ajaxajax Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 Hey all I found something from a chat room a link to a passage that I think many people would find very interesting. It relates to how some men stay "friendzoned" by women just because they actually never appear MAN enough... Btw, ladies, the passage was written by a woman herself: Enjoy! But If We Started Dating It Would Ruin Our Friendship Where I Ask You To Do Things And You Do Them BY KIMBERLY PRUITT I really like you. I do. You're so nice, and sweet, and you listen to all my problems and respond with the appropriate compliments. But, well, I don't really see a relationship in our future. It would be terrible if we let sex destroy this great friendship we have where I get everything I want and you get nothing you want. Don't you think? I knew you would understand. You always do. We're so perfect as friends, you know? I can tell you anything, and you know you can always come to me anytime you need to hear me * * * * * about work or how ugly I feel. You wouldn't want to ruin a friendship like that just so you could be my boyfriend, and have me look at you with desire and longing in my eyes, if only once—would you? Of course not. Well, if we started dating, it would only complicate this wonderful setup I've got going here. It's just…you're like my best friend, and I would hate for something you desperately want to change that. I mean, sure, we could go on some dates, maybe mess around a little and finally validate the six years you've spent languishing in this platonic nightmare, but then what? How could we ever go back to the way we were, where I take advantage of your clear attraction to me so I can have someone at my beck and call? That part of our friendship means so much to me. No. We are just destined to be really, really good friends who only hang out when I don't have a boyfriend, but still need male attention to boost my fragile and all-consuming ego. Anything can happen once you bring romance in. Think about how awful my last relationship was at the end, remember? The guy I'd call you crying about at 3 a.m. because he wouldn't answer my texts? The guy I met at the birthday party you threw me? I had insanely passionate sex with him for four months and now we don't even talk anymore. God, I would die if something like that happened to us. Plus, ick, can you even imagine getting naked in front of each other? I've known you so long, you're more like a brother that I've drunkenly made out with twice and never mentioned again. It'd be way too weird. And if we did, then whenever you'd come shopping with me, or go to one of my performances or charity events, or take me for ice cream when I've had a bad day at work, you'd be looking at me like, "I've seen her breasts." God, I can't think of anything more awkward that that. Oh, before I forget, my mom says hi. Anyway, you would totally hate me as your girlfriend. I'd be all needy and dramatic and slowly growing to love you. If I was your girlfriend, I would never be able to tell you all about the other * * * * * * * guys I date and pretend I don't see how much it crushes you. Let's never lose that. That's what makes us us. Don't worry. You're so funny and smart and amazing, any girl but me would be lucky to date you. You'll find someone, I know it. And when you do, I'll be right by your side to suddenly become all flirty and affectionate with you in front of her, until she grows jealous and won't believe it when you say we're just friends. But when she dumps you, that's just what we'll be. Best friends. Friends forever. Link to comment
gidget1 Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 HAHAHAAHA. this is hilarious. painfully true. Link to comment
ajaxajax Posted June 15, 2009 Author Share Posted June 15, 2009 Glad you understood too my dear Link to comment
Nutz Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 This is an article from The Onion. It's satire. In fact I posted the link here somewhere the other day. Still funny, just need to make it known it's not real. Link to comment
ajaxajax Posted June 15, 2009 Author Share Posted June 15, 2009 Well...it only deviates somewhat from reality....including the extremes such as calling at 3 am (yikes!). Btw nutz...sorry I didn't see...ain't this a small world?! Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 I think the same article is very appropriate for men who do the same kind of thing to women...use them to build their ego but date and marry someone else. Link to comment
bear314 Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 I can understand the point of upholding close friendship as opposed to risking it for something more. But it wouldn't be fair to the guy who harbors help intimate feelings for a deeper relationship. Link to comment
jonny15 Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 I think the same article is very appropriate for men who do the same kind of thing to women...use them to build their ego but date and marry someone else. Yea....but i'm sure the guys would atleast have sex with them. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 Yea....but i'm sure the guys would atleast have sex with them. Yes, well, that is, for some men, the equivalent of women wanting friendship and someone to talk to about their problems. So the women get used for the man's purposes which in this case is sex or whatever else it is the male is using the female for without really giving anything in return. Link to comment
jonny15 Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 Yes, well, that is, for some men, the equivalent of women wanting friendship and someone to talk to about their problems. So the women get used for the man's purposes which in this case is sex or whatever else it is the male is using the female for without really giving anything in return. Well...atleast she's getting something. Unlike when it's the other way around. The guy gets nothing in that sense. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 Well...atleast she's getting something. Unlike when it's the other way around. The guy gets nothing in that sense. What is she getting? An orgasm and fake affection until the guy gets his orgasm? Many women who want more than just sex feel really cheated and not good about themselves when they realize the guy did not want a relationship and only wants to see them when they are horny. Link to comment
Nutz Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 I don't think I've every seen women used for sex except in the FWB/FB kind of situation. And all of them know what's up because it was a mutual agreement. Guys getting strung along like the OP eluded to in the Onion article is extremely common. However, the reverse that Crazyaboutdogs is referring to is exceedingly rare. Link to comment
deleted-account Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 I don't think I've every seen women used for sex except in the FWB/FB kind of situation. And all of them know what's up because it was a mutual agreement. Guys getting strung along like the OP eluded to in the Onion article is extremely common. However, the reverse that Crazyaboutdogs is referring to is exceedingly rare. I don't think it's rare at all. Guys use girls for sex all the time, while the girl hopes that by giving up her body the guy will give her companionship. Even though they use different methods to try to get the same thing, both end up getting used. Link to comment
D_Lish Posted June 16, 2009 Share Posted June 16, 2009 I don't think I've every seen women used for sex except in the FWB/FB kind of situation. LOL and DOUBLE LOL What a small world you must inhabit Link to comment
VincentVega Posted June 16, 2009 Share Posted June 16, 2009 Don't worry. You're so funny and smart and amazing, any girl but me would be lucky to date you. You'll find someone, I know it. And when you do, I'll be right by your side to suddenly become all flirty and affectionate with you in front of her, until she grows jealous and won't believe it when you say we're just friends. But when she dumps you, that's just what we'll be. Best friends. Friends forever. Is like she wrote it herself! damn. true. true. Shes not my friend anymore, tho. Link to comment
ajaxajax Posted June 16, 2009 Author Share Posted June 16, 2009 Now, now kids...let's not fight! It is true that men get just a wild goose chase from holding onto women in the hope of them falling in love with them. I am one of them - and still as bitter as acid inside about it. But, crazyaboutdogs has a point too...women having sex with men (specifically, jerks) in the hope of having companionship. So, the jerks give any woman they affect a big raspberry every time! Most of the guys stuck in those goose chases are often the ones who want to see women even when they're not as horny as they like them to be...and may be among the best romantics! Just something crazy about how many women go away from them because they accidentally put on a "bad, weakling" vibe... Link to comment
Salucious Posted June 16, 2009 Share Posted June 16, 2009 I've never really had close female friends, any girls I know socially are usually casual friends. I purposefully don't become close friends with girls (at least ones that I find appealing) for this very reason. I guess I've been "friendzoned" by girls I've met before, though not to the point where they hang on me for support like having a shoulder to cry on or to be like a girl-friend to them. I kind of feel bad for guys like that. At least ones that have feelings for the girl. I don't see how guys can torture themselves like that. I think the way to avoid that is to keep girls you are interested in at a distance (casual friends/acquaintances) until you make a move (which usually needs to be quick). I'm not expert on relationships, but I know that most girls are attracted to assertive men that know what they want and go after it; especially when it comes to girls. In a way, girls make it easy for guys to ask them out, in that they usually want a guy to be forward and the girl will give you a clear answer. Not swoon over her for years while being friends with her. Not that friends can't become more, but more often than not there has always been mutual attraction in those situations and they both just delayed it. Bottom line: Don't be one of those guys who girls use as a "girlfriend" if you actually have feelings for the girl. If you are one of those guys, just take a chance and be forward about it. I wouldn't tell the girl "I love you" or "I have feelings for you" I'd probably just blow her off long enough for her to seek me out and then make a move physically. If she recoils in disgust, pfffttt whatever; at least I take the chance she realizes I'm better for her than other guys, and it shows I have balls. Link to comment
Salucious Posted June 16, 2009 Share Posted June 16, 2009 I've never really had close female friends, any girls I know socially are usually casual friends. I purposefully don't become close friends with girls (at least ones that I find appealing) for this very reason. I guess I've been "friendzoned" by girls I've met before, though not to the point where they hang on me for support like having a shoulder to cry on or to be like a girl-friend to them. I kind of feel bad for guys like that. At least ones that have feelings for the girl. I don't see how guys can torture themselves like that. I think the way to avoid that is to keep girls you are interested in at a distance (casual friends/acquaintances) until you make a move (which usually needs to be quick). I'm not expert on relationships, but I know that most girls are attracted to assertive men that know what they want and go after it; especially when it comes to girls. In a way, girls make it easy for guys to ask them out, in that they usually want a guy to be forward and the girl will give you a clear answer. Not swoon over her for years while being friends with her. Not that friends can't become more, but more often than not there has always been mutual attraction in those situations and they both just delayed it. Bottom line: Don't be one of those guys who girls use as a "girlfriend" if you actually have feelings for the girl. If you are one of those guys, just take a chance and be forward about it. I wouldn't tell the girl "I love you" or "I have feelings for you" I'd probably just blow her off long enough for her to seek me out and then make a move physically. If she recoils in disgust, pfffttt whatever; at least I take the chance she realizes I'm better for her than other guys, and it shows I have balls. Link to comment
cl76 Posted June 16, 2009 Share Posted June 16, 2009 You can have close female friends (as a male) if you're not interested in sex with them, ever. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted June 16, 2009 Share Posted June 16, 2009 It is not only the sex part..many men will give off signals of interest and be in a semi-relationship with women, not giving all of themselves, just the bare minumum. While the women may put the man in the friendzone and not give him the relationship and sex he wants, many men will give the woman a pseudo-relationship but not the full relationship. How many posts on here are from women in these pseudo-relationships...some of them are officially termed a girlfriend and yet the guy barely initiates contact, doesn't do very much for the girlfriend and just focuses on himself..the girlfriend is left doing all the work in the relationship. Some guys won't even call the woman his girlfriend but will want to see her all the time at his convenience, holding hands, making out, having sex, going to dinner and movies etc..but won't say "you are my girlfriend". While the methods may be different (women tease a little but keep the man in the friendzone.....men tease, give just enough to keep the woman hooked and running after him but he falls short of calling her a gf, or calls her a gf but does very little to sustain the relationship), the consequences and feelings in the person being strung along are the same...pain, frustration, anger, bitterness, resentment. Link to comment
Nutz Posted June 16, 2009 Share Posted June 16, 2009 LOL and DOUBLE LOL What a small world you must inhabit Nobody said it doesn't happen. I'm saying it's very rare. Most guys don't do that. There are only a small percentage of men capable of doing that. They just happen to go through a lot of women making it seem as though more guys actually do that than really occurs. Goes back to the 20/80 rule: 20% of the men have 80% of the sex. Link to comment
Zunder Posted June 16, 2009 Share Posted June 16, 2009 LOL and DOUBLE LOL What a small world you must inhabit No, he lives in the real world. There is a name given to the act of having sex with a woman whom does not want it. It starts with "R'. Anything else is mutual. You both know what you are doing. The old cliche - it takes two to tango is still apt. So, I don't know what fogbound other reality you are living in over there in the Old Dart. Link to comment
ajaxajax Posted June 16, 2009 Author Share Posted June 16, 2009 Crazyaboutdogs, I do stress that - unlike jerks - real men still do things with their partners based on what's comfortable and right as in "taking the lead"...not over them, but FOR them and for themselves. And if they have different ideas, men can just simply compromise rather than act as doormats. It's just that we ought to not have a game of playing fetch and become submissive to their every last whim! It's pointless for a man to give his all without a guarantee of a woman giving her all in response...and vice versa Link to comment
t3nder_v1ttl3s Posted June 16, 2009 Share Posted June 16, 2009 Even if it isn’t a true story it is true of what happens. I’ve been in similar situations. Some women can’t seem to stand another woman wanting you but they don’t want you either. They’ll interfere just enough to ruin your chances with the other lady and then back off once the other woman is out of the picture. Yet these same women will deny having any interest in you whatsoever if you try to make a move on them. They will rub the fact that they are seeing someone else in your face. I find it near impossible to believe they cannot tell that you have feelings for them. I find it near impossible to believe they cannot tell they are hurting you. It’s like they enjoy seeing the anguish and pain on your face. They like watching you try to suppress the fact that they just crushed you. They like knowing that you care for them even though they don’t care for you. Each time you let them get to you just provides them the ecstasy of knowing they still have power over you. The concept is very real and the outcome is extremely cruel. In a just world these women would have to suffer exactly what they put guys through just to satisfy their ego. They’d have to be capable of feeling though for it to be any sort of justice. I am so ready to just become the jerk. At least I’ll get something for my time. Link to comment
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