ship

So things are going pretty bad for me again. I wonder what's up with your life. We haven't communicated in any way for exactly one month... and it is so hard for me. I was used to your voice constantly every day for over 1461 days, 30 days of NC seem ridiculously low, but it is so damn hard. I miss you so much! Sometimes I can't bear this loneliness... the break up has brought me so many problems, before it my life was good. I just ask heavens for strenght to get over you. How are you? Do you think of me? Do you miss me? Is that guy really so much better than me? I wish I had someone to lift me up in this moment. But you left me in the darkness, and I have had to seek refuge in strangers, in the internet... that's so mean. You are so mean. But still, here I am, wishing that you would call me one day and beg me to come back. lol, that's just a fantasy, I know, but... I miss you so much... I feel so lost.

I hate my subconscious for dreaming of you every day. The dreams are so happy and then I have to wake up to reality. I'm going crazy again. I ended up watching again your picture with your new boyfriend and even stalked his profile from another facebook account. How can you after a very intense 4 year relationship just give your feelings to another man? How can you sleep with another man less than one month after sleeping with me? Don't you feel bad about yourself? How many lies have you been telling to yourself to justify what you did/are doing? You're such a liar, and such a backstabber. How is it fair that my life has been, and continues to be a hell for the past 2 months, while yours is all good and happy? How could you make that selfish decision? I dare you to tell me ONE situation where I could make a decision about something and I chose my own wellness over yours, just ONE. You can't right? That's right because I was totally selfless with you. Backstabber, you have no idea what you're making me go through.

Day 26 of NC, This has been the longest 26 days of my life, but it gets easier to not contact her everytime. Next week I will change my phone number, and then she will only have my email if she ever tries to contact me. I still cry every two days, even after 2 months of the break up. But I'm trying to get a grip of my life again. Yesterday was a hard day becaue it was so cold and dark, it reminded me of how lonely I am in this foreign country. I did miss her a lot, but in the night I talked with someone who lifted up my mood. I still don't know what to do if she writes to me.

Two months have passed since you dumped me for that other man. How do you feel about it? Probably superb, because you showed me after 4 years what you're capable to do, how selfish you can be. Keep living in your world of fantasy, I was forced by you to face reality and to face how hard life is. In the same way my life changed after getting together with you, my life will change again, this time after you and for the better. The man you knew is dying slowly and a better version of me is coming out of this pain. You know I have too many good things, now imagine a better version of me? Too bad that when you realize it it will be too late. I have faith that if I just continue doing the best for me, and acting with honesty and good intentions, eventually someone will appear in my life who will deserve the best of me. It's sad to not have even your friendship anymore, that hurts me also. We were so good friends appart from good lovers, but my future is not by your side. I deserve better. I really do. By the way, remember the super interesting girl I told you about last week? Well we are going out on Friday, and to be honest with you I'm really excited about it. We have been talking quite regularly and she is simply awesome. She's your complete opposite: she's funny and intelligent. We have so many things in common that make me wonder why was I even with you, when we were so different. You will probably have always a point on your favor, and that is your beauty, it's not a lie you are one of the most beautiful girls I've seen, but beauty will start to fade in the next years, and your biggest weapon will lose effectiveness. I hope the new man doesn't get tired of you too soon. All the best for you, really.

It would be superb if you would stop appearing recurrently in my dreams, today I dreamt of you, and you left me a note saying that it was "time to move on", really? you think I don't know that? By the way, last month I met a girl, she reminded me of you in the beggining because of her looks, and though I must say that you are far more beautiful, she is far more interesting and intelligent. I'm not prepared yet to try anything, but we are very quickly becoming friends thanks to the million things we have in common. I can also have the right to try to be happy, right? She distracts me sometimes of the pain that you left on me, in fact, last friday we talked until 2 am!!, the following saturday was the first day since you left me that I didn't feel the pain in my chest in the morning, that was a huge achievement. Today is back, and that's why I'm writting here, but guess what, we are meeting next week! So it's ok. I hope things are going wonderful with your new boyfriend by the way, and I'm being sincere, because I wouldn't come back ever with a person like you.

Dear .... I miss you so much. Even though I know I shouldn't even wish that we come back. You were the center of my life. What a huge mistake it was, but I can't change what I did anymore, just like you cannot change what you did and how you did it. I just wish you hadn't left me for another man. It makes the pain double. You promised me you would never do that. I finally learnt that promises are just words. I miss a million things of you, because you were all I had in this cold country. I have learnt so many things during the almost 2 months of the break up, and the more time passes the more I will learn. If we could talk in the future you would notice a different person, I'm sure of that. But being realistic I don't think I will let myself get in contact with you again. For my mental health. Although it hurts me so deep to see you giving your love to someone else, I just wish you happiness. Please take care of yourself and I hope the new guy can offer you a happy life. My love for you was real. You were the most important person in my life. I wish you the best dear. "I love you from here to eternity". I'm past the hate stage a long time ago, so don't worry, I don't hate you. I just want to move on with my life, but the fact that I'm posting this on this site shows that I'm still far from that.

Day 21 of NC, it's hard to wake up every day. I am being so unproductive. The heart pain is so strong and follows me during the day. I miss her so much. It hurts so much to think that she left me for another man. I wish I didn't feel like this, I know there are no possibilities of us coming back. it's been almost 2 months and life sucks right now. How long will I need to feel good again?