how many girls is too many?

[Rangafro]

That's probably the case, but 60 is a sign that the person takes sex lightly.

 

A sign is not conclusive, that's the problem. People can also change, and too often do people who genuinely want a serious relationship later in life get stigmatised because of choices they made in the past.

[Jpo]

And why is that?

 

Because a lot of women, at least in my age range have no interest in sleeping with a virgin. In fact, I think they expect them to have a certain amount of experience, a sweet spot if you will. I would say around 4-6 girls by my age.

 

This is true of every real life girl I have talked to about it and every girl I have slept with. None of them want to sleep with virgins and all want a guy who knows what he is doing. In fact, I have been asked multiple times on a first date if I was a virgin (I guess I give off that vibe lol) and they said if I told them I was, they wouldn't go on a second date.

[Sparkly Eyes]

A sign is not conclusive, that's the problem. People can also change, and too often do people who genuinely want a serious relationship later in life get stigmatised because of choices they made in the past.

 

It sure doesn't seem like he changed if he bragged about it on his first few dates.

[Go Habs Go]

A sign is not conclusive, that's the problem. People can also change, and too often do people who genuinely want a serious relationship later in life get stigmatised because of choices they made in the past.

 

 

People can certainly change. Do they? Usually not. You have to want to change. Most criminals once released from prison eventually end up back there. Most people that sleep around continue to do so. Most people that cheat continue to do so.

 

Can an individual change their ways? Absolutely. But there's an old saying: "The best way to predict future behavior is past behavior". The reason for that is because people generally don't change. Personalities are set at a young age.

[Go Habs Go]

Because a lot of women, at least in my age range have no interest in sleeping with a virgin. In fact, I think they expect them to have a certain amount of experience, a sweet spot if you will. I would say around 4-6 girls by my age.

 

This is true of every real life girl I have talked to about it and every girl I have slept with. None of them want to sleep with virgins and all want a guy who knows what he is doing. In fact, I have been asked multiple times on a first date if I was a virgin (I guess I give off that vibe lol) and they said if I told them I was, they wouldn't go on a second date.

 

 

Thank you, you just proved my point. Virginity in general is treated like a plague, but as for social status, it's far worse to be a male virgin than a female virgin.

[Sparkly Eyes]

 

 

And why is that?

 

different reasons. A guy who has had no experience might get the "other side's grass is greener" syndrom or he might not know about women much.

But that also doesn't mean that high number of partners is more attractive to women. Me and women I know like the happy medium, a guy who knows what he is doing and at the same time has some self control and doesn't chase club girls around.

 

 

People can certainly change. Do they? Usually not. You have to want to change. Most criminals once released from prison eventually end up back there. Most people that sleep around continue to do so. Most people that cheat continue to do so.

 

Can an individual change their ways? Absolutely. But there's an old saying: "The best way to predict future behavior is past behavior". The reason for that is because people generally don't change. Personalities are set at a young age.

 

very good post.

[Sparkly Eyes]

I like to add that I even know women that like virgin guys or guys with very little experience, I dunno why but I think it turns them on to be their teacher, it also makes them feel special!

[Go Habs Go]

different reasons. A guy who has had no experience might get the "other side's grass is greener" syndrom or he might not know about women much.

But that also doesn't mean that high number of partners is more attractive to women. Me and women I know like the happy medium, a guy who knows what he is doing and at the same time has some self control and doesn't chase club girls around.

 

 

Somebody has to be sleeping with these players. If it wasn't attractive, they wouldn't have such a high number of partners.

[Mercurial Girl]

If it makes you feel any better, my boyfriend was 25 when we met and had bagged about 92 women. He was well known for his...promiscuous ways. He's a charmer...but point is he went through a few phases, and eventually realized it didn't feel good to have sex with random strangers anymore. Slow learner I guess, jk!

 

It was a little off putting at first but as long as you're both clean, how much does his past *really* matter? It is, after all, his past.

 

60 women at the age of 35 seems like peanuts compared to my boyfriend

[Rangafro]

People can certainly change. Do they? Usually not. You have to want to change. Most criminals once released from prison eventually end up back there. Most people that sleep around continue to do so. Most people that cheat continue to do so.

 

Can an individual change their ways? Absolutely. But there's an old saying: "The best way to predict future behavior is past behavior". The reason for that is because people generally don't change. Personalities are set at a young age.

 

Usually this, generally that. More weasel words to justify yourself. I should have expected as such by now. I hoped that being on lower end of the quantity scale of you might have some kind of understanding of unjustified prejudice, but I suppose not. People are certainly not going to change if you don't even give them the chance.

 

It sure doesn't seem like he changed if he bragged about it on his first few dates.

 

I already addressed this point.

[Sparkly Eyes]

Somebody has to be sleeping with these players. If it wasn't attractive, they wouldn't have such a high number of partners.

 

Sure, many do. Many girls out there are promiscuous too. I'm not, nor are my friends, so our opinion might be different!

 

I already addressed this point.

 

Most people don't talk about things they are not proud of on their first dates. Maybe he said it to be honest, but it doesn't seem like he wants to change his ways, as he doesn't seem to see anything wrong with it.

[Go Habs Go]

Usually this, generally that. More weasel words to justify yourself. I should have expected as such by now. I hoped that being on lower end of the quantity scale of you might have some kind of understanding of unjustified prejudice, but I suppose not. People are certainly not going to change if you don't even give them the chance.

 

 

I certainly understand the unjustified prejudice. But, it doesn't mean I'm going to ignore reality either. There was nothing inaccurate with what I said. People usually don't change, because you have to want to and as humans, we don't want to admit our faults.

 

The reason people don't expect others to change because in most cases, the person doesn't. Like I said before, the majority of cons end up back in the slammer. Most cheaters will continue to cheat. There is evidence to support that people usually don't change. You have to show you've changed by actions. Saying you sowed your wild oats or attending counseling doesn't mean you've changed.

[Go Habs Go]

Sure, many do. Many girls out there are promiscuous too. I'm not, nor are my friends, so our opinion might be different!

 

 

I'm not promiscuous either, but humans have developed an "instant satisfaction" mentality over the years. This doesn't apply to everyone obviously, but you have people that sleep around, are obsessed with money, and want satisfaction in any way possible. We live in a very materialistic world today.

[Is]

A sign is not conclusive, that's the problem. People can also change, and too often do people who genuinely want a serious relationship later in life get stigmatised because of choices they made in the past.

 

Most people are not willing to change. Why would he change? If he has been pleasured by 60 different woman why would he give up the pleasure? If he would have changed, HE WOULD HAVE CHANGED BEFORE. He even bragged about being with 60 different woman.

 

I say that because of his past, he must face the consequences of the future. It was his choice to sleep with that many woman in the past and now in the present he must pay the price.

[Rangafro]

I certainly understand the unjustified prejudice. But, it doesn't mean I'm going to ignore reality either. There was nothing inaccurate with what I said. People usually don't change, because you have to want to and as humans, we don't want to admit our faults.

 

The reason people don't expect others to change because in most cases, the person doesn't. Like I said before, the majority of cons end up back in the slammer. Most cheaters will continue to cheat. There is evidence to support that people usually don't change. You have to show you've changed by actions. Saying you sowed your wild oats or attending counseling doesn't mean you've changed.

 

Accurate or not, the mistake in reasoning is made when you believe that this person wont change or is not worth pursuing because change is a hard thing to do.

[Go Habs Go]

Accurate or not, the mistake in reasoning is made when you believe that this person wont change or is not worth pursuing because change is a hard thing to do.

 

 

When there's evidence that shows the person won't change in all likelihood, it's usually not a good idea to expect them to change. Change is hard, but most people don't want to put in the work.

[sweetharmony]

We actually talked a lot about his past. he's had a few long-term a 6 month here a one and a half years there= all committed as he says. He's had many one night stands-these were not relationships, just casual sex-last one was 2 weeks ago. and he swears he uses condoms, but even still!

 

and of course everyone has insecurities. I do as well. I'm not saying that it's bad or that he's certainly insecure, it's the behavior that bothers me. He says that he is clean and respects my decision to wait as long as I need to and promises that he would get tested again.

 

But it still bothers me. he says that he can separate sex from emotion, but when he's with a girl he loves, he just wants to be with her. I am still hesitant. from talking with him, I get the sense that he was one of these "wore his heart on his sleeves" kind of guy when he was in high school. he told me he was always looking for love when he was younger as a teen, early 20s and then "he now lives in the real world". My feeling is that he's been burned too many times and uses sex as a way to feel in control, etc. He seems like this tough guy, but sensitive, etc...and no, i am too old to deal with a project of helping him get in touch with sensitive, idealistic past.

 

and yes, i would willingly date a virgin or a man who has had very few sex partners. this is just my own values. that is more a turn on for me. someone who values sex as much as I do (as more than sex). To me it is something to be shared only with someone you truly want to share yourself with in every way. Casual sex is not my thing and while I have friends who enjoy it...it's not something I take lightly or wish for my partners either. Then again, I sometimes enjoy drinking a bit much on the weekends and have experimented with some light drugs back in my college days. I've had boyfriends who can't handle that experimentation either. they made assumptions that weren't true about me.

 

i'm not saying he's bad for his sexual hx. but i don't think i can handle it. i might give it one more date-we have planned this week...I'm sure he is capable of commitment, but i'd be too obsessed with the number of women he's been with.

[Is]

It sounds like your decision is almost finalized as a negative for him.

 

May your values not change because of other influences and good luck.

[greywolf]

I think a person's past is their past. A lot of times when people tell you that a certain number is too much, it's because they have not had the chance to sleep with that many people.

[Cognitive_Canine]

I honestly do not care about numbers. This wouldn't bother me at all.

[Sparkly Eyes]

I honestly do not care about numbers. This wouldn't bother me at all.

 

I know a girl who thinks like you and she often ends up in relationships where the guy doesn't wanna commit. Well duh, maybe you should care girl!

[Cognitive_Canine]

I know a girl who thinks like you and she often ends up in relationships when the guy doesn't wanna commit. Well duh, maybe you should care girl!

 

Well, I'm 3 years in with the guy I lost my virginity too.

 

Not caring about past does not equal unable to get commitment.

[Sparkly Eyes]

Well, I'm 3 years in with the guy I lost my virginity too.

 

Not caring about past does not equal unable to get commitment.

 

you didn't understand me well. I'm saying she goes in relationships with promiscuous guys thinking their past doesn't matter, then she gets surprised when they leave her after a while to experience other women.

[Cognitive_Canine]

you didn't understand me well. I'm saying she goes in relationships with promiscuous guys thinking their past doesn't matter, then she gets surprised when the leave her after a while for experiencing other women.

 

That's not due to the man's experience though, that's some other personality flaw.

 

Having a lot of partners does not mean that they have loose values or are not looking for a serious relationship. I have guy friends who have had many partners and a few even threesomes. However, once they get into a relationship, they are in it for good. They are capable of loving, caring sex. When they are not, they have different standards for themselves.

[Is]

you didn't understand me well. I'm saying she goes in relationships with promiscuous guys thinking their past doesn't matter, then she gets surprised when they leave her after a while to experience other women.

 

Quoted for Truth, the fact as that he has 60 other woman before is a strong evidence he still is promiscuous.