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What are your personal dealbreakers?


sandrawg

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> Not respecting my feelings (assuming reasonable feelings!)

 

^^ dealbreaker because otherwise you just wind up perpetually unhappy and what's the point?

 

> Physical abuse

> Emotional abuse (unless it's addressed straight away and I can see change)

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Good question...I have been thinking about this and I realize I might come off as kind of shallow, but here goes:

 

I won't seriously date anyone who:

 

---smokes or does drugs

---drinks more than socially

----has been around the block more than a few times (I know, he could lie)

----has kids right now (sounds mean but I don't want baggage)

-----doesn't want or like kids

----doesn't like animals

----cannot construct a simple sentence (he doesn't have to be a genius, but he should be able to at least communicate in a fairly clear way...orally and in writing)

----has lots of piercings and tatoos

----has dogmatic religious or political views (especially die-hard Republican)

----disrespectful (name calling and insults is automatic BYE BYE...thank God I never had that kind of diespect with my exes...never would have tolerated it)

----lies

----too flirty or aggressive (yuck)

----doesn't treat me like a best friend

----controlling or very passive-aggressive

----extremely insecure and not doing anything about it

----has no common ground with me at all, no chemistry at all

----criminal past

----too private

----not open-minded (can't have fun during sex, not willing to try new things)

----ARROGANT and overly-serious and not "boyish" enough (love me my boyish guys...unfortunately, sometimes)

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Just wondering...what are the things you won't tolerate a significant other doing, the things that would make you break up with someone over? Cheating? Flirting? Drug use?

 

*cheating

*addiction (to porn, gambling, drugs, alcohol, etc)

*abuse of any kind

 

I'm wrote that in the context of what I think are reasons I'd walk away from a marriage.

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Like lack of personal hygiene!

LMAO!! Indigo, there's a story behind that, lol. I once knew a woman who was married to a guy who NEVER EVER brushed his teeth, showered about ONCE a WEEK, and that was only after she had to nag him to death, plead and almost beg him to do so. This man stank and it was absolutely disgusting!! It was foul beyond belief. But get this, he still expected sex from her and couldn't understand why she eventually moved into the spare bedroom. She was the most miserable and unhappy woman I have ever known and it was all due to his lack of personal hygiene. Ugh!

Thankfully, after years and years of this she was finally convinced to get a divorce.

 

Since then, I know for a fact, lack of personal hygiene would be a big deal breaker for me.

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LMAO!! Indigo, there's a story behind that, lol. I once knew a woman who was married to a guy who NEVER EVER brushed his teeth, showered about ONCE a WEEK, and that was only after she had to nag him to death, plead and almost beg him to do so. This man stank and it was absolutely disgusting!! It was foul beyond belief. But get this, he still expected sex from her and couldn't understand why she eventually moved into the spare bedroom. She was the most miserable and unhappy woman I have ever known and it was all due to his lack of personal hygiene. Ugh!

Thankfully, after years and years of this she was finally convinced to get a divorce.

 

Since then, I know for a fact, lack of personal hygiene would be a big deal breaker for me.

 

What I always wonder is how the heck it gets to that point? Did he do it when he dated her, before marriage?

 

I'd have a long list of "dealbreakers" for dating- but in the context of a marriage those kind of dealbreakers don't exist (if they did I would not have married him to begin with) So it would have ot be something pretty severe like abuse, cheating, or addiction, for me to walk away.

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What I always wonder is how the heck it gets to that point? Did he do it when he dated her, before marriage?.

Bella, I have always wondered the same thing! I have no idea when it started and I never asked for details. I only knew her through someone else.

 

What's even more surprising is when you find out this is a fairly common thing (women complaining about their men's lack of hygiene). I once saw a thread on another message board where a woman asked "how often does your man shower?" and I couldn't believe the responses!!!! Scarey stuff I tells ya, lol.

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Not in any particular order:

 

*Current drug use

*Drinking to excess frequently

*Infidelity (I MIGHT be able to forgive this; it would depend on various factors)

*Physical or emotional abuse

*Criminal history (other than maybe a minor offense -- i.e. shoplifting -- when he was MUCH younger)

*Violent temper/overall aggressive behavior (even if he isn't physically violent); serious anger issues

*Disrespect (name-calling/insults, disrespecting my family, telling people to "shut up" etc.)

*Dislikes animals

*Poor hygiene (though I would give him a chance to rectify this before I would bail out)

*Holding views that I find abhorrent (i.e. racism, misogyny, etc.)

*Smoking...he would have to be extremely perfect in just about every other way for me to stick with a smoker unless he never did it anywhere near me and I could never smell it on him.

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Not in any particular order:

 

*Smoking...he would have to be extremely perfect in just about every other way for me to stick with a smoker unless he never did it anywhere near me and I could never smell it on him.

 

I'm not sure if smoking is a deal-breaker for me, but I know when I find out a woman smokes, it is a huge disappointment for me.

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Chatting with, emailing, texting, or talking with women I don't know or don't have reason to trust.

 

Responding to or placing personal ads.

 

Infidelity.

 

Not flossing or washing hands after toileting.

 

A total disregard for my feelings and needs.

 

Cruelty or insults. Life is hard enough without someone who allegedly loves you trying to make you feel like crap.

 

Arguing about, disagreeing with, or not believing what I say simply because I said it.

 

I just described my ex, but I'd also add drug use and alchoholism, violence against anyone, being a hick, moron, or otherwise being uneducated.

 

Oh, and being obese, unless it's a medical issue.

 

Financial irresponsibility.

 

I'm certain there are others...I'll know them when I run into them.

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There really isn't that much that would be an outright deal breaker for me, other than any hint or mention that I shouldn't be riding the Harley because it's "too dangerous". Sorry. The bike isn't a negotiable part of the relationship.

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*Criminal history (other than maybe a minor offense -- i.e. shoplifting -- when he was MUCH younger)

 

Haha! Shut up! That's, like, the cutest thing I've read all day! Made my laugh out loud. Did we all shoplift at a younger age? You and I included?

 

My only deal breaker of concern would have to be someone who's overly selfish. Everything nasty associated with that would actually fall under the umbrella of this bad character trait.

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Ha ha! I see where your priorities are.

 

There really isn't that much that would be an outright deal breaker for me, other than any hint or mention that I shouldn't be riding the Harley because it's "too dangerous". Sorry. The bike isn't a negotiable part of the relationship.
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That's a really good point.

 

A lot of the other major dealbreakers boil down to this one character trait.

 

Some people seem incapable of being in a relationship because they are incapable of thinking of another person's wants and needs.

 

My only deal breaker of concern would have to be someone who's overly selfish. Everything nasty associated with that would actually fall under the umbrella of this bad character trait.
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