AmandaB Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 I guess you will have to take her for her word then. I dont think you want to share her do you?! Link to comment
emptyinside70 Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 ...what do i do from here??? ...what does everyone think is going to happen next If I were you I wouldn't do anything and certainly wouldn't text her right away. If she needs something she will make the first move, like she just did. Just don't wait around for it and be at her beck and call. Link to comment
sunnyv Posted July 22, 2009 Author Share Posted July 22, 2009 ok i won't text her or call her. i will just leave it be. she could of just used me i guess to get her phone fixed. i dunno. this totally sucks. i would like to think that one day she will just wake up. these random hookups can't be that thrilling can they?? she said she is havign the best summer of her life just being single. go figure. Link to comment
sunnyv Posted July 22, 2009 Author Share Posted July 22, 2009 i just don't know who she is anymore. she seemed so weird. i can't believe the random hookups. from anyone's experience is that really fullfilling???? how long does anyone think that will last???? Link to comment
becca0194 Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 sunnyv - at first I couldn't imagine how she could not have enough respect for you to keep all that information to herself. Then after reading what you wrote, it all comes together. How could she possible respect you when she doesn't have an ounce of respect for herself? It sounds like she has a lot of issues to be going through this at 28. I don't think you were planning to make a move right now in regard to getting back together with her and there is no other option to stick to that plan. You need to just work on healing your broken heart. It really sucks to be on this side of a broken relationship. There is nobody that understands that more than the people reading these very posts !! Hang in there, my friend !! We are all here for you... Link to comment
pdoog Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 Sunny man sorry to har about your recent enconter with your ex. Here is some advice. Stay Far away and go back to NC. She obviosly has no respect for you, Why the hell would she be telling you these things, does she know that she is being a * * * * ? I mean who sleeps with someone and then says well I wotnt ever talk to them again. Either she is lying about it to make you mad or she is a * * * * who is just banging whoever she can get. Sorry to put it that way but you need to see the light. Dont call dont text and remove her form your plan and block her number. You were doing good without her. Dont let her weasel her way back into your life. Link to comment
moonbug Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 You know what Sunny? I am going to say this was a good thing to happen. Yea...thats right. At least now you can see things objectively. SHE IS OVER YOU...for now anyway. Now its up to you to be a man and deal with this mess. You have wallowed in this thing for long enough now. I think this was what was needed for you to get over it. I hope you can see that there is a finality about the whole thing now. For the next few (or several) months, she is going to be useless to you, probably even harmful. Get over it my friend. I think thats the way nature is. Either you get over your problems within a certain time or nature will arrange for you to get over them, the hard way. I can imagine how crushing it must have been to know of the sh!t she has been up to. Do you still need her? Don't get to that place. Don't be prepared to accept her with any rubbish she has been doing while you were sobbing. Just let her go. Always remember, one day, not very far away, you will be in a place from where you will look back on this day and smile and say to yourself 'If not for those times, I wouldn't be so happy today'. How fast that day arrives is totally in your hands. Stop pining over that girl. Let her be. All of us out here can't help you beyond a point, though we would really want to. You need to figure some stuff out for yourself. Be a man dude! Stand up and walk on! I know you can do it! Take Care Link to comment
atelis Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 i think it's incredibly insensitive of her to reveal that sort of information and immature as others have said. But i think it's also a facade on her part. Anyone who is truly happy doesn't need to advertise it like that and i think part of her motivation was to appear to you as though she was in control and that everything in her life is rosy. I think the truth is somewhere in the middle. Don't make contact. I think she told you that stuff to get a reaction.........if you don't react, it will only make her miffed as to why. Keep the mystery there. Resist the urge to contact her. Link to comment
moonbug Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 Atelis, I agree what you have said also makes sense. But I think Sunny has come to a point where he needs to start taking things at face value. Enough of searching for meanings in her actions. He can't keep doing it right? And she can't expect him to do it anyway. So I think it would be help Sunny if he just took things for what they appear and move on. Fishing for intentions and hidden meanings is not going to lead him anywhere good right now. Maybe when he gets to a better place, he can do it, should the opportunity present itself. It annoys me when I see these exes going about their lives not caring about someone who apparently meant so much to them a few weeks ago. It makes me feel pathetic about myself. If they can go about sleeping with random people, partying, putting up pics on Facebook and myspace, I really don't want to sit around pining for them. Sunny, please dude, get a grip on things and move on. You sound like a nice guy. You deserve to be happy. Don't screw yourself over someone who doesn't care for you. Link to comment
sunnyv Posted July 23, 2009 Author Share Posted July 23, 2009 great comments everybody. i really appreciate all the thoughts from everyone. i am taking everyone's advice on here. i especially agree with saffron that i have to reject the person she is now. i agree with that whole heartidly. she is someone i don't even recognzie right now. do you think i need to verbailize this to her? or do i just reject her through nc?? moonbug, pdoog, atelis, thank you thank thank you. each in your own way is helping me put this into perspective Link to comment
AmandaB Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 Everybody else pretty much said it for me. I wouldnt verbalize anything to her. She needs to deal with her own life now, along with those consequences (spelling?) of living that life. NC, move on (I know, i hate that saying) but that was messed up what she did. She was not thiking about your feelings, she was just thinking about her own gratification. Everybody else stole the words out of my mouth. I just think you should do nothing more, nothing. Go back to NC. Link to comment
sunnyv Posted July 23, 2009 Author Share Posted July 23, 2009 so just straight nc huh??? i was wondering if i should tell her that i don't know who she is anymore. not sure what to do Link to comment
adamt Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 so just straight nc huh??? i was wondering if i should tell her that i don't know who she is anymore. not sure what to do Honestly, i wouldnt waste any of your energy or time telling her that. Just don't bother with her anymore. What good is going to come out of telling her? Nothing is going to change in the bigger picture. Link to comment
brokenheart311 Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 SunnyV, Wow, that is one cold hearted person you have there. If she was ever really your friend pre-relationship then she should know you and know that hearing those things would hurt you. I can't fathom what her motivation was in revealing these events to you. I'm on the outside here, but I think it can be taken several different ways: 1. She is a * * * * * and enjoys * * * * ing around, she is also a * * * * * for telling you. She has no moral compass and has lost herself (at least the self you knew). 2. She didn't really do what she claims. she is a confused person, still trying to convince herself that she did the right thing by leaving and she is still trying to push you away by making up salacious things about herself. 3. she is full of guilt and had to get it out. Even though it came out as bragging, she may feel bad about it deep down and wants forgiveness. This might be why she asked you about your sex life, because if you are doing it too then it would relieve some of her guilt. 4. She's testing to see how emotionally attached to her you are. At some point she probably saw you as needy and your happiness was tied directly to her. Since you say you didn't react it might make her wonder why. For whatever reason and whether she really did or didn't screw around you should resume and stay in no contact. Also, unless it is saving you money, remove her from your phone plan, don't tell her, just do it. If she is acting immaturely who's to say she won't stop paying her bill and then since it is your plan you are the one responsible for the debt. Last thing, I'm curious how her sleeping around even came up. Did you asking if she was seeing anyone or something, or was it just in connection with her "best summer ever"? Sunny, I know it's hard letting go. I started with a minute by minute, second by second pain, I really thought my life was going to end, I wanted it to end. I then started having good days and bad days, now I have mostly good days and occasionally I have low moments, but that's it it's just down to moments. Actually the last two days started badly, but that is because I had dreams of her just before waking. Here is the one from this morning and I woke up thinking about her and was sad for about 30 minutes. So, the dream started off and I was at the college i go to headed to class. As I walk by one of the lounge areas I look over and see my ex nuzzling up to and kissing some guy on a couch, I walk on by and then turn back. I was going to beat the ever living crap outta this guy, but they were gone. Next thing I know I'm at a triple A baseball game and I'm out of the diamond. I look towards the stands in right field and see her waving at me. Sitting up in the stands just behind her are her dad and son. I walk to right field and as i get closer her son recognizes me. He starts crying, yelling my name, jumping up and down holding his arms out towards me. When I get to the fence he climbs over the rail and I catch him and he tells me he misses me and wants to live with me again. My ex is just standing next to me, but she is smiling at me. Her dad reaches over the rail and shakes my hand and says with tears in his eyes "They need you back in their lives". My ex asks me to walk her to her car, as we start to leave the field i'm confused and then I woke up. Of course i couldn't fall back asleep after this dream, but I felt better within 30 minutes. Link to comment
sunnyv Posted July 23, 2009 Author Share Posted July 23, 2009 hi brokenheart thanks for the response. i really appreciate your post. no i did not ask at all what her life was like, etc, if she was sleepign with someone. i was busy trying to fix her cell phone and get the back of the cover off the battery holder. i almost fell over when she was telling me this. luckily i had her newphew to my side and was holding her phone in the other hand and i just looked down at her newphew. i think she saw i looked down but i didn't respond. i just said "thats cool" i wanted to say you are a ****** but i didn't. i am losing 100 percent respect for her. i think the things really did happen that she is talking about. i think she has lost herself completel. 100 percent and this is why she is doing this. she said she enjoys her single life and loves not having a relationship, someone to answer too, etc. Link to comment
moonbug Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 so just straight nc huh??? i was wondering if i should tell her that i don't know who she is anymore. not sure what to do Sunny. I think right now you should just end it with her, even in your own head. Don't call it NC. NC sounds like its a temporary thing and that you should be open to contact after you have healed. But looking at the way she came accross to you, if I were in your place, I would just not talk to her again. Period. Even after I have healed. If she comes and talks to you later at some point in time, you can handle it the way you want to then. But I think this girl has just hammered the last nail in the coffin that was your relationship. Its up to you to wake up and smell the coffee now. Close this chapter in your life and look at it as a beautiful story with an awful ending. Don't keep waiting around for the story to take a miraculous twist and have a happy ending. It might not happen. If and when it does, you will have plenty of time to rejoice. But for now, start looking ahead. You don't need this person. So cut her out. Permanently. Link to comment
sunnyv Posted July 23, 2009 Author Share Posted July 23, 2009 thanks moonbug. i just don't know who she is anymore. i agree with you. for now at least its best that i just go on with out her. she has made that decision and now its time for my decision. Link to comment
moonbug Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 Yea. Do that. Imagine like you are the dumper here. You are the one ending the post breakup relationship because *you* have a problem with the person she is. She is not someone you want to be with and so *you* are ending it with her. Let the power be with you. Link to comment
brokenheart311 Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 I agree with Moonbug here, mostly because it is what i'm doing in my own life. When she gets herself so far from who it was that you were at one time friends with and then the person you loved, then she is just a complete stranger. Why be sad over a stranger, open up your heart new the exciting new possibilities in front of you and live life knowing you gave everything you could. Link to comment
becca0194 Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 sunnyv, I think you should also prepare yourself the next time she does contact you for something. I think that will eventually happen. Knowing how you may handle it in advance could be helpful. Link to comment
sunnyv Posted July 23, 2009 Author Share Posted July 23, 2009 thanks becca. i agree. i think and i bet she will contact me again. she has seen that i have lost 54lbs and when these hook ups don't work out and she realizes how good i was, she will be in touch. Link to comment
melissag87 Posted July 24, 2009 Share Posted July 24, 2009 i think it's incredibly insensitive of her to reveal that sort of information and immature as others have said. But i think it's also a facade on her part. Anyone who is truly happy doesn't need to advertise it like that and i think part of her motivation was to appear to you as though she was in control and that everything in her life is rosy. I think the truth is somewhere in the middle. Don't make contact. I think she told you that stuff to get a reaction.........if you don't react, it will only make her miffed as to why. Keep the mystery there. Resist the urge to contact her. I completely agree with atelis! Sunnyv....she may have just said those things to make you jealous and they may have not even been real! Don't believe everything she tells you Link to comment
sunnyv Posted July 24, 2009 Author Share Posted July 24, 2009 hi melissag87 thanks for the warm words i appreciate it. i think in a way some of it is true but some of it she is just boasting. i think she is on a path of self destruction right now. what do you think??? if she was truly happy why would she be boasting about it???? i didn't say anything about my social life, etc. i just said my summer was good. i didn't even ask about hers. she just said how she was hooking up,etc. its crazy you know??? Link to comment
melissag87 Posted July 24, 2009 Share Posted July 24, 2009 Sunnyv I think that if she really was "truly happy" then she wouldn't be boasting about it. Did you ever consider that she started to tell you those things just to get a reaction out of you or to see if you would open up to her and tell her what you've been up to? I'm sure that some of that must of been a lie...especially if she never had that type of personality before. Link to comment
AmandaB Posted July 24, 2009 Share Posted July 24, 2009 Ahh, thats a different perspective. Good point. Link to comment
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