THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[gone]

Day 41

 

I feel better, because I am accepting. I am letting go of my anger toward my ex. And I am letting go of my wondering of him being with someone else, and my wondering of his real nature - none of that matters anymore. And focusing on my life, because that's what I still have - myself. Sometimes I feel sad. Other times I feel numb. And other times I feel happy. A lot of the time, I am introspective. I do not feel lonely, though. Life is quiet. Busy. I am growing as a person. Life changes. I don't need to know the future. All I need to do is being done by living in the present.

 

It's nice to no longer feel so angry at someone, to no longer want someone to give you what they're not giving you. It does not change the feelings I had for him. It does not change my heart. But it means I can live my life without feeling not whole. It's OK now. I am moving on to enough forgiveness to let go. I do not know where I will be once I have let go, but that is OK, too.

[floridasfinest]

I made it 65 days without saying a word to her...accidentally saw a few pitcures of her in that time period. Then i flew home for a weekend to attend an event we were both invited to (I was very involved in the event, so was somewhat obligated to fly home to it).

 

She approached me and we talked. She still has a lot of feelings for me. So now I have to restart the NC counter.

 

15 days now. After we talked, exchanged texts, emails... I wish she never approached me. I tried so hard that night to stay away from her but when she came up to me I had to give in.

[klambert918]

Day 1 NC starts tomorrow. He's moving to another state and ldr isn't possible. We are both devastated beyond description... our last night together was last. He left to pack his things this morning. Tomorrow he will be gone.

We decided NC was best so we could both heal from this loss. We are both crushed. I can't fathom not sharing my life with him, but continuing to communicate will only make this harder.

Any tips on how to keep NC? I already know I will be staring at my phone hoping his name pops up. I've never been so sad or felt such great loss.

[floridasfinest]

Well now I went against my own advice and went out to drink with my friends. what a horrible decision.

 

Something on the internet made me remember why she cheated. All of a sudden these feelings of anger have overcome me. I dont know how i am going to sleep tonight. The thought of us growing up and her growing away from me makes me so angry. ugh...just a tough night I will have to deal with.

 

I hope you all have an enjoyable weekend. Mine was great until now...

[klambert918]

Well, I thought Day one would be today. Looking like tomorrow. He actually left this morning, around 4 am. Sent me a text saying how much he loves me and I had to call him. I called him again about 3 hours later - sadly, and ironically, he was about one minute away from leaving our state. Which was really gut wrenching. He told me he would let me know when he reaches his destination, just so I know he's made it there safe. Then we begin the NC. We settled on Thanksgiving for a recontact date.

This NC isn't because we both want it or because one of us is unhappy with the other. We are both extremely devastated at the ending of our relationship, so this is really just for us to be okay without each other. Eventually I want to be a part of his life... he meant more to me than anyone ever has. It's just far too difficult when I know he's not coming back.

[LostinMidwest]

Day 4 of NC...this sucks and I feel bitter about the situation. We got dealt an unfair hand and now we're both hurt and can't even talk to each other for awhile. This is stupid.

[LostinMidwest]

Day 5. Actually had a legitimate issue I could have contacted her about today but held strong and didn't. I'm proud of myself.

[rowdynt]

I am so confused today

I am not depressed just confussed

I know you are not a quiter

But yet you gave up on me so easy after all we have been through

Dont let my depressen beat you becouse i am not going to let it beat me

I was the one with the desease but yous where the ones suffering please dont give up on us

I think i know why its easyer for you but ill have a gess and say you havent been alone for weeks but mabe monthes or even years

You and the boys dont have to be victems as well.

I know we cant fix this today, tomorrow, next month or even next year

Just like water under the brige yesterday has gone we cant tell what the future holds for us

[LostinMidwest]

Day 7...I still miss her.

[klambert918]

Finally started day one. Took forever for each of us to do this. I'm pretty torn up about this. We only talked yesterday morning for a minute. He wants to think about what we both really want. It's hard because neither of us actually want this. Circumstances say otherwise.

I miss him. That's for sure. I'm sad and lost and so confused about our situation.

He tells me "don't let me go" "I can't imagine my life without you". But we're not together.

I don't understand.

[Fame1977]

We still talk every day 10 months after we broke up. What makes it worse is that I still have feelings for you even though I have not seen you since last December. You are my very best friend in the Universe. It also kills me when you say you miss me. Then you sort of make plans with me, and then back out. That kills me even worse. I get upset when you don't text back. It shouldn't I shouldn't care, but it does. It's none of my business really. But there are also times when you don't text back, and double check if I am mad, then sometimes you act like nothing happened. My heart still belongs to you. You may be seeing someone else, again, after saying you miss me and want to see me and get together. This hurts me more than I can explain. You choosing someone over me while we were dating, was awful, I never was given time to get over you. It is my fault, but I've already stated you're my best friend. I know I miss you still the same amount as I did. I don't know. It sucks. If you are dating another person over giving me another chance, please just tell me how you feel. I miss you.

[romantic83]

Today is 22 days of NC. I have never thought my life would gain such picture... I feel like I count days instead of just enjoying my daily life...It is terrible to wake up and think about surviving another day, and at the end of it feeling like you overcame a HUGE challenge again..NC. I just want to feel free from this heartache every day. I know I am not alone out there who goes through BU. I just want to wake up and feel different one day. I know it is not going to happen soon. Not interested in any dating at this point. I know he is seeing someone else. It hurts. But that is his decision, and either he is going to regret about it or not, I have nothing to do about it. I just know when people truly feel deep about each other, they cannot replace the love immediately. I think what is going to happen in life is going to happen, and we do not have control over it. I will try to stay on my NC and, hopefully, the pain will fade when I time comes for it.

[gone]

My ex was recently in touch with me after 6 weeks of silence, to send a one-sentence belated and unasked-for condolence on a recent loss in my life. I did respond briefly and gracefully, and then he wanted details on what happened, which angered me. He was insensitive and self-absorbed as usual (and e-stalking me). Why did I expect anything different? Leopards don't change their spots.

 

I feel it was a setback, to feel anger. But on the other hand, I already have the anger. But I was working on letting go gracefully, and in not seeing him as a monster, and accepting and moving on.

Maybe it helped me move on in a way, though, to see what a genuinely unhelpful person he really is, and to further accept he does not care about me, and he never did. Now I realize it will be some time before I am healed enough to want to be in another relationship-- for I have been in this situation in the past after another relationship ended in lies and disappointment. The only difference was that in that one, I accepted immediately that my ex was a threat to me. In this one, I've put off accepting that fully.

I feel sad and hollow as I stare that fact in the face. You'll never be who I thought you were. You'll never be what I needed you to be. I felt a deep betrayal and I battled against accepting that our love was not real. But that's what it was - a sham, and an unnecessary hindrance in my ability to live my life. I feel an intense feeling that is like hatred when I think of how you used and discarded me. I know this feeling will pass - and I know this because YOU are not worth hating. I look forward to the day when that feeling has passed out of my system-- and has been replaced by indifference. I can't wait until I don't know what you are anymore, I can't wait until you can never harm me again. What's great about that is it's something I am in control of, not you. I can't wait to let go of my anger.

[klambert918]

Having a really hard time today. Cried a lot. Sad a lot. I feel very empty.

The hardest part about all of this is that neither of us want to be apart. I can't get past that fact. We aren't mad at each other. We didn't intentionally hurt each other, or even really unintentionally for that matter. I miss him so damn much. I don't even WANT to get over him. I don't want to not talk to him. I don't want to be away from him. And he reciprocates those feelings. I think no matter what we choose to do, it's going to be painful.

This is awful.

[iamtheprize]

Day 14 (or day 5, if you count our one email exchange). 2 year relationship. Last time I broke no contact we had sex all night then cried all morning. I stupidly let hope creep back in, and now I am more broken than before.

 

Worst day for me so far. Finding obsessive thoughts about her with other people very hard to shake. The urge to contact her is overwhelming. Today is more of an angry day. I'm upset that she left so easily. I'm upset that she thinks going on (tinder) dates a week later is perfectly fine. I feel disrespected and forgotten. I can barely get myself out of the house for work. Still I will resist the urge to contact. I will have my dignity if nothing else.

[Fame1977]

I feel weird typing in this slot again for the second time in two days. I break this No Contact thing all the time. Once again I put myself out there again to you, and all you say is I agree and that you miss me too. I know I should stop trying and just stop thinking about you like that, but I can't and it sucks. I should read between the lines and realize a second chance isn't coming any time, or at least any time soon. It just stinks knowing that someone as perfect for me like you are decided this. And to make sort of plans and back out on me. I guess it is just exhausting believing that you want to see me again. I know I should move on but somehow can't. You gave him 38 chances and me one, and that makes me mad. But you're my best friend. It all just sucks.

[LostinMidwest]

Having a really hard time today. Cried a lot. Sad a lot. I feel very empty.

The hardest part about all of this is that neither of us want to be apart. I can't get past that fact. We aren't mad at each other. We didn't intentionally hurt each other, or even really unintentionally for that matter. I miss him so damn much. I don't even WANT to get over him. I don't want to not talk to him. I don't want to be away from him. And he reciprocates those feelings. I think no matter what we choose to do, it's going to be painful.

This is awful.

 

I'm in your situation. It's awful.

[klambert918]

Day 5. Actually had a legitimate issue I could have contacted her about today but held strong and didn't. I'm proud of myself.

How do you not? I find every way to contact him somehow... email, text, Skype, fb.... somehow I feel like even though he's already moved out of state, I can convince him to come back. Like if he knows how much I'm hurting he will come back. But the strange thing to me is I know he's hurting too.

[gone]

I don't feel angry today at all. Just very, very sad.

[ship]

Day 21 of NC, it's hard to wake up every day. I am being so unproductive. The heart pain is so strong and follows me during the day. I miss her so much. It hurts so much to think that she left me for another man. I wish I didn't feel like this, I know there are no possibilities of us coming back. it's been almost 2 months and life sucks right now. How long will I need to feel good again?

[klambert918]

He called last night. I couldn't help but answer.

So here we go again. Day 1.

He wants to revisit around Thanksgiving still. For what, I don't know. I just know that even though I want to use this time to focus on myself, I still feel very lost and confused.

I'm pretty broken because of this. He is who I want to be with. I feel sick a lot. And sad all the time.

I've been told that love will always find a way. But I'm being realistic. I think this is the end.

[Fame1977]

This is the 4 trillionth time I have written on here. I don't know what to say anymore. I feel stupid saying I miss you all the time. You keep saying it and kept saying me songs and song lyrics and memories, so I thought I we could try again. I guess I should get the hint that you never re added me on FB and that you won't see me. It's just harder since we talk every day. I miss you. There have even been two days that we were texting then you just didn't say anything at all. I'm stupid for thinking you want to see me I'm sure. It just makes me sad how it all went down. I miss you the same amount I missed you from when we broke up. I wish that wasn't happening 10 months later. I miss you.

[romantic83]

Have no idea what to write about. I am still lost in my days since BU. No contact for 25 days now. I am very unstable during my days. One minute I feel good, other one i feel like crap. I feel like I am bipolar due to all the mess happening right now with me. I cannot stop thinking about him. I try to focus on BAD things happen between us, but, ironically, there are so many things happened while we were together. Those memories hurt so much. I feel desperation. I am very good on giving advises to others how to start new way of living, but NONE of them helped me personally so far. I know we won't be together. We didn't have actual Closure over everything, just stopped talking to each other after another fight. I do not want to be with him, but still think about us a lot. I know it is going to be better tomorrow than today,and it is better today than yesterday. I have to move on.

[iamtheprize]

Day 16. I still haven't stopped thinking about you for even a second. This is doubly hard because I know you love me, I know how well suited we are to each other... but you're just not ready. Thinking of you dating others makes me physically sick, so much so that I sleep all the time just to keep from thinking about it.

[LostinMidwest]

How do you not? I find every way to contact him somehow... email, text, Skype, fb.... somehow I feel like even though he's already moved out of state, I can convince him to come back. Like if he knows how much I'm hurting he will come back. But the strange thing to me is I know he's hurting too.

 

Because I have realized that I am a strong individual, even without her. I don't need to talk to her. Talking to her isn't going to help or fix anything right now. It's only going to make things worse.

 

Sometimes the right thing to do is the hardest thing to do. And this is the hardest thing to do.

 

It hurts.