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I think I've been dumped


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All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You
All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You

Hi all,

I started seeing this guy a little over a month ago. He is friends of a friend. He pursued me for a good month until I finally agreed to go out with him. He took me out, paied for everything, was a complete gentlemen. I started to fall for him. Well last Friday night he kissed me and asked if we were together. I said "well yea, if you want to be." We decided we would forego seeing other people. I spent the night at his house and we did have sex. We had sex a week or two prior to this romp. So the next morning we get breakfast and I go home. He went to a baseball game that day and invited me to go out with him after the baseball game but I had other plans. Sunday he went up to his families cabin on the lake and was there all day so I did not hear from him Sunday. Monday I emailed him at work asking how his weekend was. He wrote all about the baseball game and his day at the lake. He made no mention of making plans with me for that week. Later on that night I text him and ask him about making plans. He says "Yea, totally, what's your schedule like this week? I'm basically free until the weekend." I told him the nights I could hang out and he never responded. Three hours go by and I finally just text him "Look, is something up, because it seems now that you're not as interested." No response, as its the next morning. I am really bummed and I don't want to annoy him or come off as clingy but he's the one that asked if we were together. Now he's not acting like it...what should I do?

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Right as of now, don't do anything.

 

The ball is in his court. If you keep texting, emailing etc. then you will come off as clingy and push him away.

 

If he doesn't respond to you in the next day or so (he should have responded already but maybe something could posibbly be wrong) then he is a jerk and should be swept aside.

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I agree with the previous poster, as of now, don't do anything.

 

I think that now that you are officially together, he didn't think of 'asking you on a date' since maybe he thinks it's now a given that you will hang out at one point. I wouldn't worry about it, I'm sure he will get back to you, but just do not text him or call him at all until he does.

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He says "Yea, totally, what's your schedule like this week? I'm basically free until the weekend." I told him the nights I could hang out and he never responded. Three hours go by and I finally just text him "Look, is something up, because it seems now that you're not as interested." No response, as its the next morning

 

I think you jumped to conclusions here. You assumed he dumped you because he didn't reply to the text message right away? All other aspects of his behavior (pursuing you for a month, initiating the exclusivity talk, telling you when he is free, etc.) indicate interest. Maybe something happened where he just couldn't answer the text message at the time. Maybe he never got the text message.

 

Once he responds to you I think you should apologize for assuming the worst. Try to stop yourself from doing things like that too quickly in the future or it will likely ruin your relationship.

 

I think text messages and e-mails pose a big problem of confusion in the dating world. I'm old fashioned - I think picking up the phone and talking is still the best route to communication from afar. It's far too easy to misinterpert and/or over-analyze typed messages (or a time lapse between them).

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If he is interested he will respond.

 

But it appears as though you are placing way too much emotional validation in this guy already and come accross as being very insecure.

 

Don't forget who you are as a person. Your happiness does NOT rely on someone elses acceptance.

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omg don't send msgs like that after only THREE hours!!!

 

i remember a girl a week ago who texted me to make plans but i didnt even see the message until 4 hours later cause i left it on silent after a meeting by accident.

 

when i checked it i felt bad for responding but if i saw a follow up text after it would have raised flags.

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If he makes a commitment right before sex, then disappears after, there's a good chance it was a hollow commitment just to get you into the sack. Once he's scored, he fades away. Players do that a lot.

 

Or he could have gotten cold feet and thought, hey wait, i don't want to get all that involved with a girlfriend right now.

 

I wouldn't do anything at this point. No texts, nothing. See if and when he calls. Look at his behavior, not his words. Keep in mind that he is perfectly able to call or text or email anytime he pleases, and if he's not doing that, then he doesn't want to.

 

So that could mean either he's a player who just wanted to score and you won't hear from him much (or at all), or else he wants to have a more casual relationship and not get together much.

 

If he's a player, you don't want him, and if he only wants very casual dating, you need to back off and let him contact you and not expect too much. If you don't like that kind of dating, then he's the wrong guy for you.

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btw, asking him one question is not an unpardonable sin.

 

if he is indeed really interested in you, he should have immediately replied something like, no, of course i'm still interested, just busy doing X or Y this week.

 

if he is really interested, he will not be offended. But if he just wants something really casual with you (i.e., not really being a 'couple', but more just going on dates now and again), he may not want the kind of daily contact you expect.

 

so you can't 'ruin' a good thing with one text message, but you can if you keep always worrying and sending messages without giving him time to respond.

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if he is indeed really interested in you, he should have immediately replied something like, no, of course i'm still interested, just busy doing X or Y this week.

 

Perhaps he is busy in a meeting, in the bathroom, driving or whatever. It isn't always possible for people to be available to reply to texts immediately.
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I love what you said lavenderdove, about him being truly interested and responding. That's how I feel. It doesn't make sense that someone truly interested would not respond to a question like that. If I don't hear from him today, I guess I'll have my answer.

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I love what you said lavenderdove, about him being truly interested and responding. That's how I feel. It doesn't make sense that someone truly interested would not respond to a question like that. If I don't hear from him today, I guess I'll have my answer.
No - you won't.

 

There was a thread on here a while back where a member was really angry with her boyfriend because he had gone to visit family in Florida and wasn't responding to her messages - like you, she assumed she'd been dumped. Turned out he had been in an accident and was in hospital.

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The beginning of a relationship is always a time for lots of insecurity... you have to try to fight the insecurity and give him the benefit of the doubt, until it is clear that he either is really interested, or he is not.

 

I personally think he should respond within a few hours or at least the same day, unless he has a really good excuse (i.e., accident).

 

But don't shoot yourself in the foot by *assuming* you've been dumped as the first explanation of a break in contact. You may have been dumped, but his phone may have died, or he got sick or a host of other explanations.

 

So don't do anything now and wait. And if it goes a couple more days, call him on the phone to see if he's OK. And if he's fine and basically just blew you off and hasn't responded for days, then you know something is wrong.

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I think if you want to talk about something important - and asking someone about their level of interest in you is important, right? - why in the world would you type that rather than talking to the person in person or, if that wasn't possible for a very long time, on the phone? Especially in a new relationship, I would severely limit the texting and try to see the person in person or talk by phone. You have no idea if he received the text, when he received it, and of course typing has no tone like a voice does (or better, with body language, etc).

 

It's flattering that he chased you and paid for your dinner. That doesn't mean he was seriously interested in a relationship with you - he might just like the thrill of the chase - you know if someone is seriously interested in you if, over a period of time - I would say, at least 6 months - he acts reliably, in a caring way (through actions, not just words!), and acts in a committed way with an eye towards the long term. The words are important too but you have to watch the feet, not the lips.

 

Many people can be highly interested for a month. I am not saying this is your fault at all or that you shoudl change the way you are in the least - just that you are judging the potential for the long term based on very little information.

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I'm pretty sure he's not in the hospital. It just makes no sense how he can ask me to be his girlfriend, and then be so evasive afterwards. We had sex before he asked me to be his girlfriend so I don't think he was just looking to get some. Maybe I smell or suck in bed, who knows.

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No - you won't.

 

There was a thread on here a while back where a member was really angry with her boyfriend because he had gone to visit family in Florida and wasn't responding to her messages - like you, she assumed she'd been dumped. Turned out he had been in an accident and was in hospital.

 

It could certainly be an emergency that came up. But, I do think that is a lot more rare than other reasons why he may not be responding.

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It could certainly be an emergency that came up. But, I do think that is a lot more rare than other reasons why he may not be responding.
One of them being hostile because he didn't respond to a message within three hours!!
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