If your loved one's face was gone forever (desfigured that is)

[Circe]

For all those saying you'd stay - there'd be some pretty enormous psychological effects that came with the scarring. Your SO may not be anything like the person they were beforehand.

 

Thats not to say you wouldnt stay just to say you probably wouldnt know till it happened. Again I just think we shouldny think about these things.. knock on wood..that sort of thing

[anna0511]

For all those saying you'd stay - there'd be some pretty enormous psychological effects that came with the scarring. Your SO may not be anything like the person they were beforehand.

 

Exactly what I was thinking... people can sink into depression after such traumatic experiences that can be more difficult to handle for the SO than the actual disfiguration.

[onewithbooks]

For all those saying you'd stay - there'd be some pretty enormous psychological effects that came with the scarring. Your SO may not be anything like the person they were beforehand.

 

Thats not to say you wouldnt stay just to say you probably wouldnt know till it happened. Again I just think we shouldny think about these things.. knock on wood..that sort of thing

 

I did think about that aspect. Then I realized that I know that when I in the position of being a SO I am totally committed to them and being with them. It would, for me, just be something that we would work through together.

 

You are quite right they may not be the same, but then most people arent the same at the beginning of a relationship together as they are 20 years later, whether or not they have had facial disfigurement.

 

The man would still be the man I had fallen in love with, there are just more layers of pain now covering that up. My commitment to him, as his SO is to help him work through it to have the best relationship we can.

[Knotty]

Whats the point? Its horribly painful to even think about and noone could really know till it happens how they would react.

I don't think it's good avoid thinking about things just because they are painful. What if I lose my job? I don't want to think about it. Sometimes it's good to be prepared for these things, like by having a savings in case you lose your job. If I am getting married I'd certainly think about whether I'd be willing to stay if everything didn't go smoothly. I may not be certain what I would do if my partner's face were disfigured, but I'd at least think about it a little beforehand.

[Circe]

I don't think it's good avoid thinking about things just because they are painful. What if I lose my job? I don't want to think about it. Sometimes it's good to be prepared for these things, like by having a savings in case you lose your job. If I am getting married I'd certainly think about whether I'd be willing to stay if everything didn't go smoothly. I may not be certain what I would do if my partner's face were disfigured, but I'd at least think about it a little beforehand.

 

Its good to be prepared for probably, or even possible outcomes. But a disfiguration is highly unlikely. Why be prepared for that. I can think of equally horrific highly unlikely things that could happen to you, your loved ones or your kids. If you kept thinking about things like that and trying to prepare for every horrific thing how could you lead a normal balanced life.

[onewithbooks]

I think to dwell on it, that is not healthy, but I think its a natural thing to wonder. I think that when you love someone and you are committed to them it is only natual to sk the "what would I do if such and such happened?"

[Knotty]

Its good to be prepared for probably, or even possible outcomes. But a disfiguration is highly unlikely. Why be prepared for that. I can think of equally horrific highly unlikely things that could happen to you, your loved ones or your kids. If you kept thinking about things like that and trying to prepare for every horrific thing how could you lead a normal balanced life.

 

I think to dwell on it, that is not healthy, but I think its a natural thing to wonder. I think that when you love someone and you are committed to them it is only natual to sk the "what would I do if such and such happened?"

I doubt anyone dwells on the possibility of their partner being disfigured. But getting injured, handicapped or coming down with some life-impacting diseases isn't that uncommon, so it's good to consider the possibility.

[SapphireNoir10]

If my guy im with now had it happen to him, I'd stay with him, work through it and never question it.

 

But would I approach a guy with facial disfigurement to date..I dont think so :S

[dangletsbang]

I deal with disfigurement [facial, among other physical deformities] daily @ work..I love my SO so much..I wouldn't think twice about staying with him..eventually due to old age I won't be attractive as I am now..who cares.. True love goes light years past looks..

[Unknown1607307972]

I couldn't leave him, he's always been here for me. I'd stay.

[yeawutever]

Well said.....

 

You would also have to take into concideration, that anyones personality would change if their face went missing, so it's more than just physical attraction, I would go crazy, definitely wouldn't be the same person if something like that were to happen to me, and wouldn't want anyone to be with me. IMO

 

Very true not everyone is going to react the same to such traumatic experience. If that happened to me I wouldn't just go crazy but then day I would probably be found with either a gun shot to my head or pills or me jumping off a brigde, totally lifeless. That's my only reason I would consider commiting suicide.

[yeawutever]

this seems like a strong case of discrediting the positives...and focussing entirely on the negative facets of the situation. is that healthy? just imagine all the things you could still do. the things you CAN do will always exceed the things you CANNOT do.

 

just a thought.

 

Not that I was being negative or pessimistic but it's kinda true. Once disfigure for life, you can do less things with your partner than the way they were before.

 

Intimacy plays a role in a relationship like another poster mentioned and the only way that gets enhanced is by the inicial attraction when you met them for the first time.

 

Flip it around and consider if you were the one that got disfigured. Would you want or expect your partner to stay with you?

No I would not want him to see me like that. I would commit suicide right away.

[simply complicated]

Not that I was being negative or pessimistic but it's kinda true. Once disfigure for life, you can do less things with your partner than the way they were before.

 

Intimacy plays a role in a relationship like another poster mentioned and the only way that gets enhanced is by the inicial attraction when you met them for the first time.

 

No I would not want me to see me like that. I would commit suicide right away.

 

I understand what Dangletsbang was saying about getting older, not like we're gonna stay young and attractive for the rest of our lives, however, in the mean time, while we are young, I couldn't face the world with my face disfigured, it's kinda sad how that works, if I had a huge burn mark on the back of my leg, nobody would care, but if it were on my face, I would have to become the phantom of the opera and hide out in the basement.

 

I definitely wouldn't want anyone with me either, I couldn't bare it, just knowing that I was a burden, like we couldn't go out anywhere without people starring, or making comments, it would put me in a serious state of depression, then my girl would have to put up with my mood swings, the relationship would definitely crumble.

[waveseer]

I would design and wear very attractive masks if it were me, and hopefully the same for my partner if it were them. Problem solved.

[yellowcal]

I would stay, no doubt.

 

Without a doubt I agree 100% I would stay without even thinking twice.

I don't understand how someone could leave someone because they suffered a horrific tragedy.

[yellowcal]

Not that I was being negative or pessimistic but it's kinda true. Once disfigure for life, you can do less things with your partner than the way they were before.

 

Intimacy plays a role in a relationship like another poster mentioned and the only way that gets enhanced is by the inicial attraction when you met them for the first time.

 

 

No I would not want him to see me like that. I would commit suicide right away.

 

So you would destroy your family and everyone that cared about you by committing suicide just because you suffered a tragedy and happened to become disfigured. Wow.. Just wow.

 

As for the initial attraction, people change over time anyway. So you are saying you'd leave your partner if as if they got old they became less attractive to you?

 

Oh and btw, just because someone becomes disfigured doesn't mean you can do LESS, some things will change and things will never be the exact same but that doesn't mean it is the end of the world you can still do things.

[yellowcal]

Very true not everyone is going to react the same to such traumatic experience. If that happened to me I wouldn't just go crazy but then day I would probably be found with either a gun shot to my head or pills or me jumping off a brigde, totally lifeless. That's my only reason I would consider commiting suicide.

 

and then you will end up like my friends grandfather, using a gun to try and commit suicide and now he is even worse off than he was (he is missing half of his head) because of a failed suicide and his family is left caring for him for the rest of his life. Not everyone is going to react the same that is why they offer counseling and people to help you live through tragic events such as becoming disfigured, it would suck and it would take some time getting used to a new life being different but it isn't the end of the world.

 

Would you feel the same if your partner lost an arm or a leg? I mean after all that would make them disfigured and their life would still be a hell of a lot different than if they had both.

[simply complicated]

I would design and wear very attractive masks if it were me, and hopefully the same for my partner if it were them. Problem solved.

 

Can't hide behind masks forever. I mean that figuratively...

[waveseer]

Can't hide behind masks forever. I mean that figuratively...

 

Yeah, I realize that both of us would know exactly what the other looked like, but it would take the "all day all the time" sting out of it. I'm sure I could get used to it either way, but why not make it more interesting? We could both wear the masks until we forget which one has the disfigurement!

[yeawutever]

I don't understand how someone could leave someone because they suffered a horrific tragedy.

I know but see not everyone thinks the same. I don't mean to sound shallow and no the break up would not be easy, I would be crying all along. I may not be in the relationship with him but I can still be his friend that visits he a lot and helps him with his medication like I mentioned before on one of my posts.

So you would destroy your family and everyone that cared about you by committing suicide just because you suffered a tragedy and happened to become disfigured. Wow.. Just wow.

I know I hope that never happens to me. See I can deal with any sort of thing happening to me except disfigurement or becoming disabled. I like posting pics on myspace, facebook or anywhere else online and going to movies with my friends. I can't imagine my life with that and hidding from the world. It would be over for me right there.

As for the initial attraction, people change over time anyway. So you are saying you'd leave your partner if as if they got old they became less attractive to you?

Aging and disfigurement are two different things. With aging anyone ages it and you can work everywhere and no one says anything. It's part of natural process in a all living things's life cycle. With disfigurement it's way different, it was interrupted so shortly. Assuming that you and your SO are young and in your early 20-30's and bang then next day they are all burned down with not even face, that doesn't happened too often as aging does.

You can't compare a natural process in life with disfigurement. As to answer your question no if it's aging, no I would not leave him. With disfigurement it would really depend on what type of scarring it is and how severe. If it's that bad enough then that would be a tough position for me.

Oh and btw, just because someone becomes disfigured doesn't mean you can do LESS, some things will change and things will never be the exact same but that doesn't mean it is the end of the world you can still do things.

Yeah I guess then again, I bet those few people that got in accidents and were disfigured for life thought that way too until faced with that.

[simply complicated]

Yeah, I realize that both of us would know exactly what the other looked like, but it would take the "all day all the time" sting out of it. I'm sure I could get used to it either way, but why not make it more interesting? We could both wear the masks until we forget which one has the disfigurement!

 

 

The day I meet a girl THAT committed, is the day I become king of the world... ....

 

I'm not saying there aren't any women out there that would do that, but I just don't see it as being out of love, I see it as pity, at least not in the beginning, I'm sure it would be outta love, but after a while, a year, two maybe, it becomes something else.

[penelope13]

I like to believe that I would not leave my partner no matter what hardship we would have to face, but I am also realistic enough that it is extremely difficult to predict even one's own behavior in extreme situations unless you are living in it.

 

I don't know how it would affect my partner, or how it would affect me; would we remain essentially the same person (mentally, emotionally), I would stay. But sometimes these things completely change a person into essentially someone different. In that case I would be involved with someone different who just inhabits the same (somewhat) body, in which case I would (maybe?) reconsider my commitment.

 

OP you said that you would not want to remain in the relationship (which I say is very honest of you to post about), yet you would want to remain friends with your partner and even pay the bills. I have to say if this was the attitude of my partner in case I was the one who was disfigured - I am not sure if this is what I would like: feeling a bit like a charity case. Not being good enough anymore as a partner, but being the recipient of your 'generous friendship'.

 

If it was me, I would decide in this case to end all ties. You either stick with me, no matter what happened to me, or you say you can't deal with my ailment and I would prefer taking care of myself or be with a new partner who would be able to handle my disfigurement.

[waveseer]

The day I meet a girl THAT committed, is the day I become king of the world... ....

 

I'm not saying there aren't any women out there that would do that, but I just don't see it as being out of love, I see it as pity, at least not in the beginning, I'm sure it would be outta love, but after a while, a year, two maybe, it becomes something else.

 

If it started out being motivated by love there is no way it would turn to pity. Love is forever.

[yellowcal]

I know but see not everyone thinks the same. I don't mean to sound shallow and no the break up would not be easy, I would be crying all along. I may not be in the relationship with him but I can still be his friend that visits he a lot and helps him with his medication like I mentioned before on one of my posts.

 

 

More than likely he isn't going to just want you to be his friend.

 

I know I hope that never happens to me. See I can deal with any sort of thing happening to me except disfigurement or becoming disabled. I like posting pics on myspace, facebook or anywhere else online and going to movies with my friends. I can't imagine my life with that and hidding from the world. It would be over for me right there.

 

 

You don't have to stop doing things just because something happens to you, it isn't going to be the end of the world looks aren't everything and it's really bad that people are so shallow that they consider their life over just because things change with their body.

 

 

Aging and disfigurement are two different things. With aging anyone ages it and you can work everywhere and no one says anything. It's part of natural process in a all living things's life cycle. With disfigurement it's way different, it was interrupted so shortly. Assuming that you and your SO are young and in your early 20-30's and bang then next day they are all burned down with not even face, that doesn't happened too often as aging does.

You can't compare a natural process in life with disfigurement. As to answer your question no if it's aging, no I would not leave him. With disfigurement it would really depend on what type of scarring it is and how severe. If it's that bad enough then that would be a tough position for me.

 

Alot can happen when a person ages.. I have known people who haven't aged gracefully and they look bad once they get older. It can be compared, it is a process of changing it doesn't matter whether it happens over night or over the years things still change.

 

 

 

Yeah I guess then again, I bet those few people that got in accidents and were disfigured for life thought that way too until faced with that.

 

One of my good friends actually got pretty messed up in a car accident a few years ago, his face was burned severely and he lost one of his arms. It took awhile but guess what? His spirit is stronger now than it ever was before he got into the accident. He views life totally different now and everything he cares about he cares about ten times more than before his accident. He never takes anything for granted. His wife stuck with him after his accident and they are even more in love now than they were before. It may have changed his face but it didn't change his quality of life. You seem to be in the mindset that your life is automatically over if you are disfigured or have something wrong with you.

[yeawutever]

and then you will end up like my friends grandfather, using a gun to try and commit suicide and now he is even worse off than he was (he is missing half of his head) because of a failed suicide and his family is left caring for him for the rest of his life. Not everyone is going to react the same that is why they offer counseling and people to help you live through tragic events such as becoming disfigured, it would suck and it would take some time getting used to a new life being different but it isn't the end of the world.

Sorry to hear about your grandfather. Ok that's gotta be worst, being disfigured and at the same time having half your head missing be a failed suicide. Then again I must only be talking in theory by what I would do. I heard of some people that used to say that but when it happened, they still lived to tell it. Wow, they are brave.

Would you feel the same if your partner lost an arm or a leg? I mean after all that would make them disfigured and their life would still be a hell of a lot different than if they had both.

In that case I think I can work that out, you can get a prosthetic arm or leg. I guess I would be able to deal with that rather than the the burned fresh issue.