sunnyv Posted July 20, 2009 Author Share Posted July 20, 2009 great responses. jonas thanks man. i appreciate it your words too, it really helps me a lot. adam-thats great advice. our exs are the ones with the issues, that helps put things in better perspective for me. amanda-keep doing nc. he has to come back for you. he was the one that broke up with you. he wants space, so your only alternative is to give him that. give him that and if he still wants more space then he is truly not the one for you. strttoz-yes i think 2 months is a good time for a start on nc but sometimes people need more, others need less. it really depends on the sitatuion what is going, on, etc. most dumpers need the chance to miss someone, this can take years in some cases. i agree with you. Link to comment
pdoog Posted July 20, 2009 Share Posted July 20, 2009 Hey guys, I believe NC is a good way to try and heal without having our ex's interfere and re hashing old problems/emotions. The hard thing is when we are in NC for so long that we start to 2nd guess if it is the right thing or not. In my case I have been NC for over 90 days now without a single sign of any contact on her part to reach out. Does this bother me? NO! it actually has made it easier for me to move on, heal and forget about her. Sure there are still memories of us together. But All hope of us getting back together has completely left my mind. She made her decision to end the relationship, act like the victim and then immediately get into another relationship with someone else. Her decisions have been made, now all I need to do is stay contact free and live my life. She is no longer in my lfe and no matter how much I think to myself "I wish she was" The reality is that she isn't. So guys I hate to be blunt and I rarely am but they dumped us and left us for whatever reasons. And we all need to be Ok with that decision. Once you are ok with that then moving on is a lot easier. Link to comment
sunnyv Posted July 20, 2009 Author Share Posted July 20, 2009 pdoog great post. i agree. we have to be ok with the fact that they left us and have not made any intentions of coming back. we have no choice but to do nc. we can not run after them. we have to understand this and process this and not ever think we are making a mistake. i agree with you pdoog after being in nc for so long you do start to guess yourself and wonder if you are making the right decision. but we didn't leave them. we didn't choose this. we are just going to make ourselves better Link to comment
JonasWaingaro Posted July 20, 2009 Share Posted July 20, 2009 Hey guys, I believe NC is a good way to try and heal without having our ex's interfere and re hashing old problems/emotions. I know what you're saying but I'd actually like to rehash the old problems/emotions! lol They are fairly unresolved for me. I don't think she really understood some things or hasn't really heard what I had to say, or needed to say. I know that's probably naive. I don't know, does that make sense or did I just make your point for you? lol Link to comment
pdoog Posted July 20, 2009 Share Posted July 20, 2009 I think it is OK, to want to rehash old problems and emotions (i.e closure). You also have to look at it as she may not want to revisit those problems or emotions and she may of intentionally not heard your side of things ( i know my ex didn't listen to me after the breakup). Every situation is different as well, I just ask before you attempt to contact an ex be prepared to feel all those same emotions you did days after the break up. One reason I am not going to ocntact my ex and there are many reasons but one of them is fear of all those horrible feelings coming back. Link to comment
AmandaB Posted July 20, 2009 Share Posted July 20, 2009 I think it is OK, to want to rehash old problems and emotions (i.e closure). You also have to look at it as she may not want to revisit those problems or emotions and she may of intentionally not heard your side of things ( i know my ex didn't listen to me after the breakup). Every situation is different as well, I just ask before you attempt to contact an ex be prepared to feel all those same emotions you did days after the break up. One reason I am not going to ocntact my ex and there are many reasons but one of them is fear of all those horrible feelings coming back. I feel the same way you do. I just cant go back to feeling that way again because it just hurt so much. It took me out of work for a day and then I couldnt concentrate for months afterwards. I am still having problems and we are at 9 weeks now. Two things im not looking forward to, the 3 month mark of the breakup and then our anniversary is coming up in August. thats going to hurt. Link to comment
sunnyv Posted July 20, 2009 Author Share Posted July 20, 2009 one day at a time amanda. you can't think about the future right now, it will make you go insane Link to comment
adamt Posted July 20, 2009 Share Posted July 20, 2009 Hows everyone doing? I have a feelings the ex has gone on a girls holiday to a greek resort with her new best friends.(she did mention thinking of doing it leading up to our break up..probably a hint to split up) She isnt the sort to sleep around but i cant help but think i wish we were doing there together. having a few quiet moments today where i look back to our first year of the relationship and wish it could go back to that. Things seemed so much simpler and straight forward back then. She seems to have changed so much from who she was then. It feels like she is trying to go back to her younger times and catch up on lost time. Link to comment
sunnyv Posted July 20, 2009 Author Share Posted July 20, 2009 hi adam thats probably exactly it. people get these urges for some reason to wish they were younger. you can't repeat chapters in life, you just can't and our exs need to find this out on their own. they will at the end of the day, somehow Link to comment
adamt Posted July 20, 2009 Share Posted July 20, 2009 Finding it hard tonight. Imagination running wild at the moment thinking of the ex going on holiday with other people. We spent 3 years doing loads of city breaks in europe. brings it all back. Her mom recently died just before our break up. Cant help but think it was a life changing experience and she just wants to be selfish and do her own thing without a boyfriend in tow. Although i dont think we will get back together. I think it will be a while before she has another boyfriend, she is very independent, very picky.haha probably wont find someone as easy going as me! her loss! Link to comment
sunnyv Posted July 21, 2009 Author Share Posted July 21, 2009 hi adam you never know. she may come back. that is a huge life changing experience having a parent die, especiallly a mom. she seems to me as if she is lost and just trying to find her way. some people when they get lost they remove everythign out of their life, instead of just looking at themselves they kick all and everybody out of their life that is closest to them, except their friends. one day she will come back and want to talk to you would be my bet. thats really hard, your imagination will conjure up things that are not probably even happening. try to stay busy, get to the gym, its the best advice i can give. sorry i'm not too much of a help but im in the same boat. my mind runs wild all day and all night long Link to comment
AmandaB Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 My mind runs wild all the time. Thats probably why im so tired all the time. Its like the first month and a half I couldnt sleep, now I cant get enough. I know one thing I have seen on here, if you dont already know that your ex is w/ someone else then you are thinking they are. Not one of us thinks that our ex is alone like us. Weird. Link to comment
adamt Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 Had a mini set back last night. For some reason i went on a messageboard we both used before and during our relationship. Started reading old posts and it brought back memories. even found the one where i first realised she was interested in me. Felt good at the time reading them all but felt a bit sh1tty after. wont be doing that again! Feel i am a bit unfocused today. really annoyed with myself Link to comment
sunnyv Posted July 22, 2009 Author Share Posted July 22, 2009 hi adam oh yes, i have done something similar. it does make you feel awful. you can't do that you have to stay away from those things because right now it just hurts too much. i am so sorry you went through that. keep your head and remember she left you, she is choosing this. you will get through this. keep strong. she will realize one day the mistake she made Link to comment
pdoog Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 Yes looking back at old letters,emails,messeges right now is not good for a healing heart. I have done it and I still do sometimes look at the letters she used to write me. There will be a point in my life where I can just throw them away, like she threw away everything I ever gave her, (myself and all the little gifts,letters,photo albumbs I gave her). Hang in there you will get back on track, we all have set backs. Link to comment
sunnyv Posted July 22, 2009 Author Share Posted July 22, 2009 yes i agree pdoog. we all have setbacks. it is completely normal. i am willing to bet that one day our exs will have a big setback and miss us. we are going through it every day. but they are in denial right now and one day its just going to hit them. does anybody else feel like blocking out the world right now?? i see all these happy couples, friends going out on dates, etc and it just makes me sick. i just want to stay home and do nothing because watching the world go on makes me sick and very very sad. especially in the summertime. Link to comment
sunnyv Posted July 22, 2009 Author Share Posted July 22, 2009 update here my ex called me today. she had a problem with her phone and the phone store was saying it was still on my plan so she asked me to come meet her at the store. so of course i went and met her. the phone store took an hour and during this time she told me she is having teh best summer of her life. she is making out with random people and she just slept with somebody random for the first time a few weeks ago. she said it was awesome and she doens' tknow if she will ever talk to this person again but it was great. she is also talking to someone who is married??? what the heck?? i was kinda sad and i tried not showing it. she asked if i was sleeping with anyone and i told her no, i have met a few girls, made out with them (a lie) of course but that was about it. she said she is just having the best time not having committments and that she is super busy. on the way out we hugged and i kissed her. i kissed her a couple of times. she said wow, all i did was come to fix my phone and i got a kiss. i told her don't read into it, i dont want anything, just wanted to kiss. then she drove off........ Link to comment
AmandaB Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 Its very very very very immature of her to say those things. Its almost like she is in high school bragging about it. I would have broken down or punched him. Not sure which one. Link to comment
emptyinside70 Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 Hey Sunny, hope that didn't set you back to much or give you any mixed signals. If it did though just remember she made it clear she isn't looking for any commitment. Why she told you details about her flings is beyond me, other than the fact that she was your friend first for so long. Not trying to judge, but she also sounds immature or just totally clueless about others feelings. Makes me somewhat glad that when I finally called my ex she didn't tell me any details of what or who she's been doing. What's your next step? Link to comment
sunnyv Posted July 22, 2009 Author Share Posted July 22, 2009 hi guys thanks for all the support. i have no clue what my next step is. what do you guys think i should do???? i was going to send her a text but i am going to wait i think and see if she texts me. i know it was awful hearing how she has no self respect for herself. you all hit it on the head immaturity. major immaturity going on here. she is 28 acting like she is 19 again. it killed me to hear these things but i think it was cuase we were friends for 6 years before we dated and so i think she felt she could tell me. it hurt like hell, i'm not gonna lie. what do i do from here??? amanda-it made me sick inside she is sleeping with a random and doing random things. is it bettter than being with a one person-majorily being in love-i guess so. i think she is just out of control right now what does everyone think is going to happen next Link to comment
AmandaB Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 Its a tough situation. Wow. Im speechless. What she said were very hurtful things in my opinion. Hold true to what you believe in though. You sound as though you are not one of those types of people who hook up randomly. Is it an unattractive thing to you? To me it would completely turn me off if someone told me those things. Link to comment
sunnyv Posted July 22, 2009 Author Share Posted July 22, 2009 i'm speechless too. i have no idea if i did the right thing by kissing her. i was trying to convey the "im not needy" i can kiss you too and not have a committment. the thing she is doing with others right now. Link to comment
JonasWaingaro Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 does anybody else feel like blocking out the world right now?? i see all these happy couples, friends going out on dates, etc and it just makes me sick. i just want to stay home and do nothing because watching the world go on makes me sick and very very sad. especially in the summertime. Yup happy couples doing all those cute things couple do makes me sad. Even the ones on TV make me sad. Do I turn the channel...sadly no. ](*,) What she said to you is a wow. You handled that a lot better then I would have I can tell you that much. Hard to believe she's 28. I don't even know what say to you. I feel for you Sunnyv. Hang in there. Link to comment
AmandaB Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 i'm speechless too. i have no idea if i did the right thing by kissing her. i was trying to convey the "im not needy" i can kiss you too and not have a committment. the thing she is doing with others right now. But is that you? Are you that type of person? Are you the kind who can do random hookups? Link to comment
sunnyv Posted July 22, 2009 Author Share Posted July 22, 2009 thanks everybody. no its not me. not at all. i just am stuck in a rock and hard place. if i let her know i still want her, she will run, cause she wants to hook up with random people right now since she has always been in a relationship. she said she wants no committment Link to comment
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