If your loved one's face was gone forever (desfigured that is)

[yeawutever]

Ok this is an extreme case I hope never happens to anyone but hypothetically speaking what would you do, what you reacted? Would you stayed with them still?

 

Ok I saw the movie Darkman about this scientist that gets disfigured after thugs almost killed him by blowing up his lab. In the end his girlfriend still wanted to be with him even though he was burned horribly.

 

My guess is that it would be a sad break up (my inicial reaction would be lots of tears off course), no I would not stay but have him as a friend and help him with medical cost if possible. If it was done on purpose like in the movie then go after that person, ruined their lives.

 

I see no point in staying if all you would kiss is nothing but burned flesh.

[simply complicated]

What if it were like tom cruises face from vanilla sky? it was disfigured but not burnt.

[90_hour_sleep]

i think this is impossible to answer. besides the obvious physical aspects...there are bound to be numerous psychological issues that would arise from such a situation. i would hope that my initial reaction would not be so superficial...but it's impossible to tell. i think the telling factor would be how the one i love would deal with the situation. would she be able to find peace with herself? if that were the case...i imagine i'd be able to stick by her side.

[yeawutever]

What if it were like tom cruises face from vanilla sky? it was disfigured but not burnt.

 

True I guess it would depend on what type of disfigurement it is. If it's only like in Vanilla Sky and not a horribly burned type then maybe I can stay with him.Then again like 90_hour_sleep say, it would also depend on the person's traumatic reaction afterwards. If it's too much to handle than I'll have to leave him.

[Miss Firecracker]

I would stay, no doubt.

[90_hour_sleep]

I would stay, no doubt.

 

that's completely inspiring. i'm glad someone knows the answer to this for herself. i have no doubt that you've been completely in love with someone.

 

congrats for that.

[Capricorn3]

I know for a fact if that happened to my husband, I would stay with him. There's no doubt in my mind!

[Miss Firecracker]

that's completely inspiring. i'm glad someone knows the answer to this for herself. i have no doubt that you've been completely in love with someone.

 

congrats for that.

 

After 28 years, even if his face was burned I would still see the same man there. Maybe I'd let him wear a bag over his head, but I'm getting close to needing one for myself.

[yeawutever]

Yea, now that's true love. I'm in love too but that would be a real tough situation for me. There would be a point were I would have to have our lifes back, for example go to the movies full of people, present him to my friends, parents, etc. take pictures of us or even go to the beach, a carnival, have the longest making out session and make love. None of those would happen ever again and that would really suck.

[dreamwarrior]

I would even marry a guy from Iraq who was disfigured and/or burned...I love men of courage. If he loves me and I love him...looks shouldn't matter.

[erase this face]

Google Ty Ziegel.

There's also a man who suffered necrotizing fasciitis which affected his face. His doctors gave him the option of letting the disease kill him, or have much of his face removed. He chose to live. link removed He was married, and his wife stood by his side.

 

I'd probably stay with my boyfriend. It's rare to find someone as honest, loving, and unique as him. What we share isn't based on aesthetics. His character would most likely supersede his disfigurement.

[Miss Firecracker]

Yea, now that's true love. I'm in love too but that would be a real tough situation for me. There would be a point were I would have to have our lifes back, for example go to the movies full of people, present him to my friends, parents, etc. take pictures of us or even go to the beach, a carnival, have the longest making out session and make love. None of those would happen ever again and that would really suck.

 

Why wouldn't you go out with him?

[yeawutever]

Why wouldn't you go out with him?

 

Well isn't that how you inicial met your loved one then come emotions and finally love? At some point physical attraction plays a role too. But see I wouldn't throw him out of my life either. He would still be my friend and I would help him with his medication, I'll would pay some of it.

 

Then yea it would suck people not looking at us as a normal couple if we were walking down and I imagine many would ask me what happened to him. I don't need people's overly pity nor looks on their faces everywhere we go. Plus like another poster say disfigurement can also affect the people emotionally as well as psychologically.

[simply complicated]

Well isn't that how you inicial met your loved one then come emotions and finally love? At some point physical attraction plays a role too. But see I wouldn't throw him out of my life either. He would still be my friend and I would help him with his medication, I'll would pay some of it.

 

Then yea it would suck people not looking at us as a normal couple if we were walking down and I imagine many would ask me what happened to him. I don't need people's overly pity nor looks on their faces everywhere we go. Plus like another poster say disfigurement can also affect the people emotionally as well as psychologically.

 

 

I know your gonna get the..."it shouldn't matter what other people think" speech, but I agree with you.

 

When it comes to love, the psychological side is extremely important, the chemistry, common interests etc, but physical attraction is very important to, because it enhances a couples intimacy, which is a huge foundation for any relationship.

[Miss Firecracker]

Well isn't that how you inicial met your loved one then come emotions and finally love? At some point physical attraction plays a role too. But see I wouldn't throw him out of my life either. He would still be my friend and I would help him with his medication, I'll would pay some of it.

 

Then yea it would suck people not looking at us as a normal couple if we were walking down and I imagine many would ask me what happened to him. I don't need people's overly pity nor looks on their faces everywhere we go. Plus like another poster say disfigurement can also affect the people emotionally as well as psychologically.

 

Yes, it affects the entire family psychologically. My son has an eye missing, and that was hard to look at in the beginning. Now it doesn't bother me a bit. I can now open the eyelid and look right inside it.

[90_hour_sleep]

After 28 years, even if his face was burned I would still see the same man there. Maybe I'd let him wear a bag over his head, but I'm getting close to needing one for myself.

 

haha...i love that. i'm just happy to know that there are still people out there that have a fundamental sense of values.

 

i hate to harp on my generation...but a lot of us have a pretty jilted sense about these sorts of things. we've been taught that everything we want is at our fingertips. if we're not getting everything we want...then there's something wrong. i think it comes down to a sense of entitlement. if we're willing to give...then we're entitled to get. this seems very apparent in how we deal with relationships. i see a pretty strong corrulation between this attitude and the divorce rate these days.

 

again...you're inspiring to me. thank you.

[90_hour_sleep]

Yea, now that's true love. I'm in love too but that would be a real tough situation for me. There would be a point were I would have to have our lifes back, for example go to the movies full of people, present him to my friends, parents, etc. take pictures of us or even go to the beach, a carnival, have the longest making out session and make love. None of those would happen ever again and that would really suck.

 

this seems like a strong case of discrediting the positives...and focussing entirely on the negative facets of the situation. is that healthy? just imagine all the things you could still do. the things you CAN do will always exceed the things you CANNOT do.

 

just a thought.

[Lecturer]

I'd stay with my wife - no question. When you combine true love, with many years together, you begin seeing your SO as an extension of yourself. While you can appreciate their physical offerings, that alone isn't what keeps you attracted to them.

 

While the physical attributes plays an important part in initial attraction, I feel it plays a diminished role in enduring love. At some point in the relationship, it ceases to be your SO's face or body that makes you love them.. and it's not even their face or body that makes you orgasm.

 

I can't count the number of times I've read on these very forums posts where someone talks about how attracted they are to a very specific "peculiarity" of their SO... such as a woman talking about how attractive her husbands shoulder blades are.

 

You don't love them because you are attracted to them, you are attracted to them because you love them.

[simply complicated]

Well said.....

 

You would also have to take into concideration, that anyones personality would change if their face went missing, so it's more than just physical attraction, I would go crazy, definitely wouldn't be the same person if something like that were to happen to me, and wouldn't want anyone to be with me. IMO

[velvette]

Google Ty Ziegel.

There's also a man who suffered necrotizing fasciitis which affected his face. His doctors gave him the option of letting the disease kill him, or have much of his face removed. He chose to live. link removed He was married, and his wife stood by his side.

 

I'd probably stay with my boyfriend. It's rare to find someone as honest, loving, and unique as him. What we share isn't based on aesthetics. His character would most likely supersede his disfigurement.

 

link removed

 

I'd stay and try to make it work. I really would. I'd love him no matter what.

however, I am a selfish critter and I believe my own happiness is my first duty. it would make me happy if I could stay with him, but if it became impossible then I'd have to re-evaluate. if nothing but his appearance changed, I can live with that. but his personality... if he became a different person.... tough one.

[erase this face]

link removed

 

I know.

I was posting two similar stories with different outcomes.

[thejigsup]

I would gladly stay. There was not a physical attraction to him at the start at all. I gradually fell in love with the man, not his face. He's nice looking, just not my type in the looks department. BUT, our minds are so much alike it's scary. We're long-term partners and work well together. That is what is really important.

[Knotty]

link removed

But there were other problems other than just his appearance in that case.

 

I think if you are with someone long enough that it would be easier to stay because you have all the memories together. Just think about older people whose faces no longer look pretty and young. I think if I was in love with someone for a long time I would always see her as she was when we were younger. Maybe it would be the same way if there was a horrible disfigurement.

 

Flip it around and consider if you were the one that got disfigured. Would you want or expect your partner to stay with you? I don't think I could blame someone for wanting to leave even though it would hurt. When you get married it's supposed to be in sickness and in health, so going in, there has to be some feeling of obligation to stay when something like this happens.

[Circe]

Isnt this one of those things that.. for while we are blessed not to be in that position.. we shouldnt actively try to put ourselves in that position?

 

Whats the point? Its horribly painful to even think about and noone could really know till it happens how they would react.

[onewithbooks]

No question, I would stay. I dont fall in love with faces, I fall in love with hearts, souls, and minds. A person is like an oyster, just because the shell is cracked doesn't mean the pearl inside is less valuable.

 

I have often found that the less striking the shell, the more genuine the pearl.