Communicating insecurities?

[AngryHeart]

Hey.

 

I just recently got into a relationship. I was wondering what peoples views are on this. I battle low self-esteem/depression/anxiety issues. Basicaly issues steming from childhood. He knows this, but I've been trying my very hardest to not repeat my mistakes from the past. Whenever I've been with a guy before my insecurities chased them away basicaly. Since then I have reflected and realised I can't shove my sh!t onto the guy, or anybody else. I have to deal with things by myself (with help from medication and probably some counceling soon) I'm trying my hardest not to react on my feelings/insecurities and own them. Trying to realise that just because I fear something will happen, or because I feel a certain way, or I worry he's doing something bad or doesn't like me...blah blah, doesn't mean it is true and that I should act on it. But my question is this - how much of it do you hold inside, how much should you communicate them with a partner? I just want to get the balance right. In relationships communication is very, very important, but when it comes to this how much should I deal with it on my own? I have "things" from my childhood I have to work on - how much of the hurt, etc. from it should be kept away from a partner, how much should be shared? When does it become not being myself?

 

I hope my questions make sense here? Thanks in advance!

[waveseer]

It can be very difficult to tell the difference between triggers that make you feel hurt in the present and reminders of past hurt because the feelings are so similar. Talking to people you trust when you are feeling this way is the best way I have found to sort things out for myself.

[twomonks]

talk to your counselor about this concern of yours... they will know your story better than we do here on ENA. when the time comes down the road, you can always include your boyfriend.

 

intimacy comes from sharing yourself. you might want to read up a bit about boundaries. this link might be helpful for you.

 

link removed

 

its pretty great that you are addressing these issues now before they become more difficult to change later in life.

 

good luck.

twomonks

[AngryHeart]

It can be very difficult to tell the difference between triggers that make you feel hurt in the present and reminders of past hurt because the feelings are so similar.

 

That's so true. I actually have to ask myself if the person is doing/saying something wrong, or if it's just triggers. But at least I am now asking that - before I would just react right away and make it their problem. I couldn't see that it wasn't them, or at least not anything they were doing on purpose. I find it very hard to trust other peoples motives.

 

talk to your counselor about this concern of yours... they will know your story better than we do here on ENA. when the time comes down the road, you can always include your boyfriend.

 

intimacy comes from sharing yourself. you might want to read up a bit about boundaries. this link might be helpful for you.

 

link removed

 

its pretty great that you are addressing these issues now before they become more difficult to change later in life.

 

good luck.

twomonks

 

I don't have one at the moment, but I'm looking into it. That link looks like it will be helpful - will go read it now. Thanks a lot.

[HighRoad]

It is awesome that you are wanting to look inside and see yourself in a new way. Congratulations! you have a great journey ahead.

 

Find a good therapist, you will notice immediately how different you feel. Therapy is such an awesome thing, it can change your whole world - by changing your thinking. See how your new partner is, see if he is receptive to talking about feelings.

 

In the end, we all are responsible for our feelings and what we do with them. Even if you share things with him, you can still say - this is my issue and I am dealing with it. This way, you are just stating a fact about yourself, and not necessarily expecting him to do anything about it but support you in your process.