The Stigma Of Being Attractive.

[Ms Darcy]

The attitude you describe sounds more conceited than confident. You may consider that that's what might be turning some women off.

[pinkelephant]

So shy hot guys lose? and confident hot guys lose?

And unattractive guys on ena say they lose?

 

So who's really telling the truth here?

 

LOL.

 

I think intimidating hot guys can lose, if they don't like shy girls.

 

 

Nobody realllllly lose, unless they chose to.

[dr_styles]

A shy guy loses when a girl pretty much hits on them and they still don't do anything. I think he should just play shy then and see how that goes since shy people and the term player (or jerk) don't go typically together. And because he's not really that shy he's not going to fallover where it actually matters.

 

Well the previous ideas are better haha. I was just going off on how shy hot guys lose it for themselves more than the other factors.

[Theblueman123]

Haha I love you guys (the mod team). I put the model guy up there to protect my identity, as well as to give a face to my online persona...lol. I figured that he represented me, so I used him. It was mainly to protect my identity, but idc now anyway.

 

I pretended that it was me because everyone made a big deal out of it (or just a few people who constantly said something). It got really funny, really fast and I just went with it. Lol, but I'll post a picture of my real self something soon (hopefully 1-2 weeks) so everyone can see the man behind the mask.

 

In conclusion I did it as a joke. A long, bad...very bad joke--which included copyright infringement. But still as a joke.

 

[Jd1983]

I agree with the others, I think you should just post a picture.

[g84]

I would also like to see a picture.

[DN]

Why wait two weeks?

[Capricorn3]

The attitude you describe sounds more conceited than confident. You may consider that that's what might be turning some women off.

I'm afraid to say that I was thinking the exact same thing, lol. It is obvious that you don't think you are being conceited in any way, but to the outside world, you probably are - hence they don't approach you. Many many times you seem to have the need to talk about your looks and how hot you are, and for most people, it is rather off-putting.

 

P.S. I'm a little curious now - why the promise to post your picture in a "couple of months", or "1-2 weeks"? Why not now? Are you going to have some fancy professional shoot some pics of you first? Just curious.

[citymouse]

. And when I approach girls they get extremely insecure and its really a turn off.

 

 

 

This is part of the problem IMO... rather than being turned off by their insecurity and dismissing them altogether, maybe you could make an effort to tweak your approach and reach out to them to put them more at ease.

 

FWIW I've been told in the past that I am intimidating, which is mystifying to me because I think of myself as having a self esteem and shyness problem.

 

The LAST thing I want to do is intimidate anyone. So, I'm more conscious of trying to be more warm and open and relaxed when I am meeting someone new. So far it seems to be working.

 

I also agree with the person who said you should try reaching out to your online matches more, rather than waiting for them all to come to you. I have to be honest, when I see a pic of an extremely good looking guy online, I am less likely to click on it because I figure he has dozens of women chasing after him already and I don't want to get lost in the shuffle. But there have been several very attractive guys who contacted me, and I was comfortable with that because they expressed interest first.

 

Anyway, good luck.

[Capricorn3]

I put the model guy up there to protect my identity, It was mainly to protect my identity,

You could just as easily have posted a picture of a dog, a car, a jetfighter, etc etc - all of which would have equally "protected your identity", no?

[Theblueman123]

Why wait two weeks?

 

Getting my professional photos in. Lol, not building up suspense.

 

You could just as easily have posted a picture of a dog, a car, a jetfighter, etc etc - all of which would have equally "protected your identity", no?

 

Now where would the fun be in that?

[Theblueman123]

I also want to here everyone's stories opinions about this! I don't want a me-fest going on (lol), but I'm really interested in your guys's stories and opinions here about the idea.

[Capricorn3]

Getting my professional photos in.

 

Are you serious!!?? Oh dear, lol. You really take this "looks" thing seriously, huh? lol.

[jenny_mcs]

Getting my professional photos in.

 

 

LOL. Oh, sweetie. No one with 1/2 a brain and decent eyesight thought that avatar was you. And now you are waiting 2 weeks to get professional pictures taken? LOL, OK. I won't hold my breath on that!

 

Your actions and posts just sound like a young man who is actually very insecure with his looks. Hang in there.

[NightLily]

I also want to here everyone's stories opinions about this! I don't want a me-fest going on (lol), but I'm really interested in your guys's stories and opinions here about the idea.

 

 

You should just post whatever random photo you have. This isn't a modeling contest here on ENA. I take photos with a *cheap* webcam and just post them. But only rarely .. mostly if I look different than the last.

 

If you are worried you aren't nearly as attractive as you have built yourself up to be.. well ENA is a place where you get help for your problems. If you are going around the internet trying to maintain a false persona then you have issues you should work on for yourself. You are young.. it isn't unusual for kids to act that way especially if you get no attention at high school.

 

I'm not going to harangue you for pics because you are just a kid, but it is nice to be able to put a name to the face. You can always delete it after a short period of time.

 

DN- I don't know if this actually helps protect identiy if you delete them?

[sophie274]

My opinion/experience is that the "he/she's so attractive I feel intimidated and shy" problem does not really exist. It's usually a matter of attractive women being particularly aloof (even a little "ice queen"y), and attractive men being surrounded by other women that makes it unappealing to approach them. Honestly I can't think of a single man I've seen in real life who was so attractive that I was scared to approach him if I wanted to.

 

I think most men do not get approached or hit on that often, especially at 17 years old. I know very few high school girls who go out of their way to pick a guy up.

 

Another thing is that high school can be a very sort of segregated place, with people in quite rigid social hierarchies. Groups tend to form at the beginning of school, and then it can be hard for those groups to intermingle. I found it hard in high school to expand my social circle because it seemed as though social groups were quite fixed, especially towards the end.

[Theblueman123]

Your actions and posts just sound like a young man who is actually very insecure with his looks. Hang in there.

 

Congratulations, you win. That's exactly why I put such importance on how others percieve me, and how I percieve myself.

[NightLily]

Congratulations, you win. That's exactly why I put such importance on how others percieve me, and how I percieve myself.

 

You put that much attention on those things because you are a normal teenager. That is what you do at 17.. you figure out who you are and what your place in the world is. Insecurities are rampant and your peers become the most important people to you.

 

I don't know if you are doging my posts or something as you have replied to none of them, but honestly, I'm not looking to judge you here. Just help you. So consider taking us up on the offer.

[Jpo]

image removed

 

If you're so beautiful, why wait for professional pictures? Anyone can look good with the right angles, in the right lighting, and a touch of photoshop.

 

Out of curiosity, what makes you so convinced that these women are "intimidated" because you look hot? There are a million reasons someone wouldn't want to approach/talk to you and unfortunately 90% of them are not positive reasons.

[LightbulbSun]

Must...hold... back...insults....

 

Honestly, if you're so attractive, why don't you just fall in love with yourself? You love yourself so much anyway that it's a perfect fit.

[sophie274]

image removed

 

There are a million reasons someone wouldn't want to approach/talk to you and unfortunately 90% of them are not positive reasons.

 

To be fair, I think most of them are neutral. I'm single and interested in a relationship, but I can't really imagine a situation where I would just walk up to a man and chat him up. I'll make an effort to get to know a friend of a friend at a party if I think I might be interested, and make small talk with guys in my classes. But otherwise in daily life, I notice attractive men but never think to ask for their number ... just doesn't feel natural to me. I'm sure many women are the same way. I don't think many people get 'approached' out of the blue on a regular basis.

[bruinsy81]

I agree and those that do get hit on are not necessarily great looking .There are too many factors in the equation.I know many very attractive shy people who never get hit on ,not because they are not attractive to the opposite sex but because they have isolated themselves socially.

[Theblueman123]

You put that much attention on those things because you are a normal teenager. That is what you do at 17.. you figure out who you are and what your place in the world is. Insecurities are rampant and your peers become the most important people to you.

 

I don't know if you are doging my posts or something as you have replied to none of them, but honestly, I'm not looking to judge you here. Just help you. So consider taking us up on the offer.

 

I'll post a pic when I get a digitcal copy of the ones taken by a professional. I do want you to help me, and I'm not dodging your posts. I agree that most people my age are plagued by insecurities, we're still becoming who we're meant to be after all. Peers are the most important people to me right now, and while that is changing somewhat, I still want to be "wanted"...if you know what I mean.

 

Maybe my problem does truly lie withing myself. Maybe I do give off a "Jerk" attitude or something. Then again girls don't approach guys at my age, so it's probably a combination of the two.

[NightLily]

I don't know you guys. I think we really should keep this civil here. He *is* only 17 and you know how being a teen can be. It can be hard.

 

And I like to think this isn't a place where we come to judge, but try to support each other. The more this is built up with catty comments, the harder it is going to be for him to open up and come to terms with things if there is a problem.

 

If he is actually very insecure, it could be a painful issue. If he does actually have the looks to back it up though, well best of luck.

 

I'll just say the door is wide open if you want to step through it. Nobody is going to laugh at you if you are not the world's most attractive man. If they do, then shame on them for taunting a teen or just any person with obvious insecurities.

[Jpo]

Must...hold... back...insults....

 

Honestly, if you're so attractive, why don't you just fall in love with yourself? You love yourself so much anyway that it's a perfect fit.

 

From my personal experience most people who are that narcissistic typically are insecure and feel the exact opposite as their charade.