I think I've been dumped

[lavenderdove]

Try to apply the principle of innocent until proven guilty in all things you do.

 

If he starts acting like your ex on a consistent and regular basis, then you might have cause for worry. But if he does it once with a good explanation then doesn't do it often, then you are overreacting and judging him too harshly based on your own negative past experiences.

 

Lots of time those types of emotions are because you are angry at yourself for putting up with so much abuse from someone else. Try to separate out anger at your ex (justified) rather than raining it all over the poor next guy in line who doesn't deserve that.

[Ms Darcy]

I like the point of innocent until proven guilty.

 

I think taking some time before you respond to him is wise. You really need to read over this advice and start looking deeply at your insecurities. I would even suggest some journalling. This isn't about him so much as your insecurities. HE didn't do enough to justify this reaction.

 

Please listen to people here. And ask yourself if you are healed enough for a healthy relationship.

[browneyedgirl36]

Well I've decided that even if he is still interested and comes around, that I'm going to send him packing. If he was interested, he would have responded.

 

I think you're really over-reacting here. I sometimes don't respond to texts for several hours -- sometimes not until the next day, even if I really like the person. I forget to turn my phone on, or I leave it on "silent" and don't hear it, or whatever. Sometimes, I just forget to check it because I have a lot going on.

 

On the subject of technology: I think that advancements in technology have made many people VERY impatient and have conditioned them to expect an immediate response, and I think that can be a very negative thing, as we start to see not responding *immediately* as a sign of disrespect, lack of interest, lack of caring, etc.

 

I agree with the other posters that you need to get a handle on why you are so anxious when a guy doesn't respond to a text for three hours. There's way more to this than his lack of response -- it's not about him, but about you being "terrified" that he's lost interest. It would really be helpful for you to do some thinking about why this is such an issue for you,

[REDIRECT43]

I could be over reacting but I just feel really uneasy. We emailed back and forth for a bit today while at work. He asked if we were hanging out this week and I said sure...he said he may stop by tonight after he visits his parents (he lives 40 min. away, and I live somewhat near his parents) Well now he's saying he may not even visit them and he wasn't sure and suggested maybe another night we get together. He wouldn't make concrete plans. He asked if I was taking a day off this week. (I am leaving my current job to start another one and I have one week left) He was wondering if I was going to work the rest of the week and I said yes. He said that it sucks that we live so far apart and that he wished I lived closer. I told him I didn't mind losing sleep every now and then so that we could hang out. I told him if we are going to be together, sacrifices have to made sometimes. He responded "Haha, aight, cool, ttyl" Ok what the hell is that??? Why can't he make definite plans and not leave me hanging?

[bmwm3]

Not to freak you out or anything.... but if he comes by tonight.. hold out on sex with him... and see how responds to it..

 

guys have been known to get close and come over when they want some sex.......

[REDIRECT43]

Oh I was already planning on not giving him any. No way. It's almost 7:30 and I haven't heard from him...I sooo want to call him and see but I'm not going to.

[bmwm3]

Oh I was already planning on not giving him any. No way. It's almost 7:30 and I haven't heard from him...I sooo want to call him and see but I'm not going to.

 

 

Thats good.. def dont call him... as a guy if i am truly intrested in a girl.. i will make the effort...

 

otherwise she is just on the backburner.. and what ever happens happens... dont ever beilve the exuse we are to busy to call or anything... will make time if we like you.......

 

not trying to get you down... just sharing how guys think.... i would forget him and either he will start making the effort.. or you just need to forget him... plenty of guys that will make the effort..... good luck........

[REDIRECT43]

It makes now sense how he was smitten with me not even a week ago, brought up the talk, and now is leaving me hanging. We both work the 9-5 rat race but come on dude. He was making plans with me not even a week ago and now he's got me waiting by the phone with his maybes. I am just not going to contact him at all this week and see what happens. I think that's the best way to gauge it.

[lavenderdove]

Wise plan.

 

It could well be that his idea of what a relationship is and your ideas are different. You may be looking for a boyfriend, and he may be looking for someone he can hook up with when it's convenient for him, and if not, no obligation.

 

I'd just pull way back and not call or initiate for a few weeks and see how often he calls and gets together with you. If it's not frequent enough for you, then talk to him and tell him you want more time with him. If he says no, then you're not really compatible, and he's not all that interested.

 

But it's new enough now i'd just let it float to see what he's about. Don't pursue him, and see what he does.

[REDIRECT43]

I am kind of regretting the fact that I told him "well if we're going to be together, sacrifices have to be made" Oh my god, yea definitely pulling away after that one.

[lavenderdove]

Just tell yourself to stop treating him like he's a long term boyfriend since you're not there yet. Just reserve judment and ramp back your expectations and just sit back and watch what he does. That will give you time to evaluate whether he really is boyfriend material.

 

Right now you've basically hooked up with him once and don't know whether this is going anywhere or not. So don't lay any big expectations on him or yourself.

[lavenderdove]

At this point in time you should just be evaluating whether this guy is someone you want to spend more time with or not, not trying to 'build' a big relationship.

 

The big relationship should grow out of the time you spend together, so the relationship shouldn't be big (or considered a big deal) until you've invested a lot of time in it.

[Clarity]

Give the guy a break - he pursued you for a month without any luck and still wanted to take you out and you're still questioning his interest? I think you need to remember that part of the equation too before holding him to such a high standard.

[REDIRECT43]

Well he stopped by last night and we went to the bar next to my house and watched the game. We talked a bit, and he said he's really happy. I told him I did have some insecurities but he reassured me that he was very happy. I feel ten times better. We made plans for Thursday night because we are both taking Friday off from work so we can spend time together. Yea, I definitely need to cool it and stop trying to build this grand relationship before one has started...very good point. Thanks everyone for all yor help!

[lavenderdove]

Excellent! Just try to enjoy him for a while with no big expectations... Have fun with it!

 

If he turns out to be a dud, then you can dump him, but not until you're sure he isn't the one for you.