i heard from her today

[adamt]

Hows everyone doing. Not seen much of Amanada on here in recent days, hopefully she is improving and doesnt need to come on here as much. its over 2 months now, not heard from the ex. Still busy doing the gym and getting into country walking and biking. Been going out with friends at weekends evenings. Starting reading a book before i go to bed to stop me from thinking too much of her last thing at night. My sleeping is returning to normal and i am havign deeper sleeps

 

Only problem is that i'm looking at other women to see if i fancy anyone but when i get home i feel sad cos i dont see anyone who catches my eye, then i wonder if i will meet someone else anytime soon then i miss the ex. By next morning i am ok. Just got to make sure the booze is udner control. Still think about her lots but considering joining a dating website in a few weeks and see what is in or around london.

 

Been busy every weekend for last 2 months and got the next month filled up. It seems to have helped and I've made an effort to get back intouch with old friends and be proactive. Now i have people i can visit if i feel a bit down.

 

only set back i have had is that i found out through a 3rd party the ex is off to visit one of her friends in australia. Thats something we were planning to do and i love australia. I've kept strong and will not contact her, to stop myself contacting her i just think of all the pain when we split up. I still get that urge of wanting to see an email from her in my inbox. but i know it will not happen.

 

We are all in this together, so be strong and don't let each other down. I am sure once we are at the end of the tunnel it will be worth it.

[sunnyv]

hi adam

 

yes keep staying strong. there is nothing you can do about the australia visit. heck by staying nc it may even make her think of you.

[pdoog]

pdoog glad to hear you are doing good. happy birthday to you. i'm really proud of you. how long has it been since your break up? you are great encouragement for the rest of us keep it up.

 

 

It was end of Feb the break uo. and just over 4 months of NC.

[AmandaB]

Adam, Im still around. Just hanging in there like that stupid cat on the poster. Ive had a bad day about it today. I feel like I shut the door on him when i said I never wanted to see or hear from him again, feel badly about that and pretty hopeless at the moment. Didnt get much sleep last night, tossing and turning. This past saturday it was 3 months, 3 months of nothing. Just Nothing, makes me sad.

 

I had an alright weekend, full of ups and downs. Had a great hike, talked to some cute guys but by the time I get home and am alone that wears off and I just miss him. I miss him so much. I just cant believe that he doesnt ever want to talk to me again.

[adamt]

Hi Amanda,

 

What do you in the evenings after work? Do you stay in a lot? I rarely stay in and go to the gym most mid week nights. Helps break up the evening. If i dont then I watch a couple of dvds. Can you find stuff to do in the evenings that gets you out of the house. Do you read books? I find that helps too. LIfe does suck sometimes, but you have to take it by the horns and wrestle it to the ground and dont want it to control your life. onloy you can control your life.

[AmandaB]

Right now I dont do anything after work. i go to therapy once a week. I am looking at signing up for some excercise but dont have the money right now and its too freakin hot to go out side over here. I only have two things planned this week after work, therapy and a hiking/tailgate on friday. Those are always fun but they are only once a month. I just feel soooo lonely. I dont even have good friends, none. They all stink.

 

Oh ya, went to the movies by myself yesturday, saw 500 Days of Summer. Great movie, go see it. There were like 5 other people there who were alone. Two of the people were cute guys my age, sitting all by themselves like me. It was comforting actually.

[adamt]

yeah, i really think you need to find things to do outside your house on evenings. I think that is what is holding you back from moving on. Have you thought about getting a part time evening job for the short term. Just a bar job. what about doing a language class. learn french or spanish. The key is you dont go to want to be an expert you go because you will start to enjoy it and occupy your time and mind. Most things are more enjoyable than sat feeling depressed over an ex.

 

I hope you find the money to do some exercise as thats a huge difference.

 

What i do is come in from work about 6pm. have a bite to eat. watch tv for 1 hour then go to the gym and come back about 9pm and cook a stir fry. then it is 10pm then i watch a bit of tv and go on the internet. get to 11:30pm and read for 20 minutes. then go to sleep at midnight. I might squeeze in the odd phone call. If i didnt get out of the house for 2 hours 6pm-midnight would seem such a long time to be alone and think about things. It sounds like you have too much time on your hands in an evening and you just think about him all the time. and you cant get out of the loop

[moonbug]

Amanda...one of my female friends was in the same situation as yours. She was in limbo months after her breakup and didn't see any end in sight. However, just by chance, she got into something and that completely got her out of the rut. She got a roommate! Not because she needed one or anything. But because she was trying to help out another friend. So she hosted this girl and it was supposed to be only for a few days. But then the time they spent together was so much fun, with the movies and the gossiping and the booze parties and such, that it got that happiness back in her life. She suggested that the girl just put up at her place for a longer time. That way both got what they needed. The girl got a great place to stay. And my friend got someone who helped keep her loneliness away. Of course it did help that the girl was a drop-dead gorgeous and single. So that way my friend looked up to her and felt good lol

 

So maybe you could do something like that? From your posts it seems like you are at your worst when you are at home and alone. Not just that. Because you know you are going to be miserable the moment you are alone, you probably don't even enjoy the other stuff like hikes and movies to the fullest. Because you know its a temporary high and you will eventually get back to your misery. So how about getting a roommate? I understand a lot of things need to work out for that. But you never know. You might just stumble on to a whole new idea of fun and happiness.

[AmandaB]

Moonbug, thanks for your suggestions. Unfortunantly I live in a 1 bedroom apartment, all I could afford, and Im in a year lease. My lease isnt up until next June. Thanks though.

[moonbug]

Moonbug, thanks for your suggestions. Unfortunantly I live in a 1 bedroom apartment, all I could afford, and Im in a year lease. My lease isnt up until next June. Thanks though.

Well...I wasn't suggesting you get a roommate. I was hinting at trying out something completely out of the wild. Lateral thinking! Stuff you never imagined before. And definitely something you never thought would be a solution to your problem!

 

But I am sure you are trying all you can. Maybe its just time that will heal you then. All the best in any case.

[AmandaB]

Well...I wasn't suggesting you get a roommate. I was hinting at trying out something completely out of the wild. Lateral thinking! Stuff you never imagined before. And definitely something you never thought would be a solution to your problem!

 

But I am sure you are trying all you can. Maybe its just time that will heal you then. All the best in any case.

 

I was actually thinking about a roomate but by then I had moved into the one bedroom. It would be nice to have somebody around. I dont know what to do w/ myself. I know, take a class, etc. What I really want to do is get out of here, move away. Try a new city. Tired of the heat anyway.

[brokenheart311]

I was actually thinking about a roomate but by then I had moved into the one bedroom. It would be nice to have somebody around. I dont know what to do w/ myself. I know, take a class, etc. What I really want to do is get out of here, move away. Try a new city. Tired of the heat anyway.

 

Hey if nothing is really keeping you there then do it. I looked into doing that myself recently, but the school program I'm in doesn't transfer when you're halfway through. However i'm considering packing up and moving a year from now after I finish, luckily the degree I'm getting is a growth field with positions open virtually anywhere in the US. I'm thinking maybe I'll spend a year in NYC, Seattle or Florida, depends on if anything is happening in my personal life that would make me want to stay here anymore. Man, I get kinda nervous and excited thinking about it.

[pester1c]

Just close the chapter in ur mind, until then u will have set backs.. u r going good.. a month of pure nc is a good start.. now don't contact her at all..

[AmandaB]

Hey if nothing is really keeping you there then do it. I looked into doing that myself recently, but the school program I'm in doesn't transfer when you're halfway through. However i'm considering packing up and moving a year from now after I finish, luckily the degree I'm getting is a growth field with positions open virtually anywhere in the US. I'm thinking maybe I'll spend a year in NYC, Seattle or Florida, depends on if anything is happening in my personal life that would make me want to stay here anymore. Man, I get kinda nervous and excited thinking about it.

 

I want to sooo badly but I just got a really good job here. It took me forever to get this job. Thats the only reason why im here. Im giving it a year and see how it goes.

[brokenheart311]

I want to sooo badly but I just got a really good job here. It took me forever to get this job. Thats the only reason why im here. Im giving it a year and see how it goes.

 

Yeah just keep your eyes open to job postings elsewhere and maybe in this next year you'll discover some new place and job that you want to explore. I may not move a year from now either because another thing I was thinking about was the fact that after I get my next career started after school I'll be able to pay off my house within about 5 years and be debt free (if I'm still single). So that is also exciting to me.

[adamt]

Amanda, I live on my own and work away during the week. I do really hope you find something to occupy your time on evenings. Tonight i was goign to have a night in but i was a bit bored and could feel my mind starting to think about stuff so i went out for a swim, sit in the jacuzzi and then the sauna. I came back feeling a lot better and it broke up the evening. If you can find ways to get out and break up your evenings that will make a huge difference. What about doing some cookery classes? whatg about something like salsa classes?

[SnowFox]

Amanda, this might sound far fetched, but there is a free easy activity you could learn that would probably help you - meditation.

 

It gives you a way of not feeling trapped with all your thoughts and emotions. It helps you learn to disengage from repetitive thoughts without having to do something to distract yourself from them.

 

If you're interested, I can post a link to a really good free on-line meditation class.

[pdoog]

Hey guys hope ya'll doing good. I myself have been fairly good just one thing that is bothering me is the last 3 nights I have had dreams which involve the ex. One of them was a dream that seemed to take place in the future , her middle aged kid (14 now) was graduating high school. for some reason I was there and me and her were talking and asking how she was and visa versa. It was just very strange.

[melissag87]

Hey guys hope ya'll doing good. I myself have been fairly good just one thing that is bothering me is the last 3 nights I have had dreams which involve the ex. One of them was a dream that seemed to take place in the future , her middle aged kid (14 now) was graduating high school. for some reason I was there and me and her were talking and asking how she was and visa versa. It was just very strange.

 

I know just what you're talking about! I've been having dreams almost every night about my ex and it's already been 3 months later!!! It's so annoying because i'm trying to forget about him but every morning when I wake up I get a sinking feeling in my chest....since most of the dreams involve us getting back together

[adamt]

I'm doing ok. Only times i feel a bit down is when i come in after a night out with by drinking friends and i've been looking about in the bars to see if anyone takes my fancy. Then i'm wishing she was out with me or is suddenly in the bar and wants to talk to me. All the women seem to be in their 40s or early 20s. I'll be looking for someone from about 30-36. Then i get the feeling of never meeting someone suitable for me. Probably have to give the dating agencies a go when i am ready i think,. Drinking doesnt help permanently to heal you.

 

Today feels like a day of reflection. wondering what she is doing, how she is coping without her mom and what we would have been doing on a sunday in the past. But i'm having a lazy day so my mind is wandering. I'll be fine again tomorrow though.

[sunnyv]

hi all-the dreams are normal. they will come and go. you just have to stay strong. you are all making progress in different ways and it is wonderful to see. stay strong.

[becca0194]

Hi !! I have been out of town and was surprised to see this thread pages back. How is everyone doing?

[adamt]

Hi,

 

Well not been here for a few days. Just still working out and aiming to get fitter and leaner. Doing other stuff like taking up golf.Today i went to a football(UK) match and stood waiting for some friends, saw the ex walking past. (funny how you spot someone 5ft 4 in a crowd so easily) saw her early on the radar and did the usual by telling my friends and not looking.etc she saw me from a distance apparently(first time seen here since the split about may), then later on saw her sat outside a bar but i didnt look over as i walked past. but her friend looked to see if i was looking..etc I can see how people break NC but i will stay strong. I am assuming she felt awkward probably like me. I actually feel better because she looked and saw me and i didnt go over and talk to her and didnt make a fool of myself. All i can say is keep yourself on track unless things are forced on you. The more you talk to them the more you go off the beaten track

[Lavender25]

adamt:

 

are you hoping for a reconciliation?

 

My ex and I were at the same bar the other night and we did the whole ignoring thing too. I've also been in NC for over a month now (broken up two months) and I'm wondering if ignoring the ex is the right thing to do if the goal is to get back together....

 

Is it weird that the break up was only two months ago but I feel so much OLDER?

[adamt]

adamt:

 

are you hoping for a reconciliation?

 

My ex and I were at the same bar the other night and we did the whole ignoring thing too. I've also been in NC for over a month now (broken up two months) and I'm wondering if ignoring the ex is the right thing to do if the goal is to get back together....

 

I honestly don't know. It feels hurtful that she would ignore me after 3 years but i can understand as i was in a right state when we split up and she might feel uncomfortable now or doesnt want to give me false hope. I did block her on facebook too.

 

My heart wants the chance to sit down and talk now that i can think straight and got my emotions under control but my head says keep focused, if she wanted to work things out i would not have been dumped or she would have reached out. I just dont want to risk going back to day one.