Would you date someone who had knowingly dated a married person?

[Seymore]

I was thinking carefully last night about people like this, and it sickens me. In my mind, someone who would knowingly interfere with the Holy sacrament of marriage is not a trustworthy person. It just seems like such a selfish act. Granted, the married party is a low-down dirty person as well, but it takes two to tango. If someone sees no problem in getting involved with a married person, would you think “This person is relationship material”? They cannot even respect another person’s marriage, let alone relationship, how would they respect their own?

 

Thoughts?

[sophie274]

I was thinking carefully last night about people like this, and it sickens me. In my mind, someone who would knowingly interfere with the Holy sacrament of marriage is not a trustworthy person. It just seems like such a selfish act. Granted, the married party is a low-down dirty person as well, but it takes two to tango. If someone sees no problem in getting involved with a married person, would you think “This person is relationship material”? They cannot even respect another person’s marriage, let alone relationship, how would they respect their own?

 

Thoughts?

 

No, no way I would not. I always think the burden of an affair lies with both people, perhaps not equally, but as you said, it takes two to tango. I find it very hard to be friends with anyone who knowingly cheats, let alone have a romantic relationship with him.

 

Unfortunately, this seems like the kind of thing most people wouldn't publicize about themselves. Those who do this usually also know they did something wrong.

[Catdancer]

So, if you met the person of your dreams, had been together for a year..were talking about marriage...knew that this person was it for you..and then they tell you that when they were 19, they dated someone who was married for a couple of months, you would cancel the wedding and immediately dump them? I highly doubt it.

[Seymore]

So, if you met the person of your dreams, had been together for a year..were talking about marriage...knew that this person was it for you..and then they tell you that when they were 19, they dated someone who was married for a couple of months, you would cancel the wedding and immediately dump them? I highly doubt it.

 

What if that person was now 20?

[Blanco Nino]

The home wreckers will always tell you "it was fate" or some other nonsense. Anything to make themselves feel better.

[Catdancer]

lol..smart alleck!!

 

I still pose the same question to you, though. If you meet the person of your dreams, you've been together for a while and then find out that a year or two ago, they dated a married person, would you then leave them? I still doubt it.

[sophie274]

So, if you met the person of your dreams, had been together for a year..were talking about marriage...knew that this person was it for you..and then they tell you that when they were 19, they dated someone who was married for a couple of months, you would cancel the wedding and immediately dump them? I highly doubt it.

 

If that was directed at me ... obviously there are different scenarios. Since I'm only 22, 19 wouldn't seem that far away to me! I understand what you are saying - if I already loved and was in love and knew him to be different than the person he was when this had happened, a long time ago, then no, I wouldn't break up with him.

 

I took the scenario Seymore was describing to be one where you knew this person as an acquaintance previously, and knew their history before you started dating. In that case, I don't think I would get involved.

 

If this had happened a year before we met and started dating, finding out, even if we were in love, would really give me pause. I would at least have to have some reason to believe that he very much regretted it and had changed.

[Mauxly]

So, if you met the person of your dreams, had been together for a year..were talking about marriage...knew that this person was it for you..and then they tell you that when they were 19, they dated someone who was married for a couple of months, you would cancel the wedding and immediately dump them? I highly doubt it.

 

I don't know what I'd do in that situation, but I'd definitely be freaked out. Even when I was young and immature I never had the desire to pursue a married man. It is foul behavior.

I would be very very concerned if I found out that someone I was already involved with had done this.

 

But no, I absolutely would not start a relationship with someone that I knew had been in a relationship with a married person. I do not believe this is one of those "Live and Learn Life Lessons" I believe it comes down to core values and how we treat those around us. These aren't things that we learn, it is who we are.

[Catdancer]

If that was directed at me ... obviously there are different scenarios. Since I'm only 22, 19 wouldn't seem that far away to me! I understand what you are saying - if I already loved and was in love and knew him to be different than the person he was when this had happened, a long time ago, then no, I wouldn't break up with him.

 

I took the scenario Seymore was describing to be one where you knew this person as an acquaintance previously, and knew their history before you started dating. In that case, I don't think I would get involved.

 

Oh, I just directed my question in general. lol And I understand if you have just met someone and found out that they dated a married person, dumping them because your morals and ethics are different than theirs.

[Seymore]

 

I took the scenario Seymore was describing to be one where you knew this person as an acquaintance previously, and knew their history before you started dating. In that case, I don't think I would get involved.

 

If this had happened a year before we met and started dating, finding out, even if we were in love, would really give me pause. I would at least have to have some reason to believe that he very much regretted it and had changed.

 

 

Yes, that's what I meant. I also think it would give me pause as well if the relationship was already in progress and I found out, but if it were before we'd started dating, no.

[sophie274]

Oh, I just directed my question in general. lol And I understand if you have just met someone and found out that they dated a married person, dumping them because your morals and ethics are different than theirs.

 

I feel that, in general, there are a lot of things I'm willing to forgive and look past for someone I love, but I need to love the person first and know how amazing they are. Slightly off-topic: I forgave my ex-boyfriend for a few things that happened during our relationship that I never would have imagined that I'd forgive, not, in my opinion, because I was weak, but because I was willing to go very far to make things work as long as he was as well.

 

When it's someone I've just met, it's more caveat emptor. I'd rather minimize the number of risk factors at the start!

[orchidrose]

Nope, wouldn't do it. My family was torn apart by the fact that my now-stepmother pursued a married man. It was a despicable act and I think people who pursue married folks have no self respect.

[Joshb]

lol..smart alleck!!

 

I still pose the same question to you, though. If you meet the person of your dreams, you've been together for a while and then find out that a year or two ago, they dated a married person, would you then leave them? I still doubt it.

 

Id rather not know, that could be a deal breaker, i dont want someone like that for the long term, with that lack of respect

[Crazyaboutdogs]

When you first start dating a person, they do not tell you all their deep, dark secrets. So chances are you will not find out about their relationship with someone who was married until you are already an established couple and that makes it more emotionally difficult to walk away. I am not sure anyone can say with certainty that they would not date someone who was the "other man" or "other woman" at some point in their life, because chance are they won't even know that information until much later on.

[Catdancer]

When it's someone I've just met, it's more caveat emptor. I'd rather minimize the number of risk factors at the start!

 

I think that's what most people do. Smart..very smart!!

[Sugar-Rush]

I would date someone, who knowingly dated a married person (SITUATION DEPENDENT) I think as with everything in life, it's not as black and white as you're making out. I would never date someone who was a home wrecker and by that I mean deliberately tried to split up a couple or a family (married or not) just because they "fancied" the person.

 

However, there are situations, failing marriages, and so on. Everyone makes mistakes and so long as the person had not set out to date a married person or to hurt anyone. Then i'd give that person a second chance, everyone has a past after all.

 

Sugar xx

[lostandhurt]

If the mistake was made when they were very young and impressionable and many years had passed I might consider it. The persons character is in question here.

Catdancer,

At the very least the wedding would be postponed! The true character of who we are is the sum of our action throughout our lives. Owning up to past bad judgement shows good character. Making less of bad choices does not. Either way if the pattern continued for any length of time it would be a very bad sign that this person is selfish and cares little for the feelings of anyone else but themselves.

 

Who on Earth would want to be involved with such a person?

 

Lost

[Cheeks18]

What if the Married person was no longer in love with there spouse, and hadn't been for the past 5 years......and is only staying in the marriage to afford the kids to go to college, and obviously for the mental anguish it puts on the children??

[Catdancer]

If the mistake was made when they were very young and impressionable and many years had passed I might consider it. The persons character is in question here.

Catdancer,

At the very least the wedding would be postponed! The true character of who we are is the sum of our action throughout our lives. Owning up to past bad judgement shows good character. Making less of bad choices does not. Either way if the pattern continued for any length of time it would be a very bad sign that this person is selfish and cares little for the feelings of anyone else but themselves.

 

Who on Earth would want to be involved with such a person?

 

Lost

 

That is a very good point, Lost. As another poster said, it's not all black and white. There is alot of grey.

[sophie274]

I think that's what most people do. Smart..very smart!!

 

Is that why I'm single?!

 

But seriously, I have a friend who is very cute and smart and lots of fun, and we get on very well, but aren't close. All of his girlfriends have overlapped with the previous girlfriend by a few dates, and usually sex. As much as I enjoy spending time with him, I would never date him, nor would I introduce him to any of my single friends.

[Seymore]

I would date someone, who knowingly dated a married person (SITUATION DEPENDENT) I think as with everything in life, it's not as black and white as you're making out. I would never date someone who was a home wrecker and by that I mean deliberately tried to split up a couple or a family (married or not) just because they "fancied" the person.

 

However, there are situations, failing marriages, and so on. Everyone makes mistakes and so long as the person had not set out to date a married person or to hurt anyone. Then i'd give that person a second chance, everyone has a past after all.

 

Sugar xx

 

That's why I said knowingly. Someone who didn't know or was deceived, I could see and probably excuse, though.

[orchidrose]

What if the Married person was no longer in love with there spouse, and hadn't been for the past 5 years......and is only staying in the marriage to afford the kids to go to college, and obviously for the mental anguish it puts on the children??

 

Then they can leave the marriage before dating. The above is the excuse my dad uses all the time to defend his infidelity - "I was trying to escape a bad marriage." Escape a bad marriage by divorcing your wife first. I would've experienced a lot less mental anguish if my dad had simply left my mom and introduced me to a girlfriend later. Instead he snuck around, didn't tuck me in at night because he was at his mistress', and broke the trust I had for him, even as a young kid.

[Seymore]

Then they can leave the marriage before dating. The above is the excuse my dad uses all the time to defend his infidelity - "I was trying to escape a bad marriage." Escape a bad marriage by divorcing your wife first. I would've experienced a lot less mental anguish if my dad had simply left my mom and introduced me to a girlfriend later. Instead he snuck around, didn't tuck me in at night because he was at his mistress', and broke the trust I had for him, even as a young kid.

 

I'm so sorry that happened to you. Makes you wonder how sick these people who knowingly interfere really are, tearing apart a family like that...

[orchidrose]

I'm so sorry that happened to you. Makes you wonder how sick these people who knowingly interfere really are, tearing apart a family like that...

 

Yeah, oh well. I may sound bitter but I promise you I'm perfectly well-adjusted now.

[Cheeks18]

Then they can leave the marriage before dating. The above is the excuse my dad uses all the time to defend his infidelity - "I was trying to escape a bad marriage." Escape a bad marriage by divorcing your wife first. I would've experienced a lot less mental anguish if my dad had simply left my mom and introduced me to a girlfriend later. Instead he snuck around, didn't tuck me in at night because he was at his mistress', and broke the trust I had for him, even as a young kid.

 

There's no intention of it ever being a relationship, just having fun and dates.

IDK, Awkward situation......