sandrawg Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 Just wondering...what are the things you won't tolerate a significant other doing, the things that would make you break up with someone over? Cheating? Flirting? Drug use? Link to comment
Circe Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 > Not respecting my feelings (assuming reasonable feelings!) ^^ dealbreaker because otherwise you just wind up perpetually unhappy and what's the point? > Physical abuse > Emotional abuse (unless it's addressed straight away and I can see change) Link to comment
Samedy Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 racism over-spenders conflict oriented hateful overly-judgmental Link to comment
COtuner Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 Emotional abuse cheating controlling behavior heavy drinker drug user hates my interests political activist for something I don't believe in high risk taking behavior very kinky sex requirements kids Link to comment
needafriend Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 Cheating, compulsive lying, emotional/physical abuse. AND when they barely put any effort into the relationship, whilst you are working your a** off to keep things going day by day. YUK Link to comment
WomanWriter Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 Good question...I have been thinking about this and I realize I might come off as kind of shallow, but here goes: I won't seriously date anyone who: ---smokes or does drugs ---drinks more than socially ----has been around the block more than a few times (I know, he could lie) ----has kids right now (sounds mean but I don't want baggage) -----doesn't want or like kids ----doesn't like animals ----cannot construct a simple sentence (he doesn't have to be a genius, but he should be able to at least communicate in a fairly clear way...orally and in writing) ----has lots of piercings and tatoos ----has dogmatic religious or political views (especially die-hard Republican) ----disrespectful (name calling and insults is automatic BYE BYE...thank God I never had that kind of diespect with my exes...never would have tolerated it) ----lies ----too flirty or aggressive (yuck) ----doesn't treat me like a best friend ----controlling or very passive-aggressive ----extremely insecure and not doing anything about it ----has no common ground with me at all, no chemistry at all ----criminal past ----too private ----not open-minded (can't have fun during sex, not willing to try new things) ----ARROGANT and overly-serious and not "boyish" enough (love me my boyish guys...unfortunately, sometimes) Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 Cheating Drug use/smoker Excessive drinking Abusive behaviour Lack of personal hygiene Link to comment
Circe Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 wow.. I obviously never put enough thought into deal breakers!! lol so much i wouldnt have even thought about. Like lack of personal hygiene! Link to comment
BellaDonna Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 Just wondering...what are the things you won't tolerate a significant other doing, the things that would make you break up with someone over? Cheating? Flirting? Drug use? *cheating *addiction (to porn, gambling, drugs, alcohol, etc) *abuse of any kind I'm wrote that in the context of what I think are reasons I'd walk away from a marriage. Link to comment
sandrawg Posted June 17, 2009 Author Share Posted June 17, 2009 Hmm...for me, it's the opposite. This would actually be a requirement for me, not a dealbreaker! LOL very kinky sex requirements Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 Like lack of personal hygiene! LMAO!! Indigo, there's a story behind that, lol. I once knew a woman who was married to a guy who NEVER EVER brushed his teeth, showered about ONCE a WEEK, and that was only after she had to nag him to death, plead and almost beg him to do so. This man stank and it was absolutely disgusting!! It was foul beyond belief. But get this, he still expected sex from her and couldn't understand why she eventually moved into the spare bedroom. She was the most miserable and unhappy woman I have ever known and it was all due to his lack of personal hygiene. Ugh! Thankfully, after years and years of this she was finally convinced to get a divorce. Since then, I know for a fact, lack of personal hygiene would be a big deal breaker for me. Link to comment
BellaDonna Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 LMAO!! Indigo, there's a story behind that, lol. I once knew a woman who was married to a guy who NEVER EVER brushed his teeth, showered about ONCE a WEEK, and that was only after she had to nag him to death, plead and almost beg him to do so. This man stank and it was absolutely disgusting!! It was foul beyond belief. But get this, he still expected sex from her and couldn't understand why she eventually moved into the spare bedroom. She was the most miserable and unhappy woman I have ever known and it was all due to his lack of personal hygiene. Ugh! Thankfully, after years and years of this she was finally convinced to get a divorce. Since then, I know for a fact, lack of personal hygiene would be a big deal breaker for me. What I always wonder is how the heck it gets to that point? Did he do it when he dated her, before marriage? I'd have a long list of "dealbreakers" for dating- but in the context of a marriage those kind of dealbreakers don't exist (if they did I would not have married him to begin with) So it would have ot be something pretty severe like abuse, cheating, or addiction, for me to walk away. Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 What I always wonder is how the heck it gets to that point? Did he do it when he dated her, before marriage?. Bella, I have always wondered the same thing! I have no idea when it started and I never asked for details. I only knew her through someone else. What's even more surprising is when you find out this is a fairly common thing (women complaining about their men's lack of hygiene). I once saw a thread on another message board where a woman asked "how often does your man shower?" and I couldn't believe the responses!!!! Scarey stuff I tells ya, lol. Link to comment
BellaDonna Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 -So glad my husband showers every day. phew =D> (I can't even imagine having to list that as a dealbreaker, I just thought it was a "given"- apparently not.lol) Link to comment
melrich Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 So glad my husband showers every day. Are there many that do not? If he didn't, wouldn't you tell him to? Link to comment
browneyedgirl36 Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 Not in any particular order: *Current drug use *Drinking to excess frequently *Infidelity (I MIGHT be able to forgive this; it would depend on various factors) *Physical or emotional abuse *Criminal history (other than maybe a minor offense -- i.e. shoplifting -- when he was MUCH younger) *Violent temper/overall aggressive behavior (even if he isn't physically violent); serious anger issues *Disrespect (name-calling/insults, disrespecting my family, telling people to "shut up" etc.) *Dislikes animals *Poor hygiene (though I would give him a chance to rectify this before I would bail out) *Holding views that I find abhorrent (i.e. racism, misogyny, etc.) *Smoking...he would have to be extremely perfect in just about every other way for me to stick with a smoker unless he never did it anywhere near me and I could never smell it on him. Link to comment
Samedy Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 Not in any particular order: *Smoking...he would have to be extremely perfect in just about every other way for me to stick with a smoker unless he never did it anywhere near me and I could never smell it on him. I'm not sure if smoking is a deal-breaker for me, but I know when I find out a woman smokes, it is a huge disappointment for me. Link to comment
DaBladeRoden Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 Hmm...for me, it's the opposite. This would actually be a requirement for me, not a dealbreaker! LOL high five! Link to comment
AutumnBorn Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 Chatting with, emailing, texting, or talking with women I don't know or don't have reason to trust. Responding to or placing personal ads. Infidelity. Not flossing or washing hands after toileting. A total disregard for my feelings and needs. Cruelty or insults. Life is hard enough without someone who allegedly loves you trying to make you feel like crap. Arguing about, disagreeing with, or not believing what I say simply because I said it. I just described my ex, but I'd also add drug use and alchoholism, violence against anyone, being a hick, moron, or otherwise being uneducated. Oh, and being obese, unless it's a medical issue. Financial irresponsibility. I'm certain there are others...I'll know them when I run into them. Link to comment
retired1 Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 There really isn't that much that would be an outright deal breaker for me, other than any hint or mention that I shouldn't be riding the Harley because it's "too dangerous". Sorry. The bike isn't a negotiable part of the relationship. Link to comment
Kahdeksan Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 *Criminal history (other than maybe a minor offense -- i.e. shoplifting -- when he was MUCH younger) Haha! Shut up! That's, like, the cutest thing I've read all day! Made my laugh out loud. Did we all shoplift at a younger age? You and I included? My only deal breaker of concern would have to be someone who's overly selfish. Everything nasty associated with that would actually fall under the umbrella of this bad character trait. Link to comment
sandrawg Posted June 17, 2009 Author Share Posted June 17, 2009 For real??? This is a dealbreaker for you??? So, if you were in the beginnings of a rel'ship with someone, and they did this, you'd break up with them? Not flossing or washing hands after toileting. Link to comment
sandrawg Posted June 17, 2009 Author Share Posted June 17, 2009 Ha ha! I see where your priorities are. There really isn't that much that would be an outright deal breaker for me, other than any hint or mention that I shouldn't be riding the Harley because it's "too dangerous". Sorry. The bike isn't a negotiable part of the relationship. Link to comment
sandrawg Posted June 17, 2009 Author Share Posted June 17, 2009 That's a really good point. A lot of the other major dealbreakers boil down to this one character trait. Some people seem incapable of being in a relationship because they are incapable of thinking of another person's wants and needs. My only deal breaker of concern would have to be someone who's overly selfish. Everything nasty associated with that would actually fall under the umbrella of this bad character trait. Link to comment
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