Keyman Posted October 21, 2009 Share Posted October 21, 2009 Get a man to come back for more? So, I am suffering from dating fatigue... I'm kinda over going on dates with women who think all the have to do to keep my interest is show up. I've been on several dates recently, some with very attractive women, but I walk away afterwards wondering why I would call them again. The dates tend to go fine, it's easy enough to get the ladies talking about themselves and I follow through with more questions, with only a very rare uncomfortable silence. It's not hard to get them to laugh and have fun, but at the end of the date I walk away wondering if they are interested. With an apparent 'man-shortage' here in Brisbane, you'd be thinking the ladies would be trying harder to ensure that guys rang them or asked them out again. So, ladies, what do you do on a date that you are enjoying to ensure he'll follow up? Link to comment
waveseer Posted October 21, 2009 Share Posted October 21, 2009 Flirt, why aren't they? Link to comment
lady00 Posted October 21, 2009 Share Posted October 21, 2009 I don't think I do anything in particular. I just engage in conversation and ask him about himself and his interests. I also try to get them laughing, which usually helps. Link to comment
jenny_mcs Posted October 22, 2009 Share Posted October 22, 2009 I didn't "do" anything. If we both had fun, and some chemistry was there, chances are we'd go out again. Link to comment
Dinka Posted October 22, 2009 Share Posted October 22, 2009 If I were interested, I'd tell him at the end of the date that it was a lot of fun and I'd look forward to doing it again. I.E. "Hint hint, call me!" But otherwise DURING the date, I'd prefer to be myself and not have to employ any strategy...unless, of course, it was an escape strategy... Link to comment
Keyman Posted October 22, 2009 Author Share Posted October 22, 2009 Honestly, some of these dates have been like pulling teeth - a constant attempt to keep things lively and to get them to talk. The closest thing I get to flirting is from my female friends and the housemate, although that is often followed by some statement alluding to not wanting to date. So, the girls I date don't flirt or want my attention, and the girls that flirt like made and want my attention, don't want to date. I'm over it for the time being, and just going to go get on with having a ball doing the things I love doing and forgetting about dating. Meh. Link to comment
lady00 Posted October 22, 2009 Share Posted October 22, 2009 Honestly, some of these dates have been like pulling teeth - a constant attempt to keep things lively and to get them to talk. The closest thing I get to flirting is from my female friends and the housemate, although that is often followed by some statement alluding to not wanting to date. So, the girls I date don't flirt or want my attention, and the girls that flirt like made and want my attention, don't want to date. I'm over it for the time being, and just going to go get on with having a ball doing the things I love doing and forgetting about dating. Meh. What I don't understand is how you get to the stage of dating when they have not even flirted with you yet. Maybe I missed something, but isn't there usually quite a bit of flirting before the first date, during which time, both people realize they are intrigued and want to go out on a date? Link to comment
Keyman Posted October 22, 2009 Author Share Posted October 22, 2009 Often the dates are made through dating dinnerS that give the option to swap details afterwards, so the first date tends to be when that begins. I don't go to bars to meet people, and many of the activities I do gets me out among ladies, but many are too young, too old or already involved. Thus the other methods of dating. Even online dating hasn't had many merits, you end up getting to the flirt part on the first date, if you get that far in the first place. My housemate flirts like crazy, then drops the line that she is only looking for someone close to her own ages... Several years older than me. Again, meh. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted October 22, 2009 Share Posted October 22, 2009 So, I am suffering from dating fatigue... I'm kinda over going on dates with women who think all the have to do to keep my interest is show up. The dates tend to go fine, it's easy enough to get the ladies talking about themselves and I follow through with more questions, with only a very rare uncomfortable silence. It's not hard to get them to laugh and have fun, but at the end of the date I walk away wondering if they are interested. So, ladies, what do you do on a date that you are enjoying to ensure he'll follow up? If you are having a good time with these women, talking and laughing, I'm not sure why you are wondering if they are interested. The only way you would know for sure is for them to tell you that they are interested directly. I also can't help but notice that you are the common denominator here. You are talking about feeling dating fatigue with these groups of women; perhaps you do not seem very excited on the dates? Just a thought to consider. Link to comment
Day_Walker Posted October 22, 2009 Share Posted October 22, 2009 I tend to view dating as a weeding out process, the idea isnt to have a successful date and find a person that you are excited about every time you go on a date. I think that if you find yourself falling into the same rut when dating then do something different. For example, I tend to skip the dating formalities and ask questions that I am particularly interested in. I am looking to weed girls out as soon as possible and if I can do that on the first date then I have not wasted my time. Link to comment
Keyman Posted October 22, 2009 Author Share Posted October 22, 2009 I also can't help but notice that you are the common denominator here. You are talking about feeling dating fatigue with these groups of women; perhaps you do not seem very excited on the dates? Just a thought to consider. this is why I think I have dating fatigue. I feel like I'm going through the motions and none of these ladies is really standing out or there isn't a special spark there. Maybe I'm a little over the process. Yet when I met my current flatmate a month ago... sparks galore. Link to comment
Keyman Posted October 22, 2009 Author Share Posted October 22, 2009 I tend to view dating as a weeding out process, the idea isnt to have a successful date and find a person that you are excited about every time you go on a date. I think that if you find yourself falling into the same rut when dating then do something different. For example, I tend to skip the dating formalities and ask questions that I am particularly interested in. I am looking to weed girls out as soon as possible and if I can do that on the first date then I have not wasted my time. That does seem to fit into my situation. Perhps I'm fed up of weeding out all of the girls and that none are seeming to stand. Good advice to change what I'm doing. I'm going on holiday from dating. Only those already with a spark need apply... Link to comment
mad rabbits Posted October 22, 2009 Share Posted October 22, 2009 You mentioned "dating fatigue"... this is why I don't date anymore, not per se... Are you online dating? Many will disagree but I think its best to just cultivate online friendships, maybe through the sites that are less hardcore "date and meet someone" focussed, and see which friendships take off and you are interested in meeting up with. If you don't fancy them in the flesh at least you will have a new friend. Otherwise, you will waste an awful lot of time, and get very frustrated... Link to comment
Keyman Posted October 22, 2009 Author Share Posted October 22, 2009 Are you online dating? Many will disagree but I think its best to just cultivate online friendships, maybe through the sites that are less hardcore "date and meet someone" focussed, and see which friendships take off and you are interested in meeting up with. If you don't fancy them in the flesh at least you will have a new friend. Otherwise, you will waste an awful lot of time, and get very frustrated... Hey Sydney girl, I'm not full on into the dating sites, but I find the one I am a part of often pushes towards meeting soon after, while I would like to get to know them online a bit first. I do agree with you about cultivating online friends first, but it's costly to do that through some sites (especially for men). I'm more than happy to not date for a while and just cultivate my crush on my flatmate... Link to comment
grymoire Posted October 22, 2009 Share Posted October 22, 2009 yea, even i am very curious to know what do women do during/after a date if they like the guy. it always looks to me like only men like women and only men put in the effort. like how the OP has mentioned it looks like women just show up. in another thread lot of women said that they are impressed when a man pays for the first date. its the guy doing something to impress the woman. i asked there "so what does a woman do to impress the guy?". i am asking the same question here because i really want to know. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted October 22, 2009 Share Posted October 22, 2009 this is why I think I have dating fatigue. I feel like I'm going through the motions and none of these ladies is really standing out or there isn't a special spark there. Maybe I'm a little over the process. Yet when I met my current flatmate a month ago... sparks galore. So, not surprisingly, this is not about the girls not working hard enough to show interest but about the fact that you are pretty much disinterested. Link to comment
Timbone Posted October 22, 2009 Share Posted October 22, 2009 Seems that you might unconsciously comparing everyone to your flatmate and they are coming up short, or maybe you are just unconsciously dismissing these other dates out of hand because they are not your flatmate... But your flatmate has already said that she wouldn't date younger guys, hasn't she? Why attempt to cultivate something when she's already stated that she doesn't want that to grow? Not sure if you were kidding or not, but if she's already leaning towards not interested, pushing her to try to be interested or hoping for that isn't going to better your chances. Link to comment
Keyman Posted October 22, 2009 Author Share Posted October 22, 2009 Seems that you might unconsciously comparing everyone to your flatmate and they are coming up short, or maybe you are just unconsciously dismissing these other dates out of hand because they are not your flatmate... But your flatmate has already said that she wouldn't date younger guys, hasn't she? Why attempt to cultivate something when she's already stated that she doesn't want that to grow? Not sure if you were kidding or not, but if she's already leaning towards not interested, pushing her to try to be interested or hoping for that isn't going to better your chances. Many of the dates were prior to meeting the flatmate, so there wasn't anyone to compare them to. I think I have grown generally bored of trying to make girls interested, in flirting etc. It would be nice to be asked on a date and the girl shows obvious interest in me, for a change. While I have an attraction to my flatmate, I am aware that she has very specific requirements she is looking for, and I don't fit them exactly. But I am largely over the whole dating thing and have a preference to staying at home on a Saturday night in my own company, and this has been the case over the last few months. She also has a preference for doing this too, it would seem, and I enjoy spending time with her watching a DVD etc. Sure, I would like her to like me more in that way, but I know what 'no' means, and so am not trying to cultivate something that may not be there. I won't stop flirting, I flirt with everyone anyway, and while I am resistant to being her friend and having to listen to her questions on dating, I will push myself to be friends. As I have said to her, I would rather hang out at home with good company (ie her or alone) than hang out in bars or try to ask anything that moves on a date. I have a highly active social life with friends and acquantances for most of the week, so Saturday comes down to a rest day for me. Will I be upset or jealous if she begins openly dating someone, sure, that is in my nature, but since I can't do anything about it, I won't be pushing anything. I do seem to be getting the whole crush thing out of my system though, which is good, then I can get on and just be me. Thanks everyone for your thoughts. Link to comment
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