greywolf Posted June 29, 2009 Share Posted June 29, 2009 If you’re an attractive woman, you best bet for male friends will be gay guys or guys who are upfront and let you know that they are attracted to you, but also find you worthy of a friendship even if sex is off the table. The guys who act like they wouldn’t want to have sex with their hot friend are the ones to be wary of being alone and drunk with ^Just read that. Looks like you already covered what I said earlier. Luckily, most of my guy friends are honest about wanting to sleep with me. lol Link to comment
Knead2Know Posted June 29, 2009 Share Posted June 29, 2009 But what if the man is physically attracted, can he still be a good friend? I really wonder this...If a man has sexual attraction, but will never have sex with the woman, can he be a true friend? I've never had a problem understanding if a man was sexually attracted, and luckily for me most men I dealt with didn't have to be drunk to say so, but I have questioned how good of a friend can he honestly be if he has an attraction that is sexual in nature... Link to comment
pinkelephant Posted June 29, 2009 Share Posted June 29, 2009 In some ways, it's kind of a moot point. You don't tend to befriend people you find horribly obnoxious and unattractive. lol There is often plenty of sexual tension between "platonic" friends (on one side or both)and many guys know women they would like to sleep with- vice versa. If you get drunk and act irresponsibly, bad things can and will happen. Everyone just needs to know what they want, be responsible and set boundaries. It's fairly good to do accross the board. I agree..... Link to comment
grendel Posted June 29, 2009 Share Posted June 29, 2009 Surely it has happened before where the girl and guy hang out a lot, the girl has a crush but the guy is not interested?! A foolish question which has been on my mind a bit much given that it's irrelevant now. Link to comment
IphigeniaSaysHi Posted June 29, 2009 Share Posted June 29, 2009 I agree..... I don't mean to say the topic isn't interesting, but when you think about it- ya, if you're straight, you would likely want to have sex with your friend of the opposite sex. Attraction is pretty vast. Link to comment
diabolik Posted June 29, 2009 Author Share Posted June 29, 2009 But what if the man is physically attracted, can he still be a good friend? I really wonder this...If a man has sexual attraction, but will never have sex with the woman, can he be a true friend? I've never had a problem understanding if a man was sexually attracted, and luckily for me most men I dealt with didn't have to be drunk to say so, but I have questioned how good of a friend can he honestly be if he has an attraction that is sexual in nature... Depends if he values your friendship for reasons other than wanting to get in your pants. I agree with what you're driving at and that's why I think it's a balance - how much the guy values your friendship vs. how much he's sexually attracted. The more of the former and less of the latter that exists, the better a friend he can be. If the balance swings in the other direction, he may make unwanted advances when you're drunk and certainly can't be objective when giving you relationship advice. I don't mean to say the topic isn't interesting, but when you think about it- ya, if you're straight, you would likely want to have sex with your friend of the opposite sex. Attraction is pretty vast. Depends on the person. I'm not at all physically attracted to some of my closest female friends. They're great people, and that's why I hang out with them, but there's zero sexual interest. Link to comment
IphigeniaSaysHi Posted June 29, 2009 Share Posted June 29, 2009 Depends on the person. I'm not at all physically attracted to some of my closest female friends. They're great people, and that's why I hang out with them, but there's zero sexual interest. But didn't you just say... *looks at thread title* lol Link to comment
diabolik Posted June 29, 2009 Author Share Posted June 29, 2009 But didn't you just say... *looks at thread title* lol That was just a sensational headline to grab attention. But it's true often enough that women should be aware of it. I can't stand reading these threads about clueless and naive women who figure out too late that their friend wants more. And b/c they are clueless, they are often unintentionally sending the guy signals that he interprets as a green light. Anyway, if this thread clues in even one woman to see an advance by a friend for what it is (and what she would have detected if it came from a male stranger), and squashes it before things get out of hand, I'll be glad I started it. Link to comment
IphigeniaSaysHi Posted June 29, 2009 Share Posted June 29, 2009 That was just a sensational headline to grab attention. But it's true often enough that women should be aware of it. I can't stand reading these threads about clueless and naive women who figure out too late that their friend wants more. And b/c they are clueless, they are often unintentionally sending the guy signals that he interprets as a green light. It might be a good thing though that every woman doesn't just assume her guy friends want to do her.lol Haven't seen those threads so I can't share the frustration. If your female friend is single and you want her, make it known outright! That helps some of the cluelessness, too. Link to comment
greywolf Posted June 29, 2009 Share Posted June 29, 2009 If your female friend is single and you want her, make it known outright! That helps some of the cluelessness, too. Yes. While I agree that many women are naive about how their guy friends want them, I don't believe it's fair to pin all of the responsibility on the woman. We shouldn't have to be the ones that are constantly making sure we aren't sending mixed signals. If guys would be more honest, a lot of this could be avoided. Link to comment
diabolik Posted June 29, 2009 Author Share Posted June 29, 2009 Yes. While I agree that many women are naive about how their guy friends want them, I don't believe it's fair to pin all of the responsibility on the woman. We shouldn't have to be the ones that are constantly making sure we aren't sending mixed signals. If guys would be more honest, a lot of this could be avoided. greywolf, I totally agree. But my intention for starting this thread was not to apportion blame or responsibility. It was to make women more aware. Until we live in a more ideal world, it is ultimately a woman's responsibility to be on her guard. Better to avoid a situation than to be able to rightfully blame the guy afterward. Link to comment
IphigeniaSaysHi Posted June 29, 2009 Share Posted June 29, 2009 greywolf, I totally agree. But my intention for starting this thread was not to apportion blame or responsibility. It was to make women more aware. Until we live in a more ideal world, it is ultimately a woman's responsibility to be on her guard. Better to avoid a situation than to be able to rightfully blame the guy afterward. You don't mean avoid the situation of sexual assault, do you? I don't think so but it seems (as SF so hilariously pointed out) suggested that men will just totally attack you if you don't hold them off or comply. LOL Link to comment
diabolik Posted June 29, 2009 Author Share Posted June 29, 2009 You don't mean avoid the situation of sexual assault, do you? I don't think so but it seems (as SF so hilariously pointed out) suggested that men will just totally attack you if you don't hold them off or comply. LOL I mean unwanted encounters with friends. In one recent thread, it was a forced kiss. In another, it was rape. Both were situations that could have been avoided if the woman was more aware. And that probably applies to the vast majority of acquaintance rape scenarios. I'm not saying that the woman is to blame, just that these sorts of things are avoidable if the woman is aware. Link to comment
DaBladeRoden Posted June 29, 2009 Share Posted June 29, 2009 Surely it has happened before where the girl and guy hang out a lot, the girl has a crush but the guy is not interested?! A foolish question which has been on my mind a bit much given that it's irrelevant now. It has, it has. Link to comment
Ivory_Tower Posted June 30, 2009 Share Posted June 30, 2009 I've heard this before from my friends! What percent of a girls guy friends would this apply to? Link to comment
tastytoothpaste Posted June 30, 2009 Share Posted June 30, 2009 lol no seriously, I'm JUST ONE OF THE GUYS. Honestly. I even broke down to my best guy friend a few nights ago because I struggle with it. And he was like "Yeah I know...you really are just one of the guys..." so I know it's not just in my head. I mean I love being a cool chick and all, but it's nice to be noticed, you know? I even had a thread about this a while ago (I deleted it so it's not there anymore). There are some girls that really do have purely platonic relationships with lots of guys. I'm one of em lol Link to comment
furious Posted June 30, 2009 Share Posted June 30, 2009 It's called the Utlra-Friend-Zone, I've been there. Had three ladies fall asleep in bed with me, one even laying on top of me...But then again I was half in love with one of them, and ended up falling in completely in love with the other. Got that one too, for a short time. Ahh the good ol'days. Damn... and I thought you had to be gay to be in the ultra-friendzone. Link to comment
Lowconfidence Posted June 30, 2009 Share Posted June 30, 2009 This is a great post. Please ladies, don't be so naive. This is mainly geared towards the prettier women out there. It is truly hard to have male friends when you are above average looking. Most of your male 'friends' are waiting to pounce on you when you break up. Be careful. Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted June 30, 2009 Share Posted June 30, 2009 LOL, I love this thread. I'm a member of another message board and a guy there posted a thread almost identical to this one (sure it's not you?), lol. He claims that men and women can never just be platonic friends, ever - says that a man will ALWAYS try to get in your pants, no matter what, lol. I disagrree, but it's still amusing to read this threads. Love it, LOL. Link to comment
Lowconfidence Posted June 30, 2009 Share Posted June 30, 2009 He claims that men and women can never just be platonic friends, ever - says that a man will ALWAYS try to get in your pants, no matter what, lol. I disagrree, but it's still amusing to read this threads. Love it, LOL. Men can be friends with women they don't find attractive. Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted June 30, 2009 Share Posted June 30, 2009 Men can be friends with women they don't find attractive. I agree with that and that's what I told him, but he still says that if a guy was alone with her for a couple of months he would eventually want sex with her no matter if he thought she was attractive or not. Link to comment
diabolik Posted June 30, 2009 Author Share Posted June 30, 2009 I've heard this before from my friends! What percent of a girls guy friends would this apply to? Depends on the girl, her looks, the kind of guys she hangs out with, etc. Generally speaking, the more physically attractive she is, the greater the percentage of her straight male friends who want to have sex with her. But again, not every guy will act on it in a manner that is creepy or offensive or scary. But since you don't know who will and who won't, women have to stay alert. lol no seriously, I'm JUST ONE OF THE GUYS. Honestly. I even broke down to my best guy friend a few nights ago because I struggle with it. And he was like "Yeah I know...you really are just one of the guys..." so I know it's not just in my head. I mean I love being a cool chick and all, but it's nice to be noticed, you know? I even had a thread about this a while ago (I deleted it so it's not there anymore). There are some girls that really do have purely platonic relationships with lots of guys. I'm one of em lol Southern, I'm glad you posted this - if you remember this thread over the coming years, it may save you some grief. I've seen your pic - I'd say probably close to 100% of your straight male friends want to have sex with you. What might be happening is that many are probably too intimidated to hit on you. Could be other things, but regardless of the reason, and despite your protestations, I can assure you that you are highly desirable to men. The fact that you are attractive AND don't think guys are interested makes you exactly the kind of person this thread is directed toward. Please be on your guard, especially when drinking with guys. LOL, I love this thread. I'm a member of another message board and a guy there posted a thread almost identical to this one (sure it's not you?), lol. He claims that men and women can never just be platonic friends, ever - says that a man will ALWAYS try to get in your pants, no matter what, lol. I disagrree, but it's still amusing to read this threads. Love it, LOL. Negative, not me. I wouldn't go as far as him. I strongly believe it is a function of the physical attractiveness of the woman. Now if the guy is so shy that he can't muster up the courage to speak to attractive women, well, sure, maybe he will want to have sex with his unattractive friends. Link to comment
greywolf Posted June 30, 2009 Share Posted June 30, 2009 lol no seriously, I'm JUST ONE OF THE GUYS. Honestly. I even broke down to my best guy friend a few nights ago because I struggle with it. And he was like "Yeah I know...you really are just one of the guys..." so I know it's not just in my head. I mean I love being a cool chick and all, but it's nice to be noticed, you know? I even had a thread about this a while ago (I deleted it so it's not there anymore). There are some girls that really do have purely platonic relationships with lots of guys. I'm one of em lol I used to think that I was just one of the guys, as well. Then I became single and I was suddenly a lot more popular with my guy friends. Link to comment
StrawberryYogurt Posted June 30, 2009 Share Posted June 30, 2009 Excellent post. I agree with just about everything written here. Truth is, a good 75%+ guys are not good people, they will hit on/ try to have sex with a girl even if she has a boyfriend, assuming they find her attractive. Most guys have no integrity. That is why it's a bad idea to hang out with a guy friend alone when you're in a relationship. The only exception is if you've been friends for a long long time and there's never been a romantic connection, like say you're 30 and you've been friends with this guy since high school, but nothing more. Even then, when you hang out with him, do so in a public place only, and do it on only very rare occasions. I sure as hell don't let my girlfriend hang out alone with any guys (it's a moot point anyway since she doesn't want to nor does she have any real guy friends). I trust her, but I don't like any guy hitting on her and I don't want her to have to put with that. Link to comment
hockeyboy Posted June 30, 2009 Share Posted June 30, 2009 Excellent post. I agree with just about everything written here. Truth is, a good 75%+ guys are not good people, they will hit on/ try to have sex with a girl even if she has a boyfriend, assuming they find her attractive. Most guys have no integrity. Wow, where did you come up with this information? Link to comment
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