if people view sex as a purely physical act, it doesn't mean they can't be in a monogamous relationship.

 

well, I was replying to another poster who said sex can change meaning depending on the person.

 

I don't deny that some people are able to differentiate between loving sex and casual sex and I'm not even against casual sex, But I think too much of it can numb a person's feelings.