How can I live in the now and stop worrying about the future?

[Tory Barton]

I always worry. Never about little things, but about things to come in my future usually. I worry about getting old and nobody appreciating me anymore. I worry about my future boyfriends and the jerks they might be. I worry I'll never find the right guy for me because I'm so picky. My worrying is making me really unhappy, yet I don't know how to stop. Most people just tell me "well, live your life now, and don't worry about the future" and basically restate my problem. They don't give me any advice as to how to achieve that.

 

I'm also really unhappy about the society I live in. A society where if you're not an 18 year old with the perfect body and a willingness to take a penis in the butt and let guys cum on your face you're not appreciated. A society where everywhere I look, I realize that looks are the most important thing (for a female).

 

Honestly, I've made things a lot worse for myself thanks to looking at sites like this. I post my thoughts about things hoping to receive some kind of comfort, but the harsh reality sets in and I realize that all my worries are realistic. I found that unless I am beautiful and young, I will be settled for. I've found there is no such thing as a guy that doesn't watch porn. I've found that the moment you get older, you'll never be appreciated by a man as much as a younger woman would be. All these things upset me.

 

I've just been depressed as hell lately. Honestly, if my parents weren't alive, I would've committed suicide by now. I don't want to upset them, so I stay alive, putting on a big happy show for everybody while I feel like dying inside.

 

I'm lost and unhappy.

[waveseer]

Tory, is there anything that eases your worry, a thought, an activity, a friend?

[Tory Barton]

Tory, is there anything that eases your worry, a thought, an activity, a friend?

 

I'm the kind of person who always wants to be doing something- I try to do activities in a vain attempt to forget my worries. Doesn't work though, my worries stay with me wherever I go.

 

The only times when I'm not worrying are

1.) When I'm drunk (this occurs maybe twice a year-I'm not an alcoholic).

2.) While I'm having sex

these are literally the only times when I'm worry free, and they are very short-lived.

[Sn0man]

Not every guy watches porn, needs the youngest hottest woman or is sexually sadistic.

 

Watch and wait...that's what i'm doing.

[waveseer]

I'm the kind of person who always wants to be doing something- I try to do activities in a vain attempt to forget my worries. Doesn't work though, my worries stay with me wherever I go.

 

The only times when I'm not worrying are

1.) When I'm drunk (this occurs maybe twice a year-I'm not an alcoholic).

2.) While I'm having sex

these are literally the only times when I'm worry free, and they are very short-lived.

 

Yeah, those are short-acting anxiety reducers for sure. So do you have any hobbies? Interests? Things you like to do or might like to do?

 

I ask because I find my favorite activities are those that require the use of all of my attention, leaving none left over to worry about anything.

[Tory Barton]

Yeah, those are short-acting anxiety reducers for sure. So do you have any hobbies? Interests? Things you like to do or might like to do?

 

I ask because I find my favorite activities are those that require the use of all of my attention, leaving none left over to worry about anything.

 

I like to read. That's only because I feel I can escape from my current life situation.

 

Other than that, I like, or probably would like, spending time around enjoyable people, however, I still worry plenty, even around others.

[grymoire]

Tory, you seem to be starting many threads revolving around pretty much the same issues. You are extremely worried about why things are a certain way.. especially this part:

 

I'm also really unhappy about the society I live in. A society where if you're not an 18 year old with the perfect body and a willingness to take a penis in the butt and let guys cum on your face you're not appreciated. A society where everywhere I look, I realize that looks are the most important thing (for a female).

 

Did some one actually say to you these things? or did something dramatic happen in your life that is making you think such things? Has any of your boyfriend dump you for another girl simply because she was more beautiful?

[waveseer]

I like to read. That's only because I feel I can escape from my current life situation.

 

Other than that, I like, or probably would like, spending time around enjoyable people, however, I still worry plenty, even around others.

 

I think if you had more to look forward to that didn't require a relationship to accomplish or enjoy you'd eventually be able to relax a bit more.

[Tory Barton]

Has any of your boyfriend dump you for another girl simply because she was more beautiful?

 

Yeah, it's happened before- but I don't think that's the source of all my unhappiness. I got over that.

 

All it takes is a simple internet search to prove the points I stated. I've read a lot of articles and opinions and they all pretty much prove it.

[Tory Barton]

you've been disillusioned. you can stay in this suspended state for as long as you want.

 

so, what are you going to do about it?

 

I appreciate that you took the time to post your reply, I really do.

 

But honestly, you just told me what my problem is and then ask me what I'm going to do about it.

 

Thing is, I know what my problems are, I articulated them in my original post and if I knew what I was going to do about my problem, I wouldn't be here.

[SnowFox]

Have you considered getting mental health treatment for your anxiety problems? Anxiety disorders are among the most common of mental health issues, and also highly treatable.

 

You probably really do need someone to guide you through this, it could be done on your own, but is very challenging.

 

If you are interested in helping yourself, I highly recommend this book:

 

link removed

 

It is one of the very best self-help book for anxiety problems.

[easyguy]

I was talking to a friend of mine a couple weeks ago about something similar. Both he and I are musicians: he, the busy professional, and myself, a student just trying to get any work. I basically expressed how I sometimes feel impatient about attainment. He understood where I was coming from, but did his best to encourage me to not worry about what has not yet happened. When it happens, it is meant to happen. The true thing to do is to tackle every day in and of itself and keep focused, but never lose your appreciation for what you are doing right now. There are things that will only unfold with time.

 

What also helps me appreciate the present is to not wait for everything (which could be tied in to the above paragraph). If you want to increase your chance of meeting that special someone, go out and hang with people. If you want to lose weight, exercise. I even brought that up with an acquaintance recently as well. I told her that I'm just ready to get done with my last year of school. She said that even though it will be stressful, I just have to do it, get it out of the way.

 

So although I do not have an explicit answer, I suggest that you get down and do the work yourself. Nothing happens magically. There are things that we are all afraid of doing or venturing into, so I don't mean to come off as someone who has no fears. But your well-being will be heightened if you think less and spend more time taking the actions necessary towards achieving whatever goals you might have.

[Lonewing]

Tory, I do believe you have hit that point in life where abstract Idealism has met concrete Realism. Up to this point in your life, you have been nutured by idealists, primarily the educational field, perhaps your parents, and perhaps other sources like theology based social organizations, which do portray a very ideal sense of reality as normalism.

 

I would compare this event similar to that time when you found out Santa Claus [the ideal] is actually the parents [the reality] and in short doesn't exist. This was a harsh reality for me once, but it brought down the Ideality curtain for me relativily smoothly.

 

What you have to realize is that this reality you have discovered is not 100%. The ideal is still out there - it is the change some people WANT to see and they are drivien to force it upon the rest of us. At the same time, there are some who are driving to the other extreme at the max, being as unidealistic as possible - and almost animalistic. Neither group of people are very respected outside of their little circles. University professors are looked down upon in the field; field workers are looked down upon inside the Ivory tower - thus is life. And then there are those people are actively live their lives in reality in a way that enables them to be the ideal they seek, even if that is jsut within their own lives.

 

There are a number of things you might have discovered that you will simply have to accept - it's OK. In the process of acceptance and later discovery and experience, you might find that some of the things your ideal look down upon are actually pretty nice afterall. You have lived your whole live believeing in one way being true - but did you ever ask why that way is true, or look at your way from a thrid person point of view?

 

You have broken your bubble. Welcome to the world!

 

This world is what you make of it.

 

P.S. If you reply with "OMG Santa isn't REAL??? I'm going to face palm!

[JanetJarvis]

I often worry too. Here is the technique I use to conquer worry:

 

-Relax! Chronic worry can cause your nervous system to kick into overdrive. The result is you constantly feel on edge and stressed. Take extra time to quiet down this arousal by regularly practicing relaxation techniques such as deep breathing, yoga, or meditation. Consistent practice will calm your nerves and soothe your worry.

 

-Categorize Your Worries. What do you worry about? Common worries include money (especially these days), health, relationships, work, and safety. Track your worries for a week and see which worries plague you the most.

 

- Identify Your Negative Thoughts. Now that you know which worries are your most common enemies, identify the negative thoughts associated with those worries. Pinpoint exactly what you fear the most. Are you telling yourself you'll get fired? End up in the poor house? Lose a friend? Get divorced? Tune in and precisely define your worst case scenario.

 

- Talk Back to Your Negative Thoughts. Once you've identified your negative thoughts, start talking back to them. Is there any evidence to support them? Would you suggest a friend think the same thing? How likely is your fear to come true? Be stubborn and persistent in refuting these thoughts!

 

- Problem-Solve. Lastly, are any of your worries realistic problems? For example, are you worried your car will break down because you have a bulging tire? If so, take steps to solve these problems. Avoid procrastination and take action.

 

Much Succes to you

JJ