SuperDave71 Posted February 2, 2010 Share Posted February 2, 2010 So often we find ourselves reading post after post about what to do when your heart is breaking or broken. We pour over the forum seeking advice from those that have been in your shoes and have possibly lived “happily ever after”. The truth is we don’t have answers to your problems. We can suggest all the loving, caring advice as compassionate people yet we can’t feel, think or act for you. In my 38 years, I have loved and lost many times. The last is always the worst. We tend to try and fool ourselves and use relationship phrases like “the one”. No matter where your heart is or was, you can get better. To be perfectly blunt, to assume your life is over if someone doesn’t love you is selfish. If you look up the word love you will NOT find the following words: 1. Liar 2. Cheater 3. Hate 4. Anger 5. Chauvinist 6. Secret 7. Greed 8. User 9. Take Advantage 10. Depression The terms above are my own and a relationship that has any of the following above will never last unless you understand the basic principles of human behavior. To put it another way, what you put in is NOT ALWAYS what you get out because two separate people are involved. Just because you say you love someone doesn’t mean that feelings can’t change. The rub in this conclusion is that THEIR feelings can also change. The one of the most important experiences I have ever learned is that actions speak louder than words. For those who ever had a broken record or compact disc, the music will skip or jump. You will hear the same thing over and over unless you take action to move the needle, skip the track or stop the player. How many times have you blamed life or anything thing else you can conjure up why your relationship did not turn out as you hoped? Did you ever blame yourself? Were you not pretty enough? Did you gain a bit of weight? Were you too depressed? Did you take advantage of someone’s time, money or love? We are all guilty of something but to HOLD onto negativity means that it will continue to grow and manifest in your life. We can sit around with the curtains drawn for weeks as our hearts attempt to mend but if we keep holding on to the pain because we WANT to then there is no one to blame but you regardless of the words or actions of someone else. Your past is your past. We can either keep our minds focused on what was or we can push forward and live for today and tomorrow. We can at least change today and tomorrow. Just because we have all felt alone at one time or another doesn’t mean we will ALWAYS be alone. Sadness and grief are natural. Holding onto it is not. Our attitude defines who we are. If you wake up and tell yourself “what’s the point”, then you will live that way. I can say that statement with an open heart because I have been there. I have felt my heart become hollow and numb because I felt that if someone didn’t love me then I was nothing. I defined who I was through someone else. Read that last line again. If you can’t be happy alone, then how do you expect to be happy with someone else let alone make THEM happy? To understand that people change, whether it’s their attitude, their job, their location or even their hearts mean that you understand that you have no control over others but they also do not control you and that includes your heart. We give our hearts away. No matter what you might think in the idea of “it just happened”, you either consciously or unconsciously gave your heart (love) to someone else. The toughest part about a breakup is knowing when to take your heart back. Sometime we feel if we take it back they will stop loving us. Another silly idea is the frame of mind that says believes someone can’t love another as long as they have my heart. Not true. Years ago, I stopped using the words “them”,” they” and “ex”. I started changing my attitude and started using “I”. I realized that I could not control if someone wanted to be with me or whether they would love me. I was only 100% control of me. Regardless of how much your heart aches, you have the control and power to change it. Take the focus off the pain and create a plan of action. We can only vent and talk about our problems so much. Do you realize that sometimes we aren’t looking to SOLVE our problems but just for someone to listen. Do you realize that if problems are solved, there is no reason to continue to feel worried, uptight, upset, and depressed. Some actually choose to hold onto pain because at least holding onto something, bad memories or not, is at least something. I believe this kind of thinking is like having a garden of weeds. Yes, it’s a garden. Yes you created it yet no one, not even yourself appreciates it. Without motivation from yourself, no one can do it for you. We can talk and talk and post and blog yet if no action is made for a positive, predefined goal then nothing positive will transpire. You will stay stagnant like a hamster on its wheel. You might run and run and run (your action) yet if there is no goal, you remain the same and your mind, body and soul will be exhausted for nothing. Another example is working harder than you ever have. You put in the most hours in your career and find that you didn’t get paid for it. Why work if there isn’t a reward at the end of the day? Setting up predefined short goals helps you to meet those challenges and SEE the results every day. The goals can be small but the rewards are always great. No matter what you heart is going through or even if you can’t seem to pull yourself together, you can change anything you want if you change your attitude. If you choose to be productive, outgoing or just to feel better, no one can do it for you. You are the master of your destiny. It is up to you to make a positive difference. In my opinion, no one was put on this earth to settle for what life gives you. Get off your ass and start living. Life is short. Make the best of the time you have. Appreciate all that you have and what you are blessed with. Take time to let others know how much they mean to you. You become the company you keep. Make sure you find a goal. Write it down and create the blueprints to not only feel better but to living your life the way you always dreamed of. The choice is yours. Your Friend, SuperDave71 Link to comment
guynextdoor Posted February 2, 2010 Share Posted February 2, 2010 very motivational SD, thank you again kind sir. Link to comment
atlanticstar Posted February 2, 2010 Share Posted February 2, 2010 Superdave!!! You're back!!! Link to comment
KittyBoo Posted February 3, 2010 Share Posted February 3, 2010 A timely message as my counselor was just telling me basically the same thing yesterday. She told me that if I continue to show up every week and cry about my ex and the loss of the relationship without any outward sign of making the effort to get better then I am just wasting my money. But if I am determined to put my life back together and to do the work then I will not only survive but I will thrive. It's entirely up to me and I think I am finally tired of my pity party. I want to feel good again and to be ready so that if the opportunity to love again presents itself that I am going to be more ready for it this time. Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted February 3, 2010 Author Share Posted February 3, 2010 Thank you all. I really appreciate it. -SuperDave71 Link to comment
1guygirl Posted February 3, 2010 Share Posted February 3, 2010 Thank you all. I really appreciate it. -SuperDave71 and we all thank you and really appreciate you!!!! Link to comment
PennyLane09 Posted February 3, 2010 Share Posted February 3, 2010 thanks, Superdave!! you are SUPER!! that thread was great...just what i needed to read.... Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted February 3, 2010 Author Share Posted February 3, 2010 thank you bishop -SuperDave71 Link to comment
fr0z3n Posted April 1, 2010 Share Posted April 1, 2010 so this is posted just recently... I've been reading the threads of superdave this past few days, I'm not yet done but so far it really helped me alot... specially this one, before reading this, I feel like I want to get up and work on myself and set goals for myself but Icant find any motivation, I still feel down but after reading this, it suddenly hits my mind that it seems like this is the motivation that I've been looking for... Thank you very much superdave, specially for coming back here in ENA to show us the light... Link to comment
abigheart Posted April 1, 2010 Share Posted April 1, 2010 SuperDave71, thank you for another great thread, very motivational So I removed some of what you had written but in regards to the bold...this is something I'm struggling right now in that I am ready to take back my heart, but I feel like I need to let my ex know I'm sorry for the pain I've caused him/I have some maturing and growing to do as well. This is the negativity I'm holding in. With that said, as I point out in my thread here I'm having trouble letting go of the guilt of not recognizing my faults that led to the break-up despite the fact that I am beginning to really see how he's feeling the changes, too. I feel like I need to get it off my chest for peace of mind and to feel good about moving on. And I feel like the initial question/thread title is a bit irrelevant now. Is this not a good idea or is it just another means of him controlling my heart if I do so? Or if anyone else has any input I'd appreciate. I feel like I'm ready to wake up and TRULY move on once I tell him, instead of guilt eating away at me. Link to comment
brandnewday47 Posted October 19, 2010 Share Posted October 19, 2010 Giving this a bump. Needed a bit of a kick start this week Link to comment
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