Have a gf, but I also want to have some fun....

[Kantriakhor]

Luke himself said she'd probably let him date other women because she is meek and clingy.

 

Don't forget "simple bordering on retarded"

[Tokyorose]

Luke himself said she'd probably let him date other women because she is meek and clingy.

 

I know, I'm telling the other repliers to not necissairily take everything the OP says to heart, we only have one side of the story. Earlier he said that she would go crazy if he'd break up with him.

[Cognitive_Canine]

I'm not sure. Debaser_wolf comments are giving me second thoughts.

 

Can you elaborate to support the original decision I had to send this letter.

 

If all it will accomplish is to hurt her and see her buckle in and reluctantly give me permission, then why should I disturb her?

 

 

 

It will only do me a disservice if I'm mis-describing my girlfriend.

 

You've completely misinterpreted what I said.

 

I'm saying that you are sending this letter in hopes that your girlfirend will say yes. I'm saying send the letter, and have the decency to not cheat on your gf even if her meek personality says it's okay (because it really is hurting her).

[Cognitive_Canine]

It is interesting to note that when I showed him where he said he is open to cheating, with his own words, that instead of twisting it, he ignored it. This points to me that he knows he's wrong in doing this (which gives some hope) but sadly has decided to ignore his own contradictions/lies and continue on.

 

Also, how he managed to use my comments to convince himself that he was right and shouldn't send the letter.

[Luke Skywalker]

It is interesting to note that when I showed him where he said he is open to cheating, with his own words, that instead of twisting it, he ignored it. This points to me that he knows he's wrong in doing this (which gives some hope) but sadly has decided to ignore his own contradictions/lies and continue on.

 

Debaser_wolf has talked me out of sending the letter from what feedback she has said.

 

If anyone feels I should send the letter then they have to deal with what is concluded on the recent post between debaser_wolf and myself. I'm locked out of sending that letter for now as I feel all it will accomplish is to hurt her, especially if I really do not have a romantic interest in anyone at this moment.

[Tokyorose]

Luke being honest and approaching her about this now will hurt her less than if she found out on her own or if you broke up with her in the event that you decide to date other people.

[Luke Skywalker]

You've completely misinterpreted what I said.

 

I'm saying that you are sending this letter in hopes that your girlfirend will say yes. I'm saying send the letter, and have the decency to not cheat on your gf even if her meek personality says it's okay (because it really is hurting her).

 

Okay, my bad. Well, I'll wait 24 hours or less before sending that letter then.

[FortunateOne]

I've been following these replies the last few days, calling him delusional wont really help the situation As much as I'd like to ram his head into the wall for being rather "thick headed" to say the least, yelling at him and insulting him will only make him never want to use this forums again. All we can do is give him helpful advice. Questioning his mental stability isnt going to help anything. I'm not going to blame anyone specifically, but really can we try to not go the name calling route?

 

I'm curious, have you read all of his previous threads and posts over the years? The pattern I've noticed with Luke is that these threads are more to annoyingly create a debate then to solve an issue. It's more a passive aggressive rebellious thing going on here then actual help. I believe it's more to do with the attention he desires. Watch it become a game of having to beg him to commit to one action or another.

[Tokyorose]

Also, if this is more of a "date out of convenience" thing, just a forewarning, "socialising" with several girls can begin to get very complicated unless they know from the start that this isn't a serious relationship. If this relationship between you and your girlfriend is Long distant, and you don't talk often, she may be more understanding than you think about dating other people.

On a side note, Luke, what kind of friendship do you and your current girlfriend have?

[Tokyorose]

I'm curious, have you read all of his previous threads and posts over the years? The pattern I've noticed with Luke is that these threads are more to annoyingly create a debate then to solve an issue. It's more a passive aggressive rebellious thing going on here then actual help.

 

I haven't read them through the years, but I can see what kind of person he is. Why waste the energy trying to argue with him? if he gets enjoyment out of a debate, don't give him the pleasure. Just give him your opinion and don't take what he says to heart. The only reason i actually commented is because people started using the terms "retarded, idiot, and etc" which is only going to either get someone banned or get the thread locked.

[Kantriakhor]

I haven't read them through the years, but I can see what kind of person he is. Why waste the energy trying to argue with him? if he gets enjoyment out of a debate, don't give him the pleasure. Just give him your opinion and don't take what he says to heart. The only reason i actually commented is because people started using the terms "retarded, idiot, and etc" which is only going to either get someone banned or get the thread locked.

 

I used the term retarded as a quote of what Luke called his girlfriend "simple bordering on retarded". I wasn't calling anyone that, in fact the only person who was calling anyone that was Luke about his girlfriend.

[jettison]

This sounds like a ton of words that are a representation for "I don't care about my girlfriend that much, and I'd like to cheat on her and get my rocks off with someone else."

 

All that other stuff is literally nonsense that you just tell yourself to mask what's really going on with you. Why not just be a man and say, "I'm a cheater. My girlfriend is a prop, and I don't love her. I want to have sex with other people."

 

Even though people might not like it, at least they'd respect you for being honest with them and also with yourself.

[Tokyorose]

I used the term retarded as a quote of what Luke called his girlfriend "simple bordering on retarded". I wasn't calling anyone that, in fact the only person who was calling anyone that was Luke about his girlfriend.

 

I wasn't trying to solo you out, others have actually said rather insulting things. i'd rather not have to go through these pages but a mod already warned this thread once that it was closed to getting locked.

[Cognitive_Canine]

I haven't read them through the years, but I can see what kind of person he is. Why waste the energy trying to argue with him? if he gets enjoyment out of a debate, don't give him the pleasure. Just give him your opinion and don't take what he says to heart. The only reason i actually commented is because people started using the terms "retarded, idiot, and etc" which is only going to either get someone banned or get the thread locked.

 

I haven't seen the word "retarded" or "idiot" in this entire thread. Can you point that out?

 

True, many posters have suggested that he may be an aspie. Which, he does have all the signs and if this is true he needs to seek help for it. Aspie is a lack of empathy and it doesn't make you a bad person.

 

The only reason a lot of people are arguing with him is because they just feel so darn bad for this guys girlfriend.

[Luke Skywalker]

Also, if this is more of a "date out of convenience" thing, just a forewarning, "socialising" with several girls can begin to get very complicated unless they know from the start that this isn't a serious relationship. If this relationship between you and your girlfriend is Long distant, and you don't talk often, she may be more understanding than you think about dating other people.

On a side note, Luke, what kind of friendship do you and your current girlfriend have?

 

We talk about 30 minutes per week (guidelines that I have set). We communicate by email almost daily. Occsionally she calls by phone to check up on me if I don't reply to the emails and see if I"m not upset with her. This is the current state. She's planning to come down for the summer and came down for the March break. We french kissed and stayed close (hugging, hand-holding, etc.. ) together during that time.

 

Prior to that, similar communication (email and talking 30 minutes per week).

[FortunateOne]

I haven't seen the word "retarded" or "idiot" in this entire thread. Can you point that out?

 

True, many posters have suggested that he may be an aspie. Which, he does have all the signs and if this is true he needs to seek help for it.

 

The only reason a lot of people are arguing with him is because they just feel so darn bad for this guys girlfriend.

 

... And to add, a waste of our forum's most valuable resource, us members' time.

[Tokyorose]

Caro33 has already deleted the dsrespectful posts made. so i cant really quote them anymore. But the gerneral tone of the thread has gotten very angry towards Luke. Trust me, I understand why, but it's not really helpful in a way.

[Tokyorose]

We talk about 30 minutes per week (guidelines that I have set). We communicate by email almost daily. Occsionally she calls by phone to check up on me if I don't reply to the emails and see if I"m not upset with her. This is the current state. She's planning to come down for the summer and came down for the March break. We french kissed and stayed close (hugging, hand-holding, etc.. ) together during that time.

 

Prior to that, similar communication (email and talking 30 minutes per week).

 

So you guys were friends before you dated?

The reason why I'm asking is because if you possibly want to keep your friendship with her if you decide to go out with this other girl, your best bet would be to tell her how you feel now.

[jettison]

Caro33 has already deleted the dsrespectful posts made. so i cant really quote them anymore. But the gerneral tone of the thread has gotten very angry towards Luke. Trust me, I understand why, but it's not really helpful in a way.

 

Yeah, even if he's delusional, nothing he said is against forum rules. And for everyone who is reading that post in shear horror, life generally has a way of evening things out. Eventually, he'll find a woman he respects a little more (probably because she respects him much less), and she'll treat him poorly, cheat on him, break up with him, and then he'll have his heart broken. At that point, his direction will either be to learn from his mistakes, and treat romantic interests better, or to fall way off the deep end, treating women even worse. But of course, even that will come back to him. It all does.

 

The better approach might be to listen more carefully to all of these wise ENA advice givers and just stop being a . No?

[theWalla]

I really see three scenerios that may result from sending the letter...

 

• She says yes, and means yes. You win the ability to sleep around, she gets nothing.

• She says yes, but wants to say no. You win the ability to sleep around, she loses and may be harmed emotionally.

• She says no. You lose, she gets nothing. She may be harmed emotionally by the suggestion.

 

In none of these scenarios does she gain anything. In only one scenario do both parties end up satisfied, and that is if she really _truly_ doesn’t care if you meet with and sleep with other women. If there is any doubt in your mind, I would say that the potential of doing a lot of harm to her outweighs the benefits to you and that you don’t send this letter out of fairness to her. Would you not agree?

 

I would suppose you know her better than anyone else on this board. If you are certain that she really doesn’t care, then send your letter (I have doubts, but I can only assume…). But I would suggest that you offer her the same. Let her sleep around with other men. Define your relationship as open. If she refuses that resolution, then I suggest you do not go through with your plan to meet other women. That would be the only fair and respectable thing to do if you wish to maintain the relationship.

[Luke Skywalker]

Okay, I just talked to her on the phone:

 

I asked her in such a way that is empathetic with her where she will not fear losing me in her answer to me. (i.e. asked her if she would mind if in a tone where I was genuinely concerned about knowing the boundaries of the relationship and her view on "talking" to people in this office). This addresses debaser_wolf's concern. This was extracted:

 

1) She is alright if I talk to people in the office, as long as I don't talk with them PRIVATELY in their office and have a cup of coffee (cheated on her on Tuesday morning with co-worker by DOING that). Not disclosed to her. Was done in ignroance. Red-flag placed over it which led to making this thread here.

 

2) She doesn't want me to take anyone out to see a movie.

 

I'm going to settle the issue then. In exchange for not telling her about 1), I simply will either break-up with her, and/or not-follow up with that other girl on the movie thing and just let it slide.

[DaBladeRoden]

Hmm, decisions, decisions

[Luke Skywalker]

Yeah, even if he's delusional, nothing he said is against forum rules. And for everyone who is reading that post in shear horror, life generally has a way of evening things out. Eventually, he'll find a woman he respects a little more (probably because she respects him much less), and she'll treat him poorly, cheat on him, break up with him, and then he'll have his heart broken. At that point, his direction will either be to learn from his mistakes, and treat romantic interests better, or to fall way off the deep end, treating women even worse. But of course, even that will come back to him. It all does.

 

I think the overall tone of replies, including the above is berating and not helpful at all. For the record, I have already experienced that, and my thread/post history already shows that. Compared to what she did to me, this is childsplay.

 

People on here are making assumptions that are totally out of the context, and even intent of this thread by putting labels on me, or putting me on the same category as a real chater that has slept with different women or hiding something in general.

 

For the record, if my crush was honest with me and provided a full disclosure (i.e. she recognizes I'm interested in her but states she's not decided and is seeing other guys, etc...) and didn't berate me when I challenged her interest in me, then I wouldn't hated her the way I did when I found out what I did. I was angry enough with her to lose my virginity with a stranger and brag about my conquest by email to her -- but stopped short of consulting my father for guidance before going all the way.

 

Here is a PREVENTATIVE sort of thread that's there to help potential damages from occurring and I'm in effect punished for seeking moral advice. People on here are morons.

[Kantriakhor]

People on here are morons.

 

We can only comment on what you give us.

[Tokyorose]

Luke I commend you for talking to her about this. I know a lot of people wouldn't have had the courage, I k now i've been in the same situation and ended up just breaking up with them instead of confronting the issues and talking to my significant others. I'm sorry that people were berating you, I can understand why you feel this way but keep in mind that many people were just frustrated with you're unwillingness to take in their advice.