Girlfriend hit me, don't know what to do exactly.

[yeawutever]

Not a lot of people here know this, but my son was abused by his ex girlfried, to the point of biting him and leaving him with bruises. It took a while for him to finally understand that her behavior was not acceptable and that she would never change as long as he stayed and allowed that behavior. He finally left and never looked back.

 

Abuse by anyone is never ok.

My goodness, hopefully he stayed in NC forever with that woman. The problem is that some men might not think it's abuse in that moment because since they assume it's just a woman, that maybe she never meant to do it and was just stress about something (or has some form of depression).

[yeawutever]

Easy to say, but if someone is smacking you it kind of gets you agitated.Several years back, I saw a guy outside a take away get a beer bottle smashed over his head by his GF, splitting his ear open. And apparently she was always violent to him. The funny thing is, this guy hit the girl back, and a bunch of young men wouldn't to beat him up for that.

 

The OP case is nowhere near the same. Hitting him once hard in the gut is nowhere near as bad as being bitten or hit on the head with a glass bottle. I don't think he should leave her over that.

If someone is smacking me, I would get away from that person ASAP and report it. The only time where you would have to resort towards hitting back is if you had no escape and you feel threatened. However, walking away should always be consider the first option while hitting back to be at the very last resort.

[metrogirl]

My goodness, hopefully he stayed in NC forever with that woman. The problem is that some men might not think it's abuse in that moment because since they assume it's just a woman, that maybe she never meant to do it and was just stress about something (or has some form of depression).

 

He left and there is no contact between them anymore.

 

They work in the same city and take the rail to work. They crossed paths once at the train station but he just kept going, no desire to talk to her.

 

He hates her.

[DN]

There isn't a scale of domestic violence with a benchmark that says "under this level is acceptable but anything over it is not". There isn't a standard that say "hitting is OK providing it is only done on certain parts of the body and isn't more than five pounds per square inch impact force". And it isn't OK for a woman to hit a man.

 

It is typical, as in the case of the OP, for the level of violence to increase - and sometimes that can include not only chasing someone with a kitchen knife but actually using it.

 

It is also not unusual for a man in this situation to find himself as the partner behind bars facing domestic assault charges.

 

Domestic violence, no matter at what level, is a serious matter and should be taken seriously. IMO suggesting that someone stays in a violent relationship does them, and society at large, a grave disservice.

[fantastic]

If someone is smacking me, I would get away from that person ASAP and report it. The only time where you would have to resort towards hitting back is if you had no escape and you feel threatened. However, walking away should always be consider the first option while hitting back to be at the very last resort.

 

Bear in mind you're a woman and I'm a man right? Most men if they get smacked by someone will retaliate. Most men won't hit a women back though, because they don't want to be labelled a women beater.

But there's a line. If a woman hit me once or twice I'll let it go, after that, she's getting whacked back if she kept it up.

 

I wouldn't report it, if a guy hit me I wouldn't either. Most men if they report abuse like that won't be taken seriously anyway.

[fantastic]

There isn't a scale of domestic violence with a benchmark that says "under this level is acceptable but anything over it is not". There isn't a standard that say "hitting is OK providing it is only done on certain parts of the body and isn't more than five pounds per square inch impact force". And it isn't OK for a woman to hit a man.

 

I didn't say it was okay. People are overreacting to it'

 

It is typical, as in the case of the OP, for the level of violence to increase - and sometimes that can include not only chasing someone with a kitchen knife but actually using it.

 

Well if the level of violence increased then he could leave couldn't he? But as it stands I see no reason for him to leave her over one incident.

 

It is also not unusual for a man in this situation to find himself as the partner behind bars facing domestic assault charges.

 

Only if he sticks around knowing the violence has increased.

 

Domestic violence, no matter at what level, is a serious matter and should be taken seriously. IMO suggesting that someone stays in a violent relationship does them, and society at large, a grave disservice.

 

He isn't in a violent relationship. She hit him once hard, which was a mistake on her part. People make mistakes, it's when they don't learn from those mistakes then there becomes a problem.

[yeawutever]

Bear in mind you're a woman and I'm a man right? Most men if they get smacked by someone will retaliate. Most men won't hit a women back though, because they don't want to be labelled a women beater.

But there's a line. If a woman hit me once or twice I'll let it go, after that, she's getting whacked back if she kept it up.

 

I wouldn't report it, if a guy hit me I wouldn't either. Most men if they report abuse like that won't be taken seriously anyway.

Actually there was a time I used to believe in ''purely retaliating'' (like the time in 7th grade, some girl back a foot smaller than me slapped for no reason, it was soft though but I smack her hard in the back). Did I won anything in return? Nope, I was steps close towards getting suspended from school just like the other girl. This is what mainly happens if you just sort to retaliating, you both get in trouble. They won't buy the ''but they started side to the story'', the point is that you weren't in danger. In this case, I had the option to get away from the situation and speak the principal, a teacher or another adult in charge.

 

Now as an adult, I don't think the same as in my younger years and I see nothing wrong with reporting the incidence. Another reason for avoiding fights in the first place, it solves nothing and I wouldn't want to end up with a record on my perfect profile. That's one of the main reason walking away like an adult is the right answer.

 

By the way if you didn't know, they are taking men abused by women more seriously than years ago. There have been women arrested.

[metrogirl]

The OP said it's getting increasingly worse which means to me that it is an ongoing thing. Not a one time deal, but happening from time to time. It's getting worse, such as the abusers do it. They usually don't start off beating your ass from the get go, (sorry if that sounds so harsh) but it will start off with a few hits and then often escalates to something more.

 

I was watching a program on tv. This man had been stabbed in the chest by his girlfriend. He said that it was the 3rd time she had stabbed him and when asked why he didn't leave, he said because he loved her and she didn't really mean it. Well he died later that night from complications of that stabbing and they arrested her for murder. It was heartbreaking to watch his mother react to being told that this time, the gf had killed him.

[DN]

I disagree that people are over-reacting - this is not just a one time situation but repeated and escalating behaviour typical of domestic violence that can all too easily end in someone seriously hurt and/or in jail.

 

It is easy to minimise this and it all too often is, especially when it involves violence by a female on a male. But is is unwise to advise staying in such a relationship when there is someone's physical and emotional well-being at stake.

[fantastic]

The OP said it's getting increasingly worse which means to me that it is an ongoing thing. Not a one time deal, but happening from time to time. It's getting worse, such as the abusers do it. They usually don't start off beating your ass from the get go, (sorry if that sounds so harsh) but it will start off with a few hits and then often escalates to something more.

 

 

He said she'd hit him after playful banter, but this time she really meant it and used more force. I don't count the playful banter thing as abuse, my brother's gf pushes him and smacks him on the leg, in a joke way when he's annoying her and he laughs it off.

 

I know abuse escalates. But he could stay around and give her a chance, if she does it again he can leave can't he? He might stick around and she may never hit him again. Yet everyone on here seems to have made up their mind if he doesn't go he'll get a knife in his throat.

[fantastic]

Well it depends, most men won't retaliate against a women because they don't want to be accused of beating on women. Most men I know of, would retaliate if they were hit by another man.

 

I know women get arrested for domestic violence.

[DN]

I know abuse escalates. But he could stay around and give her a chance, if she does it again he can leave can't he? He might stick around and she may never hit him again. Yet everyone on here seems to have made up their mind if he doesn't go he'll get a knife in his throat.

Next time he might not be able to leave.

 

Next time he might be the one who leaves in handcuffs.

 

And, yes, it is possible that this situation could escalate to knives much faster than anyone can imagine. Volatile people do things without thinking and are driven by unreasoning emotion.

[fantastic]

Next time he might not be able to leave.

 

Next time he might be the one who leaves in handcuffs.

 

And, yes, it is possible that this situation could escalate to knives much faster than anyone can imagine. Volatile people do things without thinking and are driven by unreasoning emotion.

 

Do you know this women personally? Because if you don't how do you know she's volatile?

 

She hit her BF once hard and suddenly she's this really nasty violent person?

 

I'd like to ask the OP if this women has a violent background?

[DN]

Read his post.

this time, it was different. there was a look in her eyes and everything. she really meant to physically hurt me.

so, i went to my room immediately and she followed. i told her that she needs to stop hitting me as a knee jerk reaction. she defended that she doesnt even do it that much, but she hits me about once a week (lightly, not like this time, this is the first time shes hauled off and hit me like that).

ah just for the record, she did say she was sorry. she did show some remorse. but she still defended it in part.

she definitely wasnt as apologetic as she usually is when she hits me.

 

If she was properly contrite and understood that she should not have hit him and promised never to do it again then he might consider staying. But she was not - she half-heartedly apologised but still defended her actions. Again, typical behaviour of escalating abuse.

 

Of course I don't know this woman. No one does on here and that is exactly why it is not wise to suggest he stay with her - at least until she has shown proper remorse and got some sort of help for her anger issues.

[fantastic]

She might have genuinely felt sorry but still been too angry at the time to apologise properly.

[jul-els]

Two wrongs don't make a right. Hitting is never okay unless a person is into that sort of thing. It comes down to what a person finds acceptable. Some people get off on violence. It's a very unhealthy way to live, but there are some people out there who get some sort of satisfaction from it. I feel pretty safe in saying the op is not one of those people.

[DN]

She might have genuinely felt sorry but still been too angry at the time to apologise properly.

Then if she is that out of control of her thoughts, emotions and anger - all the more recent for concern and caution.

[tiredofvampires]

Bear in mind you're a woman and I'm a man right? Most men if they get smacked by someone will retaliate. Most men won't hit a women back though, because they don't want to be labelled a women beater.

But there's a line. If a woman hit me once or twice I'll let it go, after that, she's getting whacked back if she kept it up.

 

You're missing the point. Once the relationship has reached the point of fist-a-cuffs, it's game over. A relationship is not a brawling ground, should never be one, and if that's your standard of partnership or love, then something's really off.

 

You're supposed to love, honor and protect your partner's body. Not hit it. Ever. (Unless you're having a fun wrestling match that is agreed by both parties is a "love fight".)

[In the Dark]

When a relationship becomes fist-a-cuffs it's over.......no.

I know women who stay in relationships due to the violence.

They actually believe they deserved being hit for their behaviour.

They weren't cheating, they just believe if they weren't put in their place they would stray.

 

I know ridiculous.

But this world is full of the most irrational behaviour which keeps a realtiuonship together.

[tiredofvampires]

When a relationship becomes fist-a-cuffs it's over.......no.

I know women who stay in relationships due to the violence.

They actually believe they deserved being hit for their behaviour.

They weren't cheating, they just believe if they weren't put in their place they would stray.

 

I know ridiculous.

But this world is full of the most irrational behaviour which keeps a realtiuonship together.

 

When I said it's "over", I meant as a viable love relationship. People may stay in abusive situations, sure, as you say. But as a sound relationship, one of love and decency and respect (which is the only definition of a love relationship I think works), it's over, and instead it becomes one of power, fear, and mistrust.

[In the Dark]

When I said it's "over", I meant as a viable love relationship. People may stay in abusive situations, sure, as you say. But as a sound relationship, one of love and decency and respect (which is the only definition of a love relationship I think works), it's over, and instead it becomes one of power, fear, and mistrust.

 

Your perception is the logical one and the way a the relationship should be.

The way I want a relationship to go.

 

From personal experience the way we react to each other is very different.

Attitudes and the thoughts towards the other person changes.

 

Yet people still still say in these dysfunctional relationships long term for whatever reasons.

[fantastic]

Then if she is that out of control of her thoughts, emotions and anger - all the more recent for concern and caution.

 

It's like that with anybody. If she just hit the guy she's not going to openly apologise properly because she was still angry.

 

You're missing the point. Once the relationship has reached the point of fist-a-cuffs, it's game over. A relationship is not a brawling ground, should never be one, and if that's your standard of partnership or love, then something's really off.

 

You're supposed to love, honor and protect your partner's body. Not hit it. Ever. (Unless you're having a fun wrestling match that is agreed by both parties is a "love fight".)

 

And you miss the point. The OP was hit hard ONCE, it's not like it's consistently been happening. The other times he was hit were lightly, so more likely in a playful manner. It's not enough to suggest this women will become violent again, maybe if she'd crack him over the head with a hammer yeah. But one punch in the torso, I think she deserves another chance.

[DN]

I believe that you are quite wrong that angry people can't apologise when they have used violence. Under the circumstances the OP describes the violence was entirely disproportionate and unnecessary. A rational person would very quickly realise that and attempt to make proper amends. The fact that she hasn't, has not given assurances she won't repeat that behaviour and minimises it by saying she doesn't hit him often, is indicative of her mindset.

 

I don't think I am the one missing the point. Being hit hard once is enough in and of itself. When the person who hits defends that behaviour in any way it simply compounds the situation and makes removing oneself from the chance of further violence the only sensible option.

 

It is easy to advise someone else to remain in a potentially dangerous situation or even one that is emotionally damaging but I happen to think it isn't wise or reasonable.

 

maybe if she'd crack him over the head with a hammer yeah

Surely you are not suggesting that he should wait until she does this or something like it?

[fantastic]

She was in an agitated mood, the guy playfully hit her with a towel, she's turned round and punched him in the torso. Now for the next few minutes after she won't apologise because she's still angry, and she's going to be stubborn. If she refuses to acknowledge later on she overreacted then you may have a case to say she refuses to take responsibility for her actions.

 

And to be honest, it would be much easier for me to advise this guy to leave like everyone else here's saying. And c'mon, he's a man. He needs to tell her straight he's not putting up with this crap again or he's out of her life for good.

 

 

 

 

 

No, what I meant was this. As a first offence, her hitting him the way she did wouldn't for me be a dealbreaker. If she hit him over the head with something, then yeah, goodbye. But people here are acting like this girls crazy over one incident. Nobody here knows her accept the OP, and from what he's said, there's not really enough to suggest you can say "this is a violent person".

[Capricorn3]

I think she needs anger management as it seems she has a hard time controlling her anger and doesn't know how to deal with it. Hitting is never right and if she's doing this more and more frequently, then she needs help (imo) - anger management.