romantic83

Have no idea what to write about. I am still lost in my days since BU. No contact for 25 days now. I am very unstable during my days. One minute I feel good, other one i feel like crap. I feel like I am bipolar due to all the mess happening right now with me. I cannot stop thinking about him. I try to focus on BAD things happen between us, but, ironically, there are so many things happened while we were together. Those memories hurt so much. I feel desperation. I am very good on giving advises to others how to start new way of living, but NONE of them helped me personally so far. I know we won't be together. We didn't have actual Closure over everything, just stopped talking to each other after another fight. I do not want to be with him, but still think about us a lot. I know it is going to be better tomorrow than today,and it is better today than yesterday. I have to move on.

Today is 22 days of NC. I have never thought my life would gain such picture... I feel like I count days instead of just enjoying my daily life...It is terrible to wake up and think about surviving another day, and at the end of it feeling like you overcame a HUGE challenge again..NC. I just want to feel free from this heartache every day. I know I am not alone out there who goes through BU. I just want to wake up and feel different one day. I know it is not going to happen soon. Not interested in any dating at this point. I know he is seeing someone else. It hurts. But that is his decision, and either he is going to regret about it or not, I have nothing to do about it. I just know when people truly feel deep about each other, they cannot replace the love immediately. I think what is going to happen in life is going to happen, and we do not have control over it. I will try to stay on my NC and, hopefully, the pain will fade when I time comes for it.