Would women here ever date a man who was unemployed?

[annie24]

Someone that makes you feel like life is going to be a great adventure, and not a process of attaining and collecting things.

 

but just to continue with this......

 

if i were to go to a party, how should i go about finding which men will make me feel like life is a great adventure? what should i look for? what sorts of things will this man be talking about?

[EternalSingle]

I can only tell you what I would do.

 

I do not have criteria, i.e. the grocery list. If I get along with someone and we were to hit it off and her personality were in sync with mine those would be my motivating factors, not a long list of what is permissible and what is not. I do have hang ups, not to disimilar to yours but I actively combat them because I do not think they are healthy.

 

On that note, most of the PhD candidates I know are doing theirs so they don't have to work or deal with the real world. Not saying that is you but I know a fair lot of them.

[EternalSingle]

Biological fact tells us that women want a man that can support her while she bears his child. You are saying that this is materialistic and shallow for women to want.

 

So what is it? If you're going to argue 'biological fact' then you can hardly criticize women for wanting someone who can support them. But if you're going to call women shallow then your DH isn't valid. You can't hold the two sexes to different standards.

 

Just because we live with DH, absolute human materialism and human consumerism does not mean I like any of it.

 

More to the point, a successful woman such as Annie has no need of such a man to support her or her child. Why still hold men to such criteria?

[EternalSingle]

but just to continue with this......

 

if i were to go to a party, how should i go about finding which men will make me feel like life is a great adventure? what should i look for? what sorts of things will this man be talking about?

 

I think the ultimate point to it all is that there is no magic formula. Most of the good things in life are a result of luck. That is yet another reason I frown upon the shopping list (which is your absolute right to have and maintain mind you).

[greywolf]

I can only tell you what I would do.

 

I do not have criteria, i.e. the grocery list. If I get along with someone and we were to hit it off and her personality were in sync with mine those would be my motivating factors, not a long list of what is permissible and what is not. I do have hang ups, not to disimilar to yours but I actively combat them because I do not think they are healthy.

 

On that note, most of the PhD candidates I know are doing theirs so they don't have to work or deal with the real world. Not saying that is you but I know a fair lot of them.

 

To say you don't have some sort of list sounds very naive to me.

Would you date women only in a certain age range? I'm sure you can cross anyone under 18 off your list.

 

Would you date someone that wanted an open relationship? I'm sure most people would cross that off their list as well.

 

Would you date a transsexual woman even though you get along great together?

 

What about someone who wouldn't have sex until they were married?

 

I could go on. Everyone has lists of who they would or would not date. It just means that we know what we want in a partner. Everyone is entitled to seek happiness and to date whoever they think they will be happy with.

[annie24]

I've dated men all over the spectrum - from investment bankers to engineers to law students to olive garden managers to a florist. What I can say is that looking back on the bulk of the experiences, the men whose personality most meshed with my own were the ones who were motivated and passionate. The guys who just kind of 'drifted along' often critisized me for being 'too driven.' I think the were just talking about their own insecurities. I think compared to my classmates, I am not as driven as some of them.

 

and just to point out - you can be an engineer who is 'drifting' or you can be an engineer who is motivated. it's not just the job or the education, but the zeal a man has.

[greywolf]

Just because we live with DH, absolute human materialism and human consumerism does not mean I like any of it.

 

More to the point, a successful woman such as Annie has no need of such a man to support her or her child. Why still hold men to such criteria?

 

I don't hold men to such criteria. I'm just responding to your posts where you have said that men are dictated by biological instincts.

 

Our biology dictates these things and whilst there are individual deviations, they are limited and found within the DH context.

 

So men are allowed to be dictated by these biological instincts, but women are not?

[IntotheWild]

but just to continue with this......

 

if i were to go to a party, how should i go about finding which men will make me feel like life is a great adventure? what should i look for? what sorts of things will this man be talking about?

 

Being open to people in all settings and leaving out as many assumptions as you can will help a great deal. We often miss our opportunities by way of assumption.

 

Look for someone that talks about helping others more than he talks about his career. Look for someone that's a believer, someone that believes he has the power to change things for the better, things that will help other people and not just himself. Look for someone that's not afraid of failing or how other people will think of him if he fails. Look for someone that's humble and that can admit his faults. Make sure he expresses a belief that he can overcome them and become a better man.

 

Ask him how he thinks his life will make this world a better place and then see if he freezes in fright at the question or if he smiles because he knows it will only take a moment to collect his thoughts and give you the answer he's always known. Ask him what he wants to accomplish so that he'll have no regrets when he dies. Ask him how he plans to do it and then see if he mentions the importance of the help of others in achieving those things, while also showing that he believes in himself and his gifts. Being willing to accept help from people signifies humility, and belief signifies courage. A man needs both.

 

If you can find a man that presents himself well in these things, then he's probably worth your time.

[annie24]

I think the ultimate point to it all is that there is no magic formula. Most of the good things in life are a result of luck. That is yet another reason I frown upon the shopping list (which is your absolute right to have and maintain mind you).

 

ah, see, i just think that's a cop out. If i enter a room with 100 single men, how am i to know which guy to go for? of course i could get lucky and the first guy approaches me could be the one. but let's say I'm walking around the room, overhearing the guys' conversations. how should i find my soulmate or the man who will make a good partner for me? I certainly don't have time to talk to all 100 men.

[FortunateOne]

Here is a question for you - I am 29 years old, attractive, am finishing my PhD this year in a hard science. I love animals, dancing, cooking, going to restaurants, arts, reading, and movies. I own my own home and I love foreign travel. I am undecided about having children, but love my nieces and nephews very much.

 

Tell me - who should i date? Who will make a good match for me? What should I look for in a man to date and potentially have a serious relationship with?

 

Me... ... But I already got me a girlfriend.

[annie24]

Me... ... But I already got me a girlfriend.

 

lol, thanks.

[FortunateOne]

I missed a lot of this thread when I had to step out but did I hear someone start a monetary policy discussion about the 1913 Federal Reserve Act?

 

Do not get me started about Rothschild banking dynasty, the Glass-Steagle Act of 1933 and the fractionalized reserve rate.

[EternalSingle]

ah, see, i just think that's a cop out. If i enter a room with 100 single men, how am i to know which guy to go for? of course i could get lucky and the first guy approaches me could be the one. but let's say I'm walking around the room, overhearing the guys' conversations. how should i find my soulmate or the man who will make a good partner for me? I certainly don't have time to talk to all 100 men.

 

 

You are entitled to think whatever you want. I certainly do not have all the answers, indeed, I have very few. If you think using the shopping list approach is best, then by all means use it and more power to you. You are in the majority in any event.

[EternalSingle]

I missed a lot of this thread when I had to step out but did I hear someone start a monetary policy discussion about the 1913 Federal Reserve Act?

 

Because Annie claimed that gender equality had something to do with most households needing two people in order to be supported when it is the inflationary monetary policy of the 'Federal' Reserve that is the real culprit.

[EternalSingle]

To say you don't have some sort of list sounds very naive to me.

Would you date women only in a certain age range? I'm sure you can cross anyone under 18 off your list.

 

Would you date someone that wanted an open relationship? I'm sure most people would cross that off their list as well.

 

Would you date a transsexual woman even though you get along great together?

 

What about someone who wouldn't have sex until they were married?

 

I could go on. Everyone has lists of who they would or would not date. It just means that we know what we want in a partner. Everyone is entitled to seek happiness and to date whoever they think they will be happy with.

 

In theory I am not opposed to any of the things you have mentioned. It all depends on the person.

[Blue Spiral]

If you think using the shopping list approach is best, then by all means use it and more power to you. You are in the majority in any event.

 

You're right, she is--which is one of the reasons I don't bother dating. When people expect you to offer something you don't have any interest in, well...

[annie24]

I think that this is really a good response. And this is helpful. I will try to keep these questions in mind next time I am meeting a new man and ask him about himself. I mean, it's one thing to say, "shopping lists don't work." But like another poster points out - we all have dating preferences, whether it's not dating underage people or transvestites or not. I mean, you need to have standards!! What if I introduce you to a 500 lb woman, and you say you aren't interested because she's too big. then i call you shallow and accuse you of putting 'not morbidly obese' on your laundry list?

 

I think it's laughable that you think I have a shopping list. I know some women who say things like "If a man doesn't make at least $200,000 a year, I'm not interested." or "If he doesn't drive this kind of car, and have a house in this neighborhood, and doesn't spend all his money on me, if he doesn't go to the coolest clubs and doesn't spend $500 on a sushi dinner, then I'm not interested." Here I am, just looking for a man with a job that he likes, or at least a man looking for a job. And I'm the shallow one.

[annie24]

Because Annie claimed that gender equality had something to do with most households needing two people in order to be supported when it is the inflationary monetary policy of the 'Federal' Reserve that is the real culprit.

 

no, that's not what i said. I just said in this day and age, most households can't survive on one income alone.

[EternalSingle]

You're right, she is--which is one of the reasons I don't bother dating. When people expect you to offer something you don't have any interest in, well...

 

It's funny. I have never really done the dating thing. I think it is very American. Multiple choice question, interview style, etc.

 

Why did you stop answering the multiple choice questions?

[EternalSingle]

Uhm. That is not what you said before and you know it. Naughty, naughty....

[annie24]

You're right, she is--which is one of the reasons I don't bother dating. When people expect you to offer something you don't have any interest in, well...

 

My shopping list. (here goes......!) I want a man.....

 

- with a job (or is trying to get one)

- who is intelligent, whether he has a formal education or not

- who is kind to animals and children

- who likes to travel

- who is faithful and honest

- who is interested in world events and keeps up with current events

- who is sexy and not too fat and not too thin.

- who is affectionate

- who wants to be in a relationship with me

- who is funny

- who is supportive of me and my goals

- who has ambitions or life goals of his own

- who is not a religious zealot

- who has no addictions to drugs or alcohol

- who is not already married or in a relationship

- who is not engaged in illegal activites

- who is a positive, optimistic person

- who would like to go to movies and shows with me

- who will attend shows I am performing in

- who will take care of me when i am sick, as i will do with him

 

Ok, go ahead. Call me shallow, me and my freaking list. :splat:

[EternalSingle]

I missed a lot of this thread when I had to step out but did I hear someone start a monetary policy discussion about the 1913 Federal Reserve Act?

 

Do not get me started about Rothschild banking dynasty, the Glass-Steagle Act of 1933 and the fractionalized reserve rate.

 

 

OK...I won't get you started...

[annie24]

Uhm. That is not what you said before and you know it. Naughty, naughty....

 

where? point out where i said otherwise....

[EternalSingle]

I don't understand why you are so offended by what we say. As I said, you are in the majority. Rejoice in that.

[EternalSingle]

where? point out where i said otherwise....

 

Your shopping list below goes way beyond 'wanting a guy who likes his job'...