My boyfriend and me got into a fight and he punched a hole in the wall :(

[Seraphim]

Listen to everyone honey, this is all VERY fixable and you can gain/regain your esteem and you WILL find a man that does not treat you like that and you will get to a point where you would not let one treat you like that.

 

Let avman find you the resources you need. There is NO shame in getting help to get yourself together.

[SC1607308020]

I live in San Bernardino County California, but I'm not abused he never just up and hit me. I hit him.

[SC1607308020]

I took a picture off the wall and slammed against the wall..doesn't that make me the abusive one too? I yelled and scream that he gets on my effin nerves. I have done bad things too, I yelled at the dog.

[Roselio Giron]

I took a picture off the wall and slammed against the wall..doesn't that make me the abusive one too? I yelled and scream that he gets on my effin nerves. I have done bad things too, I yelled at the dog.

You're being hypocritical. He was the one who tried to hurt you, not the other way around.

[EQD]

yeah, that makes you abusive, but it doesnt change the fact that he was too, and it doesnt change the fact that you need help to get better.

[SC1607308020]

You're being hypocritical. He was the one who tried to hurt you, not the other way around.

 

I know but I have come after him physically too. I just feel so bad, I shouldn't have done it.

[EQD]

stop feeling bad about it.

 

you cant change the past. so change the future.

 

if you keep beating yourself up about it then you'll just end up thinking you deserve that kind of crap, and you will never fix your problems.

 

can you seek counseling?

[SC1607308020]

I don't have any money at all. I am on unemployment because I was laid off from my job. The economy is bad in California and he was helping me.

[Seraphim]

I know but I have come after him physically too. I just feel so bad, I shouldn't have done it.

 

Instead of feeling bad, get better and never do it again. Feeling bad and wallowing in what is wrong will never make it better. I KNOW you can get yourself past all this. You made the first step and reached out, that is awesome!

[SC1607308020]

He was my only friend.

[EQD]

do what victoria says, you'll be fine.

its not as bad as you think it is. i used to toss fans around lol. now i am a completely different person.

[avman]

Here are some resources for you. Give them a call and talk about your situation. I think you will find it very eye opening.

 

High Desert Domestic Violence Program

link removed

866-770-7867

 

Desert Sanctuary

800-982-2221

[Roselio Giron]

I don't have any money at all. I am on unemployment because I was laid off from my job. The economy is bad in California and he was helping me.

There has to be a resource somewhere at little/no cost. You'll find someone that will help you, but first you have to help yourself.

[avman]

I don't have any money at all. I am on unemployment because I was laid off from my job. The economy is bad in California and he was helping me.

 

That is ok. Call the programs I listed for you and they will be well prepared to help you and give you some direction.

[Roselio Giron]

He was my only friend.

Don't say that. It's not true.

 

There has to be someone else you can reach out to, is there?

[Seraphim]

He was my only friend.

 

Honey he was NO friend, you be YOUR best friend. Call the resources avman gave you and steer your own ship.

[SC1607308020]

I don't feel right calling a domestic abuse hotline while I am fine and I started it, I'm not hurt I don't have any bruises.

[Seraphim]

I don't feel right calling a domestic abuse hotline while I am fine and I started it, I'm not hurt I don't have any bruises.

 

Honey they can help you address the fact why you pick this type of man over and over, THAT is ALSO an issue. Until you deal with the WHY you are doing this you will pick the same kind of man over and over.

[avman]

Then go visit the link to the High Desert program and start reading their material. You are going to see that it applies to you even though right now you think it doesn't.

[COtuner]

What if I pushed him first? Then is it my fault? Sometimes he gets really drunk and starts pacing around the room and spazzing out? What does that mean? I'm sorry if I sound dumb, I'm just trying to understand. Does that mean he hates me and I make him crazy and he's only staying just to stay?

 

It means he has serious issues and needs treatment, and you have NOTHING to do with that. No matter how "crazy" you make him, his behavior is entirely his inability to control his infantile emotions and be an adult.

 

Go stay with your mom for a while, and let other people know what happened. It's important because the odds are good he WILL come back and you do not want to be alone when he is. He will either be begging you for forgiveness (not getting himself help) or he will have convinced himself it's all your fault and be angry.

 

Go somewhere else until you work through your own emotions and be safe.

[Roselio Giron]

I don't feel right calling a domestic abuse hotline while I am fine and I started it, I'm not hurt I don't have any bruises.

Are you just going to keep throwing yourself a pity party, wallowed in the despair that you did NOT cause?

 

Or are you going to give yourself some common sense and talk to a counselor about it?

Does it matter if you're hurt? What counts is the emotional trauma.

 

Are you going to keep degrading yourself any further? Or will you finally get some help?

[SC1607308020]

I don't know, I don't feel good.

[Seraphim]

We can not make you help yourself, however I think it would be wise to listen when people who have been there and got through it have some advice to offer and others have given you resources to help you. What do you have to loose really??? Think about that.

 

You have sadness and dispair and self loathing to loose and everything to gain.

[SC1607308020]

Thank you everyone, I really appreciate all the time you spent with me today. I feel sad but relieved. I know I'm going to miss him like never before now that he just left me and I tried calling him like 100 times he won't answer and one time he did but when he heard it was me (I blocked my number) he hung up in my face. I'm not going to call anymore.

[HeartGoesOn]

Please don't call him.

 

Call a friend, or do something nice for yourself.