Would women here ever date a man who was unemployed?

[annie24]

The genders have always been equal, but their roles were never meant to be the same.

 

times are a changin'.....

 

now, of course, a man will never be able to give birth, but in the job force, things are starting to become more equal. and let's face it - very few families can get by these days on only 1 income. i guess unless you're Tiger Woods, but we know what's unfolding now!

 

i guess, i just expect a man to bring the same thing to the table that i am - educated, with a job. or trying to get a job. it's ok if i make more money than him, but i don't want to be his sugar momma, supporting his musical explorations of the bass guitar or fingerpainting or whatever.

 

it's like if a really overweight, out of shape person is expecting to land a total gym rat with a perfect body. even if they did, why would their lifestyles mesh? if one likes to sit on the couch and eat chips, and the other likes to go rock climbing, would they really be a match for each other? probably not.

[EternalSingle]

no, i'm saying when you say 'as a woman' she can never understand. i think that is rather, well, rude. You can understand a viewpoint without having to be a man.

 

so, are you trying to say that you don't want to get a job because you don't want to be part of the "game"?

 

No. I want a job because I need money. If I ever were to be a success, much like Fortunate One, I suspect that women interested in me would only be interested in money, status, the ability to pay for bills and children and would have no interest in my person or my being. A pretty female has no such burden. I don't think one can understand how it is to have to compete within DH if one does not and it is not a view point but a fact of life. In this and nigh every other aspect of life, the Western female has the advantage over the man.

[waveseer]

No. I want a job because I need money. If I ever were to be a success, much like Fortunate One, I suspect that women interested in me would only be interested in money, status, the ability to pay for bills and children and would have no interest in my person or my being. A pretty female has no such burden. I don't think one can understand how it is to have to compete within DH if one does not and it is not a view point but a fact of life. In this and nigh every other aspect of life, the Western female has the advantage over the man.

 

And I am telling you that there are more lazy men conning women into supporting them than the other way around.

[itsallgrand]

Isn't it ironic that the idea that women are superior and have more clout than men - that the deck is stacked in our favour - breeds the sort of treatment that really sucks to receive as a female, the sort of attitude that attracts the basest of the lot, just too much. ?

 

And most women are just trying to get by like everyone else. Wrestling with worries of their own inadequacies and problems.

[EternalSingle]

I have not once heard if you are interested in the man as a person, his feeling or his humanity, just what he can do or if he can meet your particular standards. It's just the tick list.

 

The reason why families can no longer get by on one income has nothing to do with gender equality but with the inflationary monetary policy of the Federal Reserve; today's dollar has lost 96% of its value since 1913.

[EternalSingle]

And I am telling you that there are more lazy men conning women into supporting them than the other way around.

 

That is news to me. That may be your own experience but the opposite is far more common.

[IntotheWild]

And most women are just trying to get by like everyone else. Wrestling with worries of their own inadequacies and problems.

 

Yep... both genders have their advantages and disadvantages... both have their troubles and challenges. We're all the same, looking into different mirrors.

[EternalSingle]

Isn't it ironic that the idea that women are superior and have more clout than men - that the deck is stacked in our favour - breeds the sort of treatment that really sucks to receive as a female, the sort of attitude that attracts the basest of the lot, just too much. ?

 

And most women are just trying to get by like everyone else. Wrestling with worries of their own inadequacies and problems.

 

The deck is stacked in your favour. I would enjoy it if I were you.

[waveseer]

That is news to me. That may be your own experience but the opposite is far more common.

 

There are many more men willing to live at a lower standard if it means they don't have to work than there are women who feel the same way. Now, do you think there are more people at the higher income levels or the lower income levels?

[itsallgrand]

Yep... both genders have their advantages and disadvantages... both have their troubles and challenges. We're all the same, looking into different mirrors.

 

Well said.

[IntotheWild]

The reason why families can no longer get by on one income has nothing to do with gender equality but with the inflationary monetary policy of the Federal Reserve; today's dollar has lost 96% of its value since 1913.

 

It's not really economic policy, but people's redefined idea of ambition and success. People today believe they need a lot more than the people of 100 years ago. Some people today can't even imagine going without their cable TV or internet.

 

In many senses, we've become a spoiled generation, focused on the wrong things, with a distorted view of what it means to live a good life. People date online now with a list of checks and balances as to what equates to a proper match. It's mechanical, cold, and devastating to the beauty real relationships were meant to hold.

 

The worst enemy to a meaningful life is the fear and avoidance of hardship. We can't grow as higher beings without it, yet we spend so much of our time trying to dodge it as if it were evil. People fear being homeless, poor, hungry and when really they should fear being safe, secure, and unchallenged. None of us can save our own life in the end, yet we live as if that's the golden gate.

 

We can't be truly human until we've put aside our fears of personal pain and made the decision to live for something better.

[EternalSingle]

Well said, but it is monetary policy.

[annie24]

I have not once heard if you are interested in the man as a person, his feeling or his humanity, just what he can do or if he can meet your particular standards. It's just the tick list.

 

 

that's absolutely untrue. I am most interested in a man for who he is. not what he has to offer me. of course, i have standards. we all do. but i am a perfectly self-sufficient adult, i have a lot going for me, and i am looking for a partner to share my life with. kindness, love of animals, music, the arts, a man who is funny and likes the outdoors. these are all very important things that i am looking for. i'm not looking for a tick list. i'm looking for a man, not a grocery list.

[annie24]

oh, the irony...... you're typing this out on your personal computer at home on your wireless connection, i am sure?

 

I think that things are 'better off' now than they were back in our grandparents' day. Back in the day, a good match for my grandmother was a man who had a stable job and could provide food for his family. A good match for my grandfather was a woman who was pretty and knew how to cook. I think life was more of a 'tick list' back then!!!!! I, unlike my grandmother, can actually choose to marry a man who makes paper-clip art for a living, if that is what i so choose.

[EternalSingle]

that's absolutely untrue. I am most interested in a man for who he is. not what he has to offer me. of course, i have standards. we all do. but i am a perfectly self-sufficient adult, i have a lot going for me, and i am looking for a partner to share my life with. kindness, love of animals, music, the arts, a man who is funny and likes the outdoors. these are all very important things that i am looking for. i'm not looking for a tick list. i'm looking for a man, not a grocery list.

 

It doesn't sound like it. You are interested in a man for who he is...after he has passed the 30 question multiple choice test. There is nothing wrong with that as most of the West functions along those lines but to claim it is not a grocery list seems very dishonest.

[annie24]

It doesn't sound like it. You are interested in a man for who he is...after he has passed the 30 question multiple choice test. There is nothing wrong with that as most of the West functions along those lines but to claim it is not a grocery list seems very dishonest.

 

dishonest is one thing i am not.

 

by the way, i have dated an unemployed artist before, he had no desire to get a job, and had basically quit after a few weeks when his brother found a job for him. trust me, that relationship didn't work out.

 

i'm getting a PhD in a hard science. I want a man who is passionate about something in his life.

[annie24]

Here is a question for you - I am 29 years old, attractive, am finishing my PhD this year in a hard science. I love animals, dancing, cooking, going to restaurants, arts, reading, and movies. I own my own home and I love foreign travel. I am undecided about having children, but love my nieces and nephews very much.

 

Tell me - who should i date? Who will make a good match for me? What should I look for in a man to date and potentially have a serious relationship with?

[sweetharmony]

what a great conversation. Sociology at its best. Of course a woman would date a man who was unemployed as long as he were actively searching for a job. If he was wandering, as you say, then that I feel is a turn-off. This does stem from hunter-gatherer society where men are expected to be the breadwinners. Of course, sociwety has changed and women are very much equal, but women still seek stability and ambition, esp. if we are ambitious as well.

 

I absolutely love my job right now. I look forward to going to work every day and feel really blessed to be where I am. Of course, I am a student in master's program and so feel passionate about it. I've had jobs I did not like, but I have had those that I did love.

 

Everyone can find their passion. It doesn't have to make money, but passion for your work is attractive. And even if you don't love your job, ok well then that's fine, as long as you have passion for something else. Work doesn't have to define you, but you should get excited about something.

 

it's a shame, OP because you sound quite intellectual from the way you write. Many women would find that intellectual ability sexy...as long as you had a stable career, etc...use that ability for something good. Go back to school. You seem like you have some passion for lingusitics, international policy, sociology, etc. work for the UN with that language ability. Move to Washington DC there are tons of govt. jobs there, not here in NYC. people in DC are also more passionate about intellect than $.

 

What about teaching language at a high school? what about at the university level? it doesn't have to be a lucrative field, just respectable, esp. for someone of your ability.

 

I say this because I dated someone whom I found quite brilliant. unfort. at 32 yo living at home, he was still jumping from job to job with no goals. I felt it was wasted abilities. He really could have done anything. Both parents phDs and he really had some mind. i encouraged him to teach but he could just not motivate. I tried for several months but gave up. It's not my job.

 

I've dated men who lived at home, only because they were saving so they could buy a place or just saving in general, not because they want to spend money for rent on useless stuff.

[EternalSingle]

Here is a question for you - I am 29 years old, attractive, am finishing my PhD this year in a hard science. I love animals, dancing, cooking, going to restaurants, arts, reading, and movies. I own my own home and I love foreign travel. I am undecided about having children, but love my nieces and nephews very much.

 

Tell me - who should i date? Who will make a good match for me? What should I look for in a man to date and potentially have a serious relationship with?

 

I am not in the business of telling people what they should do or whom they should date. That is up to you. I would only say that one might best see past a narrow set of superficial criteria lest one be blind to something that does not meet the tick list but is far better than anything such a list could offer.

 

On a side note I have never understood why people think PhDs are so special. I know lots of people with PhDs. If I wanted to, I could begin mine next year. Why do you think a PhD is so special?

[IntotheWild]

oh, the irony...... you're typing this out on your personal computer at home on your wireless connection, i am sure?

 

Sure, but it's not ironic. Dependency to an unhealthy level was my point, not the technology itself.

[IntotheWild]

Here is a question for you - I am 29 years old, attractive, am finishing my PhD this year in a hard science. I love animals, dancing, cooking, going to restaurants, arts, reading, and movies. I own my own home and I love foreign travel. I am undecided about having children, but love my nieces and nephews very much.

 

Tell me - who should i date? Who will make a good match for me? What should I look for in a man to date and potentially have a serious relationship with?

 

Someone that makes you feel like life is going to be a great adventure, and not a process of attaining and collecting things.

[annie24]

I am not in the business of telling people what they should do or whom they should date. That is up to you. I would only say that one might best see past a narrow set of superficial criteria lest one be blind to something that does not meet the tick list but is far better than anything such a list could offer.

 

On a side note I have never understood why people think PhDs are so special. I know lots of people with PhDs. If I wanted to, I could begin mine next year. Why do you think a PhD is so special?

 

Well, you seem to think I am evaluating people by a 'tick list.' I am just wondering what you think I should be doing to find a man. No - honestly - what do you think? I think it's a cop out to say that you shouldn't tell me who/how to date. you seem to think that my criteria is narrow, so i am asking you, to put yourself in my shoes to try to decide how i shoulddate. What's my narrow superficial criteria? Wasn't my grandmother's criteria far more superficial?

 

Why is a PhD special? Because it's something you worked hard to achieve. That, plus, I am simply giving you more information about my life so you can make a decision on who I should date. I simply say this because as a PhD candidate, I spend about 60 hours a week in the laboratory, a lot of time reading a writing and going to conferences in my field and going to seminars. I just gave that as background information. If I were a nurse, or a school teacher or an economist, I would have said that as well, so you could understand the context and the people who I am surrounded by during my waking hours.

[annie24]

Someone that makes you feel like life is going to be a great adventure, and not a process of attaining and collecting things.

 

yes, i agree, i want a man with an adventurous spirit.

[EternalSingle]

I have some ideas of what I would like to do...but they require immense sacrifice of me...sacrifice I have made in the past, for example, in order to finance my MA, which I did without a dime of loans or external aid but I am wary of walking that path again. I was only living for the proverbial pay cheque and I found it lacking. Still, my ideas haunt me...the other issue, beyond the dreadful sacrifice that it would all entail, is my age. I am not young and going through with it all would cost me at least 5, maybe 6 years of my life, at which point I would be almost 40. This does not please me.

 

I have been applying for language related jobs; today I applied for a bilingual English/German editorial position (entry level) and I have already applied for teaching jobs (which, quite frankly are not my cup of tea but beggars can't be choosers). I just arrived in New York 2 weeks ago so I am not yet completely grim about my situation and have been learning the necessary art of feigning optimism such that there are days when I can even deceive myself!

[greywolf]

There is no attitude. I was simply laying out the biological facts of our existence and the mate selection criteria for each sex.

 

The other fellow on the thread agrees with my assessment and he is financially successful. It does not take a genius to see through the game.

 

Biological fact tells us that women want a man that can support her while she bears his child. You are saying that this is materialistic and shallow for women to want.

 

So what is it? If you're going to argue 'biological fact' then you can hardly criticize women for wanting someone who can support them. But if you're going to call women shallow then your DH isn't valid. You can't hold the two sexes to different standards.