Post here instead of contacting your ex!

[somethngwrng]

Here we go, our first full week of 0 contact since we've met. It hasn't been hard to do, it's just been hard that we've come to this. It's hard that I thought I'd finally found someone who loved me, and in the end it was nothing but an illusion.

 

I got thinking about how I was going to pay for us to both goto Vegas, see the Grand Canyon and the US for the first time. You never seemed excited or thankful that I was willing to pay for us to do that. But... you were never thankful for anything I did for you. You just focused on the negative, created non existent problems out of thin air. I'm realising you were a narccisist, which is why you would brag about what a great boyfriend I was to others while chastising me and mentally abusing me behind closed doors. At the time I thought it was just because you couldn't control your emotions. You never really loved me, you couldn't have. Noone could treat someone they love like you treated me.

 

I don't wish you well. I want you to wake up and realise you can't treat people that way. You're not my problem anymore so I shouldn't even care. Your life is so stupidly easy and comfortable right now. You're a child in a woman's body, and I don't know if you're ever going to have to grow up. At least not until your parents retire or die. I know that's a horrible thing to say, but you are headed nowhere... fast. You better find a rich man to look after you, but I doubt you could hold on to one if you ever managed to snag them in the first place.

[northpickle]

Blinking heck, I feel happy right now. H.A.P.P.Y! Ha! I've got the control back and the way you slinked away, I don't think you'll be getting in touch soon. And I might go out this weekend and not even mind if I DO see you, because you're the one who ran away and you'll feel awkward, not me. Ran away from me when I couldn't have been more gentle, kind and firm. I do wish you hadn't run away because I have that niggling suspicion that you thought I was trying to ask you to come back in some roundabout way and I didn't finish what I was saying. But I wasn't asking you to come back. I don't want to be with you right now anyway, I'm still growing, healing and have a long way to go. So do you but I don't know whether you realise that...

 

What does it matter anyway? You got your troubles and I got mine. I still miss the good times and think about them a lot still, but it's hurting less. You're replacing the good memories of our relationship with more confusing memories post break-up. I wish you no malice and never will do, because you are in many ways an amazing man, but you need to sort yourself out as much if not more than I do. I hope you know that. Take care x

[lalalollipops]

Listening to "I love the way you lie" by Eminem...

 

I kept dreaming about you last night again but this is the first morning where I felt pretty good...

I kept thinking about all the times in the past 4 years you were never there for me. Holiday's you would bail out...work or stay at home...never go with me...

to zoo's, family functions...water parks...skating/bowling/ other activities...whenever I'd ask you to take a day off work to spend time with me you said no. But when we would break off you would take days off at a time to go out with your guy friends and do stuff. I didn't matter to you.

I wish I could stop living in my head....

 

I remember that coming out when my ex and I were having problems- when I found out about him cheating and lying.

It was really ironic cos it'd play on radio EVERY SINGLE day, several times in fact.. and we were constantly in the car driving places.

It made laugh how much it mimicked my reality. I even told him how weird it was that something related would always be playing when we were together (during that period). You know, songs about trust, lies, cheating. It was like God was playing a joke on me or sth. =/

I can't listen to the song now without thinking back to those days. =(

 

 

---------------

 

You're still my soft spot. =/

[jimbobday]

No more mopping around. I thank you for showing me the light. I must now use this pain to push harder than i ever have and achieve.more than i ever have before.

 

I will not give in and i will continue to push to achieve what i truly deserve.

 

Time to reinvent my whole life

[wanttomoveon]

Just ordered a memory stick so I can store all the photographs & the little pictures you drew for me, meaning I can delete them from my laptop and from my camera. Then I'm going to buy a pretty box and put that and any other little bits, like actual photographs, teddies, jewellery etc, in it and give it to someone to keep for me. It's not that I actually spend any time looking at these things, dwelling on them, but I feel like it's symbolic. Packing you away so to speak.

 

And then, maybe next weekend when I'm actually at home I'm going to have a HUGE clearout and get rid of loads of stuff in preparation for when I move. I can't wait to leave our house and have a fresh start. I know that when it actually happens it will be bittersweet, after all this should have been our home for so much longer, but I will be glad to leave and get a place of my own. Just for me.

[Aleina2011]

I just wanted to be in a loving relationship. I would have loved you and been by your side for the rest of my days. I am sorry I asked for too much. I was - am - insecure. I feared this, I was scared I would wake up one day with you gone. Which is what happened. You have made your choice - informed me that it is final. I must accept it. After all, there are worse things in life than a broken heart. I must be thankful for what I have and not complain about what I don't have. This is the starting point for becoming a better person. And if god will send a loving relationship my way, I shall be thankful for that. I don't hate you, I just want to forget you.

[Love1336]

I can't say that i was in love with you, but i was falling in love with you.

It hurts so bad. It truly does. I trusted you, i believe you was different from every single loser i dated. Why was i so foolish to think so?

I miss you.

[Hastyhand]

It`s the first hour of My birthday.

At this exact moment 2 years ago we had anal sex for the first time.

That was a good present..I think the most awesome one I`ve ever got. haha.

 

I know that you will remember it till the rest of your days..you just dont forget the first times.

[thelastsong]

I just want to hug you again.

[Robin2904]

I can't say that i was in love with you, but i was falling in love with you.

It hurts so bad. It truly does. I trusted you, i believe you was different from every single loser i dated. Why was i so foolish to think so?

I miss you.

 

Oh no! Is this the new guy you were seeing??? I'm so sorry girl

[thelastsong]

I have given up. I just feel completely out of control of every aspect of my life, my love life being no exception. I have fought every day for the past six months to be happy and move on, but things have only gotten worse. I can't do it anymore. I just don't have the strength left.

[lalalollipops]

I don't know why.

Why can't I just let you die in my heart completely?

Bits of you still linger.

 

 

 

I can't believe this.

It shouldn't be this way.

[lalalollipops]

I wholeheartedly loved you.

[Notagoodninja]

I'm super sad for you. you were my baby. I loved you. I am thinking right now about how much I adored you and kissed your face. I am so confused. Are you gay? are you a pedaphile or something? are you a sociopath> are you bi polar? ive never met a huge mess like you in my entire life. I hate it for you to curl up alone adn lonely. I hate evn more for some other girl to be keeping you company. I dont know what's worse, ya know? cause you're my bay and we should of grown old together. I said some super cruel things at the end. Im sorry yet Im not cause of the horrible things you said to me too. Maybe one day I will get more forgiveness about it and more mercy. right now im just down right furious and disgusted its so oooo hard for me to not wish you the worst. i dont think you deserve some girl....you already screwed up two of us...........

I rly have nothing to say, you dont love me or miss me. I just want to look really hot the next time you see me so im gonna work out like crzy. the only revenge i can have it looking good. also being alone. because you said horrible names to me you thought i could never be alone but im prety sure ill be alone next time you see me and ill be much prettier and you will feel like an idiot for all youve thought about me I WILL PROVE YOU WRONG

[thelastsong]

You told me that you wanted to be single for a while to figure yourself out. What, did you go searching deep down in your soul and find her? Is being engaged to your ex your way of "finding happiness that doesn't come from other people or situations"?

 

I was actually okay with the break up at first. You have a lot of issues to sort through. But she changes everything. Was it all just a lie? Did you say those things because they're the sorts of things one's expected to say after a break-up?

 

I absolutely detest you. You're nothing but a dirty liar. You selfishly used me and then threw me away like I'm nothing.

 

And I hate her. How can she have no respect for me? Didn't she think about how much she would hurt me when she stole you back? Is she really that sadistic? Does she lack all forms of empathy?

 

Both of you have treated me like an object. I'm worth more than that.

[manu85]

I wish I would have expressed my anger towards you. How you make me feel like no one wants me now. How you make me feel as if bisexual boys are no good for anyone. How you make me feel like there's no future for people like me. How you said I'm too complex for a girl. Which girl will ever accept me for who I am? I know a big part of that is in my own power. I need to make choices. I'm a good guy. I'm smart. I'm creative. I'm sweet. I'm social. I'm handsome. I just need to believe it. I need to build my self-esteem for the next girl. I know that secretly, I was one of your biggest, if not your biggest love up to now. That might have already changed. Maybe you just fel in love with a super boy. You don't let time pass. I'd be happy for you. Why do I feel so empty. Why do I still feel a big gap inside of me each and every day? I need to find other people to trust and to talk to. Why do I still feel so confused? I still don't know where I want my life to go. I still don't know what to choose. I will be happy once I make choices. Maybe I should just follow the inner me and do what I've always wanted to do. I need to get this degree first and then do what I want. Why does life seem so hard and sad? Why do I have the feeling that, whatever I'll choose and whomever I'd meet in the (near) future, I'll always live a lonely life and I'll always be alone with my feelings, sadness and frustrations? I need to fight against this. I have wrong ideas, I make wrong assumptions. People do love me. One day a girl will wholeheartedly accept me for who I am, forgive my mistakes and we will live happily ever after... Oh God, I can't even try to believe my own BS. But I need to. I need to think positive. Do what I love. Appreciate the many positives that are in my life. Find a new, sensitive girl for me, who understands me better than you did. Who does know where my need for artistry comes from. Who does know that I need that to be happy. Who understands me better than you did. Who is more relaxed. And still, I love you so much. Even if you'll be with another man. I'll love you and will always care for you. But not as a lover, just as a person.

 

And why do I still, after all this time, feel so lost? Feel like nobody really loves me? I know that I need to make choices about my future. But I have so much fear. Fear of the future. Fear of relationships. I can't seem to become my worriless self anymore, like the person I used to be. You still make me feel like time has ended. I feel depressed. I feel I have nothing to look forward to and I feel like I have to crawl through each day, doing something I don't like. Yet I'm afraid to choose for the thing I do love, because it will make me no money and that will result even worse for my relationship chances. Do I even want a relationship? Do I even want kids? I just want somebody close. But I'm afraid to love again.

 

I'm afraid that little fearless, dreamy, happy boy inside of me has died. Or hasn't he? How can I wake him up?

[Springs]

I'm getting my flight back tonight...I went home this weekend. That's the first time I've been away and you haven't known. I miss you. I wish I could get on the plane knowing you are there for me on the other side. The airport reminds me of the countless flights I took to see you for the weekends a year ago...god if I'd known it would end like this. I uprooted everything for you and here I am, alone. I don't know what my future holds, it's so scary. I envy you that everything else in your life is constant throughout this. You have only lost me, while I have lost everything. You probably don't think of me half as much as I think of you. You'll probably have someone new soon. It kills me.

[Notagoodninja]

Okay wow I go through so many emotions every day. But this morning after reading some posts and seeing how guys think and how quickly they move on, I officially HATE you, lol. I really do. I hate your guts, I can't stand you. You're a loser a messed up loser and I hope you can't get your **** up when you go try to get laid. I hope one day you see me out at a club or something dancing my butt off having a GREAT time WITHOUT you so it shatters your self inflated ego. I hate you VERY much. I will NEVER speak to you again, EVER!

[wanttomoveon]

I passed my driving test today. This feels like the beginning of something really good something positive, something that makes this year feel like less of a write off.

 

In your face DD!!

[soybeans]

You have me so confused. I don't even know if we are broken up or not because you haven't changed your facebook status but at the same time, haven't tried to contact me. I hate that I broke down and called you. I know you are at work and couldn't pick up anyway, but I still did it. I had so much anxiety running through me that I gave in to that overwhelming urge.

 

Yesterday was so hard not hearing from you, your morning text or your call before bed. All I want is to know that you miss me and want to be with me but I believe that you are done. You threw me away just like all the others. As if I was the one who betrayed you and wronged you- I did nothing but support you and take you back after you stabbed me in the back and lied constantly.

 

I have so much anger built up inside and so much anxiety by not knowing where we stand. If I had a concrete answer then I knew I could move on and stop holding on to this hope.

 

I packed your clothes in a bag today. I deleted your texts and calls from my phone. I even got back in touch with two guys from my past, but it doesn't make it any better. I don't want their attention. I don't want them calling me 'sweetheart' like you always did. It isn't the same. Why don't you care anymore. Or is it that you never really did and it was all me putting in the effort?

 

I feel ashamed, weak, low...empty and lost. I have to be strong, I have to somehow accept that it is over.

[thelastsong]

Would you tell your friend to stop hitting on me? Does he not see the huge sign on my forehead that says "EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE"? Hell, he was hitting on me while we were still dating! And you were aware and very jealous. I wish you were still jealous. I wish you cared.

[northpickle]

I wish that everything we had ever done, everything you ever said, every place we ever went and any memory (however vaguely related) I have of you at all was contained in a separate compartment of my brain, a compartment with a huge big OFF button that I could press whenever I wanted.

 

One day those memories will make me smile, but now they just make me want to cry, because it seems you don't want to make any more of them with me. And that really really stings.

[Melting]

I hate working with you, it is killing me!

 

I had one place that I could find my happiness and that was at work and you have destroyed that.

 

To watch you smiling every day, trying to make a conversation with me..... rips my heart into shreads.

[Notagoodninja]

I saw that you posted this today and I know it's for me. well oh where oh where can my baby be

the lord took her away from me

shes gone to heaven so I've got to be good

so I can see my baby when I leave this world

 

 

we were out on a date in my daddys car

we hadn't Driven vary far

there in the road stright ahead

the car was staled

the engine was dead

I couldn't stop

so I swerved to the right

never forget the sound that night

the cryin' tires

the bustin' glass

the painful screams that I heard last

 

(chorus)

 

well when I woke up the rain was pourin' down

there was people standing all around

somthing warm runnin in my eyes

but I found my baby some how that night

I raied her head and when she smiled and said

hold me darlin for a little while

I held her close

I kissed her our last kiss

I found the love I knew I would miss

but now she gone even though I hold her tight

I lost my love my life that night

 

(chorus)

 

Well my dear ex..................the lord didn't take me away from you, YOU did. I love the quote that says everyone says they will DIE for someone. But will they LIVE for someone? You chose to not live for me.

I will never come back to you.

[lalalollipops]

So I'm listening to 'Set fire to the rain' by Adele, and it struck a nerve. I still picture you in my mind.