My boyfriend and me got into a fight and he punched a hole in the wall :(

[agent1607307371]

But I hit him first! Doesn't that matter at all?

 

No. From what you've posted, I can understand how you've come to be someone who lashes out.

 

Did you hold him down and threaten to break his legs?

 

Did you throw food in his face?

 

If you think you're abusive, why stay with him when the situation is clearly bad for you? Is that the person you want to be?

[agent1607307371]

I'm stupid, stupid stupid stupid.

 

No you're not. Now do something smart - get out of the situation.

[Seraphim]

But I hit him first! Doesn't that matter at all?

 

Seek treatment for this. Grown adults do not slug out their troubles. No, that does NOT excuse him. He could choose to walk away. You both need to stay the HECK away from each other and learn new coping skills.......you to not be a victim and him to not be a bully. You both could learn anger management skills as well.

[SC1607308020]

I told him , I'm sorry and that I want him to stay and he said no he doesn't like the way I act so its best we go our separate ways.

[Seraphim]

I told him , I'm sorry and that I want him to stay and he said no he doesn't like the way I act so its best we go our separate ways.

 

If you go back this will only get worse and you may end up DEAD. Once you are DEAD there are no do overs.

[agent1607307371]

I told him , I'm sorry and that I want him to stay and he said no he doesn't like the way I act so its best we go our separate ways.

 

Why are you begging?

 

He's is actually right.

[SC1607308020]

How will anyone ever like me or love me if I'm such a horrible person? Ugh I'm sorry everyone. I feel like I'm making everyone angry.

[Seraphim]

How will anyone ever like me or love me if I'm such a horrible person? Ugh I'm sorry everyone. I feel like I'm making everyone angry.

 

You are not horrible, you just need to learn different ways to cope and learn to think differently,,,,,be "re programmed" so to speak, there is NOTHING horrible about that.

[agent1607307371]

How will anyone ever like me or love me if I'm such a horrible person? Ugh I'm sorry everyone. I feel like I'm making everyone angry.

 

No you're not.

 

But you are used to living in an unnatural environment - your reactions and expectations have become squewed. You just need time to get unravelled again.

[Seraphim]

You need to learn to control your actions not your actions control you. You are acting out of "reaction" to your environment. You need to learn or re learn you are a wothwhile person with potential and can have a great life if you CHOOSE to. Stop "reacting" and start "choosing".

[SC1607308020]

He's gone, he left me 200 dollars that IS NOT GOING TO HELP ME! He's gone. Oh well. he's gone. I bet he's going to go over those people house and that girl will be around.

[Seraphim]

He's gone, he left me 200 dollars that IS NOT GOING TO HELP ME! He's gone. Oh well. he's gone. I bet he's going to go over those people house and that girl will be around.

 

Good riddance! He is no longer YOUR problem but his own. You will be FINE.

[SC1607308020]

I am so screwed, I don't have enough money to pay my bills or rent for next month. I think I'm going to have a panic attack right now. This site is like the only thing holding me together right now, I want to jump in my car and go find him. He won't answer his phone.

[AJisFREE]

Let's be honest. One of my best friends had, at one time, many qualities like "The Loser" also. It's honest of you to admit that, and she even noticed that many times she started the fights in relationships too. She even ruined a few good ones. But from what I've seen, most of her fight-starting habits and craziness during relationships was a direct reflection of the boys that she was dating. Some people just aren't right for each other, okay? Just because you may have your childish moments doesn't mean he should escalate the situation and smash a burger in your face! No verbal comment about a damn burger should lead to anything physical. Just like my friend. She needed to, and finally did, leave those sorry guys, and not only is she now with a great guy, she's lost her own "loser" habits and has become a much more mature person.

 

So it's great of you to admit you see those qualities in yourself, but you also need to say, "Hey. I don't need this. I need to get out of THIS abusive relationship, take some time for self reflection, and mature." And you WILL find a more healthy relationship, and you WILL lose those habits. Two fight catalysts shouldn't be together. Stop beating yourself up, stop begging him to stay with you. You'll grow stronger from surviving this process. And if you really do love him, after all of this, after you take the time to help YOURSELF... well, if you love them let them go, if they come back they were always yours, and if they don't, they never were.

[Seraphim]

I am so screwed, I don't have enough money to pay my bills or rent for next month. I think I'm going to have a panic attack right now. This site is like the only thing holding me together right now, I want to jump in my car and go find him. He won't answer his phone.

 

Honey he is not worth your time. You do not need him there just because of money. You WILL make it, just breath.

[Seraphim]

Good post.

[SC1607308020]

I texted him I effing hate him and I hope he dies a horrible death...you see how crazy I am? No wonder he hates me. I hate myself and I would hate me if I were him. Who cares about my life. Life is stupid and just a waste of time. I'm a waste of time and space as a human being.

[AJisFREE]

I am so screwed, I don't have enough money to pay my bills or rent for next month. I think I'm going to have a panic attack right now. This site is like the only thing holding me together right now, I want to jump in my car and go find him. He won't answer his phone.

 

CALM DOWN! Before you even THINK about your money situation, calm down. Stop worrying about HIM. If he goes over and screws some girl, or WHATEVER... it's not your problem anymore! Do you really want a guy that would do that ANYWAY? Believe me, I'm not rich either, I don't even have my parents helping me out with money right now, and I'm getting an apartment this Friday! You're in school right? You have a car? Could you possibly get a waitressing job? I'm a waitress, and I'm a full-time student. There are so many possibilities, you just need to calm down. Keep talking to these people, and take their advice!

[AJisFREE]

I texted him I effing hate him and I hope he dies a horrible death...you see how crazy I am? No wonder he hates me. I hate myself and I would hate me if I were him. Who cares about my life. Life is stupid and just a waste of time. I'm a waste of time and space as a human being.

 

Oh come on now. Forget about him. Life is amazing!! Do you remember what life was like before you met him? Do you know how many women have survived abusive relationships and led amazing lives afterwards! This is the start of YOUR NEW LIFE! I know it's hard right now, my heart goes out to you, I've been there. I've been through so many crappy relationships, and I LEARN from every one of them. I've just gotten out of my first really ABUSIVE relationship - what did I learn? I deserve so much better! And so do you! Start setting some standards for yourself, girl! You will get through this!

[SC1607308020]

But he was always there for me always willing to do anything for me and I turned him in to a miserable person.

 

I can't do a waitress job, I have social anxiety I feel like even being around people right now would knock me on my butt. I'm so scared. I usually do receptionist jobs and stuff like that because I don't have to be around a lot of people. Oh god, I can't even see through the tears.

[AJisFREE]

You need to learn to control your actions not your actions control you. You are acting out of "reaction" to your environment. You need to learn or re learn you are a wothwhile person with potential and can have a great life if you CHOOSE to. Stop "reacting" and start "choosing".

 

EXACTLY. Take these people's advice! We've been through this too! Ya know, I just found this forum a few days ago. It's opened my eyes so much. You're NOT ALONE!

[SC1607308020]

Thanks everyone, I just feel dead right now, I'm going to go lay down I guess? I feel so sad.

[Seraphim]

Stop and breath and RELAX and then think from a CALM premise. You need to plan what you are going to do, but it is definitely doable. Never act from an over emotional stand point.

[AJisFREE]

But he was always there for me always willing to do anything for me and I turned him in to a miserable person.

 

I can't do a waitress job, I have social anxiety I feel like even being around people right now would knock me on my butt. I'm so scared. I usually do receptionist jobs and stuff like that because I don't have to be around a lot of people. Oh god, I can't even see through the tears.

 

You didn't turn him into a miserable person. You were together for six years, alot can happen in that amount of time. It takes a lot to get over such a long relationship. You know what helped me the first few nights, the worst nights? My brother. When you're in the middle of all of this, you can't see clearly. I'm not sure if this is the best advice to give, but distract yourself a little... watch a funny movie, take a long, hot bath, talk to a friend even. Abusive relationships eat at your self-esteem, that's why you feel so horrible now. You're not even at the center of the hurricane yet. Stop beating yourself up! Like the previous poster had said, stop REACTING. Start CHOOSING your actions.

[thejigsup]

STEP ONE: Calm down. It takes two to tango and you two bring out the worst in each other. You should be apart. He is smart enough to see that.

STEP TWO: Look for a job, you will need one.

STET THREE: Forget about where he is and who he is with, it is no long your problem or business.

STEP FOUR: I have been where you are only I had a baby and lived 2,000 miles from my family. My ex hit me once and I left him with just the clothes on my back, my baby,and his car seat, clothes, and stroller. If I can do it, you can do it. I loved myself and would never let myself be hit. Did I bring it on? I could nag him, sure. But there is NEVER a reason to hit anyone, so no, it wasn't my fault at all.

STEP FIVE: If you aren't ready to get a job, go on welfare and get yourself in school so you can become someone who loves and respects herself. That is you main problem, you don't love yourself at all!