She calls me "friend", but cries and is jealous with other girls around

[Keraron]

The background to this story is complicated, but I think the most important detail is my personal attitude (or idea) that a strong friendship is the basis of all successful long-term relationships, and since about one year I have behaved in that way towards all women I met, completely abandoning flirting and seduction.

 

It is in the context of this major personal change that I met one girl with whom I developed something that I had never experienced before, not even with my best male friends. We know each other since one month but have spent more time together than I have ever done with my best friends cumulatively. My other friends describe her as being very attentive, sweet, affectionate towards me and giving me lots of attention. At the beginning of this "friendship" there was indeed some attraction, but, probably because of my belief in non-flirting, I always downplayed such hints.

 

We have spoken about everything, including our past relationships and recent dates, and from what she told I think she's single and wants to be on good terms with every guy until she knows everyone better and finds out who is Mr.Right. I noticed that ever since she told this to me, she also invites other guys to hang out with us - I have no clue whether she does so to make me jealous or simply because she still sees me as "just a friend".

However, I notice that she gets very reserved when I speak to other girls or seem to flirt with them.

 

Her older friends described her as a very emotional person. She once asked me whether one colleague of mine was friendly towards me only because we were colleagues or because she likes me as a person. While asking that she was almost crying, fighting tears.

 

She sometimes sends me very sweet SMS, she calls me just to ask how I am, and as I told in a previous thread, she sometimes alludes to a long term relationship, e.g. when she says "If I were your wife, I would not like the fact that, etc."

 

Yet her signals are too ambiguous or I get too confused by other behaviors of hers. For example, yesterday I wanted to make a first move and tell her that I would like to be in a relationship with her. I wanted to start but she was in such an upbeat mood that when I thanked her she said, "Oh what are you thanking me for? You did so much for me, too! And this is what friends are for, right?"

Then a friend joined and I couldn't ask her anymore...

I was quite angry the rest of the time and before we left she changed her plans of a trip we wanted to go on together. She asked me whether I was offended, and I half-jokingly and half-seriously started ignoring her.

 

I don't know whether she was serious, but she had tears in her eyes and once again it seemed as if she was about to cry.

I told her find new friends"

She replied do", clearly crying and hiding her face.

 

And left.

 

Any ideas what this is and how I should proceed?

[Sn0man]

You must be blind as a bat. She likes you. Make your move quickly before you lose her forever.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

^^^What he said!

[Keraron]

You must be blind as a bat. She likes you. Make your move quickly before you lose her forever.

 

What makes you so sure about this?

 

I had the impression after yesterday that she didn't like to be alone with me and therefore called other people. That I was becoming a kind of weight to her soul...

[In the Dark]

The weight on her soul is she wants you.

I think it's like this.

 

She doesn't want to have feelings for you.

But she does.

She wanted to keep things "casual". . .

But her heart says I really want him.

Her mind says "but not now!!"

It will be the end of other relationships or "messing around" having "fun" so to speak.

She cannot trust herself to maintain a relationship as she doesn't want to be tied down when there is more excitement which could pop up and she will want to be able to do it.

 

Thats the weight on her soul.

Wanting you to be all for herself but a part of her says she doesn't want to be all for you.

 

Crappy huh

[CourtD]

I have been in the same situation but just recently got out of it. Except i'm the girl. She likes you. You guys must be really close friends and she wants to stay that way and she wants to be something more with you. She'll be thrilled when she finds out you want to be with her. I'm just guessing though because that's how I would act in this situation (which was terrible for me cause the guy didn't like me back).

Well anyway I hope that helped even a little bit.

[Keraron]

Wow... these are all so positive stories. If it were true I would go RIGHT UP TO HER and tell her I love her!!

 

But I wanted to add another possibility and ask what you think about it:

Perhaps she wants me as a true friend and is sad that I'm pursuing a romantic relationship. Perhaps she's crying because she doesn't want to loose me as a friend after she rejects me....

 

What do you think of that scenario?

 

I think this scenario because now, for example, when I send her a sweet message, she doesn't reply to me anymore

[In the Dark]

As I said she wants you but.

Since feeling aren't casual on hers and your behalf anyumore she has ran off.

Best thing she can think of.

Running away from her feelings.

 

She doesn't want a relationship.

She didn't want her feelings to get like this for you.

She kept on tricking herself by texting "friend" to you.

Because her mind wants just that froom you but her heart says other wise.

 

Thats my theory anyway.

[Keraron]

As I said she wants you but.

Since feeling aren't casual on hers and your behalf anyumore she has ran off.

Best thing she can think of.

Running away from her feelings.

 

She doesn't want a relationship.

She didn't want her feelings to get like this for you.

She kept on tricking herself by texting "friend" to you.

Because her mind wants just that froom you but her heart says other wise.

 

Thats my theory anyway.

 

So you think it is her MIND that is constraining her and convincing her to run away from me?

 

So... what could I tell her or how could I behave in order to make her mind synchronize with her heart?

[SunniDee]

She's put herself out there for you. And you have been pretty oblivious. Tell her how you feel, and let her come to you. She will, even if she hesitates at first.

[CourtD]

As I said she wants you but.

Since feeling aren't casual on hers and your behalf anyumore she has ran off.

Best thing she can think of.

Running away from her feelings.

 

She doesn't want a relationship.

She didn't want her feelings to get like this for you.

She kept on tricking herself by texting "friend" to you.

Because her mind wants just that froom you but her heart says other wise.

 

Thats my theory anyway.

 

That's exactly how I was. Exactly.

[dr_styles]

Perhaps she wants me as a true friend and is sad that I'm pursuing a romantic relationship. Perhaps she's crying because she doesn't want to loose me as a friend after she rejects me....

 

Tell her how you feel, and let her come to you.

 

Well do you mind losing her as a friend? In some ways it reads like all this unknown is hurting you too, but you seem to be able to ignore her too.

Just put it out there, put the ball in her court and you'll know.