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Was I in the wrong?


npsgnome

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Ok hopefully this won't be too long..well this morning I woke up before my alarm went off for work. Then my gf woke up cause it was stuffy in the room, cause I shut the window last night, cause it was raining so hard it was raining on me. Well after awhile when i noticed she wasn't falling back to sleep, I started to give her a back rub, and eventually move into a bum rub. I asked her if we could fool around, and she grunted a no, so I said ok, and turned around and tried to fall back to sleep, she then was playfully hitting me, and then I turned around and started to rub her again and it eventually led to sex. The whole time she just laid there, and din't even hardly move, I asked her to lay on her back. but she didn't hear me over the fan so she said "don't * * * * ing mumble I can't hear you when you mumble" so I spoke up and asked her to lay on her back...so she did, then i continued to please her as she just laid there. (which she does all the time re: my "selfish lover, or bored" thread. ,and it actually turns me off a bit) so I licked her down there, and fingered her, then started to complain when I stoped licking, and then she complained my fingers were to rough, so I just used my tongue. I got her off, she said "thank you", then I inserted myself into her, and came within less then a minute. after we had sex, and we were cleaning up..I asked "babe, why do you just lay there, and not even touch me"...she responded "so you wanna fight right after that?" I said "No I just want to know!" she responded "Well listen to how you phrased that!"

So we eneded up fighting, and I told her when she does that (which is all the time) It gives me the message she is doesn't want it. and she responded "then why did I spread my legs for you?" she went to shower and after she got out I just walked past her and had my shower she said to me: "So you still want to continue to fight?" I just went into the shower. when I got out she was on the coach, I grabed my work clothes off the coach, and changed. Then she fell asleep on the coach, so I had breakfast and went to work.

So was it really wrong what i did? I'm fed up, I am not the type to have sex and enjoy it when there is no emotion involved. and if I'm not even getting touched. It inspires doubt in me, and then my performance suffers, and my anxiety kicks in, and I can't relax... I don't even feel like calling home and saying sorry, cause I'm not. I'm not sure what to do anymore, I either lay it all out on the line for her (say everything I wanna say) or I just leave...or I might be told to leave when I get home tonight...well what do you all think, sorry its soo long..I just have no one else I can tell this too....

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I feel so bad for you. She sounds awful no offence. But just to lie there, legs open, letting you do all the work, then moaning about this and that 'your too this' 'dont mumble' WHAT a turn off!!

 

She sounds completely non sexual. The fact she wont even touch you. This is a huge turn off and a dealbreaker to me. She wont even try and deal with the problem.

 

If it was this one time. I'd think maybe she wasnt in the mood and she felt pushed into sex. At the same time its a reccuring problem isnt it?

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well, i can understand her un-easy feeling since you asked it right after sex. that should be a special and peaceful time, not an accusatory time.

 

it's best to keep those conversations out of the bedroom. if you need to talk about it, talk about it on neutral ground, not anytime before or after sex. you'll have a much better chance of healthy communicating that way.

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let's keep in mind he asked it right after sex, so she'll naturally feel rejected and unhappy if he asks then. no one wants to hear the sex they just had was disappointing.

 

i suggest talking to her about it on neutral grounds no where near the time you're going to have sex. if she's not receptive to talk about it then, i'd imagine you have a bigger issue to confront (respect and communication issues)

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let's keep in mind he asked it right after sex, so she'll naturally feel rejected and unhappy if he asks then. no one wants to hear the sex they just had was disappointing.

 

i suggest talking to her about it on neutral grounds no where near the time you're going to have sex. if she's not receptive to talk about it then, i'd imagine you have a bigger issue to confront (respect and communication issues)

 

I agree here. Your points were totally valid, but maybe you just needed better timing to bring them up.

 

Try again when things are neutral and see if you can make any progress. Then if she's not receptive to discussing it well I concur with the others that your relationship has a serious problem.

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I intiated the sex again the second time....she was playfully hitingh me cause she was complaining about not being able to sleep in. I realize I shouldn't have mentioned it right after sex, but she shouldn't critize me during sex either...thats a turn off as well, and I'm getting really fed up. with her never touching me during sex...she use to in the beginning, but she rarely does now...and I am ussually always the one to intiate sex. maybe I should just step back....maybe this is a deal breaker...I'm confused.

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I intiated the sex again the second time....she was playfully hitingh me cause she was complaining about not being able to sleep in. I realize I shouldn't have mentioned it right after sex, but she shouldn't critize me during sex either...thats a turn off as well, and I'm getting really fed up. with her never touching me during sex...she use to in the beginning, but she rarely does now...and I am ussually always the one to intiate sex. maybe I should just step back....maybe this is a deal breaker...I'm confused.

 

Sounds like you had sex with her even though she really didn't want to.

 

And then directly afterward complained about how inactive she was about sex.

 

I'd wait until a neutral time to talk to your gf about her low sex drive. And, no means no. Don't expect her to be delighted with your critique of her lack of enthusiasm in love making when she told she didn't want to in the beginning.

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Sounds like you had sex with her even though she really didn't want to.

 

And then directly afterward complained about how inactive she was about sex.

 

I'd wait until a neutral time to talk to your gf about her low sex drive. And, no means no. Don't expect her to be delighted with your critique of her lack of enthusiasm in love making when she told she didn't want to in the beginning.

fair enough...but its not just this one time. I am always doing all the work as she just lies there. the last time she had any desire to have sex with me was a few months ago after she accused me of cheating on her, with someone from msn. (she saw that I added someone to my list via hotmail) all I did was add the person(after they did a request through msn), and was going to see who it was then if it was no one I knew I'd block and delete. then she got all hot for sex, but since then she hasn't shown any desire, and before that she had no desire as well for me....yes though I should have just realized no meant no....and got ready for work. I'm just tired of doing all the work, and never knowing if she is into it...we don't comunicate about sex anymore. she once told me that when she thinks of sex with me, she just thinks about how fast i go, and it just turns her off...maybe that my answer right there......and I'm tired of giving her all the attention she desires, and getting nothing back in return, not even a cuddle, or a hug, or even a thank you. Well sometimes she says thank you....

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She doesn't seem very energetic or sexually attracted to you. Unless she was depressed or had some sort of rut in her life, that'd be a deal breaker for me.

 

I think you should do as others have said and wait for a less emotional time to bring it up.

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Your timing wasn't great but this is an ongoing problem that she doesn't want to seem to address at any time judging by your previous thread.

 

Perhaps she just isn't the girl for you.

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Your timing wasn't great but this is an ongoing problem that she doesn't want to seem to address at any time judging by your previous thread.

 

Perhaps she just isn't the girl for you.

 

starting to think along those lines.....well have been for awhile...I have been convincing myself for a long time now, but I think I'm getting really fed up, and I'm also loosing respect for her as well..

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