Have a gf, but I also want to have some fun....

[hexaemeron]

Missing someone is an emotion.

 

Or missing someone can be not really missing them but as DW says, missing their attention.

 

She deserves someone who cares her and doesnt look at this so clincially.

 

Can you go to couples counselling? Or counselling alone?

 

Actually, he might be an aspie like me, but I've never seen someone so... regimented....

 

V. interesting.

[Cognitive_Canine]

Actually, he might be an aspie like me, but I've never seen someone so... regimented....

 

V. interesting.

 

Iunno, I've talked to you, and I know one or two other aspies. All the ones I knew were empathetic aspies though. So, they were on the edge of the spectrum.

 

This entire thread just completely lacks empathy.

[hexaemeron]

Iunno, I've talked to you, and I know one or two other aspies. All the ones I knew were empathetic aspies though. So, they were on the edge of the spectrum.

 

This entire thread just completely lacks empathy.

 

What I found very interesting was that in every single response, the OP never once mentioned what he wants to do for her. What his responsibilities to her are. Everything is how things relate to himself and how he can have what he wants in his arbitrary system of diary laws.

 

That's why I thought NPD first, but I'm just thinking a very selfish aspie.

[theWalla]

But, I did not break my girlfriend's heart since I'm not breaking my codes/resolution. Neither have I lied to her about anything. Some people are in it for the money, other people actually care, as long as the job gets done properly, who cares?

 

You talk about your relationship and love as if it's a business matter. That it is just a job to be done. I think you will not find many people that agree with you.

 

Look, you can define it anyway way you want. You can map love to a mathematical formula if you like. You can say that games of the human heart must go by certain rules and regulations. If you find someone that shares your views, then great, you can both be happy.

 

But most people cannot look at it that way, and view what you are saying as preposterous. Most people think that what you are saying seems detached of emotion or empathy because we do not agree with how you have scientifically defined love and relationships.

 

Perhaps that is our loss in the end. Who knows. I actually admire sometimes how you can describe relationships and human interactions as though it is all a simple science problem. But I just don't share that view, nor do most. And I think that is why you are being met with this hostility.

[alli]

It seems like you think that you can do whatever you want with this other girl as long as it isn't sex. Like the only way to cheat on someone is to have sex with them. So you asked this other girl out. Let's say you go through with it. You go on a date, you flirt, hold hands, maybe kiss, give each other lovey-dovey eyes & start talking all the time. But you don't have sex. Doesn't matter, it's still cheating. It doesn't matter what your code book contract or whatever says; at the end of the day you are a cheater.

 

You think that your thoughts are completely separate from your girlfriend, like she wouldn't care if you considered cheating on her as long as you didn't do it. Or she wouldn't care if you were more attracted to another woman than her. Uhhh, no. It's all part of the same package.

[Luke Skywalker]

Ahem. I didn't say I was pursuing this girl without breaking up with my girlfriend and/or asking her permission to see this girl. I'm leaving this down to three options that are valid, and any other option is invalid.

[Cognitive_Canine]

Ahem. I didn't say I was pursuing this girl without breaking up with my girlfriend and/or asking her permission to see this girl. I'm leaving this down to three options that are valid, and any other option is invalid.

 

Do you not realize how cold you sound?

 

Are you sure you care about your girlfriend? you haven't mentioned her feelings once in any of this.

 

A normal person would probably feel so guilty, would feel horrible for having these thoughts. But, you don't seem to care.

 

I suggest you seek counselling.

[DaBladeRoden]

Iunno, I've talked to you, and I know one or two other aspies. All the ones I knew were empathetic aspies though. So, they were on the edge of the spectrum.

 

This entire thread just completely lacks empathy.

 

Well I know at least one Aspie, he's rather behind in developing practical social skills, but he isn't without human emotions himself such as frustration, lonelyness, and heartbreak himself. But he isn't very aware of how his actions bring out different emotions or reactions from people, or how to bring out the desired reactions, and how not to bring out undesired reactions, which is a source of frustration. And he tries to analyze it scientifically and logically, but love is anything but. But at least he tries I guess.

[Kantriakhor]

Right, so what do you think? I should ask my gf permission to date this girl? If she wants to break-up with me for asking that question then fine. If she says no I can't date her, then I'll stay away, but that gives enough information to give her an indication of how I"m sort of feeling or at what level of maturity I'm at for a serious relatoinship.

 

Or I could just not do anything at all here and forget pursuing this girl at the office.

 

This is the most disappointing attempt at rationalizing infidelity I've ever read.

 

It sounds like you care a lot more about if you're going to break your codes/resolution than if you're going to break your girlfriend's heart.

 

I heartily agree. To add, it appears that seeing as you can rationalize, compartmentalize, and shift/alter the definitions and parameters of your triple-blind diary bluff, you ensure that it's impossible to break your inner codes because, honestly, they're akin to a tangled ball of yarn than anything else.

 

link removed

 

My two cents.

 

I don't often agree with hexa but this and his comment about being a selfish aspie are words that ring very true here.

 

 

 

As for me, I am sorely disappointed but after following your threads for years now I am not at all surprised. You follow this pattern:

 

State a problem then fail to get help for it (with excuses as to why)

 

Create some law to govern your behaviour

 

Alter said law more times than any bill in gov't; ever. To the point of it being far different than the original intention.

 

Continue to change it until you can do what you want without owning up to any blame (rightful at that).

 

 

For this saga:

 

Attraction to a coworker and another woman

 

Attraction going to levels that are above platonic with actions that border it/match it (You tried to kiss a woman even!)

 

It being so evident that even your church knows

 

Rationalizing it to now be okay to date a new woman so long as your g/f says yes.

 

Any woman with full knowledge of this behaviour would've dumped you the moment you showed attraction/affection to another woman. I think perhaps this is why you're in a LDR; she can't see what you're doing so you can twist what you want without having a constant being present to show you your true nature (in this case your g/f).

 

You make me sad, slightly sick, and thoroughly disappointed.

[FortunateOne]

Luke, my man, you seriously need some major psychological help before you continue on with this paradigm. I mean, for a self righteous moral Christian that plays around with a "Fleshlight" and complains about how he can never get sex, yet alone a girlfriend, you really need to take a step back to see your behavior. People are not your playthings; specially, the woman that trusted enough to give her commitment to you. Please do her a favor a let her find a man that's truly committed for her.

[Cognitive_Canine]

Well I know at least one Aspie, he's rather behind in developing practical social skills, but he isn't without human emotions himself such as frustration, lonelyness, and heartbreak himself. But he isn't very aware of how his actions bring out different emotions or reactions from people, or how to bring out the desired reactions, and how not to bring out undesired reactions, which is a source of frustration. And he tries to analyze it scientifically and logically, but love is anything but. But at least he tries I guess.

 

Yeah, what you described is more expected behaviour from an aspie. It isn't that they lack emotion, they just have a hard time identifying emotion from other people. They are often awkwardly socially as they have a rougher time reading body language.

 

But, they are not without emotion. I remember seeing a documentary where the man said someone told him that other people have emotions. He was thirty at the time and had never even thought that they did. He then realized that that's what made him different. The fact that he actually had to be told about others emotions rather than realizing them.

 

That's a more severe case though.

[Luke Skywalker]

She is coming down from north Manitoba during the summer and will be sending money over to buy tickets.

 

I believe she is the best fit for my life. I've already studied this. I don't have a stable career and she pays for all the dates and everthing and even offers to help make me money or even give money if I need it. She is also a born-again Christian and baptised in the Holy Spirit. She gets along well with my mom and dad. In fact, my parents and her and I together all went out as well as myself and her alone. She is also very simple and not complicated.

 

The reality is, she fits perfectly like a glove. I'm not an independent person that has a career all established that I can live on my own, or want to be independent from my folks. She accepts this and loves me unconditionally.

 

If she is a perfect fit in my life and is better than any other prospect around, objectively, not looking at "emotions", then I have to stick with her.

[Luke Skywalker]

This is the most disappointing attempt at rationalizing infidelity I've ever read.

 

I do not think so. Infidelity, contract-breaking, or cheating main trust is deception by GOING with another women where if the SO, or even any interested party that you are seeing, found out, it would likely hurt or upset her. If you get her permission to do so, then there is no elements of cheating. On the same token, if she doesn't grant permission, and you honour that, then you don't do it, otherwise it would be cheating.

 

 

Rationalizing it to now be okay to date a new woman so long as your g/f says yes.

 

You are not cheating on her if she says yes. However, in this case, I doubt that scenerio would happen.

 

Any woman with full knowledge of this behaviour would've dumped you the moment you showed attraction/affection to another woman. I think perhaps this is why you're in a LDR; she can't see what you're doing so you can twist what you want without having a constant being present to show you your true nature (in this case your g/f).

 

No, it just happened that I'm in an LDR. This is passively what has occurred. I do not seek a relationship with her, she sought me when I said I had no-one.

[Kantriakhor]

If she is a perfect fit in my life and is better than any other prospect around, objectively, not looking at "emotions", then I have to stick with her.

 

Love is not objective.

[Luke Skywalker]

Luke, my man, you seriously need some major psychological help before you continue on with this paradigm. I mean, for a self righteous moral Christian that plays around with a "Fleshlight" and complains about how he can never get sex, yet alone a girlfriend, you really need to take a step back to see your behavior. People are not your playthings; specially, the woman that trusted enough to give her commitment to you. Please do her a favor a let her find a man that's truly committed for her.

 

Hummm....why don't you show me threads or posts on here where I'm complaining that I can never get any sex. If I'm complaining that I never can get any sex, then that has to do with my Christian beliefs that sex is immoral because it's a temple defiling/destroying sin and my body is the temple of the Holy Spirit. This is God's universe and I have to go by his rules in the Bible. So far, I didn't cross the line and have sex and have honoured that New Testament commandment. I'm not complaining about God prohibiting sex unless you are married. God knows what He is doing and His commandments against sex are there to protect people.

 

The Bible says, if two people have sex, they become one in spirit. So far, I have never done any temple defiling sin where two become one and with fear have never breached this boundary. So, even if I were to complain about sex, and having this belief system at the same time, that complaint would be hypocritical.

 

The "fleshlight" is currently in long-term storage in the basement as there is a firm commitment to outlaw masturbating, including hand-masturbating. So, I really do not understand where that comes into play. I'm not going to discuss the "fleshlight" or masturbation if they are both currently illegal or out of commission.

[Kantriakhor]

The bible also says "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's wife" (which you've been guilty of, even making posts confirming it) and "Thou shalt not commit adultery" and while admittedly you're not married it still speaks true here; you're thinking about committing adultery and even trying to make it okay by getting her permission (if you ever dare ask her this you deserve to be dumped on the spot).

 

Honestly, let her find someone who is committed and truly loves her. Your ambivalence is reason enough to let her go and while I may be tempting the ire of the mods I have to say that if you act like this and continue to believe it's okay then you don't deserve to have anyone.

[caro33]

This mod's ire is not tempted by your last post Kantriakhor, but is being increasing tempted by the overall tone of this thread.

 

People, you can provide your advice and it's up to the OP to take it or not. If you don't like his approach you can say so, but keep it respectful.

[Luke Skywalker]

My gf is a very simple woman who will not question anything that I will do. Other than my own ethical rules or guidelines there is no problem. She wants to buy a home right now without seeing it and is trusting me to look at the home for her and report back. I'll be checking this with my mortgage broker.

 

Some people often like to have a nice simple girlfriend who will never question them and believe everything they say. From her history, if she went with a man that married someone else behind her back to get landing, she has to be ultra-simple to the border of retarded for not even suspecting that guy was playing her. She gives money away to a sham evangelist believing she'll get a million dollar miracle from the Lord. I warn her that she's being scammed and she doesn't listen to me. She really has a very simplistic, naive and gullible side that scares me sometimes.

 

She will think she did something to upset me if I break-up with her and will blame it on herself and go crazy.

 

The only thing stopping me here really is my own self-contract and resolution.

That Red book diary itself dictates that all sources of ethics, including this board (i.e this thread) to be consulted for inputs. This is the only area that people's advice can be considered.

 

Any attack on the system itself or going beyond the borders are not helpful because I can just go and cheat and probably be more happier that I have some simple girlfriend that wont even question me if I were to do so and I just have to say what she wants to hear and I'm okay. This system ensures that simple people like herself is protected and has representation in the form of resolutions. To see people attack it is just asinine because I really don't have to give up anything that I have.

[Kantriakhor]

That's... just insulting, demeaning, and...

 

wow.

[Luke Skywalker]

The bible also says "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's wife" (which you've been guilty of, even making posts confirming it) and "Thou shalt not commit adultery" and while admittedly you're not married it still speaks true here; you're thinking about committing adultery and even trying to make it okay by getting her permission (if you ever dare ask her this you deserve to be dumped on the spot).

 

Yes, admittedly I'm not married. Technically, you are committing FORNICATION if you are having sex with a married woman, not adultery. In order to covet your neighbours wife you actually want to HAVE HER for yourself rather than an adolsescent attraction to a friendly person.

 

In this case, I said this other girl is SINGLE. What part of this thread do you not understand? I sat down and talked with a SINGLE girl. You want to raise an adultery flag on that. What are you smoking?

[Kantriakhor]

From her history, if she went with a man that married someone else behind her back to get landing, she has to be ultra-simple to the border of retarded for not even suspecting that guy was playing her.

 

This too, you really sound like you have no respect for her at all. Just.. wow... I haven't read anything like this for a long, long time... Do her a favour and let her go, she won't go crazy without you, I'm almost wondering if you're rationalizing this to keep some security from being alone. Perhaps you would go crazy without her and so you deflect it and make her out to seem like an invalid who needs you in order to function.

[Kantriakhor]

Yes, admittedly I'm not married. Technically, you are committing FORNICATION if you are having sex with a married woman, not adultery. In order to covet your neighbours wife you actually want to HAVE HER for yourself rather than an adolsescent attraction to a friendly person.

 

In this case, I said this other girl is SINGLE. What part of this thread do you not understand? I sat down and talked with a SINGLE girl. You want to raise an adultery flag on that. What are you smoking?

 

Please don't insult me, I mentioned the married woman from a previous thread you posted about, including you trying to kiss her. You're considering dating another girl while having a girlfriend, that's a far cry from talking.

[Luke Skywalker]

This too, you really sound like you have no respect for her at all. Just.. wow... I haven't read anything like this for a long, long time... Do her a favour and let her go, she won't go crazy without you, I'm almost wondering if you're rationalizing this to keep some security from being alone. Perhaps you would go crazy without her and so you deflect it and make her out to seem like an invalid who needs you in order to function.

 

It's obvious that you either do not know, or believe the story that I have said here, in which case you can not offer any helpful advice.

 

I've already said on this thread that she went into a mental institution for a few weeks when I renaged on a commitment to see her in Winnipeg earlier this year and she claimed I was playing games with her. This is documented on another thread.

 

I have never been admitted to an institution in my life and I've had my share of hurtful experiences with women in the past.

 

When I'm talking, I'm bringing up fact here, not blowing hot air.

[DaBladeRoden]

Yes, admittedly I'm not married. Technically, you are committing FORNICATION if you are having sex with a married woman, not adultery. In order to covet your neighbours wife you actually want to HAVE HER for yourself rather than an adolsescent attraction to a friendly person.

 

In this case, I said this other girl is SINGLE. What part of this thread do you not understand? I sat down and talked with a SINGLE girl. You want to raise an adultery flag on that. What are you smoking?

 

It's still cheating if the woman's single and you aren't

[Luke Skywalker]

Please don't insult me, I mentioned the married woman from a previous thread you posted about, including you trying to kiss her. You're considering dating another girl while having a girlfriend, that's a far cry from talking.

 

I do not longer find your postings on here to be helpful since you are coming from an angle that's sort of berating. If I were to listen to your advice, i'd probably just say, **** it, there are worst cases of infidelity on here, I'm getting this crap here for trying to be straight, let me go all the way because according to your logic, there is really nothing to lose. Fly a kite.