For you old timers here

[getting_on_ok]

Do you ever see people getting back together when they use NC and don't hear from that person at all?

[waveseer]

I'm not sure what you mean. Wouldn't communication have to begin for reconciliation to occur?

[getting_on_ok]

Well lets say they broke up with you. You go NC, the other party realizes his or her mistake and pursues the person they broke up with.

[Rob1000]

Do you ever see people getting back together when they use NC and don't hear from that person at all?

I've had a few relationships come back thru NC, but obviously open and friendly non-relationship-type-communication would have to begin first where both parties have moved on sufficiently and the dirty water has passed under the bridge first.

[Puckdog27]

If you mean they stay NC and the ex eventually shows up? Yeah it happens, but someone has to break NC at somepoint.

[waveseer]

So the dumper changes their mind? It could happen, but if too little time has past it's likely to be driven solely on emotion which can be fleeting.

[getting_on_ok]

what is a little time?

[Lavender25]

So the dumper changes their mind? It could happen, but if too little time has past it's likely to be driven solely on emotion which can be fleeting.

 

I'm confused? Wouldn't it have to be fulled by emotion?

 

I'm thinking you might be talking about "panic" and just "loss of SOMONE" not "loss of my LOVED ONE."

[waveseer]

I'm confused? Wouldn't it have to be fulled by emotion?

 

I'm thinking you might be talking about "panic" and just "loss of SOMONE" not "loss of my LOVED ONE."

 

Yes, the initial, "What have I done?!" panic probably wouldn't lead back to a stable relationship.

[annie24]

Well, I've had guys come back years later (like, 3-4 years later)and want to get back with me. During this period there was 100% no contact. but for me, 3-4 years later, i've already moved on!!! ages ago!!!

[getting_on_ok]

Well, I've had guys come back years later (like, 3-4 years later)and want to get back with me. During this period there was 100% no contact. but for me, 3-4 years later, i've already moved on!!! ages ago!!!

 

were you the dumper?

[Lavender25]

Well, I've had guys come back years later (like, 3-4 years later)and want to get back with me. During this period there was 100% no contact. but for me, 3-4 years later, i've already moved on!!! ages ago!!!

 

Yeah... I think after a year or two (two years is kinda pushing it) that a dumpee wouldn't want the dumper to come back. But I think there is a thread on here somewhere where the girl dumped the guy and they were apart for almost 5 years before they reconciled. Now they're married and have a little girl.

[annie24]

were you the dumper?

 

in one case yes, but i don't consider myself a dumper. when someone doesn't call you, doesn't answer your calls, and doesn't pay you a lot of attention even though you are 'officially' together, then breaking it off when you tell him you've had enough of this..... i only ended the relationship 'officially' while his actions had been showing me for a while he didn't want to be with me.

 

so, in both those cases, i really wasn't the dumper, i was the dumpee. they realized.... years later.... i think what a catch i was. too bad for them! too little too late.

[getting_on_ok]

Yeah... I think after a year or two (two years is kinda pushing it) that a dumpee wouldn't want the dumper to come back. But I think there is a thread on here somewhere where the girl dumped the guy and they were apart for almost 5 years before they reconciled. Now they're married and have a little girl.

 

That is a good story, I guess when its meant to be then it will be!

[getting_on_ok]

in one case yes, but i don't consider myself a dumper. when someone doesn't call you, doesn't answer your calls, and doesn't pay you a lot of attention even though you are 'officially' together, then breaking it off when you tell him you've had enough of this..... i only ended the relationship 'officially' while his actions had been showing me for a while he didn't want to be with me.

 

so, in both those cases, i really wasn't the dumper, i was the dumpee. they realized.... years later.... i think what a catch i was. too bad for them! too little too late.

 

I hope I have this experience, but I hope she comes back sooner then that.

[HealingHandsWarmHeart]

i have seen people go no contact and get back with the person after some talking- but what i have found is that all the issues and problems they had when they broke up are still there and they end up breaking up again - and for good.

 

I think that most of the time when relationships end its for good reason- people get back without resolving the issue that caused the break up in the first place.

[DN]

This is a thread from a few years ago - not exactly full on NC but close to it. Read it to the end:

[Puckdog27]

Yeah... I think after a year or two (two years is kinda pushing it) that a dumpee wouldn't want the dumper to come back. But I think there is a thread on here somewhere where the girl dumped the guy and they were apart for almost 5 years before they reconciled. Now they're married and have a little girl.

 

There are plent of cases like this in the world.

[jul-els]

Did that once. Getting together with her in the first place was a mistake. Going back was an even bigger one. If you break up, it's for a reason. The reason is you need to move on.

[alonelyheart]

It can happen...but not always for the right reasons..sometimes people feel lonely and driven to their exes..thats why taking sometime is always a good thing...

[Puckdog27]

Did that once. Getting together with her in the first place was a mistake. Going back was an even bigger one. If you break up, it's for a reason. The reason is you need to move on.

 

Thats not always the case. Seems to be the response you always give, which is fine and your opinion. I would venture that about half of my friends that are happily married had a split along the way.

[getting_on_ok]

I guess if you know what you both need to work on, then it could work.

[Brownstone322]

Thats not always the case. Seems to be the response you always give, which is fine and your opinion. I would venture that about half of my friends that are happily married had a split along the way.

What kind of advice was that, anyway? Of course people "break up for a reason." Thing is, those reasons are all over the map -- some are trivial (never shoulda broken up to begin with), some are resolvable over time (through painful separation), and some are irreversible (maybe they shouldn't have been together at all). It should be obvious that it depends on the circumstances and that generalizations like that are just about worthless.

[getting_on_ok]

What kind of advice was that, anyway? Of course people "break up for a reason." Thing is, those reasons are all over the map -- some are trivial (never shoulda broken up to begin with), some are resolvable over time (through painful separation), and some are irreversible (maybe they shouldn't have been together at all). It should be obvious that it depends on the circumstances and that generalizations like that are just about worthless.

 

Well what is your opinion to the original question?

[LillyLooWho]

Here's a story for you.

 

My aunt met her current husband through the personals. When they were dating, after a couple of years, he broke up with her. She was the dumpee. She is of the generation that just automatically does NC. I'm generalizing... but when I asked her if she wanted to call him, she said "I can't do that". In her mind, it was a rule that she and all her friends followed since they were teenagers - dumpee's don't call the dumper's, it's the other way around.

 

Anyway, about a year and a half later, her ex called her, told her he loved her, and they got back together. She was thrilled, but she had resentment that he (as she says it) "dropped her like a hot potato". The resentment got in the way of their reconciliation and they broke up again after about six months. She still wanted to be with him very much so she worked on herself and forgave him in her mind for hurting her. She felt like she was the person who caused the second breakup so she called him after about 6 months and apologized for letting her resentment get in the way of their reconciliation. They started going out to the movies as friends and within a couple of months they were back together. Then they got married and they are happy.

 

Ok, that was kind of rambly but the point is that she did NC and he called her a year and a half later. Also another point is that if you do get back with an ex, you have to forgive him for breaking up with you or the resentment will kill the relationship.