Finch

I need to ask you some advice and input about my relationship. This is very important! I really need your help. I realize this is somewhat long but I hope you'll read it and respond soon! I'm scared to death right now! A small area of skin located on the base of my shaft (next to my scrotum) has been slowly developing for a few months now. I'm scared to death that I have the symptoms of genital warts! I didn't think much of the skin irritation at first because I have only had two partners. When I first developed the symptoms I didn't think much of it because her natural juices do irritate my skin. It causes me to be slightly itchy when it is on my skin for a little while. My skin is very sensitive in general so I didn't think much of it. The area of skin irritation is distinct. It's a straight line of raised flesh, the doesn't look any different from the skin pigment next to it, and it's a quarter of an inch high. Only now as the skin irritation continues to slowly grow have I checked out STD symptoms online. While checking them out my physical irritation looked like very few of the normal genital wart cases. However several pictures did have enough similarity to my irritation that I am worried! I plan on getting checked out as soon as possible, but I have the worst feeling I do have this. I'm freaked out right now! I'm pretty confident that I do have genital warts. I had symptoms of warts, they continue to expand slowly, etc. I don't even understand how I even got this though! My first partner I dated we shared in taking each other's virginity. I don't think I could have caught it from her because these symtoms just started developing and she was faithful for the larger part. I stopped having sex with her almost 2 years ago. I'm currently dating the most precious woman of my life. I love her endlessly and we're soul mates. We are both very committed to one another. We've been dating for over 9 months now. We are hoping to get married when we finish up college and are currently considering getting engaged! She has had 3 sexual partners total. I don't think I would have gotten it from her because she has no symptoms and this has just recently developed. We've been having sex for that entire 9 months! I am worried that she is going to get freaked out and it'll change our relationship. I know if she had an STD that it would be a little harder for me. I would still love her and be with her, but it might change my thinking about her. I'm not sure if it would, because she obviously doesn't have any STDs, but if she did I'm not sure how I'd react! I don't want her to think I'm some * * * * that got a disease for fooling around, I don't want her to think different of me, I don't want her to stop loving me! I'm scared and freaked out because I'll have to tell her! I don't want to lose her!! I feel really vulnerable because she's very beautiful and very desired. I'm scared that she wouldn't want to deal with my issue and be turned off and eventually end up leaving me. Meantime.. I'm not telling her that I'm worried I have genital warts. I don't know for 100% yet, but I'm scared there is a real chance that I do. There are really no other explanations for this. I couldn't ruin our first holiday season with this information. I won't want to tell her until a little after new years. I'm desperate to talk to someone here. Please help!

lol, thanks for the lesson... that doesn't help me though. I'm going to do something regardless. Anyone have ideas.

Hey guys, I really need your help with coming up with some ideas for my 6 month anniversary. I know this is a difficult question to ask you guys, because obviously you don't know my girlfriend or me, but maybe you have some ideas from past relationships or whatever. Anyway, just a little information. Our anniversary is in exactly a week (next Thursday) and I don't really know what to do. I'm a very romantic type of guy and I've already done lots of things that I could have done for our 6 months. Usually I just like to do something fun and romantic on any of the dates that we go on. But now I'm limited to what I can do because I've done everything and I'm a poor college student lol. The last romantic date I took her on was to the base of the mountains overlooking the city. We had a candle lit dinner, prepared by yours truly, and we were secluded from everyone. Very romantic. I recommend it to you guys. Anyway, just letting you know because I would like to out do myself if possible! I honestly don't know what to do. I love this girl very much. She means so much to me, and is a big part of my life so I want to do something special for her. The only thing I can really come up with seems very bland to me. I was thinking about taking her out to a nice restaurant, writing a love poem (I know guys.. sappy.. but we're in a committed relationship plus I haven't done that yet), and possibly a small gift. I was thinking about maybe a beautiful bracelet, but casual enough so that she could wear it around all the time. (She wears this same silver, gem studded bracelet everyday). Some info about my girl: She's into preppy style of clothing, she's a dancer, loves to have fun and do spontaneous and usual things, and loves to laugh. Please help me out guys! Thanks!

I suppose you're right. I'm just a little reluctant to ask her back out after the awkward situation. Especially because maybe she just didn't want to be there with me anymore? Anyway, we'll see.. I'll be talking to her soon. Thanks for the replies.

Well the reason why I post is because her actions expressed interest and intimacy, but towards the end her words ended the thing. So what went wrong?

Hey all, Well after probably one of the most sour breakups that I will ever experience I finally have ventured out into the dating world again. This time with a very attractive girl that is in my history class. I don't really talk to her regularly, but I saw her online yesterday so I started talking to her. We talked for about an hour just about everything and we both decided that we should do something together for fun. So we planned on going to see Ocean's Twelve and then go ice-skating. The movie went well.. I mean we were both chatting with each other about the movie, laughing, touching each other. She ended up practically sitting on me. It was just fun. Things went very well. After the movie we were on our way to the ice rink and we stopped by to just say hello to a friend of mine who is NEVER in town and we both said hello to him and another friend on mine that was with him. We stayed there for maybe like 5 minutes and my date encouraged them to come ice-skating with us. So when we went ice-skating things went well at first. We were both laughing and it seemed like she was enjoying herself. We were both pretty close, held hands while skating for awhile, and yeah.. it was fun. Then she just kind of snapped out of it and wanted to go do something else. So we decided to leave the ice rink and go out to see what else was going on. We ended up going to a local restaurant that everyone hangs out at. We just pretty much sat there. The whole time she apologized and said that it wasn't anything to do with me, but that she was tired and not her self. I didn't know what to make of that.. honestly, I believe she was just being nice to me and really wanted to go home. But what I don't understand is how the date went from awesome to horrible in such a short amount of time. Maybe she was just out of it? What went wrong? Anybody? I'm just totally confused because I thought things were great, and they were until a certain point. I have a class with this girl so I hope things aren't awkward between the two of us since we sit right next to each other.

I've been like this too! Everday for months now and it's seriously at least each of those that I go through in phases each day. I don't know what to do to make it stop! It's a dangerous roller coaster ride due to the fact that I could do something stupid that my emotions compel me to do like contacting the ex or breaking down. It's so hard. I seriously don't know what to do. I mean sometimes I'll be in class and I seriously just feel like crying. That's saying a lot because I barely ever have cried in my life until recently. I seriously haven't been this depressed before. You said acceptance helps, but I have accepted the fact that I can't be together with my ex-girlfriend because she is too immature to handle this certain situation of her life. Honestly, I still hold a slight grudge. I still think how could she have been so cruel to have done that to me, especially since she was supposed to love me. Speaking of love, why doesn't she love me now. She's told me that she loves me even when she was dating another guy, but now she completely stopped. I think it's because I started becoming more distant from her. I really hope that this concludes soon because I'm reaching really depressing lows and I'm just not too sure how much longer I can handle it. It's really starting to affect my life and how I live. I can't focus in school, I lost motivation, enter in deep depression when I do think about the ex, etc. I know; it seems like a really stupid reason to be acting like this. I mean I shouldn't have any problem letting go according to how she treated me and knowning that I could honestly do so much better.

I wouldn't ever get myself involved with her emotionally ever again. It's just not worth it because you are likely a backup boyfriend. I've been in that situation before and it just makes a person feel worthless to be second choice. You don't need that in your life. Keep your focus on work and continue dating more women.

It's simple, just tell him how you feel. Ask him why he doesn't kiss you first. Tell him he should do it more often again. Why? Because you like it. That's a good enough reason. Also, don't feel embarrassed or stupid telling him that. I wouldn't have any problem telling or being told that.

Maybe you're just reading a little too much into the singles and need to just relax for a little bit. Don't do anything that you aren't prepared to do and don't want to do.

I am going through exactly the same thing you are. Word for word basically, with a few additional complications. When I broke up with my ex I was completely fine. I had plenty of girls to distract me from my sour relationship with my ex. The relationship was a very passionately emotional one. It was very hard to let go, but I didn't care because I had other girls to take my attention away from her. During the summer she pleaded with me day after day to get back together with her. I still loved her, I liked hanging out with her, but I didn't want to get back together with her. I was enjoying being with other women and I liked that I could do whatever I wanted. And deep down inside I didn't want to expose myself to the grief that she had caused me during our relationship. After the summer started to conclude I began to have feelings for her again when my hook ups began to run dry. She had moved on to another guy and it was difficult to bare with. Fast forward a few months later and I am crushed right now. I have been begging her to listen to my reasoning about why we should get back together, but she's sub burn like I am, and doesn't want to do that at the moment. She's moving on with this other guy, but she still hooks up with me. Or used to anyway.. before she had sex with me and then right afterwords told me that she also started having sex with her ex. Now you may be wondering why I am sharing this all with you and it's for this simple reason; friendship with an ex can NEVER work as long as you have any remote romantic feelings for him. Right now he's probably hurting inside just like you are, but he doesn't want to show it so he plays it off like everything is okay. That's what I have started doing. My greatest goal is to finally ignore her enough that she'll really understand what she's missing out on, but I think it's too late for that right now. My best piece of advice to you is to move on. You don't have to rule out that you two will get together, no don't do that. Just move on to other guys and experience them. This will cause your ex to become slightly jealous and you'll have the ability to experience other men and decide really what it is that you want. This is the time of self improvement. Fix things that you don't like about yourself. Go to the gym, go to parties, do whatever you can to get your mind off your ex because the more you think about it; the more depressed you are likely to become. This is a very difficult time and you have to do whatever it takes to keep progressing. I wouldn't necessarily end contact with him, but keep it limited and brief and without any discussion of relationship issues. I hope I helped. If you ever need to talk please feel free to private message me anytime because I know what you're going through and it helps to have someone to listen and understand.

You should be cautious about becoming emotionally involved in this kind of situation. I was exactly in your place and I was treated exactly the same. I orginally went into it just for the sex and the moment of true peace and sernity, when you're just happy to be there with that person. But eventually I began to fall in love with her again. Fast forward a month or so and we aren't talking much anymore and she's moved on to another guy. So just take that into consideration when you hook up with him.

Why not? She broke NC first. Just remember to keep things civil and let her bring up any relationship issues. It sounds to me that she's aware that she made a mistake and maybe got cold feet. Talking to her couldn't hurt; I mean you're already moving on basically.

Switch, it sounds like she really wants it to work out. I think you're going to have smooth sailing for the most part. Don't expect it to be completely smooth though. It sounds like she does love you.

It's natural to be a little apprehensive when you have been hurt in the past by a particular person. If you truly love her and believe that it can work, then you are just going to have to exert some extra effort into trusting her and making things work. Insecurity is normal, but don't let it get out of hand.

Thank you for the great advice. It is truly going to be helpful and is much appreciated. I often write in a blog/diary about how I feel about the situation and it does help. It helps to create clarity, but still the pain exists deep down. I have spoken to her about everything more than once. She knows the issue lies with her, so I can't really express anything more. I have received the necessary closure, but it just doesn't feel like closure. Why? I guess because I know I'll be seeing more of her, and I can't stop thinking of her. I'm going to undertake some more activities to keep myself busy. I have been working out lately, and I love that. It makes me feel great. Overall, I KNOW that it is her loss by ending things. I think deep down, she might know that too. But she's too scared to do anything about it. It's a frustrating situation to be in. I don't completely understand her as well as I thought I did. So once again, thank you for the advice and help.

I'm finally acknowledging that things are finally over between an ex and I. I confirmed that earlier today, but have always known that deep down inside. Let me describe to you the situation so maybe you'll have better tips. Her and I went out for nearly 2 years. We were each others first loves, first sexual partners, etc. We broke up in March and have been on and off since then in a way. She is currently with a boyfriend who she is with, but doesn't care about. I still care about this girl so much, but I just don't want to be in the situation where her and I are friends and hook up buddies and she's with another guy. That isn't worth it to me. There's more too it than that.. she's done plenty to cause me pain. I see her during school every single day and she usually attempts to call me at least once a day. It's difficult because I see her during the day so it's difficult to not think of her. She's even in one of my classes. How do I move on? How do I heal? I'm going to follow through with the no contact, but what else can I do? What do I do if she tries to contact me at school? What has worked for you?

I think it's possible, but definitely don't think it's healthy for a marriage under your circumstances.

I think she seriously wants you to take your time in thinking about the whole issue, to make sure that you get everything. She doesn't want to be the parent putting the child in the corner and letting the kid go because he said sorry when he actually doesn't know why he's sorry. Give it a week or so, and then approach her again and let her know what she means to you. Let her know why you are different and why you think you two can work out together in the future. And don't just say words, do something to prove to her that you are serious. Maybe not a ring, I wouldn't recommend that anyway, but something to show her that you care.

Yeah, I agree. This guy sounds a little bit like my ex as well. I'm still dealing with her crazy business. You're better off finding somebody else.

I wouldn't engage in a relationship of friends with benefits with this guy, especially because he's dating some other girl. I did the same thing with my ex, however, I was the one in your position. It's an awful position to be in. A week ago right after her and I had sex she told me that she had been lying to me and that she had indeed had sex with her boyfriend. I was crushed.. I hate being in a position like that where I can be hurt so easily. Don't put yourself in that position. There is a reason why this guy doesn't want to be with you and it's not because he feels he isn't good enough for you. You need to find out what that is if you want to get back together with him sometime in the future. Overall, it really doesn't sound like this guy knows what he wants. He seems rather flaky in his decisions, but I am too.. so who knows.

I really have to object. Just because a guy isn't doing things like that doesn't mean that they aren't into the girl. I know lots of guys, including myself, who can be very interested in a girl but at the same time remain distant to a point just for the sheer fact that they don't want to come off as too clingy or needy and scare her away. Most guys are worried about how much is too much and some guys think that becoming a total romantic would not win the girl and would in fact scare her away. I know that when I come off too strong I scare the girls away, when I don't do enough they lose interest... however, the balance is between the two.

Obviously there is an unstable/damaged part of your relationship that she isn't telling you about. You need to have a serious discussion with her about what is going on with everything in your relationship and let her know that her behavior towards you is totally unacceptable. Like I said, I think there is a big problem in your relationship that you are currently unaware of. You need to find out what that is and I'm hoping that it is something that she will feel comfortable telling you. Because she might not tell you if it is something like you are too needy for her and she feels confined. Just evaluate everything in your relationship and you'll find the torn ends.

I am so distraught it's disgusting. I just can't stop falling for the same old tricks and traps. I can't stop myself from giving her more and more chances to prove that she can love me. It just doesn't stop, it's a vicious cylce that never ends. I broke up with my ex months ago! Way back in the beginning of April. In the beginning things were good because I had the luxury of being distracted by other girls and I rarely spent much time thinking about the breakup. However, I guess this was also my downfall considering that I never healed from the breakup. The first several months after the breakup she clung to the hope that we would eventually get back together. That never happened because I didn't want to be with her anymore. I had been with her for a little over a year and she couldn't pull her part in the relationship which ultimately led it to crash. During the beginning of the summer we both moved our separate ways. She found another guy, who she is still with, and I continued to hook up with girls. Towards the end of the summer her and I began talking again. We became very close and she once again rekindled the hope that we would get back together. At the time I wasn't too enthusiastic about the idea just because I had my doubts about the relationship working. I wasn't sure that she had actually learned from her mistakes. So we never got back together, however.. I seriously thought more about her as a girlfriend than before. Now months later I am stuck here with a passionate desire for her. She still loves me and we still hang out all the time. We have a relationship per-say.. it's more of an open relationship than anything. That is due to the fact that we both are hooking up with other people. She'll hook up with her boyfriend and I hook up with random girls.. however her and I still have an intimate relationship. We still have sex. Now the other week I learned that she had sex with her boyfriend right after her and I had sex. I was totally devastated. It crushed me to know that the woman I had lost my virginity to and she had lost it to me.. well it was awful to learn that she shared that experience with another man. Oddly enough I desired her even more which leads me to my ultimate problem. Today I was speaking to her and we were talking about our relationship. I brought up the point that I missed being together with her, however did not state that I wanted to get back together with her. She said that she missed me too, however shot down the idea pretty quickly before realizing that I hadn't told her that I wanted to get back together with her. She stated that she didn't think that a relationship between the two of us could work. This was very troubling considering that she had been the one that wanted to get back together for so long and now finally I have reached that level but apparently it's too late? What a cruel and unbearable switch of roles. I don't know what to do. My only option seems to move on, which I should have done ages ago.. but I still want to keep whatever relationship I have with her going. I don't know what to do. This whole situation is an emotional mess. I can't leave her because she doesn't want me to leave her.. if she wanted me to leave her I would eventually move on. It's difficult because she wants me to be in her life as she says.. but under what role? I don't find it suiting any longer to be her boy-toy and security blanket. She tells me all the time that she loves me so much, doesn't love her boyfriend, and all of this. Yet she still doesn't think that we could work out. Oh well.. I find myself unable to approach other women now that I am in such an emotional mess. I know that if I found somebody else most of my feelings would vanish from my ex, however, would it just be a repeat of the whole entire breakup process? I don't know what to do anymore.

Well I hope that those plans work out for you. Just remember to stay on course because it's very easy to get distracted. Honestly, it sounds to me that she just wants out of the relationship. Like you said.. all of the problems you two were experiencing were things that could have been worked out while you two were together. She most likely got bored with the relationship and this is your wake up call.