FortunateOne Posted December 19, 2009 Share Posted December 19, 2009 How about a man that's worked enough to retire at 40 to just travel the world and passionately dedicate himself to his hobbies? Link to comment
annie24 Posted December 19, 2009 Share Posted December 19, 2009 How about a man that's worked enough to retire at 40 to just travel the world and passionately dedicate himself to his hobbies? that would be fine! Link to comment
Blue Spiral Posted December 19, 2009 Share Posted December 19, 2009 well it's not precisely judging. just when it comes to picking out your mate and the person you are going to have children with, it helps to be picky. obviously, life throws lots of curve-balls, and you want to wind up with a partner next to you that will help you navigate those challenges. what if one person lost their job? what if both did? how would you manage? what would you do? these are serious concerns now. he can make a lot of money, but if he gambles it away, he's not a good husband. if he doesn't make a lot, but is good about using coupons and sticking to a budget, and saving money each month, he sounds like a better prospect. You, being successful, are naturally and understandably looking at it from your point of view. I'm looking at it from the other: if it turns out I'm not a winner, I'm afraid of being with someone that'd say, "Oh, I thought you were better than this, but I guess I was wrong. We're over, I need to find someone that's better at competing in a social-Darwinism sense." I just don't like the idea of a relationship being contingent on success. I'd rather have someone accept me for who I am, instead of watching me to make sure I measured up to society's various expectations. This is part of the reason why I don't bother with conventional relationships. (The other part of the reason is entirely my own fault, heh.) Link to comment
annie24 Posted December 19, 2009 Share Posted December 19, 2009 You, being successful, are naturally and understandably looking at it from your point of view. I'm looking at it from the other: if it turns out I'm not a winner, I'm afraid of being with someone that'd say, "Oh, I thought you were better than this, but I guess I was wrong. We're over, I need to find someone that's better at competing in a social-Darwinism sense." I just don't like the idea of a relationship being contingent on success. I'd rather have someone accept me for who I am, instead of watching me to make sure I measured up to society's various expectations. This is part of the reason why I don't bother with conventional relationships. (The other part of the reason is entirely my own fault, heh.) eh, i guess it depends on how you define success. i think most importantly, i don't want to come home one day to find out that my husband has quit his stable job so he could 'pursue his music career' and smoke pot on our couch, while plucking his guitar for 10 minutes a day. that doesn't appeal to me. success is relative. some people wouldn't consider olive garden manager to be 'successful' in the conventional way. but i bet if all the olive gardens went out of business, he's the kind of guy who would land on his feet and use his connections to find another, better job. sorry, i had spaghetti for dinner. italian food is on my mind. Link to comment
FortunateOne Posted December 19, 2009 Share Posted December 19, 2009 I see that women want to date a man regardless of his employment status, but as long as he is passionately driven and take care of his life footprint. One thing I do know about women is that they "LOVE" taking care of us guys since I'm still digesting the Sashimi my girlfriend brought home tonight. I love how women can be so nurturing when you give them happiness. Link to comment
annie24 Posted December 19, 2009 Share Posted December 19, 2009 my LOLcat likes sashimi as well! Link to comment
thedriver Posted December 19, 2009 Share Posted December 19, 2009 I suppose. Most people I know do not love their work. I think it is a rarity. Its not the nessecarily the job they love, but maybe the people they work with. By all standards, my job at the moment is crappy, but working with the people that i work with makes the day so much fun, i love it lol Link to comment
lostNspace Posted December 20, 2009 Share Posted December 20, 2009 In this day and age, even good people are unemployed. It's not just solely the uneducated and lazy that are without jobs. So, no, I would have no problem dating someone that was unemployed as long as they were looking to find a job. Now, someone who is chronically unemployed and doesn't really care to get out there and look would be a different story. Link to comment
EternalSingle Posted December 20, 2009 Author Share Posted December 20, 2009 In this day and age, even good people are unemployed. It's not just solely the uneducated and lazy that are without jobs. So, no, I would have no problem dating someone that was unemployed as long as they were looking to find a job. Now, someone who is chronically unemployed and doesn't really care to get out there and look would be a different story. I just started looking...as I have been here for only 2 weeks. Hopefully things will pan out. Link to comment
ghostdog Posted December 20, 2009 Share Posted December 20, 2009 OP- YES- my ex girlfriend and i began dating right after i became unemployed at the beginning of the year.... it was GREAT...she'd come over my house everyday after her work and screw my brains out... our relationship took a slight downturn when i began working and had less time for her... Link to comment
Siriana Posted December 20, 2009 Share Posted December 20, 2009 I don't think you are allowed to be unemployed to date at your age. Sorry. I find it quite impossible that a guy cannot find a job (any job) in NY. Since I am from Europe and from a crappy country I am going to tell you that over here I don't know many people who love their job. We mostly hate our jobs. I am bored to death on mine. But I have to pay the bills. So you do too. If you don't have passion for working, that's fine. Accept the fact that you can hate your job till the rest of your life if you're determined to do so and that still you'll have to work. You have an interesting MA and I guess you have plenty of job opportunities since you speak 2 foreign languages fluently. Start working because it will give you less time to think about life, which is good. Being picky is not an option. A full time job gives you just enough time to think about life. Anything more than that and you might over think about life. And why do I have a feeling you're not from States originally? Link to comment
fawndango Posted December 20, 2009 Share Posted December 20, 2009 Nope, i learnt my lesson twice. Causes too many problems in the relationship Link to comment
ghostdog Posted December 20, 2009 Share Posted December 20, 2009 who are u talking to? Link to comment
BriarRose Posted December 20, 2009 Share Posted December 20, 2009 I generally find people that are unemployed for a long time ( months or years) generally don't have to really work. In other words, they live at home, or have another source of income or don't have rent/mortgage, etc. Of course, I am not referring to those who are unable to work due to health issues, etc. If you are of sound mind and body, most people can find work after awhile. It just may not be a great job... So yeah, I would be leary if I met a guy who had not been working for months. Link to comment
Jd1983 Posted December 20, 2009 Share Posted December 20, 2009 If he was unemployed and actively seeking work, then yes I would. Link to comment
BriarRose Posted December 20, 2009 Share Posted December 20, 2009 If he was unemployed and actively seeking work, then yes I would. .. Exactly..."actively" seeking work. Link to comment
EternalSingle Posted December 20, 2009 Author Share Posted December 20, 2009 I have two passports and have spent half my life in Europe and the other in the US...but I feel I belong to neither...but hey, that just makes me interesting... Link to comment
EternalSingle Posted December 20, 2009 Author Share Posted December 20, 2009 BTW...this is a myth, speaking languages doesn't get you jobs. I know from personal experience and as I said I have only been here 2 weeks. I am sure something will happen. Link to comment
quirky Posted December 20, 2009 Share Posted December 20, 2009 wow, that was a long thread to read through. To the OP I believe that the issue is much deeper and we are only touching the surface. You haven't yet discovered your true passions and on an even deeper level you find it difficult being 100% accountable for your life. My best friend has been (to a large extend still is) the kind of guy that blossoms with the love of a woman. I know that if he was with someone he would do any job because his deepest need would be covered=makes him feel loved=makes him more motivated. He has been jumping from one job to the next, he is VERY intellectual, very cabable and somehow this hasn't led him into stability. Because deep down he was held back by fears, insecurities, notions he adopted to support his theories of "what's the point" and lots more internal obstacles. He's got very high morals that clash with this world's reality. I don't really have a list and like you I find all that minimizing to the miracle of life, the beauty of a moment and the awakening of a connection. I am sad to realise that we live in a society much more individualistic than I expected or envisioned. But these are my facts and that's what I need to work with. It is very important for you to have a job and I can reassure you that you can find a job you ENJOY when you accept reality a bit more. Right now you're chasing a shadow and you will feel eternally disappointed. I believe men face more pressure careerwise, it represents a lot of their competence, manliness and maturity. We women face other things we can do nothing about. There is great hope if you work with the world instead of going against it. But before all that the work needs to come from within in terms of understanding your natural talents, passions and dreams. You need to trace back to the "you" that is not tainted. Link to comment
EternalSingle Posted December 21, 2009 Author Share Posted December 21, 2009 This is me too. Link to comment
Siriana Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 who are u talking to? To the OP Link to comment
Delusional Kisses Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 I have personally dated a man that was unemployed. This was right before the recession and he was going through a VERY rough patch. I am employed and have been in the same job for almost 15 years. He had moved to my state for a job that only lasted a short period of time. He was "stuck" here for a bit without the means to get back home and we dated for a period of time while he had not a cent to his name. He took odd jobs here and there when they were available. I cared for him very much and would have followed him to the ends of the earth (truth be told). He eventually got back on his feet and went back to his hometown and is doing very well now. We no longer date. Link to comment
EternalSingle Posted December 21, 2009 Author Share Posted December 21, 2009 I have personally dated a man that was unemployed. This was right before the recession and he was going through a VERY rough patch. I am employed and have been in the same job for almost 15 years. He had moved to my state for a job that only lasted a short period of time. He was "stuck" here for a bit without the means to get back home and we dated for a period of time while he had not a cent to his name. He took odd jobs here and there when they were available. I cared for him very much and would have followed him to the ends of the earth (truth be told). He eventually got back on his feet and went back to his hometown and is doing very well now. We no longer date. Are you American? Link to comment
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