HE WON'T GO DOWN ON ME!!

[cosmic]

What is up with this, my new boyfriend won't give me oral sex even though he just can't get enough of my giving to him... his reasoning is as follows: he has been with a very low number of past sexual partners, and I have been with a relatively high number (in his opinion). He feels my number is too high and explains that he cannot bring himself to give me oral sex due to how many other people "have been there before" he has! Now, this is making me feel pretty awful! Is this something I should just accept about our relationship? After all, it's my fault for having slept with such a "high" number of people before I met this guy, right? Or, is this completely immature on his part? Should it or should it not matter to him how many people I've been with in the past? He admits it bothers him ALOT and I admit the number is high (compared to him), but I can't change that, and besides, it's in the past!! Any advice out there for me?? I could really use some because part of me says: dump him I don't need this and another part of me says: well, he does have a point!!

[sprkal]

he might be worried about getting an std... maybe go and get checked and if youre all clear then let him know.

 

Otherwise, i think its best for both of u not to continue, cos ur just gonna get frustrated after a while.

 

i hope it turns out good

sprkal

[Meow18]

i agree. try going & getting tested because he might be worried he will catch something. if he knows your clean, he might feel better about it. i can't really say if its wrong of him to think that. some people just are like that. they just dont like the thought of it. you could also ask him if theres any thing you can do to make him want to.

[cosmic]

hey guys thanks for posting - for the record I AM SOOOO CLEAN!! I HAVE BEEN TESTED and i have always been responsible so there are no worries there - he has no problem having unprotected sex with me and he KNOWS I'M CLEAN!!! That said -- any more opinions out there?

[Happy_Go_Lucky_Heb]

Com'on give him a break. he probably feels bad about it too it's not like guys don't wanan give some too. It sounds like he doesn't want to let you down after hearing about all these other people and it'll make him uneasy too knowing that you've been with so many other guys that it'll be harder to satisfy you.

 

Woah gurl, you can think of dumping your bf becoz he won't give you head? I dunno, are you in this for the relationship or the sex?

 

Heb

[SLBG]

Hi cosmic,

 

I think that this guy is crazy, we all have a past.

 

We have all done things in the past we regret but cannot change.

 

If this guy loves you I would give him some time, maybe he will become more comfortable with the idea.

 

Just think, its his loss. If he wont go down on you then dont return the favor.

 

I no it sounds imature, but if you take his view on things why would you go down on him. He must of had previous partners.

 

Its all about trust, if he can have unprotected sex with you why wont he go down on you?

 

Try to deal with the trust issues, if he isnt prepared to compromise then I would move on.

 

slbg

[GeeCee]

Com'on give him a break. he probably feels bad about it too it's not like guys don't wanan give some too. It sounds like he doesn't want to let you down after hearing about all these other people and it'll make him uneasy too knowing that you've been with so many other guys that it'll be harder to satisfy you.

 

Woah gurl, you can think of dumping your bf becoz he won't give you head? I dunno, are you in this for the relationship or the sex?

 

Heb

 

I disagree with Heb here. I think that generall we are in it for both!

 

Now, what seems hypocritical here is that he is fine having straight sex with you, no matter how many partners, and yet he cannot go down on you!! He is fine knowing that you have presumably given head to others, and more than happy to go where others have gone before!!

 

I don't this guy is being honest with you, and that would red flag any relationship issues for me.

 

I agree with SLBG. Play the same game he does! Let's see how he likes that!

 

G xx

[Hopingpraying]

I think everyone may be missing the fact that he might be using that as an excuse. He may very well not like giving oral sex to a woman. Just as some woman find giving head gross, so do some men think it is gross to go down on a woman. So that is a possiblity.

 

I agree with what GeeCee is saying, but I also agree with what Heb is saying. I don't think Cosmic would appreciate it much if her boyfriend decided to breakup with her because she did not like giving him head.

 

I say you are making a mountain out of a mole hill and if you do love each other this is something you should just let go. Is it the fact if he doesn't go down on you, you cannot orgasm? If that is the case maybe you should introduce a vibrator or some other toy to spice it up. Maybe he is just inexperienced?? I am not sure, but it doesn't sound like a reason to give up on a relationship over.

 

My two cents.

[funkygirl758]

I think he seems a little controlling. Wants it, but won't give it.

I would look out. If it is early on, you should keep your eyes wide open for any red flags of control. And get out if you feel any of your instincts to do so. Trust your gut. If your past is such a big deal, maybe it's not meant to be.

 

funkygirl

[woobiegirl]

That's a good example why maybe what happened in the past should stay in the past. If he didn't want to know the truth he shouldn't have asked you these questions. You don't have an open converstion with someone then hold it over their head. Intimacy between 2 people is all about closeness, sharing and giving each other pleasure. It's totally unfair for him to expect certain pleasures from you and not want to give it back.."the key word here being "Want". Curious question? is this hesitation for oral w/you "forever", or will he reconsider as the two of you are together longer....not that it should make any difference, but as long as it's one sided, I don't think you will be fully satisfied.

 

Hope it works out,

Woobiegirl [/u]

[Shawty1]

Me and my boyfriend have been together for some time now and we have been talkin about oral sex, and he told me that he wasn't going to do it because he's never done it before. Is he using this as a excuse? I mean i've been checked and i don't have anything so STDs or nothin, i told him that i was goin to go down on him but i don't think that it should be a one way deal and if he wasn't goin to go down on me then i won't go down on him but now i don't know if he's tellin me he will jus so i'll do it to him or what...what should i do?, i mean i've never went down a guy before either so it's the 1st time for me and him but even i don't know what to do or anything if anyone has any advice please let me know..Thanx

P.S. and andother thing i've never had an orgasim and he says that he'll give me one but how do we about doin this like what types of things does he need to do??? i really want to have one ne one please let me know something

[Michael2]

I agree with woobie girl. This guy is an insecure BOY, not a man.

 

In regards to a previous member stating he is afraid he wont measure up. No offense , but that is far from the truth.

 

The past is the past. He has insecurity issues.

[Finch]

I haven't read through all of the replies, but I just wanted to add my input.

 

I would guess that this guy is insecure that he won't be able to preform very well in this aspect of your sexual relationship. You just have to respect that when people aren't ready. Sure he hasn't said that, but most guys would be really reluctant to tell their girlfriends that.

 

He also might have an STD maybe? I donno, just a thought, probably not though.

 

I would just talk to him more and make sure you know exactly why he doesn't want to do it. Offer to walk him through it and even make a game out of it. You do something for him.. then he does something for you.. then you do something for him. That'd be pretty hot.

 

Good luck!

[Dawn222]

My first thought as soon as I read your posting was that it sounds like he isn't confident enough to give you pleasure. Maybe he has never gone down on a girl before? Maybe he has been told he doesn't do a very good job when going downtown....I dunno, but I don't think he is being honest with you about the whole "too many in the past" story. I mean, he has sex with you doesn't he? I think you should talk about this openly before you do anything like dump the guy. If he still doesn't understand then you could try playing the same game he is but I dunno if games are worth it.....may just make things worse.

 

Good Luck!

 

p.s. Make sure you are not bragging about all the great sex and stuff you have had in the past....not that I am saying you are but it may help if you boost his self confidence by letting him know how much he pleases you.....it might just give him the confidence he needs to head south!

[casualguy17]

Okay. I'm 16 and for some strange reason I dread the day that I ever go down on a girl. I don't know why, but today it's much more common for a girl to give a guy oral than vice versa. I honestly don't know why. But check out my post about the same thing. I'm sorry but what I say is indeed the truth.

[cosmic]

Hey people !! Wow I just want to say how much I appreciate all of your responses to this dilemma... well ok here is what I have concluded after reading the responses... Yes, he is insecure there is no doubt about it. He has never done it before and due to my sexual history he knows i've gotten it done and orgasm'd from it in the past. To boot, he is kinda younger than me by a number of years, and yeah that is putting some strain on the relationship, although before we got involved he assured me that my age did not bother him and I was willing to take a chance on a younger guy. I won't dump him over this because that is lame. I just don't want him to project his hidden feelings of inadequecy and perhaps thinking i'm some sort of "slut" onto this relationship!! Ok, lots of guys they want the BJ but they don't wanna give it back, and I just think that is really LAME!! Once you boys out there understand how much pleasure it can give a woman, then maybe you will change your tune... But hey, it's not the end all and be all of a relationship the whole oral sex thing and I can take it or leave it... By the way, I NEVER NEVER NEVER brag about my past exploits, are you crazy?? Why would I do that?? In fact, he is a wonderful lover and I enjoy every moment with him, in and out of the bedroom!!! All this to say that you all have given me some VALUABLE insight and for the record we are both STD - FREE (I don't get involved with someone before I know their status got that??) - If any guys out there wanna talk more about actually going down on a girl let me know I have no problem discussing it furthur. Bottom line is , i like this guy a lot so i'm gonna give it more time but i have a big feeling he is not gonna be going down there anytime soon ... which is a big shame but i will focus on building up his confidence maybe that will help!!!!

[cosmic]

Oh Yeah, and this is for Shawty1 who posted in this thread, well, girl, you are what, 15??? ok that's fine you can start experimenting at that age it's a beautiful thing, just make sure you trust this guy and if you don't know what you're doing down there and you wanna give it a try just make sure you DO NOT USE YOUR TEETH !!! try licking the balls for starters cuz that's kinda fun... as for him saying not gonna do you but you do him?? hmmmmm see that is the problem people!! you can't do that IT'S JUST NOT RIGHT!! eye for an eye that is my philosophy, you give what you get and get what you give. if you boys out there are AFRAID to go down on a girl for whatever reason, then for the love of God, at least finger her and find her G-spot!! At least that will give her some pleasure you know??

[Zatara]

Cosmic,

 

I know your problem all too well. Under your name it says you're 29 which is the same as mine so by you dating a guy younger is it physical or something more for you? I may sound like a jerk but yes, I have broken up with girls for not going "down" on me. It sounds shallow but I look at it as a part of the entire relationship package. I know I love being on the recieving end and no I won't let it go because she's funny or whatever. I firmly believe there are things to be selfish about and this is one of them. You sound as if you do all you can do to please him. He isn't for his own personal screwed up reason and he's going to have to get over the fact that every girl isn't a virgin. When I run into this problem it's an easy decision for me to make. If they can't do something sexually to make you happy (other than some seriously weird stuff) how hard are they going to try down the road when more important matters come up? That guys goal should be to provide you with incredibly pleasure both mentally and physically.

[laroxes]

He wont kiss your vagina because other penis have been in there. What then makes it acceptable for him to kiss you on the mouth?

[GimmeASpork]

I mean nobody's mentioned it, but it could be that this guy doensn't like how your vagina smells and doesn't know how to tell you that and that's why he won't go down on you. No offense, some guys won't like how some girls smell even if they're clean. Some girls smell stronger than others. You could run a bath and make it romantic and have him soak in the tub with you. If after some "warming up" he can be more readily persuaded to try it, then you know what the problem was.

Just another suggestion to try out.

[JonnyG]

I mean nobody's mentioned it, but it could be that this guy doensn't like how your vagina smells and doesn't know how to tell you that and that's why he won't go down on you. No offense, some guys won't like how some girls smell even if they're clean. Some girls smell stronger than others. You could run a bath and make it romantic and have him soak in the tub with you. If after some "warming up" he can be more readily persuaded to try it, then you know what the problem was.

Just another suggestion to try out.

 

Just what i was about to say. No1 had mentioned it but the very last post. I would imagine if u had done a lot of oral in the past with bfs that u must smell clean down there? sorry don't want to come accross as rude, but it sounds like this could b a possible reason.

[Old_School_Dropout]

IF u look at most T.V. shows the guys reseve head but dont dish it out . most guys have grown up in a world where it is common to get head like a kiss good buy. but going down on the femal has never really bean an option. guys take with nothing to give

but there are those who are more open

[raider5]

Ok girl I've been there. I've been the jerk that wouldn't go down on the girl!

 

I actually was real good at it, and I did with previous girls. I was proud and loved doing it. But then with this one girl I did it a couple of times and I hated the taste and the hair. I told her if she shaved I would be down on her 24/7.

 

I KNOW THESE ARE ALL STUPID EXCUSES and I can't believe I'm admitting it to you. I was basically lying to the girl to spare her feelings.

 

Well it took her breaking up with me to realize that how stupid I was.

 

FACT: Real men go down on women. No questions. No hesitation. She doesn't even have to ask. If they love them, they care about their pleasure first, and end up loving making her come.

 

Ok we all have sexual limits. There are definitely some things I wouldn't do. Is there something that you wont do in bed? But at the same time there should be a line that you have to cross first. No tongue kissing? I think most would believe that's absurd. And oral sex is so common that I would fault him more than you. To say this again: there is a line to be drawn, animal sex is defintely past that line (sorry if that's crude but I needed an obvous example), but I can't see oral sex being past that line. That's why I say it's more of his fault.

 

 

But you need to talk to him and ask him if you want to be a couple which respect each others limits (then you need to change), or be a couple taht will do things for each other even though the person might not like it (he has to change).

 

 

Advice: Tell him you understand how he feels, but you've always thought that a truly loving relationship is of the latter type. Ask him what he wants you to do for him, do it for him (maybe something you don't want to do), tell him how exciting it is to you to think about him doing that to you, get in the shower, shave down there, show him a clean bill of health,douse it in perfume and sugar-free Jello-o for taste and smell. If he still doesn't budge AND ONLY IF your relationship is having other problems (like you don't know if you love him, and you can live without him) breakup with him. (Be prepared for him not to come back though.) But sometimes breakups can be the best thing for a couple. He may improve in every way and make your relationship stronger.

 

I know that last part sounds odd. But if he doesn't see how important this is to you then maybe there's other problems there. I see communication issues.

 

And if that still doesn't work, give me a call, I'll take care of you . HA HA

[lunatic]

Go out and buy a dental dam. This is a condom for giving a woman head. If he is afraid to do it to you because of past partners then this might coax him into givin it up. I would also like to make a suggestion to you that you teach this guy what you like by talking to him as he does it to you. Walk him through it because he is inexperienced at giving oral and girl make sure you are trimmed/clean down there before he does it to you.

 

The advice I gave takes away his excuse that you had too many partners. Which by the is a bullcrap excuse not to give back to you. I am sorry I have been doing that to my partners since I lost my virginity. It is like a form of greeting with me and my lady partners. I want it in return so why would I not give it back. I want my partner to be pleased sexually.

 

Hope this helps and good luck girl getting this boob to give you head.

 

-Hubman

[butterflykiss04]

I have been there with my first boyfriend he was my first, the better I got at giving head the less sex we had and after a while it felt funny that I wasnt receiving so I tryed talking to him about it it didnt work so I just stopped giving him head and eventually sex and we broke up! Girl you have needs and if someone isnt going to meet them then you just gotta find someone who will!