Just Me85 Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 Anyone reading my previous threads would know that my ex hates me and says he never wants to see me again. at 7am today I started getting txts on my phone and it was him asking if he could walk me to work. I looked out the window and he was waiting in the street for me. I was a bit shocked so I let him in and he had a cup of tea. Didnt say much. Then we left and as he was walking he started getting increasingly angry again started calling me names again and started telling me he was on the internet all night looking at my myspace/facebook/blogs and saying he saw "all the guys i talk to". He says I must have slept with them all. He mentioned names Id never heard of. I tried to stay calm but in the end he said "stay away from me" and walked away. I dont know why he came this morning. Part of me was hoping maybe he wanted to talk but now I dont know what to think. Just two days ago he said he never wants to see me again. I dont know what to do. Any advice? Link to comment
philove Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 He is still clearly in love with you but very confused and hurt. He is acting just like I did, completely irrationally and confused. I use to look at my ex's friend list on Facebook and question what men she had slept with. It was crazy because it would only causing more pain for myself. But perhaps that's his way of dealing with it. Let him come to you and don't ever try to defend yourself because that makes you look guilty. Link to comment
rivercitystein Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 I don't want anyone showing up at my house at 7am unannounced, especially my ex. I don't think I'd communicate with him in person just yet. If he contacts you again, talk over the phone. Are you interested in getting back with him after the way he's treated you and even said that he hates you? Link to comment
Sn0man Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 I haven't read any of your other posts but he sounds like a person fresh into a breakup - hurt and angry. Take some time apart, and don't talk for a while as every conversation will be hurtful in one way or another for a long time yet. If he continues to show up at your door getting angry, get a restraining order. Link to comment
Just Me85 Posted March 30, 2009 Author Share Posted March 30, 2009 I just always tell him the same thing. I said I didnt recognise the names of the people he said Ive been speaking to (which is completely true). Everytime I tell him the truth he says im lying. I still love him so much I dont understand why he wanted to talk after saying he never wanted to see me again. I really want him back. And this is torture. I was worried and let a member of his family know that he had turned up. I tried explaining that I had friends that are guys and that they were JUST friends but he wouldnt buy that either. I love him so much. Link to comment
philove Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 The trust is completely broken, it will take him a long time to get over this. He is fighting hard with his head and heart which is what's making him confused. Link to comment
rivercitystein Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 The break up was due to you sleeping with someone else very early on in your relationship when you were not exclusive, right? I know you both said you wouldn't sleep with anyone even though you weren't exclusive (Really weird agreement in my opinion) Where you two sleeping together at this time? Who came up with this agreement? Why didn't he want to be exclusive at that time? Link to comment
Sn0man Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 Everytime I tell him the truth he says im lying I dont understand why he wanted to talk after saying he never wanted to see me again. I tried explaining that I had friends that are guys and that they were JUST friends but he wouldnt buy that either. this is torture. Why do you want him back? Because it's what you're used to? Because it certainly isn't because he's making you happy. Link to comment
Just Me85 Posted March 30, 2009 Author Share Posted March 30, 2009 I do not remember making that agreement. He insists that we promised eachother but all I remember is him saying he did not want a relationship. Yes the trust is broken, I just hate this feeling. I cant move on, and I just wish I could perform miracles or have a time machine, I would have behaved differently. We used to be so happy. He was my everything. Link to comment
rivercitystein Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 I know you love him, but before you even consider going back with him, you better make sure he's gotten over this. Otherwise, he's just going to keep throwing it up in your face. I think he has some growing up to do. "He was my everything"......I hope that is just an expression. Did you lose yourself in this relationship? Link to comment
Kalika Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 You may have screwed up, but he's going to be using this excuse to bully you. He sounds downright manipulative to me. I think you need to tread carefully with him. He either needs to believe you and move on with you, or not believe you and end it once and for all. He does not have the right to show up unannounced and call you a liar and make accusations. That's abuse. Link to comment
Just Me85 Posted March 30, 2009 Author Share Posted March 30, 2009 I understand this. And I know it isnt right for him to call me names and say nasty things. I just wish I knew the reason why he decided to show up. It doesnt seem to make sense. Could anybody shed some light on this? I did lose myself a little in the relationship to some degree as I was so happy it felt as though nothing else mattered. Perhaps this was a mistake on my part. I dont know if he woulda showed up just to say nasty things. At first he seemed very calm and when I asked him how he was feeling he started to get agitated and then broke down again. I think maybe he does miss me and wanted to see me but when he did the emotions came back Im not sure. Im really worried about him. Everyone says I have to leave him alone but I really want to help. I know I cant save him and it needs to come from him but something just doesnt add up. Why did he turn up like that at 7am. He usually sleeps in til like 2pm. Link to comment
philove Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 It seems like he is testing himself to see how his emotions will be when he meets you. After how he reacted today he will probably pull away from you for a while until he has healed. Link to comment
Just Me85 Posted March 30, 2009 Author Share Posted March 30, 2009 when i asked him why he came after he started being nasty he started crying and just said. "because im in love with you, you stupid stupid girl" Do you think he will ever want me back if I continue to give him space? I love him too much. Link to comment
philove Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 Only time will tell if he will ever come back. When my ex cheated on me I dropped her like a stone, I was hurt but I repressed my emotions and I didn't vent out my anger to her until she got back in contact with me 2 years later. I am no longer angry with her but the trust was completely broken. In a way it's good that your ex is hurting now rather than later because it will allow him to heal quicker. Link to comment
Just Me85 Posted March 30, 2009 Author Share Posted March 30, 2009 I hope so, I cant go on like this. I feel as though I have been misunderstood. I am not a liar or a cheat by nature and the truth is I honestly believed he did not want to be with me at the time when I made the mistake. Some people have been saying I should never have told him but I felt he needed to know the truth. But now he seems to be adamant of finding new non truths. He insists that I have cheated numerous times which is completely untrue and he keeps pushing me to go along with it but I will not lie. The truth is there is only him. I love him with all my heart but he just will not believe me. Its such a sad situation. When he constantly accuses me and gets upset I feel the guilt as if I have done something I have not done. I just wish I knew what he wanted from me. Link to comment
philove Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 I just wish I knew what he wanted from me. I think it's wayyyy too early to tell. I know you love him and I know how painful it can be for you when you just want to be with him but right now you need to work on yourself and leave him to come to you. I don't want to get your hopes up but I think you have a good chance of reconciling if you play your cards right Link to comment
Just Me85 Posted March 30, 2009 Author Share Posted March 30, 2009 Thanks. Im constantly trying not to get my hopes up but I still do... Its also a constant battle to stay NC especially after today. Sorry to go on about it so much. ENA has been a great support network you are all very nice people. I think we both have issues to deal with. Ill do what you say and leave him alone and hopefully he will come to me at somepoint. Im very tempted to phone his relative to make sure hes okay from this morning though, but Im not sure thats such a good idea. I was very worried. Its difficult because him turning up was a reaction to my NC I think. Im finding it hard because I think NC is best but I dont want to make him think that Ive moved on and am "already seeing other guys" like he suggests. I want him to know I care but all the while keeping my distance and my dignity. Not really sure how to do that. Link to comment
odile Posted April 1, 2009 Share Posted April 1, 2009 You may have screwed up, but he's going to be using this excuse to bully you. He sounds downright manipulative to me. I think you need to tread carefully with him. He either needs to believe you and move on with you, or not believe you and end it once and for all. He does not have the right to show up unannounced and call you a liar and make accusations. That's abuse. My gut reaction is similar to Kalika's-- The whole thing sound pretty weird to me... he just sounds a bit erratic. Be careful. Link to comment
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