Have a gf, but I also want to have some fun....

[sunshine1]

Do you really not realize what you are saying? Please re read everything you've said. Do you really want to be this person?

 

I second this!!

[waveseer]

Fine, I'll share it with her.

 

Great! I think this is a major step in the right direction for you.

 

Please let us know how it goes.

[Luke Skywalker]

Do you really not realize what you are saying? Please re read everything you've said. Do you really want to be this person?

 

Alright, I know you have your own personal life experiences or agenda that is making you the way you are, however, I feel that you are berating me rather than steering me towards a helpful solution to this thread.

 

Let's break this down into simple English shall we. You wanted me to show my gf this thread. I said, I may as well just disclose this girl to my gf and see what she says about it, which is about the same thing.

 

Then you come with some sort of berating stuff. I can't take what you are saying seriously.

[alli]

I think you are basically trying to find a way of dating someone else without breaking your stupid contract to yourself by looking at it from just the right angle. Your concern isn't about being faithful to your gf, or letting her see the whole picture of you and your thoughts. Your trying to figure out how you can justify going on a date with someone else.

 

No matter how you look at it, it is cheating, and it is breaking your contract. There is your answer. Tell the girl you can't hang out with her, and stop putting yourself in these situations.

[Cognitive_Canine]

Alright, I know you have your own personal life experiences or agenda that is making you the way you are, however, I feel that you are berating me rather than steering me towards a helpful solution to this thread.

 

Let's break this down into simple English shall we. You wanted me to show my gf this thread. I said, I may as well just disclose this girl to my gf and see what she says about it, which is about the same thing.

 

Then you come with some sort of berating stuff. I can't take what you are saying seriously.

 

I just can't really believe that you lack so much respect for your girlfriend.

 

And, no, disclosing this girl would not be the same thing...unless you brought up the fact that you wanted "animalistic sex" with her and that you found this woman much more attractive.

 

You said things about your gf meaner than I have ever heard someone say about their SO. And yet you don't seem to be bothered by it at all.

 

I am asking you to reread your thread because I don't think you really understand what you are saying. Do you not realize how hurtful you are being?

[ragdoll18]

Most of what I feel has been said already, and this thread makes me feel kind of gross. But I'll still put my two cents out there. Your only basis for wanting to take this girl out is because she's hotter than your current gf? This is so disrespectful to your gf, and you're always going to feel the need to cheat on her, so please do her a favor and leave so she kind find a guy who's worth her time.

[Luke Skywalker]

I just can't really believe that you lack so much respect for your girlfriend.

 

How do you figure that? I didn't do anything with any other girl. What is going on in my thought-life is not relevant - apart from that, which we may disagree on, I don't feel there is any disrespect.

 

And, no, disclosing this girl would not be the same thing...unless you brought up the fact that you wanted "animalistic sex" with her and that you found this woman much more attractive.

 

My gf knows I like masturbating and have used a fleshlight before (with her permission). This is all fantasy. I do not have sex with anyone, I'm a virgin. If you look at "asexuality" -- that someone fantasizes about doing doesn't mean they will do it.

 

I've said my gf is okay if I looked at porn if she's not around locally and used a fleshlight to satisfy myself. While I have gone cold-turkey and stopped looking at porn, I would say looking at porn is worst than entertaining a sexual fantasy with a woman you know will never happen. I do not have pre-maritial sex anyway.

 

You said things about your gf meaner than I have ever heard someone say about their SO. And yet you don't seem to be bothered by it at all.

 

Because I don't see how my thought-life is relevant if my gf was okay with me viewing porn in the past. I'd think porn would be way worst, especially if they were hotter girls I enjoyed looking at nude. Again, I don't view porn now.

 

I am asking you to reread your thread because I don't think you really understand what you are saying. Do you not realize how hurtful you are being?

 

I really don't understand how thoughts -- fantasy can be hurtful. It's only fantasy. Some elements of the thread were in "fantasy world". I may think about "masturbating" about having animalistic sex with her, but I wouldn't actually do it with anyone I'm not married too. My apologies if that was not clarified.

[Cognitive_Canine]

Have you sought out counselling?

[Luke Skywalker]

Have you sought out counselling?

 

If you re-read my post I was already seeking councelling from this board on this matter. What is this, I'm either a cheat here or I'm insane? This is incredible. I'm fighting my masturbating habits too. In fact, the fleshlight has been in the basement since the end of March and I told you I don't look at any further porn. I try no to masturbate by hand either. I do not need councilling for this.

 

Everything I wrote about is lucid -- except the animalistic sex part -- that was sexual fantasy and not intended to be taken seriously. lol.

I do not have sex with anyone I'm not married to. I've already said I'm a virgin for that reason.

[Cognitive_Canine]

This isn't about the porn, it's about the lack of respect and empathy you have towards your gf. I don't think you can really get help for this on this board.

[Jgregoire108]

Heads up Admins, I want to apologize ahead of time for what I am about to say, so please forgive me...

 

Luke Skywalker, so far I see you have been getting replys from the ladies, but here goes...

 

[mode edit] Every reply and response frm you brings out a bit of your character and personality, and suffice to say, I am pretty annoyed by it. Not once is there any thought whatsoever to this other human being, her feelings and emotions.

 

All you are seeking a Selfish Justification for your future actions, with the intent and goal to reduce any guilt. Personally, I think you want to break up with your girlfriend, but are too much of a coward to take the step to do it. My own take on this whole thread is that you really do not have any feelings whatsoever for this girl, and the relationship is just a partnership of convenience for you so that you dont have to be 'alone'

 

Guess what? Thats what single life is about. If you want it, do it, but DO NOT expect your girlfriend to wait for you.

 

Everyone wants to have their cake and eat it too, and while it is an ego rush to play the field with a steady Girlfriend, your complete lack of caring for her is just too much for me even to handle.

 

I understand your 'dilemia' here, and your wish to seek advice. My advice and opinion? Let go of your GF, tell her the reason why, and then you are free to date this 'hotter' girl. Give your girlfriend the freedom to find someone much more worthy of her time and energy.

 

Sorry bucko, you cant have it both ways. Welcome to Life, where there is no both decisions. You make the hard choice yourself and I wish you good luck in whatever decision you come to. Im not upset by you wanting to date others, or your desire to seek help...

 

Im upset that you are trying to make un-necessary justifications for your actions and your lack of backbone in choosing one or the other. Make the decision

 

(edit: didnt want to get too nasty...)

[SapphireNoir10]

You could get counselling.

 

But I'd let your gf go find someone who loves her and wouldnt drop her for someone more attractive.

 

You cant have fun with other women AND be in a commited relationship. you can have fun in a commited relationship with the person your in teh relationship with and friends BUT NOT another woman.

[8amallday]

really sounds like you wanna be in a committed relationship but arent ready.

 

you cant force it, man.

its just not right

it wont be natural and you both wont be happy, ultimately.

[Luke Skywalker]

I think my gf is also desperate herself and doesn't want to be alone. She is in North Manitoba and often complains that she is lonely and I'm the only person, other than her family, that she has in the world. Her experiences with men in the past have been nasty. She has been in a 5 year relationship with a guy that she claims used her as a sex toy while getting married to soemone else behind her back to get a landing status in this country and other such horror stories. The RESOLUTION was made because I don't want to be another statistic in her life of a guy using her like a sex toy while not being true with her.

 

What I have portrayed here is simply childsplay right now because there is no sex involved, so I can not be using anyone as a sex toy and I'm not behaving like that. In fact, i have my own sex toy in the basement and I'm a virgin. Saying that she can find someone else, or be free to do so, is almost like sending her out to the wolves because she says she really needs my love and appears to be acting in a desperate clingly-needy sort of way. She really doesn't have that many options right now, if any at all, other than just being single and staying away from men. It's not that simple of a decision for me to just dump her and walk away -- it's not something that I want to do anyway. She went crazy and in the mad-house sometime earlier this year and claimed it was because she thought I was playing games with her. She was in the hospital for a few weeks. Do you think I really want to risk that to happen again by dumping her? Of course not.

She's making plans to come down here for the summer. It's only two months a year plus a week in the March break I have to deal with her. What about being tactful here?

 

I will stick within whatever ethical boundaries that are established by my books or resolutions, however, this board can help by keeping me accountable to what is already established as my own rules of maintaining order. Unless she has done something wrong with me, then I'm not going to break-up with her and am compelled to honour that resolution (break up, don't see other women, or get her permission).

[DaBladeRoden]

It sounds like you care a lot more about if you're going to break your codes/resolution than if you're going to break your girlfriend's heart.

[Luke Skywalker]

It sounds like you care a lot more about if you're going to break your codes/resolution than if you're going to break your girlfriend's heart.

 

But, I did not break my girlfriend's heart since I'm not breaking my codes/resolution. Neither have I lied to her about anything. Some people are in it for the money, other people actually care, as long as the job gets done properly, who cares?

[Duckie198100]

Let her go, to be blunt, you don't deserve her. She needs someone commited to her, not someone wondering what bounderies are ok to cross. That's sad, I feel sorry for her.

[theWalla]

I think my gf is also desperate herself and doesn't want to be alone. She is in North Manitoba and often complains that she is lonely and I'm the only person, other than her family, that she has in the world.

 

Why not just be her friend rather than her GF? You should not be in a relationship just to be "not alone", nor should it be an act of desperation. Other than the convenience of being in a relationship, why do you want this relationship with this woman?

[Luke Skywalker]

Let her go, to be blunt, you don't deserve her. She needs someone commited to her, not someone wondering what bounderies are ok to cross. That's sad, I feel sorry for her.

 

That's her decision to make. She is often consulted in decision making dealing with boundaries and gives advice accordingly.

[SapphireNoir10]

Do you care about her at all?

[Luke Skywalker]

Do you care about her at all?

 

Of course I do. That's why she's represented and protected within my imaginary legal system under the Red book diary.

 

I think with my head, I don't understand emotions. Emotions come and go. Caring is an emotion. A contract is a commitment in writing.

 

Sometimes I think about her though and I'd miss her if she were to stop communicating with me. I know that to be true. I'd miss her for a while. So I think I care for her.

[Cognitive_Canine]

Of course I do. That's why she's represented and protected within my imaginary legal system under the Red book diary.

 

I think with my head, I don't understand emotions. Emotions come and go. Caring is an emotion. A contract is a commitment in writing.

 

Sometimes I think about her though and I'd miss her if she were to stop communicating with me. I know that to be true. I'd miss her for a while. So I think I care for her.

 

That's not caring for her. That's wanting her attention.

 

I think you severly lack empathy.

[Duckie198100]

Of course I do. That's why she's represented and protected within my imaginary legal system under the Red book diary.

 

I think with my head, I don't understand emotions. Emotions come and go. Caring is an emotion. A contract is a commitment in writing.

 

Sometimes I think about her though and I'd miss her if she were to stop communicating with me. I know that to be true. I'd miss her for a while. So I think I care for her.

 

You need professional help, or you just need to be alone. People committed to other people in a relationship do not act like this. I urge you to let her go before you really break her heart. You may "consult" her on things, but you truly don't understand what you are doing to her and may do to her in the future emotionally.

[Luke Skywalker]

Why not just be her friend rather than her GF? You should not be in a relationship just to be "not alone", nor should it be an act of desperation. Other than the convenience of being in a relationship, why do you want this relationship with this woman?

 

Because she is the declared queen of my Green book diary and satisfies me that there is someone out there rather than a perpetual and ongoing challenge of proving that I can't attract anyone in the world. This diary is now put to rest now that she is in my life as it no longer can prove anything on a negative. There is a thread that deal with this diary in another section.

 

 

The Red book diary is now in conflict with the Green book diary as it represents interests of "having fun and meeting more women", but fortunately it has a limiting resolution to keep order and balance where I am to stay loyal to only one woman because of that resolution of April 2nd.

[SapphireNoir10]

Of course I do. That's why she's represented and protected within my imaginary legal system under the Red book diary.

 

I think with my head, I don't understand emotions. Emotions come and go. Caring is an emotion. A contract is a commitment in writing.

 

Sometimes I think about her though and I'd miss her if she were to stop communicating with me. I know that to be true. I'd miss her for a while. So I think I care for her.

 

Missing someone is an emotion.

 

Or missing someone can be not really missing them but as DW says, missing their attention.

 

She deserves someone who cares her and doesnt look at this so clincially.

 

Can you go to couples counselling? Or counselling alone?